His Shadowed Heart ((Books We Love Regency Romance)) (6 page)

“Did you mind so very much not having the pomp and ceremony of a London wedding?” he continued, oblivious of her musings. “You must understand that I had that kind of wedding before and … well….” No, he would not think of Elizabeth at this moment, he could not, it was not right!

“I much preferred the simple ceremony we had here in the chapel,” she replied, smiling shyly at the memory of the intimate service. “I don’t care for a great number of people. They unnerve me.”

“You will become more used to company as time goes on,” he assured, reaching across the table and patting her hand absentmindedly. The unbidden thoughts of Elizabeth had marred the intimacy of the moment, bringing, as they always did, feelings of torment.

Caroline saw the look of withdrawal that came over his face, and her heart sank.

Taking his new wife completely by surprise he sat back almost nonchalantly in his chair, his eyes taking on a cold look and his tone altering. “It has been a long and tiring day for you, my dear. The hour is late. Pray don’t let me keep you from your repose.”

Seeing this as a dismissal from his company, Caroline rose from the table in stunned silence. He too rose, making a short, formal bow before resuming his seat. Dropping his eyes before her wounded gaze, he confined his attention to refilling his glass from the decanter that stood at his elbow, not wishing to see the effect his words had had on her.

“I will wish you good night then, sir,” she said in a small voice.

Still not raising his eyes, he nodded briefly in response—no more.

Bewildered, she turned and hastened from the room, leaving him to sit alone over his wine in the intimacy of the small salon.

*****

Throwing herself onto her bed, Caroline cried as if her heart was breaking. She had not known what to expect, but this sudden cold indifference proved harder to bear than she had thought possible.

There had existed a certain degree of cordiality between them during the time between the proposal and the marriage. This she had come to expect, even take pleasure in. She could not comprehend what had prompted him to change so abruptly. Had it been something she had inadvertently said? She went over the conversation in her mind but could find nothing that she could suspect of having offended him.

Eventually, she undressed and got into the large canopied bed, but repose would not come and she lay awake listening to the noises of the house. She heard a distant clock chiming the hour of one and saw the light of a candle pass beneath her door. The sound of the door to the adjoining room closing told her that her husband had also retired. She knew the connecting door would not open.

*****

Her bedchamber door being unceremoniously thrust open and a small whirlwind depositing herself onto the bed awoke Caroline the following morning. In the confusion of the moment, she did not see the tall dark figure of the earl following in his daughter’s wake.

She hugged Julia to her and allowed her to scramble unchallenged under the covers beside her, delighted that the child would seek her out.

“I see my daughter does not stand on ceremony with you, my dear,” the earl said in a pleasant tone.

She started at the sound of his voice, noticing him for the first time. He was dressed for riding and standing in the doorway, he appeared more imposing than ever.

He noticed her reserve at his appearance and felt a pang of guilt. “Do you ride?” he asked. He came further into the room and closed the door behind him against the curious gaze of my lady’s maid. “You must forgive me, my dear, but even though we have married, there is still much I need to learn about you. Do you care to ride?”

“Yes, sir,” replied Caroline, grateful for the distraction. “Though I have not ridden since I lived with my father.”

“Have you a habit?”

“Yes, but ’tis terribly out of fashion.”

“Then that will do for today, you may order what you will at a later time. I asked my agent to procure a mount for you and I believe he has found a suitable mare. Would you give me the pleasure of riding out with me this morning and perhaps I can show you over the estate?”

She nodded her agreement, unable to find the words, so relieved was she at his change of mood.

“Good, then I will await you in the breakfast room and when you are nourished we can commence our ride.”

“Can I come?” asked a little voice from beneath the bedclothes.

“Of course you can imp, when you are a little more grown,” he replied, chuckling. “Until then, be satisfied with your rocking horse. Now out with you and let your new mamma get dressed. I am impatient to show her over her new domain.”

“I stay,” declared the little voice once more, still burrowing in the warmth of the bed.

He went to retrieve her but Caroline pleaded her cause. “Let her stay. Unless you have any objection, I would keep her with me.”

He smiled indulgently and made for the door. “If she provokes you, call for her nurse. Now do not tarry, I’m not known for my patience.”

*****

The Waverly estate was extensive, its boundaries stretching for mile upon mile of fertile land and they drew rein atop a hill that overlooked the house and its grounds.

“What think you of your new home?” the earl asked, turning in the saddle to face his young bride. “Does it please you?”

“Of a certainty, sir, how could it not?” Caroline replied, smiling her approbation. “It is magnificent. Now I know why you show such evident pride in it.”

“Is it so obvious?” he queried. “Yes, I suppose it must be! You are right—I am proud of it, very proud and I’m glad it finds favor in your eyes and hope you will come to love it as do I.”

“I’m sure that I shall, though at the moment it overawes me.”

“It need not, my dear. There is nothing here to intimidate you.”

Only Elizabeth
, she thought, for she had felt that everyone she met was comparing her to his previous wife. The servants even feeling the need to prefix their replies to her requests with “Her Ladyship always….” Now I am being foolish, she thought.
I have scarce been in the house for three days, arriving on the eve of my wedding, what am I to expect. It will take time for everyone to become accustomed to my way of things. I should not be so easily daunted. Indeed, if I perceive her influence all about me it is merely in my own imaginings, I will not allow myself to be disheartened.

“Would you care to ride over to the lake?” the earl asked, breaking in on her reverie. They turned their horses away from their contemplation of the house and cantered down to a small valley wherein the lake reposed, its cool waters reflecting the abundant foliage that covered its banks.

*****

As they rode back to Lordings, Caroline viewed the house as it appeared through the framework of trees and thought, this is mine. I am part of it now, part of h
is life, and she felt a sense of happiness in this reflection, a sense of belonging at last. What did it matter that at this moment in time she was treated more as a visitor than its mistress, the staff would become used to her and in time she would become Her Ladyship and they would grow accustomed to her ways. On such a lovely day as this, anything seemed possible.

When they halted at the foot of the stone steps leading to the Palladian front and impressive oak doors, the earl dismounted and assisted his wife down from the mare’s back. Leaving the horses in the groom’s care, he drew her hand through his arm and they mounted the steps and entered the hallway together. Secretly examining his profile she thought he seemed very much at ease, far more relaxed than she had ever seen him.

A maid came forward as they entered the large hallway and bobbing a curtsey enquired, “Would Your Ladyship prefer tea in her apartments or in the small salon?”

Caroline looked enquiringly at her husband but he smiled, “It is for you to decide, my dear
—I rarely take tea in the afternoon. That is a ceremony I leave entirely to you.”

“Will you not join me on this occasion?” she asked, wishing to retain his company for a while longer. “I won’t press you again, but just this once.”

“If I must,” he said, grinning reluctantly. “Though I must warn you, I have no intentions of changing my attire. I will not be blamed if the odor of the stables accompanies your tea.”

“Then neither shall I change, sir.” She turned to the maid, “Tea will be in the garden room.”

Although greatly surprised by her mistress’s request, the maid scurried off to do her bidding.

The earl appeared amused. “And may I ask why the garden room, my dear?”

“Because I thought it would be less formal and it would not matter what we wore,” she explained a little defiantly, as if she expected to meet with opposition.

“Then that is an excellent idea, a little less formality would serve us well. Now, my lady, we will take tea.”

*****

Sitting back in an old leather chair, teacup in hand, the earl looked around the garden room which was a long, high ceilinged room set at the rear of the house whose large casements opened onto sweeping manicured lawns. “It seems an age since I was last in this room,” he said. “I had forgotten how pleasant it could be. Quite relaxing. What made you think of it?”

Caroline was well pleased with his reaction, reveling in his approbation. “The housekeeper showed it to me when she took me on a tour of the house upon my arrival,” she said, smiling. “I thought it looked a most comfortable room, one where one need not worry whether a book had been left out of place or whether one’s shoes were wet. A place of ease, where Julia could play
….”

“Julia has the nursery
—she has no need to play in this part of the house.”

“Surely she needn’t be confined to the nursery when she can come here and we can open the casements and go out onto the lawns.”

“You have thought this out quite thoroughly, haven’t you,” he said, somewhat surprised. “You take a keen interest in the child.”

“Of course I do, who would not. My only regret is that I cannot claim her as my own child, though I will do all in my power to make her a good mother.”

He rose impatiently and went to stand overlooking the gardens, a tenseness showing in every line.

She saw his agitation and thought it was evoked by the memory of Julia’s true mother. Surely, they need not continue in this manner. Perhaps it would ease his mind if he talked about his former wife. Dare she introduce her name into the conversation without risking a rebuff? Perhaps now was not the time, she should wait until her position was more secure, then he may wish to share his thoughts with her. Even though he did not love her, perhaps she could console him. Putting aside all thoughts of her own comfort, she wished nothing more than to bring him peace.

He stood by the window a moment longer, repressing thoughts that would rise. Realizing to what extent he must have hurt her, he wished not to repeat his incivility of the previous evening. Again, the thought that he had served this young girl ill by marrying her crossed his mind. It was not right that she should be tied to a husband whose memories of the past still invaded his life.

Forcing a smile to his lips, he turned from the casement. “Perhaps this is one room you would care to refurbish, make it your own if it so pleases you. Do as little or as much to it as would suit. It is an excellent idea that Julia could share it with you.”

“And you, sir,” she said, with enthusiasm. “It could become a family room where we all could be perfectly at our ease, no need for formality.”

“As you will, my dear,” he replied. “The room is yours to do with as you please. Make it your sanctum if you wish. I have no objections whatever you choose.”

The idea delighted her and she evolved several plans in her mind, pleased to have some purpose in this vast house. Over the next few days she took her ideas to the earl but he brushed them aside, determined that she should have the ordering of things, hoping to give her more confidence and a feeling of belonging.

When the changes had been made and the room completed, she was eager for his approval. Knowing him to have gone to the stables she impatiently awaited his return, claiming his attention as soon as, entering by a side entrance from the yard, he returned to the house.

“Will you come and see my room, Richard?” she asked clasping his arm in both hands.

“It is finished?” he queried. “Is it to your liking?”

“Come and see,” she pleaded, drawing him along the corridor.

“I will change first.”

“No, that is the point. Here you can be at your ease, and I will not allow it to be otherwise.”

Amused by her thinking he followed her to the rear of the house and into the room. “Hardly anything has been changed,” he remarked with some surprise.

“I have changed the hangings and the color of the walls but little else. Here is your leather chair where you can sit and be comfortable whenever you like. You can bring your books and your journals, and no one will distract you. Julia can bring her toys….”