Forgotten Self (Forgotten Self #1) (16 page)

“
Abby,” Lucas repeated, but I waved him away.

“
Go,” was al
l I said.

He hesitated for a few seconds before leaving me alone. “I'll be just over here,” he said as he stood and left. Distantly, I heard the bottle being set on a surface.

I let my hands fall into my lap. Heat rushed into my face – I felt embarrassed a
nd angry and...empty. Taking pills wasn't the answer here, I knew. 

No, I didn't need pills and I certainly didn't need any help from those two. Whatever had just channeled itself through me left me with a feeling of aversion toward them. I wasn't suppose
d to be with them... That memory, the one Aram triggered. Maybe that had something to do with it.

It made sense – the pattern, the pattern of dying and being reborn as an angel with no powers, it couldn't stop without some major change. And what was the co
mmon denominator in these lives of mine?

Jonathan and Lucas.

I could sit here and continue my daily routine until the angels came up with some sort of plan. But I was no angel. I knew I would probably die in this war and become one of those lost souls. It
was just statistically likely, wasn't it? I couldn't protect myself from these powerful beings and how long until Jonathan and Lucas couldn't either?

I should be more noble about this, like, what did it matter if one person was lost if it was all for the
greater good? But I couldn't be noble about it. I'd prefer not to spend an eternity wandering the earth in misery. At the same time, I couldn't bring myself to consider not participating at all. I felt obligated, I felt compelled to find a way to bring dow
n Raguel and Remiel's plan.  It was probably the real Abigail inside of me, reminding me... And what about my loved ones? Could I, knowing what I know, leave them in danger when I could potentially help protect them?

No.

12

Now

The sound of the garbage
truck rumbles through my walls. I wake abruptly, annoyed. The annoyance is quickly replaced with apprehension and a sigh when I remember last night. I know I might as well meet Aram and see how it plays out. But how? How can I do that with Jonathan and Luc
as around? They certainly won't let me go if they know what I'm doing. I assume they're still here. Last night Lucas had said they'd stick around to make sure I was safe. He'd also said we should probably leave today. I hadn't given much argument to that.
I mean, what did it really matter? I'm going to have to leave sooner or later. The question is, with whom?

I quickly get ready and slowly make my way down to the kitchen, thinking maybe some sort of idea of how to play off my 'trip' to school will pop int
o my head. When I arrive, though, my mind is still blank.

Jonathan is sitting in a chair against the far wall, head bent down slightly, eyes closed. He looks pained. Guilt courses through me – I had really hurt him with those words. Bigger things here, I r
emind myself. I force the thoughts and feelings away. Now isn't the time.

“
So, I have to go,” I announce. I cringe. That probably isn't the best conversation starter.

Lucas looks up from his seat at the counter. Jonathan's book on Lincoln is flipped open
in front of him. “Where?”

“
Uh – I, um, need to go to school.” Wow. That was probably the worst delivery ever.

Jonathan still hasn't reacted, but a peculiar look comes into Lucas' eyes. “For what?”

Okay. Calm, smooth, you can do this, I tell myself. “I've g
ot to say goodbye to Danielle.” Either way
that
would be true.

Lucas just stares.

“
I mean, we're leaving right? One way or another. I'm not going to go without some sort of farewell for my best friend.” Alright, just say it. Drive the nail home. “I didn't
get one with Kelly.” My heart is pounding at this point, not just from the lie, which was only a half-one, but because I just basically used Kelly.

But it works. Lucas' eyes drop as Jonathan's meet mine. They know that subject is sensitive. They'd probably
thought I'd never use it for some deceptive purpose. 1 – 0, Abby.

“
Okay.”

Jonathan's gaze moves quickly to Lucas. “What?” he says in complete surprise. “You're going to let her go? But she's...” He doesn't finish as he and Lucas share a long look, speaki
ng silent words.

I tap my foot. “Guys. I'm going. Do whatever you want, say whatever you want, but I'm leaving right now. So see you later.” Before they can protest, I add, “I don't want you there. This is my life, so I'll say goodbye to it on my own.” Wit
h that dramatic speech, I walk out of the house and slam the door behind me.

The school's parking lot is full and empty. It feels weird to walk through a completely car-filled parking lot without seeing anyone else. Usually at least a couple people are
out sluffing class, having a cigarette, talking, whatever. It makes me want to set a tumbleweed down and take a picture. I give a suspicious look around the area. After my little tirade, neither Lucas nor Jonathan attempted to follow me, but I have the dis
tinct feeling they're not far.

I quickly tread down the sidewalk and into the school. When I get to the auditorium it is empty, as it usually is. I stand in the dark for a moment, unsure of my next move.

“
Um, Aram?” I try. He's a demon, right? Shouldn't
he be able to hear me?

Yes, definitely, I think as his form materializes right next to me.

I involuntarily jump back. “Damn you people. Or beings. Or whatever. That is so agitating.”

Aram presents me with an acerbic smile. “What can I do for you, miss Abi
gail?”

I clear my throat and cross my arms, trying to get my confidence back. “Well, I think we should talk about yesterday.” Something deep down is warning me, warning me not to make any deals.
A deal with the devil
... The phrase runs through my mind. I s
hake it off, annoyed.

“
Excellent.” Aram's smile amplifies itself. “Please, go on.”

I shift my weight to the other foot. “I want to leave here. Without Lucas and Jonathan. I want my memories back and I want to get rid of these archangels.”

He stands still,
waiting.

Somehow I know what he wants. The words sort of choke out of me. “I...accept your help.” This wouldn't be so bad, right?

Aram claps his hands. “Oh, that's delightful. I do think we'll make a fabulous team, don't you?” He takes a step closer to me
. “But I would like to add something to this deal.”
Deal
. The word makes me shiver inside.

“
Oh, yes. The price.” I attempt the casual tone of someone conditionally unaffected. “What is it?”

His smile dissolves and he takes another step toward me. “As you k
now, if I help you I require something in return. Just a small thing, I assure you. Especially in comparison with what I can offer you in this battle.” His eyes gleam. “A whole army of demons, Abigail. Ones loyal to me, ones loyal to our cause. There will
be a large amount of power at your fingertips. Enough to give the archangels a run for their money.”

I frown. “What's this small price I have to pay?” The warning inside of me increases in intensity.

Aram reassumes his pleasant demeanor. “Your loyalty.”

“
T
o what?”

“
Hmmm. How best to say this? I suppose 'our side' will work just fine.” He winks at me.

I can feel my mouth drop open. “Your side? As in the Devil and his demons?”

“
Something like that.”

I laugh loudly at that. “No. No way. I'm not as dumb as you
think.”

He laces his fingers together and presses them to his mouth for a moment. “Oh, I know you're not dumb, Abigail. I've known you a very long time. In fact, the angel I know is very shrewd. But I think you should consider this offer. Without me, well
, you'll be up a creek, as they say.”

“
Okay, I never thought I'd get the offer to sell my soul to the Devil, but here we are.” I scratch my head. “This is a dilemma, Aram.” I lean in and say softly, conspiratorially, “You see, I want to accept your request
, but the thing is, I'm not the angel you know. I'm a human now. I don't really have the right amount of motivation or desperation to take your offer. In fact, I could just walk away right now, armed with the knowledge of demons and everything else that's
going on, and live the rest my mortal life just fine somewhere far, far from here. Maybe I don't care what happens with all of this.”

The tactic doesn't work. Aram leans in as well and matches my tone. “You're lying.” Then he straightens himself. “You forg
et, Abigail. I'm a demon. And I've told you this before, I can't lie. The upside is that I can tell when others are. It's like a shadow in your aura. And yours was as black as pitch just now.”

Damn. “Had to give it a go,” I reply honestly.

He studies me
carefully. “I can see that you need more time to consider my offer. I'll give you until tomorrow – then I'm gone. I don't have time to wait. And, Abigail,” he grabs my shoulder, “don't underestimate the leverage making this deal would give you. Try and rem
ember what's up here.” There's a slight tap on my forehead, courtesy of his cold fingers. “It'll help you decide.”

As soon as he disappears, I sit heavily into one of the auditorium's hard chairs, bewildered. This is not a clear, win-win situation here. An
d even better, I have no one I can discuss it with. Knowing that
my soul could be at stake, the boys would reject the idea on the spot. I can't talk to my friends, not really. My parents...I mean, they're never any help anyway. But what about...?

I awkward
ly rub the back of my neck and start hesitantly. “Um, Death?” I call out into the large, empty room. No echoes, thankfully; this didn't need to be any weirder. I clear my throat and try again. “Death?”

A couple minutes of deafening silence go by before I
get up and leave.

I've been sitting in my car for ten minutes now, debating. If I just go, just drive away, how long before they catch up with me? I fiddle with the stereo, trying to get a clear signal on NPR. I don't jump this time when someone appears
in my passenger seat.

“
What?” I snap, expecting it to be Jonathan or Lucas.

But then I look over and see the last person I thought I'd ever see ever again.

Kelly.

All of the blood rushes out of my face. My hands feel cold and shaky. “Kelly?” I try her na
me out loud. I must be dreaming.

She looks beautiful and just the same as I remember. Smooth blonde hair, big hazel eyes. Her glow, though, seems different...darker. Her expression is calm, but when I say her name a soft smile appears. “Hey, Abby.”

My take
n aback self can only repeat her name. I am confused, sad, and hopeful all at once.

She smiles once more – before
changing
. She, no
it
is laughing now. Where the image of Kelly had sat, there is now a black-robed figure. A demon.

“
What is this,” I demand
coldly. I'm barely keeping the rage under.

“
Oh, Abigail. Don't you remember?” The laughing figure pulls back its hood. It is a woman, a beautiful woman. Her face sparks recognition from one of the first memories I'd gotten back.

“
Gaash,” I spit. 

“
Abigai
l.” Her eyes blaze with some foreign light and her being is shadowed. If I were still an angel, I know I'd be able to see a '666' branded on her neck. “Yes, it's me.”

“
What are you doing here?”

Gaash smirks. “I do love you as a human. So weak, so vulnerabl
e...”

I slam my hand onto the steering wheel. “Damn you demons. You're just like Aram, all foreplay. Just talk, for the love of -”

“
Ack,” she says in disgust, cutting me off. “Don't speak that name here. And for the record, you're about as fun as your ange
lic self. All of you, so serious all the time.” She rolls her eyes. “Anyway, I'm here as a representative of someone you don't remember – but trust me when I say he's very important.”

I change focus from my bruised knuckles to her. “Who?”

Gaash pouts her p
retty little lips. “Ooh, do names really mean anything? I for one don't believe in labeling.”

Now I roll my eyes.