Girl of Mine (24 page)

“I love you too, Luke. I don’t understand what the problem is.”

His hands held her shoulders. “Why did you agree to marry Troy? Why?” he asked suddenly, his eyes intense, his voice a fierce whisper. “Why would you say yes if you don’t love him?”

He took her off guard. Was he angry with her? “That’s not fair. You left me and called off our wedding. You told me not to wait for you. You can’t be angry with me for moving on.”

His expression a mask of anguish, he rasped, “I’m not angry with you. I just need to know why. Why, Jill?”

It was obvious he was hurt by her actions. Had she hurt his pride by agreeing to marry another less than one month after he’d left her? Was that was this was all about? He didn’t have the right to be upset, not after what he’d done. “I . . . I thought you said you knew why.”

“I think I do. You have a soft heart and you felt sorry for him.”

“But you know the actual reason
why
I felt sorry for him, right?”

“Yes.” She didn’t like the way Luke was looking at her. His obvious hesitation made her feel as if he feared her response. His hands on her shoulders tightened almost painfully. “I didn’t think you’d do it,” he whispered slowly, enunciating every word. “I really didn’t think you’d do it.”

Wait. What? “Are you saying you . . . you knew he was going to ask me to marry him?”

His eyes darted around before he answered, like he needed to stall before he admitted to such a thing. “Yes.” His chest rose and fell as if he was getting worked up.

Jill pushed his arms off her shoulders and took a step back. “You knew?” she repeated, her heart turning to ice.

“I knew,” he stated quietly and closed the space between them, taking her hands in his.

For a moment, they simply stared at one another. The implications of his admission whirled through her mind. Jill pulled her hands from his and let her hands drop to her sides, ending her connection with Luke and wondering if the action was symbolic. She took another step away, her mind racing.

Luke would do anything for Troy, with good reason. It was his greatest quality and his worst fault. All rolled into one. How could such a good trait be his biggest downfall?

A dark feeling settled over Jill. She wasn’t expecting this. He was right, this was a game changer. His fear of her response all made sense now. “What have you done, Luke?”

Luke’s voice turned low and throaty, yet brimming with untamed emotion. “Do you know where Troy’s coat was as he hiked down that mountain?”

Jill’s mind ticked ahead, unbelief filling her soul. “Don’t change the subject. What does that have to do with anything?”

“Do you?” he rasped, his tone gritty and insistent.

She gave in. “No.”

“His coat was wrapped around
me
so that I would be warm. Do you know where his dad’s jacket was?”

“Luke, it doesn’t matter . . .”

“Do you?” he persisted.

“No.”

“It was still bundled up beneath me so that I would have a pillow, so that
I
would be comfortable. Do you know what Troy was wearing?”

“No.” Jill’s hands started to tremble.

“He was wearing a long sleeved t-shirt and jeans along with his dad’s sweatshirt and sweater. That’s it. In below freezing temperatures. It’s a miracle he survived at all. It’s a miracle he didn’t lose more body parts or even his life.”

“No, Luke. No.” Her eyes filled with tears.

“Do you know what part of me Troy’s coat covered?”

“Stop it.”

“Do you?”

“No.”

“He wrapped my legs in his jacket. He didn’t want my legs to get cold. MY LEGS! Not his, mine! The only reason I’m standing here today is because Troy Kelley saved my life. He was freezing while I was warm. He walked for miles while I slept. He lost the normal use of his legs while I recovered and healed. He lost his father while I still had mine. He coached while I enjoyed the exhilaration of running. I ran races and won trophies while he sat on the sidelines and watched.”

Tears slid down Jill’s cheeks. “What does that mean, Luke? Are you his servant for life? Will you do anything he asks of you? Will you be at his beck and call for the rest of your existence?”

Luke’s eyes flashed with emotion. “Yes.” His voice didn’t sound like his own. His answer surprised her. They’d merely scratched the surface when it came to his overwhelming feelings of guilt.

“You just said it’s not a debt that can be repaid. You realized that and you moved on.”

“I can’t repay him. I can never repay him.”

“But you’ll spend your life trying. Is that what you’re saying?”

“Yes.”

“And you’ll sacrifice your own happiness for his? Am I right?”

“Yes.”

Jill felt as though she couldn’t catch her breath as the implications of his words settled in her heart. “What have you done, Luke?” Jill repeated. “Am . . . am I one of those sacrifices?”

He stood tall and proud, a stone cold statue, fierce and unmoving. “Yes.” The word seemed to echo in the small room, bouncing off the walls and whizzing around in her ears.

The moment he uttered that one simple word, Jill felt her heart skip a beat. Tears that had plagued her all day would not dry up as they stood there facing each other. The large droplets reached her lips and she tasted their saltiness on her tongue.

The room was silent other than her gasps between each agonizing breath. His earlier words haunted her.

“I took the coward’s way out, Jill. It seemed as if there wasn’t a right thing to do no matter which way I turned, so I simply took myself out of the situation. Too late, I realized I should’ve just told you the whole story right then and there. Together we could’ve faced it, I know that now. Instead I ran away. I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’m not sure you can. I’ll always regret that. I’m hoping we can move on from this and have a life together. But I know I made a huge mistake and I’ll understand if you want nothing to do with me. At least you’ll know the truth. You’ll be able to let it go
.
 
.
 
.
and I’ll be able to live with myself. At least we’ll have that.”

“Please tell me I’m not a Callie Lewis.” Her voice quivered with suppressed emotion.

“No comparison.”

“Then what am I to you, Luke?”

“Everything. You’re everything.”

“Then why do I suddenly feel like nothing?”

“It’s not like that, Jill.”

“What is it like, Luke?”

They stood as if in a stand-off, waiting for the other to make a move. A strip of sunlight poured into the room, sending a shaft between them, as if drawing a line, separating them. It was quickly overtaken by clouds.

“Tell me, Luke. Tell me now.”

28

Luke and Troy
March 2003

One Month Earlier

“Hey Troy, how’s it going, buddy?” Luke was unable to hide the downbeat in his voice. Troy picked up on it immediately.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Uh-huh. You look like your house just burned down, your dog ran away, and your goldfish died.”

Luke let out his breath heavily. Yep, that about summed it up. He glanced out the large picture window in Troy’s kitchen. The usual crowd splashed in the pool, braving the cold water on an unseasonably warm March day. The music over the loud speakers sounded muffled from inside the house, as did the happy voices. He spotted Jill, chatting with Lacy. Lacy and Jeremy were still seeing each other and Jill hoped they’d be engaged soon.

Jill.

She looked so happy, so serene. He loved her more than he’d ever loved anyone in his life. This news was going to crush her. He didn’t want to tell her. It was going to break her heart.

“Luke?”

“Yeah?”

“You all right?” Troy asked.

He shrugged. “Pretty bummed right now.”

“Join the crowd, my friend, join the crowd.”

That caught his attention. He turned toward Troy. “What’s up with you?”

Emma and Jane walked in then. They were adorable twin sisters he and Troy had gone to high school with.

“Hey Luke, hey Troy. Great party, Troy. Thanks for inviting us.” They hurried off to the bathroom. Why did girls always go to the bathroom together? It was just plain weird. But then, twins tended to do everything together.

“C’mon, let’s go to my office,” Troy invited. “We can have some privacy. I need to talk to you too.”

Luke followed him, wondering what Troy wanted to talk about. While Troy settled himself on the couch, Luke studied his framed book covers on the walls. They were, in essence, his trophies. Troy had done well for himself. Even if his stories were . . . unsettling. He often speculated over whether or not Troy’s twisted stories were a direct result of their experience on that mountain top so many years ago. Had the incident warped his mind? How could it not have done so? Several of his covers boasted eerie pictures of wolves with blood dripping from their sharp, pointy teeth. The coincidence niggled at his psyche.

Luke didn’t feel like entertaining the disturbing thought right now, he had other things on his mind. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and faced Troy. Talking wasn’t high on his agenda at the present moment either. He just wanted to bury himself in Jill’s embrace and never let go.

“All right, Graham. Spill it. What’s bugging you?” Troy propped his legs up on the coffee table.

“How can you tell?”

“We’ve known each other since we ate baby food. How could I not tell?”

Luke sat opposite Troy, running his hands over his face. “I just received orders today.” He even hated how the words sounded out loud. It made them real.

“Orders for what?”

“My unit is being deployed to Iraq. I’ll probably be gone for a year, maybe longer.” Luke scoffed. “I don’t even know how long I’ll be gone.”

Troy fingered his cane thoughtfully. “My grandfather fought in World War II. He was gone for three years.”

Luke felt his heart sink. He didn’t want to be gone that long. It was the beginning of the war and no one knew how this was going to play out. His orders were currently open ended. He’d been told it would probably be a one year rotation, but no one could really make that call as of yet. “One thing I know for sure, I leave in three days.”

Shock registered on Troy’s face. “Three days? What about the wedding?”

“Exactly.”

“Aw crap. Does Jill know?”

“Not yet. She’s gonna be so upset. I don’t know how to break it to her.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“I’m not sure. I haven’t even come to terms with the news yet. I need time to absorb it before I speak with Jill. We’ll figure something out. The wedding will just have to happen much sooner than planned. At any rate, I have to leave for at least a year, with no idea when I’ll return, and that’s not gonna be fun for newlyweds any way you look at it.”

“Wait. You’re still gonna marry her?”

Why did Troy seem surprised by the news? “Absolutely. Are you kidding? Of course. I’m not letting her get away from me. I love that girl.”

“You’re gonna marry her, have a day together, and then leave her alone for a year or longer? More than likely, longer. Uncool, bro. As a matter of fact, it’s cruel.”

The thought stung, no doubt. He felt like he was abandoning her. Was it wrong to want to marry her before he left? “Jill and I will decide what to do together. It will be her decision as much as mine.” He wanted marriage. Right now. Tomorrow. They needed time together before he left. It wouldn’t be her fairytale wedding and he hoped she’d be okay with that. She’d put so much work into their wedding. So had her mother.

Troy scowled and stared down at his hands, making Luke speculate over what was bothering him. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Sorry to pile bad news on top of bad news.”

Luke wondered if Troy’s mother was sick again. Her health had declined over the past year and she spent much of her time in bed. She used to love helping Troy host his get-togethers. “What is it?”

“Remember a while back when I tripped walking up the stairs?”

“Yeah.” Troy’s mom had called him in a panic. Troy was fine, just a little disoriented.

“And I knocked over the vase in the hallway?”

“Yeah.” Luke had cleaned up the broken glass.

“Then I dropped a muffin tin filled with muffins.”

Luke hadn’t been called about that one.

“And I dropped a pitcher of lemonade all over the kitchen floor.”

It had taken Luke forever to clean up every shard of glass and scrub away the stickiness.

“Well, besides becoming a world class klutz, I’ve been getting headaches lately too. And, I don’t know, it just seemed like I was . . . off.”

Luke nodded.

“So, I went to see the doc.”

When Troy didn’t say more, Luke asked the begged question. “And?”

“Found out I have an inoperable brain tumor. How’s that for luck?”

“What?” Luke’s head spun. “What will they do about it?”

“Keep me comfortable. Shoot me full of chemo to prolong my life a bit.”

Luke stilled. “A bit?”

“They’re giving me a year, Luke. If that.”

Luke stood. “What?” he said again, feeling thunderstruck.