His Shadowed Heart ((Books We Love Regency Romance)) (8 page)

Hesitantly she took her seat, keeping to the other side of the couch and dropping her eyes before his intense gaze.

“I served you ill this morning,” he said in a quiet voice. “It was unforgivable of me and I ask of you the chance to explain.”

Raising her voice barely above a whisper she turned toward him, “I understand how difficult it is for you to recover from your loss, from your love for Elizabeth
….”

He rose from the couch in much agitation. “
My loss? My love for Elizabeth?
Is that how you perceive it? Yes, I see that you must. How else must it appear?”

Thoroughly perplexed by his reaction she went to stand before him and placing her hand on his arm looked up at him. “It is common knowledge that you adored your wife, Richard, you need not hide it from me.”

“Loved? Adored?” he repeated harshly. “How little you know. I hated her. Yes, hated! It is a very cruel word is it not?”

She fell away from him, her hand going automatically to her mouth at the fierce expression that crossed
his countenance, the passion that filled his voice. “But….” she stammered.

“Oh aye, I know,” he mocked
, “we presented as a very devoted couple. Who would not in the face of society? I admit that at first I thought myself madly in love with her. She fascinated me, but that infatuation was brought to an abrupt end. We were but a sennight into the honeymoon when I became aware of her true nature. I came to her with a small token of my love, a locket, a mere trifle, but one that had meaning to me and she threw it in my face … such a mere trinket with which I had presented her was beneath her notice. She saw not the sentiment and considered it an insult as she expected more from a man of my wealth. She declared she had married me for my rank and fortune alone.” He became slightly calmer and taking Caroline’s hand, led her once more to the couch, seating her there.

“She informed me that I had provided her with the wealth and standing she desired and
in return was prepared to act the dedicated wife in public. However, I must not look for her attentions in private. She would order her own life and I would be left to pursue mine. If I took mistresses I must be discreet as she, in turn, would be with her lovers. It would not do for us to bring the family name into disrepute … it would not suit her purpose.” He laughed harshly, confining his gaze to some distant point.

“I was congratulated on
winning her, where so many others had failed. Little did they know that it had been my fortune alone that had prompted her acceptance. They did not know the reality of our marriage, how she scorned me and all that was mine. Derided my devotion and attempts to win her affection. There were quirks to her nature that no one would believe and her fury became something to avoid at all costs. The servants were in constant fear of her and her petty cruelties. My life became insupportable.

“
I could not believe that I had been so easily duped as to be unable to see her true nature. I had been driven by infatuation, for now I realized that it was certainly not love. She took lovers. Oh yes, she was very discreet and no breath of scandal attached itself to her name. Eventually I could stand it no longer and took a commission under Roth’s command and so into Spain, but once more, the gods were against me and after only a twelve month I was wounded. I returned to England to find my wife two months with child.”

“Then Julia
….” Caroline expostulated sitting erect.

“
Exactly
, my dear! Julia is not my child, though she will never know it. I neither know nor care who her sire may be. I may not have fathered her, but she remains mine. I will have it no other way. When Elizabeth was confined, it was supposed by those in attendance that the babe came early, but of course, she did not. She was only a frail little thing, which added strength to the ruse, and I saw no reason to contradict their thinking. You said you wished you could lay claim to her as your own child—she is no more mine than yours, but she will remain
our
child.”

He was becoming slightly calmer now, his passion spent, and once more he took her hand. “When I entered Elizabeth’s room this morning, the years rolled back. I saw her sitting in that chair as she so often did and it came as a tremendous shock. In that instant, all the old feelings I had fought so long to repress flooded over me. I hope you will forgive my reaction. It was inexcusable. Perhaps now you will understand why I am unable to offer love. She has driven all such emotions from me. I cannot lay myself open to such sentiments again. I dare not. It would have been better should I have explained all to you before I asked you to marry me but, fool that I am, I did not think it necessary, I did not think the matter would arise. However, I was not aware of just how raw my emotions are
—how she could still, even now, reach out and taint my life. Such was my stupidity.”

Considerably shocked by his revelations, Caroline was unable to give any answer, only trying to reassure by returning the pressure of his fingers, having the desire to try to remove the cloud that marred his brow.

Hearing no censure from her lips, he smiled hesitantly. “I do believe that given time, we will do very well. We should put all this behind us and return to London for the remainder of the season. Start afresh. No shadows now. What say you, Caro? Victoria said there were too many years between us. Am I too old for you? Would you wish a younger man? A man free of his past?”

“I feel not the years,” she replied, smiling. “You suit me exactly and I have no wish for a younger man. Your past we will face together, it will dim in time, and now that it’s out in the open, we need not fear it.”

“You give me greater understanding than I deserve,” he said taking her fingers momentarily to his lips. “Tomorrow we will make the necessary arrangements to return to London. The east wing will be refurbished and all signs of Elizabeth will be removed from the house ready for our return. I have great hope for the future.”

Chapter
Five

Upon the conclusion of the play’s first act at the Drury Lane Theatre, Gerald Dent stood on the balcony overlooking the entrance hall, idly watching the latecomers. Two of the new arrivals caught his attention and he raised his quizzing glass the better to observe the couple’s progress through the crowd.

“I do believe my cousin appears well pleased with his new bride,” he exclaimed turning toward his companion.

“The chit is too naive for my liking,” Lord Massey replied. “Although I believe it is the mode to admire her at the moment, it will not last. She falls short of my idea of beauty—I know not where the attraction lies.”

Dent made a grimace. “You’re not alone in your dislike of her, or your dislike of my cousin.”

“So it would seem. There is certainly no love lost between us, and if I can entrust you with a confidence, he has also damned himself in Christina’s eyes. Now that she no longer enjoys his patronage, her resentment grows as he parades his young wife for all to see. You must know she held hopes in that direction herself, but he made it quite clear he would have none of her, said he had no desire to marry so it came as quite a shock when he took a bride.”

“I thought Christina enjoyed your protection?” queried Dent.

“She does my friend, but I enjoyed her company so much more when Waverly was footing the bill.”

Dent gave a shout of mirthless laughter, “Cuckolded him did you? How very well done! Very neat, if I may say so. ’Tis a pity you could not repeat your success with his new bride, that would certainly be poetic justice. If he found her to be unfaithful, the marriage would end, and he still without further issue!”

“But then, my dear Gerald, I need not go to such lengths,” sneered Massey, after a moment’s thought. “I believe we could approach the matter much more subtlety and more thoroughly. What would happen if, quite by accident of course, the wife were to meet the mistress? We could then leave the ladies to their own devices. The maximum result for the minimum of effort and there would be no suspicion that we had dealings in it. Perhaps a chance meeting could be arranged and, if I know ought of Christina, she will know exactly what to do.”

“I hadn’t thought you so devious, my dear friend,” stated Dent with some satisfaction. “It sounds an excellent plan. To lose one’s
wife in childbed is tragic—to lose a second through one’s mistress is downright thoughtless. One should pity the man—but then, one does not!”

Massey gave a humorless grin. “And he would not know I had a hand in both,” he mocked sotto voce.

Dent frowned. “I don’t understand your meaning.”

“It’s as well you don’t. I have a trump card to play
, should the need arise, but it would not do should I make you privy to it unnecessarily, but believe me, he will be quite devastated by the effects.”

“Keep your secrets,” Dent sneered. “It would be sufficient to see my dear cousin so served
—it would be pure greed to hope for more. I am quite content.”

*****

Climbing the stairs to the gallery, the earl and his wife joined Lord and Lady Stanton in their box, Lady Victoria pulling a chair forward so that Caroline should sit beside her. “You have missed the first act,” she reproved, smiling at the latecomers, “though I swear the plot becomes so tangled it matters not, even the players themselves are lost.”

“Then we need not stay,” teased the earl lightheartedly, holding his hand out to his wife and making to leave.

“If I have to suffer this damned play, then so shall you,” growled Lord Stanton from his chair by the door where he sat with arms folded, thoroughly bored by the proceedings.

“Have no fear, Henry, I will bear you company,” replied the earl, smiling. “I have no more liking for the stage than you
—I come but to please Caroline. When your invitation arrived she was eager to see the farce, though I know not why.”

“Shush!” admonished Lady Victoria as once more the curtains parted and the earl took his seat beside her disgruntled spouse.

Caroline sat forward the better to view the actors, totally absorbed in their antics, unaware that she was the object of scrutiny from an adjacent box. The plot was ridiculous but the errors proved most entertaining and she found the whole quite amusing.

“I am prodigiously glad you decided to return to London,” confided
Her Ladyship, patting Caroline’s hand as it rested on the rim of the box. “Now I shall have company when Henry decides to be dull and refuses to accompany me on such outings. We shall take Richard out of himself, he will not escape so easily now.”

“I won’t commit him to anything he has no liking for,” replied Caroline, smiling. “If he chooses not to accompany us, I will not push the issue.”

“Then you’re a very tolerant wife, my dear. Most men need a little push every now and again, it’s in their nature. You must not allow my brother too much leeway, he will come to expect it, and then where will you be?”

From his seat at the rear of the box, the earl gave a chuckle, saying, “Don’t be giving my wife instructions on how to manage he
r husband. We rub along quite nicely.”

“I believe that you do,” replied Lady Victoria, considering the point. “Far better than I would have suspected, though I would be pleased with anyone who was able to handle you.”

Becoming anxious at the turn of conversation, Caroline turned toward them. “It’s not my intention to handle anyone,” she said. “Richard is free to do whatever he wishes—I will not play the complaining wife.”

“You mustn’t tell him so,” reproved Lady Victoria. “To put such notions into a man’s head can lead to him taking all manner of liberties.”

“This conversation is leading nowhere,” stated the earl, repressing a smile. “Come Henry, we will seek refreshment whilst the ladies continue their tête-à-tête. We will not remain here to be the object of their amusement.”

Leaving the box both men retired to an ant
echamber grateful to be released from the farce and, ordering a bottle of burgundy, prepared to remain thus ensconced for the remainder of the play.

“Let them go, my dear,” said Lady Victoria seeing the anxious look that crossed her companion’s face. “We will fare far better without them
—they shall not mar our enjoyment.”

Obediently Caroline returned to watching the stage
, although her thoughts were with her husband. Since their return to London, there had existed a degree of ease between them and she had no desire to jeopardize this; their relationship was too new.

As the second act concluded and light refreshments were offered by the attending servants, Lady Victoria felt it necessary to tender more advice to her new sister-in-law. “You mustn’t allow Richard full sway on all matters, my dear,” she said quietly. “You must show some spirit or he will become bored. I know my brother and it would not do to be too compliant.” Then
, looking at her closely: “You love him don’t you?”

“Yes,” whispered Caroline dropping her eyes.

“Then bring him more to heel. Give him something to think about and take him out of himself….”