Hold On (2 page)

“Please tell me this is okay and that you’re sure about this. I’ve never wanted you
as badly as I do right now, but you need to be sure.” Julian breathes his words through
his kisses and I inhale them into my heart.

“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. I need this. I need you. Only you.”

The joy I see in Julian’s eyes when I say these words touches me in a way I can’t
describe. The way his fingers and mouth feel on my skin is indescribable as well.
His touch is soft, demanding, and reverent all at once. I feel it in my soul and it’s
perfect. As he lays me down on my bed, I begin to let go of all the fear and shame
I’ve been feeling and just hold on to him. I hold on to his love and his strength.

The whole time Julian is touching me, he’s whispering how beautiful and special I
am to him. The intensity of what’s happening between us is causing both of us to tremble
and as he touches almost every inch of my body with his mouth and hands, I’m convinced
he was put into my life to help heal me. The tears become impossible to stop and soon
they’re flowing steadily. Julian kisses them away. He props himself up on his elbow
and lies next to me.

“Are you okay, baby? Is this too much? I don’t want to stop, but I will if you need
me to.”

I look deep in his eyes when I respond. “I need you to keep touching me. I need you
to keep loving me.”

He wipes a tear away with his fingertip. “You’re crying.”

“I’m healing, Julian. You told me weeks ago to let you help me heal. You are, baby.
You are.”

I wrap my arms around his back and pull him on top of me. A small moan comes out of
him as he settles himself between my legs. Julian kisses me passionately and spreads
my legs with his knee. I feel his fingertips glide through the wetness on my sex and
although the sensation is exquisite, I really just want him inside me. I pull his
hand away and he looks at me with confusion in his eyes. “I just want you inside of
me.”

He gives me what I want and eases himself into me. His movements are slow, sensual,
and deliberate. They soothe me in a way that all of the other touching couldn’t. Julian
and I have been together like this many times now and each time it’s been great. He’s
by far the most skilled and considerate lover I’ve ever had. I even thought we had
“made love” before but I guess I was wrong, because it’s never felt like this. I understand
why too. I was guarded. I was scared. I was a lie. Things have changed. He knows all
of my secrets now. He knows me now and it’s simply different. Julian is a part of
me and for the first time in longer than I can remember, I feel complete. I could
tell him right now that I love him but I don’t say the words. He needs to hear me
say it independently of this moment and this drama. I’ll tell him I love him when
the words are pure and untainted by all of this pain. Right now, I’ll just show him.
We spend the next few hours in each other’s arms making love, talking, and holding
on to the light and warmth surrounding us.

At around eleven, I let reality back in. “If we keep this up, I’m going to be a mess
in the morning. I have a big day tomorrow and I need to sleep.”

Julian groans a little. “Okay, I’ll go and let you get a good night’s sleep.” He starts
to get out of bed but I grab him and pull him back down.

“I didn’t ask you to leave. I just asked that you stop making love to me so I can
go to sleep.”

A chuckle escapes from his mouth. “Okay, fair enough. I’ll agree to stop making love
to you if you do the same. I need sleep too.”

I take my hands off of him and put them at my sides. “I promise to keep my hands to
myself for the next eight hours.”

He rolls over and props himself on his side. “Good, because you’re all over me and
it’s really getting to be too much.” Julian is smiling and seems so relaxed and happy.
My heart swells when I look at him. I really think we’re going to be okay.

I get up to go brush my teeth. “Aren’t you the guy who claims to be able to go all
night? Puh-leez. You’re a pretender, Julian.”

Julian reaches up, grabs me around the waist with one arm, and pulls me back onto
the bed. He’s on top of me with his mouth on my breast before I can react. I feel
him harden and quickly remember what happened the last time I challenged him like
this. He’s definitely not one to back down. I should push him off to prove my point
but I can’t focus. He’s doing delicious things to my nipples with his hands and tongue,
and it feels so good. He nibbles, caresses, and licks me until I’m squirming beneath
him. I reach down and take him in my hand. His shaft is hard and hot and when I tighten
my grip, a deep moan escapes from his mouth. I’m minutes away from coming when he
stops, gets off the bed, and walks to the bathroom. I’m left staring at his perfect,
naked ass and can’t believe he just did that.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Julian looks over his shoulder and smiles sexily at
me before he goes into the bathroom. “I’m a lot of things, Alexa, but I’m no pretender.
I thought you would know better by now than to challenge me about my ability to satisfy
you. Maybe you need to be taught a lesson.”

He’s in the bathroom now with the door cracked and I hear the water turn on. I say
it loud enough so he hears me, “I’m questioning your ability to satisfy me at all.
That was mean!”

A mischievous laugh escapes from the bathroom and I can’t help but laugh too. I’m
not really mad but I’m still incredibly turned on. I decide to teach him a lesson
and demonstrate I can satisfy myself. I pull the pale, yellow sheet up so it’s covering
the right side of my body. My whole left side, breasts, and leg are exposed. I bend
my right knee, let my leg fall to the side and touch myself. I close my eyes and use
Julian as my muse. I imagine it’s his fingers sliding slowly up and down through my
wetness. I imagine it’s his fingertips putting just the right amount of pressure on
my clit to make it throb. I imagine it’s his strong hand caressing my breasts and
rolling my nipples between his fingers. With Julian’s face in my mind’s eye, I bring
myself closer and closer to the pleasure he just denied me. I’m brought out of my
fantasy by the most erotic moan I’ve ever heard come out of a man. I slowly open my
eyes and see Julian standing by the bathroom door, shaft in hand, stroking himself
steadily and firmly as he watches me pleasure myself. His eyes are blazing with desire
and his breathing is shallow and fast. He has never looked so sexy.

“Sí, Lexie. Sigue tocandote. Me encanta verte.” His voice is dripping with raw sensuality
and the fact he’s speaking to me in Spanish only turns me on more. As I listen to
Julian tell me to keep touching myself and how much he’s enjoying watching me, I find
the release I’m looking for. I come hard and when I do, I lock eyes with Julian and
call out his name. I don’t take my eyes off of him as he finds his own release and
comes with a matched intensity.

Damn that was hot.

Julian walks into the bathroom and I hear the water turn on again. I get up and join
him. We get ready for bed like nothing just happened. I wait for him to say something
but he just smiles at me and goes about his business. He finishes before me and when
I walk back into the bedroom, he’s already under the covers with the lights off. I
crawl in next to him and he pulls me close so we’re spooning. He whispers in my ear,
“You’re an amazing woman, Alexa. I’m not sure how you thought I was ever going to
be able to walk away from you.”

I flip over and face him. “You’re the amazing one and I’m not sure what I did to deserve
you. Thank you for not walking away. Thank you for staying.” I kiss him lightly on
the lips and flip over and snuggle in close. I lie awake for a while listening to
Julian’s breathing become slower and slower as he falls into a deep sleep. I think
about everything that’s happened in the last few weeks and how close I came to losing
this incredible man next to me. I make a solemn vow to myself that I’m going to do
whatever I need to do to make this happen. Then I drift off into a deep, peaceful
sleep.

Chapter Two

I’m in such a deep sleep, I don’t hear my alarm go off. It’s blaring the theme song
to Sex and the City over and over and I don’t stir. It’s not until Julian kisses me
that I begin to wake up. I slowly open my eyes and see him sitting next to me on the
bed. He’s showered and already dressed. I sit straight up and glance at my clock.
A big sigh of relief comes out. It’s only seven. I had set the alarm for six forty-five
so I’m not really late. I don’t have to be at work until nine, but I really don’t
know how long it’s going to take me at this time of day.

I put my arms over my head and stretch. “Well, good morning to you. Why are you out
of my bed already?” I lean up and try to pull him towards me.

He kisses me on the forehead, smiles, and sits up. “Good morning to you too. You have
to work today, remember?”

Ugh. Work, yes. I’d rather stay in bed with Julian. I swear I can’t get enough of
him. I resist my urge to seduce him. “How long will it take me to get down to South
Beach in the mornings?”

His eyes sweep over me and I catch the flash of desire in them. I’m naked and the
sheets have fallen away, leaving my breasts exposed. He looks away and tries to focus
on my face. “You should really leave by eight-fifteen at the latest. It should only
take you thirty minutes but you can’t be sure. Drive in with me this morning. I’ll
get you there on time.” He flashes me a big smile and it’s hard to say no. But I do.
“If I do that you’re going to have to bring me back here after work. That’s a huge
hassle for you.” I stretch again and I know he’s getting turned on. I love what I
can do to him.

He stands up and moves toward the door. “Stay at my house and it’s easy on everyone.
Or, take my Jeep back here tonight.” Julian has two cars and is offering me one so
I’ll agree to drive with him this morning.

“That seems like a whole lot of work just so I can drive with you.” I start to get
out of bed. I glance at him and he looks so disappointed. He’s always trying to make
me happy so I concede. “Okay. I’ll drive in with you today, but you’re going to have
to drive me home tonight.”

“Or you could stay the night at my place. Bring clothes with you for tomorrow, or
for a few days. It would help you make sure you were at work on time in the morning.”

If I didn’t think it was a crazy idea I’d swear Julian is trying to talk me into living
with him, at least during the week. “I’ll bring stuff for tomorrow but I have to come
back here Wednesday. I have my appointment with Ellen at six-thirty.” As I say this
I realize I may have to switch the time of my appointment. It may be hard getting
back to Coconut Grove by six-thirty. Damn. I’m really not a fan of change.

“Good. Now go get dressed so I can focus. I’ll make you coffee and breakfast. What
do you want?”

“You’re bossy this morning. But I’ll let it go because you’re offering to be my personal
servant. I don’t want breakfast, but coffee sounds great.”

I hear Julian laugh as he walks out of the room. I take a quick shower, blow-dry my
hair, and put my makeup on. I throw all my regular toiletries into a tote bag and
am in my closet by eight trying to figure out what to wear. I remember I also need
to pack for tomorrow. Ugh. Now I’m rushed. I slip into a sleeveless, black and white,
hound’s-tooth fit and flare dress with a skinny, patent leather belt. I dig a pair
of black, Pour La Victorie, patent leather hidden platform pumps out of a box and
put them on. I look through my closet for what I want to bring tomorrow and decide
on a white, fitted tank dress with a gray, geometric print pattern. It has a brown
leather belt built in and looks great with the nude, patent leather, ankle strap,
Michael Kors sandals I pair with it. I put the outfit and some matching jewelry into
my overnight bag. I also grab pajamas, underwear, and something to change into tonight.
I get into the kitchen at eight-seventeen. Julian hands me a travel mug with my coffee,
tells me how nice I look, and we’re out the door.

On the way down to South Beach we talk about the hotel and what’s going on with the
properties Julian was looking at on the West Coast a few weeks ago. As I listen to
him, I realize how self-absorbed I’ve been. There’s been a lot going on in his life
and I’ve been so focused on myself, I haven’t even bothered to ask anything about
him. I feel pretty shitty about this and it must show on my face.

“What’s wrong? You just zoned out on me for a minute and you look upset.”

I think about the promise I made to myself last night and answer honestly. “I’m just
thinking about how incredibly selfish I’ve been, since we met, really. Everything
is always about me. I don’t even ask you about your life.” I can’t stop rambling.
“I hardly know anything about your family. I don’t ask about work. I don’t ask about
your past. I’m sorry Julian. I swear I wasn’t always so self-centered.”

We’ve pulled up in front of The Promenade and Julian puts the car into park and turns
to me. He’s smiling. “I really can’t argue. The last few weeks have kind of been all
about you, but I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, Lexie. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

I lean over and kiss him. “You’re kind of perfect. Thanks for the ride. I’ll call
you later to talk about the after-work plan.”

Julian kisses me deeply, pulls back, and smiles at me. “Have a great day, mi amor.”
Mi amor? My love? That’s the first time he’s called me that. I love his nicknames
for me. I need to come up with something for him.

I flash him a big smile. “You too. And Julian, think about all the stuff you’re going
to tell me tonight. It’s going to be all about you.” As I walk toward the trailer
that will be my home until we open the building for sales, I hope the rest of my day
is as good as my morning has been.

Andrea is in the trailer waiting for me when I walk in a little before nine. She shows
me the small room I’ll be working out of for a few weeks and introduces me to the
other staff members. Lauren won’t be coming over until the building opens so right
now it’s me, Evelyn Clarke, the receptionist/office administrator, Jai Patel who is
the IT/all things technical guru, and Serena Orozco, the other sales person. Evelyn
is a spunky, petite, single mom in her forties. She’s from Jamaica and her friendly
accent and bright smile make me feel instantly welcome. I already know we’ll get along
great. I learn Jai, who is very tall with jet black hair, glasses and a goatee, is
originally from India and is finishing up his Master’s Degree at The University of
Miami. He assures me he can fix any computer problem I run into and says I can call
him day or night for help.

Then there’s Serena. Serena is a knockout with shoulder-length, wavy auburn hair,
dark brown eyes and legs that look great in her tight, black mini skirt and five-inch,
fake designer heels. She’s glaring at me so I’m having a hard time learning anything
else about her. I’m locked in a stare down with her when I hear Andrea say the word
Bywater, and it helps me snap out of my mental showdown.

“Serena worked for Bywater at the Bellavista for a few months before coming to us.
Serena, Alexa knows Julian and Danny.”

Aha. So this is about the Bauer brothers. I see the “tell” in Serena’s dark, brown
eyes when Andrea mentions Julian and Danny. I wonder which Bauer brother she “knows”.
I have to laugh at Andrea’s comment, “Alexa knows Julian and Danny”. How about, Alexa
is sleeping with Julian. I want to say it but maturity wins out. I let Serena show
her hand first.

“Yep. I saw Alexa getting out of Julian’s Jag this morning. I figured she knew him.”
She’s talking to Andrea like I’m not standing right there. I remind myself I’ll be
working with this woman and try to play nice. Andrea excuses herself for a minute
to answer a call that just came in on her cell.

“That was me. We drove in from my house this morning.” I say it as sweetly as I can
and the look on her face turns even more hostile.

“Do you know Julian well?” She also says it sweetly but I hear the nastiness seep
through.

“I hope so, he’s my boyfriend.” So there, what do you have to say about that? I’m
feeling so petty, but so good.

She shakes her head in disbelief and wrinkles her nose like she just smelled something
putrid. “Boyfriend? I find that hard to believe. If you guys were really together
I’d know about you. Alejandra, his ex-fiancé, is my best friend and I also dated Danny
for a long time. I’m very close to the family and I’ve never heard about you or seen
you before. Not to mention Julian doesn’t do the whole girlfriend thing. Not since
he and Alejandra broke up.”

My head starts spinning and I do everything I can to keep my composure. Shit! This
is so not good. I fucking hate when I have no idea what someone is talking about,
especially when it’s something I should know about. Ex-fiancé? This is the first time
I’ve heard this. Alejandra? Must be the woman who cheated on him. And seriously, that’s
her name? Alejandra shortened is Alex or something way too close to my name. Shit,
shit, shit! I need to play this off. “Well, you must not know Julian too well anymore
because I assure you I’m most definitely his girlfriend. Coincidentally, I haven’t
heard about you from Julian or Danny either.”

She’s unfazed. “And has Julian mentioned Alejandra? Because I know they saw each other
just last week. I think she’ll be surprised to hear Julian has a girlfriend.” She
says it like she thinks I’m delusional. This conversation has taken a very ugly turn.

I don’t have to answer because Andrea walks back in and starts talking business. I
have a feeling this conversation is far from over but I’m glad for the interruption.
I was on the battlefield with no weapons. Andrea and I walk out of the trailer toward
The Promenade. It’s obvious she overheard some of our conversation. “Sorry about that.
I forgot Serena has some history with the Bauer’s. I should’ve warned you. She’s a
great salesperson but she does have a strong personality.”

“It’s fine. To be honest, I’m getting used to it. Julian is pretty well-known with
the ladies and it seems everywhere I turn, one of them has something to say about
our relationship.”

Andrea stops and looks at me. “Your relationship? Are you two serious? I kind of figured
you were more than acquaintances when we ran into him that day. He looked at you like
he wanted to rip your clothes off but I didn’t know you were actually seeing each
other.”

I laugh at her assessment. “At that moment that is probably what he was thinking.
We had just started seeing each other then. You sound shocked we’re together.” I say
it like a question.

“Julian is known as a guy who doesn’t commit. That’s all. No offense.”

“None taken. Anyway, tell me about the building.” Andrea lets me change the subject.
We spend the next few hours walking the site, looking at blueprints, floor plans,
selection paperwork, and a portfolio full of pictures of what the property will look
like. We also sit down and discuss my compensation package. I knew I’d have the opportunity
to make more money but I had no idea I could possibly double my earnings. I’m extremely
happy about this. If I hadn’t met Serena, this would’ve been a perfect day.

I tell Andrea and Evelyn I’ll be stepping out for lunch and go grab a salad at a little
café a few blocks away. I catch my breath and think about the ambush by Serena. I’m
upset I don’t know anything about this woman who’s supposedly Julian’s ex-fiancé,
and I want to be mad at Julian about it but I can’t. Well I can, but I won’t let myself.
Over the course of our relationship he has tried to tell me things about his past
but I never wanted to hear anything. I’m sure this is one of those things. I know
what we will be talking about tonight. As I sit and eat my lunch I get a text from
him.

Julian:
Hey you. How’s it going?
Alexa:
Hey you. Good. Interesting. Educational
.
Julian:
Educational?
Alexa:
Oh yeah. Learned a lot this morning
.

I should stop right now but I can’t
not
say something.

Julian:
I hear the sarcasm in the text. What did you learn?
Alexa:
You hear the sarcasm in my text? Only you Julian.
Julian:
What did you learn?
Alexa:
I met Serena. She works with me. I’m thrilled
.

The phone rings and Julian’s face pops up on the screen. He’s smiling. Not for long
I’m sure.

“Hello. Did you want to hear the sarcasm for real?” I’m joking but he isn’t.

“And what did Serena and you talk about this morning, Alexa?”

Hmm. He called me Alexa. This is serious. “Before I answer that you need to stop being
so defensive. I’m not mad or upset with you at all. It’s my fault that I don’t know
shit about you. This is big shit, but still.”

“She told you about Alejandra?” He asks the question even though he knows the answer.

“Yes. And we can talk about it tonight. Add it to the list of things you’re going
to tell me.”

“You really aren’t mad? I have a hard time believing that.”

I understand why he feels like that. I haven’t handled anything to do with another
woman well. “No. I’m upset, but more with myself. I was serious this morning. I’m
really not such a selfish person.”

“I’ve wanted to tell you, Lexie. About her, about a lot of stuff.”

I sigh. “I know.” I don’t want to get into how I’ve refused to get to know him over
the last two months so I change the subject. “I’ll be off at six. You’ll still be
at the hotel right?”

“I’ll come pick you up. I’m going to leave early and make you dinner.”

The thought that I’m a total idiot for trying to break-up with him crosses my mind
before I respond. “You don’t have to cook for me, or pick me up. Don’t you need to
work?”

He laughs. “I have worked today. Perks of being the boss. I’ll see you at six.”

“Well then. I guess that’s that.” My smile is big. I love that he wants to take care
of me and this surprises me.