Forgotten Self (Forgotten Self #1) (12 page)

“
Oh, A
bigail. Don't be so ill-mannered. We're both on the same team, dear. But to 'get to the point', I am offering my assistance. I think if you and I work together, all of this could go a little more smoothly.”

I'm dumbfounded. Here I am, some high school girl
who's just found out she's an angel and in the middle of some good versus evil versus Raguel and Remiel war, and now a demon, a highly-ranked evil being, is offering me – who really remembers nothing – assistance in fighting two archangels. And that's the
Sparknotes version.

My mouth hangs slightly open at the sheer ridiculousness of all of it. But I quickly collect myself. “Ah, I'll have to get back to you on that.”

Jonah – Aram – rubs his hands together in delight. “Make sure that you do. Oh, and Abs – y
ou don't mind me calling that, do you?” I do. “Those demons you've been seeing around, don't fret. They're mine. A safety precaution, you see.” He winks and, with a tap of his foot, he's gone.

Danielle pesters me all day. “What's wrong?” she keeps aski
ng. “Is it about what you told me before?”

“
I'm fine.” I repeat this at least ten times over four hours. I believe I've now mastered the art of the monotone.

She finally gives up in a fluster as we walk out to our cars when school ends.

“
Fine!” She throw
s her hands up in frustration, another inquiry of my well-being deflected. The sky begins to pour right on top of us, in cinematic-like weather. Her finger shakes in my face as we start to make a run for it. “But you will tell me, Abigail. I'll see you tom
orrow.”

We part ways and I pull back my hood as soon as I get to my car. Across the parking lot, near the trees, I see it. Another black figure. It is a demon, I now know. Like the others, however, he or she just stands there and watches me. Feeling snarky
, I give an enthusiastic wave, then jump into my car.
Water drips down my face. I take a few deep breaths, calming myself, replaying the day's events in my mind. Maybe if I smack my head hard enough on the steering wheel, all of this will just go away... I
give a little yelp when Lucas appears in the passenger seat.

My head flies back and successfully hits the window. Rubbing my head, I glare at him.“Jesus, you guys are unbelievable. What happened to phones? Or like, not teleporting or whatever it is you're
doing into my car.”

Lucas lifts an eyebrow but his face remains impassive. “We don't teleport, we just
are
.”

“
Are what?”

He smiles enigmatically. “You'll understand someday.”

“
That's not irritating at all,” I grumble, starting the ignition and pulling in
to reverse with a jerk. “What are you doing here, anyway?” I pull back into the aisle recklessly, almost hitting another student. He yells and slams a hand on my trunk. I barely notice.

Lucas gives me a reproving look, which I choose to ignore.

“
You know w
hy I'm here.”

I look over my shoulder at the treeline. “Oh, that. Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it just now.”

He frowns. “Don't worry about a demon? Near you, an angel trapped in a human body? Hilarious, Abby.”

“
No, seriously. I was talking to Jonah, I mean
Aram, and -”

Lucas spins all the way in his seat, now facing me directly. His cheeks look a little pink. “You spoke to Aram.” No inflection at the end there, just him repeating me. I have a feeling he's going to be pissed.

“
Pssh.” I nonchalantly wave my h
and. “It wasn't a big deal. He wants to help us.” I wonder if my casualness will deflect his growing anger.

Lucas' cheeks are now red. He drops his head. Nope. “Aram is fourth in power after Lucifer, Abigail. He is
not
to be trusted. What exactly did he s
ay to you?” I tell him and he repeatedly shakes his head. “Amazing. Just amazing.”

I slow down for a stop sign. “What's amazing?”

“
You must have been talking to him all this time...”

I don't say anything – I have no idea.

“
We'll be having this conversation
once you're back to you,” he tells me tersely. “In any case, he doesn't have good intentions, that's for sure, but...it could be to our advantage. At least for now.”

“
What are you saying?” As I'm waiting for a pedestrian to cross, the car behind me honks
loudly. I stick a hand out the window and flip him off. Lucas rolls his eyes but goes on.

“
We could use him. Accept his offer. It would take extreme caution on our part, but he would give us a huge tactical advantage.”

“
We'll have to drop him before he dro
ps us.”

Lucas tilts his head, looking slightly...well, I'm not sure. “
What
?” I ask irritably, accelerating too quickly into the intersection.

“
You're talking like you're one of us,” he says slowly, with a small smile.

“
Bah, don't read into it too much.” I
flick my hand as if to flick away the very notion of my officially accepting anything.

But maybe I already have.

An un-reaped soul. A person doomed to wander the earth forever. The weight of this has been sinking in all day. Should I make the decision o
f whether or not to become my true self – an angel – blind, or should I try getting my memory back and run the risk of misplacing my soul? If I decide not to get my memory back, I will have to answer the question of whether or not my human life is worth
st
aying in. Because it sounds like there are more crucial things happening in the universe than some high school student's existence.

This isn't just about me. It's about everyone who lives on earth. They're all at risk of being harmed by Raguel and Remiel a
nd the demons they're helping. If I can contribute to their safety, shouldn't I? And it's not just that, but something deep down inside of me is telling me I have to do something.

A question explodes into my head. I can't believe I haven't asked this soon
er.

All three of us are sitting around my dining room table. Jonathan is reading his book, Lucas is  writing something down, both of them just trying to distract themselves while I continue to think everything over.

“
Where does Kelly fit into all of this?
” I ask abruptly.

Lucas and Jonathan look up and stare at me, obviously not expecting that question right at this moment. It takes several seconds before one of them answers. “Your cousin was an angel.”

I literally fall out of my chair. My head smacks onto
the tiled floor.

“
Ow.”

Jonathan and Lucas are instantly beside me, helping me up.

“
Are you okay?” Jonathan asks, worried.

“
It's just shock,” Lucas observes.

Once I've balanced myself on the chair, I shoo them away. Kelly,
my
Kelly was an angel? This is
...I can't... I rub the side of my face, which aches from the fall.

“
An angel,” I echo in my perfected monotone.

“
Past tense,” Jonathan explains, seemingly relieved that I've decided to talk. “It's rare, but once in a while one of us decides to become hu
man. It's uncommon because it's a permanent decision, if self-made. Kelly was dissatisfied with our way of life. She wanted something else.”

“
I was related to a former angel.” More monotone.

“
It's complete coincidence that she was in your family,” Jonathan
tells me. I can tell he hopes this will make me feel better.

Instead, strong emotion threatens to consume my insides. “I knew her before?”

Lucas, who hasn't moved from my side, nods carefully. “I don't exactly buy into Jonathan's belief that her being in
your life was a coincidence. You two were very close. She was an angel of Death, too.”

I swallow tears, wishing I could be with Kelly right now, talk to her about this. There is regret, too, that this couldn't have happened three years ago. Maybe she'd st
ill be alive... “Did she know about all of this?”

“
Yes, before she became human,” Jonathan answers softly. “It was a major part of her decision. I think when she found out about Raguel and Remiel her faith
our
Father was shaken. She couldn't understand wh
y He would let any of that happen.” Out of nowhere, he chuckles darkly. “We're all so much more human than we believe. We don't need faith because we know, and yet we still doubt.”

So what have these cemetery visits meant? Why have I been going?

“
Where is
she now?”

“
Being reborn, somewhere. She will live out the rest of mankind's existence as a human. When everyone is brought home, she will be as well. But that's eons away, and even that's dependent on whether or not we win this war. None of us 'defectors'
will exist anymore if Raguel and Remiel get what they want.” Jonathan looks away, troubled.

Lucas gets up and kneels down next to me. I look down at him, at his tender expression, and my breath catches. He sweetly brushes some of my tears away.

“
I know yo
u've been seeing her,” he whispers to me.

The ceiling becomes very interesting to look at. “I just...I don't know. When Jonathan saved me from the car accident, it was like just losing her all over again. I felt close to her, closer than I have for
years.”

He rubs my shoulder. “Jonathan tapped into the angel inside of you. It reminded you...”

When I've collected myself, which takes longer than it should've because of Lucas' affectionate gesture, I look at him, and then Jonathan. A decision has imprinted its
elf into my mind. Kelly has affirmed it. My pain at her shortened life, the compassion I feel for others' suffering, affirms it. I clear my throat. “Kelly was - is important to me. Probably the most important thing to me in this life. I love her and I will
not let her be wiped out of existence.” I swallow heavily. “I'm sure I would say the same about you two, if I could remember any of it.”

Jonathan's face is pained; Lucas remains expressionless. I go on. “I love being human and I love this earth. There ar
e innocent people here. This world has no idea what's going on...they're just people trying to live their lives. I want to do what I can to protect all of them, even if it means I will endure the worst of punishments. Kelly would want that. And I can feel
that this is what the angel Abigail would want.” Danielle's face flashes into my mind. “Plus, I can't let my friends be in danger while I stand on the sidelines.” I nod forcefully in physical confirmation. “I can't be human anymore. I don't just want my me
mories, I want my powers, too.”

Jonathan takes a huge breath. “Are you sure about this, Abby?”

“
Yes,” I say quietly. “If I'm able to be of any use in the situation, then I owe everyone that.”

He turns his head away. “Okay,” he whispers in defeat.

I stand t
o look around my home once more. This seems so melodramatic and removed, like I'm watching it on television. Lucas stands with me and, unconsciously, I reach over and give his hand a gentle squeeze. When I realize that I'm holding this strange/hot angel's
hand, I drop it like it's poison ivy. Uncomfortably, I shift around to glance at Jonathan, who won't meet my eyes.

“
It will be okay, Jonny, I promise,” I half-lie. I mean, I really have no idea whether it will be or not.

Then I look up at Lucas who smiles
encouragingly down at me. I take a deep breath.

“
Beam me up, Scotty.”

11

Then

It
didn't work.

Not ten minutes ago, Lucas had grabbed my hand and tried to...well, I wasn't sure on the technical aspects. Something about transitioning bodies or something
. But nothing had happened. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought that everything that'd happened up until this point – that everything I'd been told – was a lie. However, the bright glow of Lucas' and Jonathan's beings held my trust intact. Both
of them were grabbing one of my hands now, eyes closed in concentration.

After a little while I spoke. “Guys, I hate to state the obvious, but...” I twisted my lips and shrugged.

They dropped my hands. Lucas slumped into a chair while Jonathan stepped bac
k, surveying me with a smile.