Forgotten Self (Forgotten Self #1) (27 page)

His eyes watched me, unblinking. They were dark and green, like the forest in late spring after a rain. They somehow seemed as vast and deep as the woods as well; I felt as if I could step i
nto them and disappear.

"Where am I?" I asked too softly, as if I didn't want him to hear.

"In the back of
Morrison's
." He turned the book he'd been holding over. "You seem to have fainted while reading this," he said and raised it up.

No, this couldn't b
e happening.
  My cheeks turned as pink as the cover when he cracked open
Sweet Savage Sentiments
and began flipping through the pages.

He grinned when I gave no verbal response. "Was it really that good?"

A lump formed in my throat. This incredibly cute g
uy could not be reading
that
book in front of me. I would have dared him to read that book if it had been something by Laura Kinsale or Julia Quinn. But
Sweet Savage Sentiments
? With all that throbbing and trembling, and the countless engorged members...

O
h God, I had to get it back.

I sat up. The cat slid down my chest and into my lap, but continued to knead as if it hadn't been interrupted. "Before you read any more I just want you to know that I didn't really like it." I said, and almost winced at how de
fensive my tone sounded. "I mean, I do like romance novels, but that particular one didn't do it for me."

He put down the book and rested his chin in his left hand. "Which ones do it for you, then?"

My chest began to heave. The cat thought that was great f
un and began kneading my legs with more vigor, but the rapid clawing didn't even faze me. How was I supposed to answer a question like that? And how could I have set such an obvious trap for myself? "You're enjoying this way too much," I replied, trying to
change the subject.

He brushed his thumb over the book's hot pink spine. I shivered. "Am I the only one..." he lowered his voice and leaned forward "...enjoying it?"

I couldn't take it anymore. I gripped my hands into compact, deadly fists, grit my teeth,
looked him in the eyes...

And laughed right in his face.

He leaned back with a bemused expression. "I didn't expect that response."

I choked on the air. "What did you expect, exactly?" I wheezed.

It took a moment for him to answer. "I don't know. Somethin
g saucier, I suppose."

I shook my head and stretched out my hand. "Something tells me you've had enough 'sauce' in your life. Now please give me back my book."

He raised a brow. "But it's not your book."

"Well, I was going to buy it," I replied smugly. It
seemed like a harmless lie at the moment.

It wasn't.

"So you weren't going to put it back, then?
Sweet Savage Sentiments
does actually do it for
you?"

I took a deep breath. I wasn't going to let him fluster me that easily...again. "For 35 cents it most ce
rtainly does. Especially if it prevents a misunderstanding."

"I just raised the price." He grinned and held the book above his head as if I would try to jump for it. To my mortification I realized for a second that I had considered doing just that.

I actua
lly huffed. "Do not make me result to underhanded measures."

It was the wrong thing to say. He gave me a devastating smile. "Oh, I definitely wouldn't mind."

My breath caught in my chest. Misunderstood artsy types weren't supposed to smile like that. They
were supposed to glance at others condescendingly and ooze sarcastic witticisms. I felt like this guy was going to wiggle his eyebrows and ask me to "wrassle."

If he had I might've even taken him up on it.

I looked down, suddenly uncomfortable with being
in such a small space with a man I didn't know. Even if he did work at
Morrison's.
Even if he did have a soothing voice and just one look at him made me go weak in the knees.

Actually, especially because of all those things.

Hiss
.

My torso tensed. I glanc
ed left just in time to see a fly soar into the candle on the stool next to me.

The inside of its abdomen glowed like embers, then burst, feeding the flames as if it were an oil-soaked wick. Heat spread across my cheeks from either the fire, or my blood, I
wasn't sure. My throat went dry as that small, fragile body disintegrated.

Then the flame returned to its normal, subdued dance, as if nothing had happened.

My arms tightened around the cat. A sickening image seeped into my mind--of it leaping from me a
nd burning to ash before I could react. In return,
the kitty purred and licked my fingertips, but that gesture gave me little comfort. I couldn't forget that almost soundless, pointless death. Hypnotically,
I stared into the flames and wondered why they st
ill seemed so beautiful.

"You haven't had any water," the man said slowly, breaking the spell.

I nodded and reached for the glass. My trembling fingers almost knocked it over, but on my third try I got a good grip and took a sip. It tasted a bit metallic,
but familiar. I shut my eyes.

"Did that bother you?"

I knew exactly what he was talking about--the fly. I nodded and tucked my chin into my chest, wondering why he'd asked. Obviously I'd been upset. In fact, I still was.

"Why?"

I set down the cup. Why did
my throat still feel so dry even after that sip of water? Why did he ask that question when I was obviously upset by it?

"I've never understood it," he began. "When people do it, we glorify them, and yet when an animal does it, or a creature even more insi
gnificant, like a fly, we either laugh at their stupidity or feel pity because we believe their sacrifice to be pointless."

"Do what?" I asked with a hoarse voice.

"A man killing himself in the pursuit of his dreams is no different than a moth flying into
a flame. Like Kurt Cobain, Elliott Smith, or..." he picked up a complete volume of Keats' letters beside his seat, "insert-your-favorite-Romantic-poet-here."

"Keats is one of my favorites," I said absently.

"Mine too." He looked down. His voice sounded dis
tant then, as if a millennium of sorrow were contained in those two words--just as a Romantic poet can transcribe years of tragedy in a single phrase or stanza. Then he continued: "It's inconsistent, don't you think? We should either reduce humanity to the
level of the insect when it comes to heroic or romantic yearnings, or ennoble the fly."

He glanced up from the candle, back at me. I couldn't read his expression. His eyes were guarded, or at least they seemed so behind his dark hair. They captured the im
age of the fire like a
mirror--a reflection of a gold and red dancing on the surface of a green pool.

His finger slid over his bottom lip. I couldn't tear my gaze from the fluid movement. There was something conspiratorial about it, as if he were about to
impart a secret of great importance.

"Do you want to get something to eat?" He asked.

My heartbeat hammered in my neck. My limbs froze. The kitty noticed the change in my demeanor immediately. She stood and started rubbing her head against my stomach with
a vengeance. "What?" I croaked, suddenly tongue-tied as the cat's tail tickled my chin.

"I wouldn't feel right letting you stumble home after my merchandise caused you to collapse on my doorstep. I need to make sure you're safe."

Oh, that was it. He though
t I might sue him or the place--he wasn't asking me out or anything. I leaned back. "Don't worry about it. It's not actually your doorstep."

"Yes it is. I own the place."

I raised one of my brows. This pierced, tattooed guy with ripped jeans and a tight bl
ack t-shirt was the owner of a store where the average customer's age was at least 55? "How old are you?"

"Not too old, in this incarnation anyway." He smiled again. "I recently inherited it."

"Lucky you," I said, and resumed petting the impatient cat. "I
love this place, and am glad it went to someone who wants to keep it open instead of selling it to a developer."

"You really think I should keep it open? I've heard most people don't read anymore, and those that do prefer ebooks. I could probably sell it f
or a good price and settle down--"

"You can't seriously be thinking of selling!" I felt my cheeks get hot. I took a deep breath, swallowed "I mean, Morrison's has been here forever, and..."

"And?" He repeated when I didn't finish.

I sighed. "And I just rea
lized you were teasing me."

"So why don't you tell me more about how happy you are that this ancient, crumbling building is still in place? We can head over to
Dixie's
next door." He stood and parted the long strings of glow-in-the-dark beads that hung ov
er the door with a dramatic flick of the wrist. "I'll pay."

"That offer is tempting, but I have homework." The words were out before I could stop them. I almost hit myself in the head. No, that wasn't what I'd meant to say. I mean, I did have homework, but
I could do it later. Or just forget about it.

I bit my lip. Maybe I hesitated because stuff like this never happened to girls like me who wore secondhand clothes every day.

"What subject? I'll help you."

I looked at my lap to hide my smile. I couldn't bel
ieve he'd actually offered to help me with homework. I told myself he probably didn't mean it, but I couldn't stop that giddy, warm feeling in my stomach.

"History," I told him.

"Good, I know a lot about history."

I shook my head. "Alright."

He grinned. "Y
ou're easy, I like that."

I didn't really have a response. I guess I was easy.

Then he was on his knees in front of me. "Come here Princess," he cooed.

My pulse spiked. I wondered if I should I slap him or "come here." Then I realized he was talking to the
cat.

He cradled her in his arms as she squirmed and hissed, then set her down on a lavish purple pillow accented with golden tassels. "See what I said about temperamental women? You aren't going to give me that much trouble, are you?"

"I don't intend to,"
I replied.

"Yeah," he said wearily and looked away as we made our way through the maze-like rows of bookshelves to the front of the store.

"I just realized I don't know your name," I said.

"It's Oz," he responded without turning around.

I couldn't help b
ut smile. "As in
The Wizard of...
?"

This time he did turn and nodded with a smile.

"No need to make that face with me. My name is Devi," I explained. "I don't really look it, but my grandmother was from India."

"It's a beautiful name," he said, and leaned
against the door.

The last light of day peeked through the space between his body and the door frame.
Lovely
, I thought. It was my last coherent thought.

Pain. It pierced my skull, pumped through my veins, burned like acid as if it were liquidating my bod
y. I couldn't see. Couldn't think. I barely even felt the sting as my knees hit the tile floor.

"Stop. Stop," I screamed, and tried
to wiggle through the doorway. Tried to get away. My arms twisted and convulsed like they had popped out of the ground in f
ront of a tombstone in a B-horror movie.

"Hey." The voice sounded distant, like it was a memory of mine from long ago. The only thing that felt real was the pounding, the nausea, the blood as my teeth sank through my tongue. I whimpered. Even my throat was
on fire.

And then something touched my shoulder, and it stopped.

I felt nothing but the chill from the white tiles beneath my palms, the cold bite of autumn wind on my cheeks, and something warm gently rubbing my back. Even the taste of blood in my mouth
was gone.

"Easy," Oz said, and pulled me to my feet with those same strong hands that had so sweetly petted that cat and given me water. He held my shoulders as I gained my balance. "Are you okay?"

No, this couldn't be real. This had never happened before.
Nothing ever made the pain stop but running as if the devil himself was on my heels.

"What did you do?" My voice wavered. Fear, I realized. It crawled through my limbs, made any movement other than shaking impossible.