Forgotten Self (Forgotten Self #1) (19 page)

“
A human? Thanks for the ego boost.” I give him a sarcastic thumbs up. “So when Lucas said that Aram
and Gaash couldn't find me here...?”

“
Demons have no connection to this place. Only those beings with a connection to heaven do.”

I think for a moment. “Is this where Raguel and Remiel were when...what did Aram say? Oh, 'hopping around.' Is this
elsewhere
?
”

Jonathan is brushing sand off his arms. “Yes, they must have been here if no one was able to find them. Beings are untraceable in this place unless they summon one another.” Before I can ask, he explains, “Even though the archangels were here, they weren
't
here
.” His hands gesture around at the scenery before us.

I scratch my head. “I'm just going to take that at face value and ask nothing else.”

He smiles, a real smile this time. “Probably a good idea.”

We both lay back in the warm, gravelly sand.

Severa
l silent, peaceful minutes pass until Jonathan suddenly looks up at the sky. “I've got to go,” he announces.

“
Why?” I start, but he's disappeared. “Bye to you too,” I say glumly to the empty space that had been him – which in a millisecond is filled by Luc
as. “What the eff, you guys,” I grumble, sitting up roughly.

He cocks his head at me. “Plural? Ah, Jonathan,” he guesses.

I feel embarrassed and confused and guarded and...well, a lot of things. Jonathan's reveal about the whole love thing made sitting ne
xt to Lucas – apparently my angel boyfriend – super weird. Ah ah, hide the feelings, I tell myself.

In vain of course.

“
So he told you,” he states. His eyes don't move from mine, though I wish they would since I can't and it's getting intense. My face flu
shes and I am finally able to look away, my embarrassment markedly stronger now.

He places a comforting hand on my back. “You don't need to feel that way, Abby.” A familiar phrase... That peace he'd sent me earlier is returning. This time, I let it soothe
me. I'm reminded of that memory of me and him on the park bench, and, of course -

It was another time – a time before the betrayal, before the imbalance. The world was a quieter place. I hadn't been on earth long, only a few decades. I was a young angel,
still weak, still vulnerable to attacks from demons, just getting a grasp on my duties. Reaping was still hard then – I hadn't
developed the callousness that experienced angels of Death had. As it would turn out, I'd never develop it totally.

I was walki
ng through the woods, touching the bark on the trees and watching animals foray for food, smelling the clean air. There was a long delay between every few assignments. It would always be that way.

A strange sound to my right caused me to stop in my tracks
. I looked around and saw nothing, but I still felt afraid. I'd heard the cautionary tales of wandering off on one's own, getting swallowed up by the darkness, by demons...

A whoosh of air and then I was
slammed
into a tree a good forty yards away. I felt
pain – angels felt pain. We possessed human bodies while in the mortal world.

I couldn't speak, the breath had been knocked out of me. I attempted to move but something, no,
someone
was pinning me against the tree.

“
Oh, just a child are we? You must be, no
other would go down so easily.” The demon looked like a normal human male – when amongst humans demons blended in as much as possible. But not now. This one's shadow was dark, very dark. It must have taken monumental effort to hide that around mortals.

I
said nothing. It wouldn't help me at this point. I couldn't die, so would I just fade? Or would I be taken to hell?

“
I can feel your questions, child. Let me answer them for you. You will come back with me.” My eyes widened and he smirked. “Yes, down to he
ll. We find your kind to be
useful
.” The way he said that made me want to throw up. I didn't know if angels could actually do that. We could cry, though, and I felt a single tear slide down my face.

I was angry at my inability to fight back – I also felt p
anicked. I couldn't do anything to stop myself from being dragged down there.

But it wasn't going to happen right away.

“
I do think I'll have some fun with you before I take you with me.” He ran a finger down my cheek, stopping at my lips. “It's fabulous,
these human bodies we inhabit on earth, don't you think? So many possibilities.” At this comment he pulled me off the tree and forced me down to the ground.

Rocks and pine needles pressed roughly into my back. “Please,” I whispered. I'd heard about this k
ind of...desecration, but I couldn't believe it was really true.

He bent his head closer to mine. “What was that? Say it louder.”

I swallowed hard. “Please don't do this.”

The demon laughed. “I do love to hear begging.” He put his mouth next to my ear. “
It's such a treat.”

I closed my eyes and waited for it to be over. 

“
Move away from her,” a new voice said coolly, patiently.

My eyes flew open. When I was finally able to focus on the speaker, I saw the most beautiful angel I'd ever seen. And I'd seen a
lot of them. He was tall, with bright green eyes and dark hair. The light around him was so bright it was dazzling.

The demon slowly turned and recognized the angel.“Oh, it's one of
you
,” he spat.“No demons killed lately, I suppose?”

The angel didn't resp
ond.

“
Well, I'm not just going to give up this...delectable little girl.”

Whatever had just risen up in the back of my throat at hearing that made me realize that, yes, angels could throw up. I was about to.

The angel kept staring impassively at the demon
. “It is not your choice.”

Whatever that meant worked like a charm. My would-be abductor looked back down at me and smiled slightly. “I'll see you again. I promise.” And he disappeared.

I didn't make any effort to move. My emotions were still fighting to b
urst to the surface and I
would not show that kind of weakness in front of this other angel. Or any angel, for that matter.

The angel walked over to me and looked down. I did not meet his gaze. Instead I closed my eyes once more. Not a second passed befor
e I felt him lift me up. I felt pain in my chest and realized I was still scared, still afraid that the demon would come back. He had promised – and I wouldn't be able to do a thing about it.

The air soon changed and I knew we were somewhere else. It was
cooler here; the sound of a river came from a distance. I felt fingers gently wipe the tears from my face.

“
You're safe now,” the angel told me, his voice much softer than when he'd spoken to the demon. I opened my eyes but when I met his I quickly looked
away, ashamed. He guided my face back toward his. “You have no reason to feel that way.”

“
Yes, I do. I couldn't do...anything. He would've just -” My words cut off as I tried not to think about that. I made a move to push myself out of his arms and he set
me lightly on the ground.

“
Thank you,” I said to the ground instead of the angel.

Wordlessly, he tucked my hair behind my ear and vanished.

Dizzily, I return to the present.

Blush is an understatement for what is now happening to my face. That had been
the first time we met. He was so...perfect in that memory. And he had saved me, an insignificant angel. I know from the words the demon had spoken that Lucas had just been performing his duty as a Balancer, and for some reason this disappoints me.

“
What
did you see?” Lucas interrupts my thoughts.

The way he asks is so knowing. Like he doesn't need to. I realize that Lucas is aware of a lot more than he's saying. Even as an angel, he and that demon had been able to feel my emotions. Hell, they'd practicall
y known what I was thinking and I'm
human
now...I almost bite the tip of my tongue off.

I try to shake it off but I'm still feeling weird. I'm not sure if it is after-effect from the memory or what, but I'm feeling vulnerable and edgy. I stand up in a hurr
y. “Oh, just a memory of reaping some guy,” I  respond after an unnaturally long pause. I clear my throat anxiously. Shove the feelings down, Abigail, put them away. I find some sort of tenuous calm but it's not going to hold long. “So we should go. Get ou
t of here, you know?”

He watches me silently, considering. Then he stands slowly and says, “Okay. If that's what you want.”

“
It is.” I rush the words. Cool it, I tell myself. I force a sort of grimace-smile. He pauses a moment before placing his hand on my
arm, and the beach is gone.

13

We go home. And I don't mean
home
, but to my house.

“
I thought we were leaving town,” I say as I tumble onto the couch and switch the TV on.

Lucas sits across from me. “Not yet. I haven't figured out exactly what we're
going to do. We need to find the archangels and stop them. Being on earth, they are much weaker than normal. With some help I could trap them, keep them
elsewhere
.”

“
You mean you're going to put them in prison?”

“
In theory. But without you as an angel, thi
ngs are a lot more complicated.”

“
What, am I really powerful or something? Like, zap,” I point a finger at nothing in particular, “and they're gone?”

“
Not quite.” He laughs uncomfortably, causing me to look his way. “But you are a big part of this. And yes
, you do possess some power.”

“
Gee, how nice to hear.”

Suddenly, the TV turns off all on its own. “What the heck?” I mutter and jab at buttons on the remote.

“
Abby, that was me.”

I glance over at Lucas and give him a deadly look before going back to jabbin
g buttons. “If you hadn't noticed, True Life was on. The one about texting too much.”

“
This is important,” he says calmly.

“
Fine. But really, you could've just said something.” I sit up and face him, folding my hands under my chin and offering, “Go on.”

He
takes a deep breath. “I don't want to frighten you, but you need to be aware. When you start recalling certain beings or even events from your past, you use that angelic power somewhere within you and send out a
summoning
.”

We stare at each other for a mo
ment.

“
What do you mean?”

“
I mean... I mean, we've encountered that demon from our very first meeting during a couple of your human lives. Well, Jonathan and I have encountered him – on his way to you. I think we should go back to –”

“
Wait, how do you kno
w? Do you mean the one from the woods? The one that...” My words choke off. Well, he's successfully frightened me.

He has a sympathetic expression. “Yes. Unfortunately, he's a very powerful demon used to getting what he wants. Hundreds of years hasn't chan
ged that.”

I can't understand how so many years can go by for these beings with them remaining so...static.

“
Time doesn't work that linearly, Abigail,” Lucas tells me, reading my mind.

“
Yeah, Jonathan told me. It's just hard to understand. But Lucas, are
you saying that he could come here
now
?”

He nods. “It's likely. You've only remembered him as a human a few times. But once -”

There's a flash of light and a loud crashing sound.

Lucas has disappeared.

I jump up in a panic, confused. “Lucas?”

Then a bla
ck figure is in front of me and its hand lightly pushes me back onto the couch. I meet the figure's eyes and my breathing stops short. There's no way...

The person before me isn't Gaash, or even Aram.

It's the demon from my memory.

He smiles wickedly. “He
llo, Abigail.”

The shadow around him is as dark as I remembered. That black hair, those eyes. This isn't
possible. Lucas had just started to warn me...