Handful of Heaven (12 page)

Except one thing.

As Paige reached for her water, her attention caught and held on the couple one table over, just visible some distance behind Evan. They were in their retirement years, seated together on the same side of the table, leaning toward one another instead of away.

How sweet. The wife gazed up at her husband with honest adoration, and her husband took her delicate hand and kissed her knuckles tenderly, the sconce light reflecting on the slim gold wedding ring she wore.

A great love. Wasn’t that what every girl dreamed of finding one day? It hadn’t happened to her; she believed that it could not. But she’d seen plenty of people who seemed to have marriages that worked. And some couples had something more, something special. That true love was so special and rare, it had to be like holding on to a little piece of heaven.

“That’s really something, isn’t it?” She hadn’t realized Evan had finished speaking with the waitress, who had turned out, apparently, to be a friend of his son’s. Embarrassed to be caught watching something that was so private, she reached for her water goblet. “It’s heartening to see that some marriages really last,” he continued.

She nodded, for that was just what she had meant to say. “It’s so easy to see the bad divorces and the painful marriages and love that has broken apart.”

“Especially when that’s what happened to you.” Evan’s deep baritone resonated with understanding. “What happened to Alex’s father?”

“He decided he’d had enough of responsibility and left in the middle of the breakfast rush.” Her hand was trembling again and she tried to still it as she lifted the water glass. Somehow she managed to get a sip of water down without choking.

“No,” Evan said gently. “What really happened?”

I don’t want to tell you what really happened. Her hand wobbled. She set down the goblet before she dropped it. “No one knows that story. It’s not very interesting.”

“I’m interested.”

Her heart gave a lurch. She’d never been so glad to see a waitress. Caitlin arrived with their house salads, with ranch dressing for her and Italian for Evan and ground fresh pepper, giving Paige enough time to prepare herself. While time had dulled the pain, the scars had gone deep. All the way down to her soul.

She’d never told anyone the truth. She didn’t know if she could open up so much now.

Instead of taking up his salad fork, Evan laid his big, warm hand over hers.

His touch was as unsettling as it was comforting, because she was used to neither. She’d been alone in the most essential way for so long, the connection of his hand on hers felt like everything she could ever want and at the same moment everything she was afraid of. “There’s not much to tell. I married Jimmy when I was nineteen and he was twenty. We thought we were in love.

“But in a year’s time, I was pregnant, there had been a kitchen fire in the diner and we were in debt up to our ears from the repairs. I was raising Amy and Rachel; Ben was in and out of trouble and acting out. I had more responsibility than I could handle, and Jimmy just had enough one day. He walked out with half our morning regulars listening to us argue. That’s it.”

Technically, her story was correct. But it left out the real things, the painful arguments and disappointments that she did not want to remember. Because if she did remember what love had brought her, then she would also remember how she’d vowed never to go through that devastation again.

“That’s not it. You loved him.”

She knew that surprise showed on her face. “I was too young to know what love is. I thought he was something he wasn’t. It was my mistake.”

“You thought he was the kind of man who stayed, even when the better turned to worse?”

She swallowed hard.
The truth, Paige.
Evan had asked for the truth, and he was waiting patiently, the silent demand of his touch seeped into her like the heat from his skin on hers. She studied his hand, his knuckles were thick but not beefy, his fingers well-proportioned and so capable looking. He knew the unspeakable sadness of a failed marriage. Of a broken love.

She was going to trust that he would understand. “I thought he loved me enough to stay. Until I found out he didn’t love me at all. Not really. He just wanted someone to take care of him. You know, do his laundry, put a roof over his head and food on the table. He said that I was good at taking care of other people. It’s what I do. And he was right. I think that’s what hurt the most.”

She tried to tug her hand free.

He held on tight. “I’ve been there, too. Liz went from her parents’ house to her college dorm at her school to marrying me. She’d had a sheltered childhood, and she was looking to be taken care of. It was my mistake, because I was looking for a real helpmate in a wife, in a best friend.”

“I thought that’s what marriage was.”

“Me, too.” Evan couldn’t explain why, but he could feel her truth like the bright cast of light from the setting sun on his face. In a blinding moment, he understood. She’d been raising her younger brother and sisters, running a business on her own, responsibilities he’d never had at that age, and she’d been looking for a man. Had hoped that’s what her husband would be. The same as he’d done with his wife. “Being let down like that, why, it does something to a person.”

“Yes.” She shook out her napkin, hand trembling, and turned to stare longingly out the window.

Was she dreaming of escaping him, he wondered, or was it escape from remembering the past? She’d said yes to the date; she must want to be here. But that didn’t make it any easier to risk trusting him. He knew that. “I want you to know up front, that I’ve never intentionally let someone down in my life. Just so you know.”

He released her hand then. “Do you want to say grace? Or do you want me to do the honor?”

“Y-you.” Paige cleared her throat, thankful she was able to get that one word out. Her throat felt as if it had closed shut and she knew she’d never be able to say a blessing. He’d gone and said the one thing that mattered the most. “N-neither have I. Let anyone d-down.”

As the last ray of sun slid behind the Rockies, the twilight and shadows lengthened everywhere but in her heart.

P
aige felt a mix of relief and regret when Evan turned his truck into her driveway. Clouds blotted out any starlight, and the night stretched black and ominous as the headlights slashed twin paths through the dark woods. A movement blurred just beyond the reach of the light.

“My horse is out.”

Evan saw it, too, and braked to a sudden stop just in time. The shadowed movement became an Arabian that bolted across the road, turning golden in the beam of the headlights.

“That mare.” Paige rolled her eyes and popped open the door. “You can just leave me here. I’ve got to get her.”

“You’ve got to be kidding.” Evan shifted into Park and set the parking brake. “Didn’t I tell you at dinner? I’m not the kind of man who bails.”

I’ve noticed. Paige didn’t want to feel the tug of appreciation that made her throat ache and burn. It was easier just to hop out into the gusting wind and night and feel her good shoes squish in the mud on the shoulder of the graveled driveway.

She heard Evan’s door close as she wrapped her coat around her and called out to the mare poised in the middle of the road like a deer caught in the head lights. “Annie, baby. Did you get your stall door open again?”

The mare’s nostrils flared as she scented Evan.

“Do you want me to herd her toward you?” he called from the other side of the truck.

“No, she’s just having some fun. Baby, come with me.” Mud sucked at her shoes as she approached, hands out, palms up.

The mare pressed her nose into those hands and her head against Paige’s stomach. Spotlighted by the headlights in shades of gold and platinum, woman and horse came together, a revealing moment as she rubbed her mare’s long nose. The animal’s trust and affection for her mistress was unmistakable. As was the realization that hit him. He was short a horse-riding partner.

Paige rode horses.

“Hey, girl.” Her voice was tender and her slender hands gentle as she grasped the nylon halter the mare wore. “Evan, I’m just going to walk her up to the stable. Thank you for an unexpected evening.”

“Unexpected, what does that mean?”

“I mean that I’m glad you asked me.”

As if shy that she’d said too much, Paige dipped her head, turned her back and hurried down the driveway. The big mare at her side ambled with her, her hooves crunching in the gravel.

She’s glad she went out with me. Slow joy spread through Evan as he hopped back inside the cab and put the truck in first gear. There was a lot to like about Paige, the private woman who kept her real self well hidden, but he’d seen the part of her she protected so well.

Her confession came back to him, what she’d said when she’d spoken of her husband’s betrayal.
He said that I was good at taking care of other people. It’s what I do. And he was right. I think that’s what hurt the most.
But who had taken care of her through the years? Had anyone?

It was amazing, too, that she was the one woman he just might be able to trust. A woman who’d been through something similar. Who’d been hurt in the same way. A woman with a gentle heart and a kind spirit who made him want to hold her…just to hold her.

The road curved, and Paige and her horse veered off through a path in the trees. He put the truck into Park and hopped out to help with the gate that gleamed just within the faint reaches of the headlights, but it was already open.

“Did you get that untied all on your own?” Paige didn’t even seem annoyed as the mare disappeared into the paddock.

He waited while the first drops of cold rain pelted him on the head. He waited while the drops became steadier and by the time Paige had emerged from the dark shadows, he was wet clean through. But he didn’t mind. He opened her door, so she could hop inside.

“Evan, I’m muddy. I don’t want to get your interior dirty.”

“It’s happened before. And this date isn’t over until I see you to your door.”

“Isn’t that an old-fashioned rule?”

“Sometimes old-fashioned is the best.” He tucked her hand in his, and the connection that zinged through him hit him right in the soul.

Please let her be all that I think she is, Lord.

It had been a long time since he’d wanted anything so much. His spirit ached with the power of it. They’d had a solid conversation over dinner about their kids, their jobs and their church. They’d lived in the same town all their lives; there were plenty of things to discuss, from the yearly Founder’s Day celebration to the fundraiser for the county library Paige was catering.

And as Evan cupped her elbow to help her into the truck, he felt something greater than he’d ever felt before: a tender desire to take care of this woman who worked so hard. His feelings were moving way too fast for his brain. He needed to take his time. Neither of them was in a hurry. Love was best, he’d learned, when it was meant to be instead of when it was rushed into being.

He made sure she was in and gave her seatbelt a tug so she wouldn’t have to search for it, before shutting the door. He’d never expected the evening to turn out so well. He’d never expected to feel an emotional connection so strong. He didn’t know why it was there, but he figured it made sense in a way.

He’d always known Paige, from a distance to be sure, but she was everything he admired in a woman.

Tonight had only shown him she was even more amazing on a deeper level.

They drove the rest of the way in silence. The hum of the heater and the rhythm of the wiper blades were deafening. Evan knew he wanted to ask Paige for another date. The question was, would she say yes? It was tough, but he only had a few more moments with her, so he had to gather up his courage now or it would be too late.

He steeled himself, preparing for her rejection. “I hope I wasn’t too boring tonight.”

He put the truth of what he was thinking right out there for her to comment on. What would her reaction be? He waited the infinitesimal beats between one second and the next.

“Boring?” She turned to him, highlighted by the dash lights enough that he could see the surprise clearly on her lovely face. “I was worrying you thought the same thing about me. I work, I take care of my family, I work some more. That’s hardly exciting.”

“It is to me.” He pulled into the graveled spot next to the house and shifted into Park. “That’s just about all I do.”

“Don’t men at your age have a mid-life crisis? You know, sports cars, excitement, twenty-year-old wives?”

There was a gentle lilt to her words, as if she were kidding him, but he could feel the dead seriousness beneath. “I’m happy with my life. A sports car wouldn’t haul my horse trailer. I think a quiet evening reading at home is exciting. And I would only bore a twenty-year-old, aside from the fact that my youngest son is nineteen. That would be beyond wrong.”

Okay, that was a good answer, Paige thought while Evan hopped out and circled around the vehicle. Although Jimmy hadn’t left her for a mid-life crisis, he’d been having another sort of crisis, and it had left it hard for her to trust any man.

Evan opened her door. “Do you think I got you home before your curfew?”

“It’s only nine o’clock. I think I’m safe from my son’s wrath.” She liked the way he chuckled easily and the sure way he took her hand. She felt as light as air as he accompanied her up the walkway.

Those pesky nerves returned. Did she invite him in? Did she let him kiss her good night?

“About Wednesday evening.” Evan stopped on the top step, clearly meaning to leave her by the door. “I’ll pick you up at the diner around seven?”

He wanted to see her again. Why did that make her feel like she’d filled up with helium and was about to float away? She was way too practical for romantic foolishness. “I don’t remember saying that I would go with you. But then again, I’d hate to be the reason you decided not to go to Bible study.”

“Then it’s a date.” The way he said it, wasn’t a question but a confirmation. As was the deliberate step he took in her direction.

Was he going to kiss her? Something between panic and wonder held her locked in place as his mouth slanted over hers. The first brush of his warm lips to hers was the sweetest she’d ever known.

Tenderness filled her like a slow, sweet waltz, and when he moved away into the shadows off the porch, she swore she could hear music.

“Good night, Paige. I’ll see you soon.” He left her standing in the glow of the porch light, bathed in raindrops and alight with hope.

Max was breathing on the other side of the door, a happy welcome-home pant that, since he was such a big dog, was louder than the rain tapping all around her. She felt wrapped in a warm pure glow, staring into the direction of the idling truck.

A dark figure cut through the headlights, the dome light appeared and disappeared. She spun and bolted through the door. Max was bounding up and down on all fours, his doggy mouth stretched in a happy grin.

She stroked the top of his wide head with her hand. The puppy Alex had begged her for had grown into a one-hundred-and-twenty-three-pound giant, and he was still growing. The sleek, powerful dog took up most of the available space in the foyer, and she had to reach around him to hang her jacket up on the set of hooks by the door.

Only when she saw the streak of mud across the side of the garment did she remember she’d been out in the muddy field. And her shoes were caked with it. She’d completely lost her mind, apparently, and tracked mud into the house.

Great going, Paige. A single kiss was all it took for her to lose control of her good sense.

Oh, well, it had been a lovely evening. And Evan—why, she really liked him. Too much for her own good. Too much for the safety of her heart. He was a good man, she knew that. But it was a long rocky road to trusting a man enough for…well, whatever lay ahead. If they made it that far. Her future and what direction it was going to take was a big question mark.

As she kicked off her shoes and set them to dry by the heater vent, she saw Alex’s light on downstairs. If he was studying, she didn’t want to interrupt him. That was her excuse. She really didn’t want to interrupt him, because she didn’t want to answer any questions about her date.

Not that she could avoid questions forever, but she needed time to make sense of things. Nothing had been what she’d expected tonight. She couldn’t remember a time in her adult life when a man had more than exceeded her expectations in every way.

The phone rang. When Alex didn’t pick up, she gave away her presence in the house by snatching up the kitchen extension. “Hello?”

“Paige?” Someone was crying—one of the twins. “Paige? Are you, like, really busy right now?”

“Of course not. Where are you? I’ll come over.”

“N-no.” Brianna sobbed, stuttering. “We’re almost to y-your house. Mom and Keith got into this b-bad fight—”

Paige ached for the girls. Their mother had married a man who was better at drinking and gambling than at holding down a job, and Paige constantly worried about the girls’ welfare. There was only so much she could do, but she did what she could. “Of course, you come right on over. The porch light is on, and I’ll whip up some hot chocolate.”

“With sp-sprinkles?” she asked through a sob.

“Absolutely. You girls drive safely. Promise?”

“O-okay. Brandilyn’s dr-driving. She’s, like, way b-better at it than me.”

After saying goodbye, Paige left the cordless receiver on the counter and went in search of the special secret recipe cocoa mix she’d brought home from the diner. There was a jar of it somewhere.

“Hey, Mom.” Alex startled her. He was in the entryway next to his dog. “Who’s coming over?”

“The twins. How’s the homework going?”

“It’s going. Why are you all muddy?”

“Annie got out again. She figured out how to open the gates. Could you go figure something out to hold her in until the morning?”

“Sure. Oh, I forgot. I need this form thing signed for school tomorrow.” He shoved a piece of paper toward her before he dropped into one of the bar chairs on the other side of the counter. “It’s for our field trip to the Museum of the Rockies. So, how went the big date?”

“Fine. We had dinner. We talked. We came home.” Paige opened the drawer next to her, pulled a pen out of the organizer, and signed the form. “Is that field trip this week?”

“Friday. You changed the subject.”

“No, I was finished telling you about my date.” She pulled a saucepan out of the lower cabinet and plunked it on the stove. “Wait, I can see those wheels turning in your brain, so listen up. No, I’m not in love with him. No, I’m not planning on marrying him—”

“He’d be like my stepdad. Never thought I’d get one at my advanced age.”

“You can’t look into the future. I can’t look into the future, so drop it. Are you worried about that, about me marrying one day?”

“Worried? Nah, I’m not worried. I just don’t want to go off to college and leave you alone.”

“It’s your job to grow up and move away. It’s mine to make sure that you do—” She took the milk from the fridge and set it on the counter as the doorbell rang. Max barked joyously. “Could you get that dog?”

“He’s so well-trained.” Alex rolled his eyes, grinned, and jogged to hold the black-masked rottweiler back so Paige could muscle open the door.

The girls were rain-soaked and tear-stained and in emotional tatters. Setting her thoughts of Evan aside, she helped them carry their overnight bags down the hall to the guest bedroom next to hers, drew each girl a bath in separate bathrooms and got them to soaking.

Such was her life. She took care of others first and didn’t get a moment to herself until it was after midnight.

Evan. Just thinking his name lessened the shadows in her soul.

Paige. Evan had thought of little else in the last twenty-two hours.

It had been a typical Monday with disasters by the truckload, but he’d tackled meeting after meeting and one conference phone call after another with unusual efficiency. Nothing had dimmed his happiness. He was in a good mood because he couldn’t get Paige out of his mind. Or their kiss.