Full Circle (38 page)

“That's all I need.” She looked revolted at the thought. “I'm too old. Teen romance is not my style anymore, thanks.”

“Fine, then find some old fart who thinks you're cute, but don't sit around like this and waste your life.”

“It isn't exactly wasted, Harry.” She looked somberly at him. “I have my work.”

“That's
not
enough. Christ, you're a pain.” He looked at her and shook his head, and invited her to a party they were giving the following week, but she never showed up in the end. And he had to go on a campaign to drag her out of her shell again. It was as though she had been raped again. And then, to make matters worse, she lost a major case and got depressed about that. “Okay, okay, so you're not infallible. Give yourself a break for chrissake. Get off the cross. I know it's Easter week, but one's enough. Can't you find something else to do except torment yourself? Why don't you come spend a weekend in Tahoe with us?” They had just rented a house, and Harry loved going up there with the kids. “We can't go up for much longer anyway.”

“Why not?” She glanced at him as he paid the check, and he smiled at her. She had given him a hard time for the past few months, but she was starting to come out of it.

“I can't take Averil up much longer. She's pregnant again, you know.” For a minute, Tana actually looked shocked and he laughed at her, and then blushed. “It's happened before, after all … I mean, it's not that remarkable.…” But they both knew it was. And suddenly Tana grinned at him. It was as if life had come back into focus again, and suddenly Drew Lands was gone and she wanted to shout and sing. It was like having had a toothache for over a year, and discovering miraculously that the tooth was gone.

“Well, I'll be damned. Don't you two ever stop?”

“Nope. And after this, we'll go for four. I want another girl this time, but Ave wants a boy.” Tana was beaming at him, and she gave him a big hug as they left the restaurant.

“I'm going to be an aunt again.”

“That's the easy way, if you ask me. Not fair, Tan.”

“It suits me just fine.” One thing she knew she didn't want was children, no matter what man wandered into her life. She didn't have time for that, and she was too old now anyway. She had made that decision long ago; her baby was the law. And she had Harry's children to spoil when she wanted someone little to sit on her lap. They were both adorable, and she was happy for them that a third one was coming along. Averil always had a pretty easy time, and Harry was always so proud of himself, and he could certainly afford as many as they chose to have. Only her mother disapproved when she talked to her.

“That seems awfully unreasonable to me.” She was always opposed to everything these days; babies, trips, new jobs, new homes. It was as though she wanted to play out the rest of her life cautiously and thought everyone else should too. It was a sign of age which Tana recognized but her mother seemed too young for that. She had aged rapidly since she and Arthur had gotten married. Nothing had turned out quite right for her, and when she had gotten what she had wanted for so long, it was not the same as it had once been. Arthur was sick and getting old.

But Tana was happy for Harry and Ave, and when the baby came on November twenty-fifth, Averil got her wish. It was a bouncing, squalling boy. They named him after his great grandfather, Andrew Harrison, and Tana smiled down at him in his mother's arms and felt tears come to her eyes. She hadn't had that reaction to the others before, but there was something so sweet and touching about the baby's innocence, his perfect pink flesh, the big round eyes, the tiny fingers so gently curled. Tana had never seen such perfection, and all of it so small. She and Harry looked at each other and exchanged a smile, thinking of how far they had come, and he looked so proud, one hand tightly holding his wife's, and the other gently touching his son.

Averil went home the day after Andrew was born, and made the Thanksgiving dinner herself, as she always did, practically refusing any help at all, as Tana stared at her, amazed at all she did, and did so well.

“It kind of makes you feel dumb, doesn't it?” She was nursing in the window seat looking out at the Bay, and Tana looked at her as Harry grinned.

“You could do it too, Tan, if you wanted to.”

“Don't count on it. I can barely boil myself an egg, let alone give birth, and cook a turkey two days later for my family, making it seem as though I had nothing to do all week. You'd better hang on to her, Harry, and don't get her knocked up again.” She grinned at him, and she knew that they had never been happier. Averil just radiated happiness and so did he.

“I'll do my best. Will you come to the christening, by the way? Ave wants to do it on Christmas Day, if you're going to be here.”

“Where else would I be?” She laughed at him.

“What do I know? You might go home to New York. I was thinking of taking the kids to Gstaad to see Dad, but now he says he's going to Tangiers with some friends, so that blows that.”

“You're breaking my heart.” She laughed at him. She hadn't seen Harrison in years, but Harry said he was all right. He seemed the kind of man who would be handsome and healthy for all his life. It was a little startling to realize that he was in his early sixties now, sixty-three, to be exact, Harry reminded her, though he didn't look more than half of it, Harry had told her. It was odd to remember how much Harry had once hated him, but he didn't anymore. It was Tana who had changed all that, and Harry never forgot any of it. He wanted her to be godmother again, and she was touched by it.

“Don't you have any other friends? Your kids are going to be sick to death of me by the time they grow up.”

“Too bad for them. Jack Hawthorne is Andrew's godfather. At least you two will finally meet. He thinks you've been avoiding him.” In all the years of Harry's partnership with him, the two had never met. But Tana had no reason to meet him, although she was curious to now. And when they met at St. Mary the Virgin Church on Union Street on Christmas Day, he was almost as she had expected him to be. Tall, blond, handsome, he looked like an ail-American football player in a college game, and yet he looked intelligent as well. He was tall and broad and had enormous hands, and he held the baby with a gentleness that startled her. He was talking to Harry outside afterwards and she smiled at him.

“You do that awfully well, Jack.”

“Thanks. I'm a little rusty, but I can still manage in a pinch.”

“Do you have children?” It was casual conversation outside the church. The only other thing they could have talked about was law, or their mutual friend, but it was easier and more pleasant to talk about the new godchild that they shared.

“I have one. She's ten.”

“That seems incredible.” Ten seemed so old somehow … of course Elizabeth had been thirteen, but Drew had been a lot older than this man. Or at least he looked that way. Tana knew Jack was in his late thirties, but he had a boyish air. And at the party at Averil and Harry's house later that day, he told funny stories and jokes, and had everyone laughing, including Tana, for most of the day. She smiled at Harry when she found him in the kitchen pouring someone another drink. “No wonder you like him so much. He's a nice guy.”

“Jack?” Harry didn't look surprised. Other than Tana and Averil, Jack Hawthorne was his best friend, and they had worked well together for the past few years. They had established a comfortable practice, and they worked in the same way, not with Tana's burning drive, but with something a little more reasonable. And the two men were well matched. “He's smart as hell, but he's very relaxed about it.”

“I noticed that.” At first he seemed very casual, almost indifferent to what was going on, but Tana had noticed rapidly that he was a lot sharper than he looked.

Eventually, at the end of the day, he offered her a ride home, and she accepted gratefully. She had left her own car outside the church in town. “Well, I finally meet the famous Assistant D.A. They certainly like to write about you, don't they?” She was embarrassed by what he said but he seemed unconcerned.

“Only when they have nothing else to do.”

He smiled at her. He liked her modesty. He also liked the long, shapely legs peeking out beneath the black velvet skirt she wore. It was a suit she had bought at I. Magnin just for her godchild's christening day. “Harry is very proud of you, you know. I feel as though I know you myself. He talks about you all the time.”

“I'm just as bad. I don't have kids, so everyone has to listen to stories about Harry and when we went to school.”

“You two must have been hell on wheels back then.” He grinned at her and she laughed.

“More or less. We had a hell of a good time, most of the time, anyway. And some nasty run-ins now and then.” She smiled at the memories and then smiled at Jack. “I must be getting old, all this nostalgia.…”

“It's that time of year.”

“It is, isn't it? Christmas always does that to me.”

“Me too.” She wondered where his daughter was, if that was part of the nostalgia for him. “You're from New York, aren't you?” She nodded her head. That seemed light-years away too.

“And you?”

“I'm from the Midwest. Detroit, to be exact. A lovely place.” He smiled and they both laughed again. He was easy to be with, and it seemed harmless to her when he offered to take her out for drinks. But everything seemed so empty when they looked around and it was depressing to go to a bar on Christmas night, she wound up inviting him back to her place instead, and he was perfectly agreeable to her. So much so he was almost innocuous, and she didn't even recognize him at first when she ran into him at City Hall the next week. He was one of those tall, blond, handsome men who could have been almost anyone, from a college pal, to someone's husband or brother or boyfriend and then suddenly she realized who he was and blushed with embarrassment.

“I'm sorry, Jack … I was distracted.…”

“You have a right to be.” He smiled at her, and she was amused at how impressed he was by her job. Harry must have been lying to him again. She knew he exaggerated a lot about her, about the rapists she fought off in holding cells, the judo holds she knew, the cases she cracked herself without investigator' help. None of it true, of course. But Harry loved to tell tales, and especially war stories about her.

“… Why do you lie like that?” She had challenged Harry more than once but he felt no remorse.

“Some of it's true anyway.”

“The hell it is. I ran into one of your friends last week who thought I had been knifed by a coke dealer in the holding cell. For chrissake, Harry, knock it off.”

She thought of it now and assumed he had been at it again as she smiled at Jack. “Actually, things are pretty quiet right now. How ‘about you?”

“Not bad. We have a few good cases. Harry and Ave went up to Tahoe for a few weeks, so I'm holding the fort on my own.”

“He's such a hardworking type.” They both laughed and he looked at her hesitantly. He had been dying to call her for a week and he hadn't dared.

“You wouldn't have time for lunch, would you?” Oddly enough, for once she did. He was ecstatic when she said yes, and they went to the Bijou, a small French restaurant on Polk, which was more pretentious than good, but it was pleasant chatting with Harry's friend for an hour or so. She had heard about him for so many years, and between her heavy caseload and her turmoil over Drew Lands they'd never met.

“It's ridiculous, you know. Harry should have gotten us together years ago.”

Jack smiled. “I think he tried.” He didn't say anything that indicated he knew about Drew, but Tana could talk about it now.

“I was being difficult for a while.” She smiled.

“And now?” He looked at her with the same gentle look he had used on their godchild.

“I'm back to my old rotten self again.”

“That's good.”

“Actually, Harry saved my life this time.”

“I know he was worried about you for a while.”

She sighed. “I made an ass of myself … I guess we all have to sometime.”

“I sure did.” He smiled at her. “I got my kid sister's best friend pregnant in Detroit ten years ago when I went home over the holidays. I don't know what happened to me, except I must have gone nuts or something. She was this pretty little redhead … twenty-one years old … and bang, the next thing I knew I was getting married. She hated it out here, she cried all the time. Poor little Barb had colic for the first six months of her life, and a year later, Kate went back again and it was all over. I now have an ex-wife and a daughter in Detroit, and I don't know anything more about them than I did then. It was the craziest thing I ever did, and I'm not about to do it again!” He looked extremely determined as he said the words, and it was easy to see that he meant every bit of it. “I've never drunk straight rum either since then.” He grinned ruefully and Tana laughed.

“At least you have something to show for it.” It was more than she could say, not that she would have wanted Drew's child, even if he hadn't had the vasectomy. “Do you see your daughter sometimes?”

“She comes out once a year for a month,” he sighed with a careful smile. “It's a little difficult to build a relationship based on that!” He had always thought it was unfair to her, but what else could he do? He couldn't ignore her now. “We're really strangers to each other. I'm the oddball who sends her birthday cards every year and takes her to baseball games when she's here. I don't know what else to do with her. Ave was pretty good about keeping an eye on her in the daytime last year. And they lent me the house in Tahoe for a week. She loved that,” he smiled at Tana, “and so did I. It's awkward making friends with a ten-year-old child.”

“I'll bet it is. The relationship … the man I was involved with had two of them, and it was odd for me. I don't have children of my own, and it wasn't like Harry's kids, suddenly here were these two big people staring at me. It felt awfully strange.”

“Did you get attached to them?” He seemed intrigued by her and she was surprised at how easy it was to talk to him.

“Not really. There wasn't time. They lived in the East,” she remembered the rest of it, “for a while.”