Hold On (5 page)

Details? He wants details? I thought I had bared my soul and he doesn’t think it was
enough.

“You think that was only the big picture? The things I told you were things I haven’t
shared with anyone else. My best friends and family don’t know what you know.”

“I know that, baby. I know it was a major deal to tell me what you did. But I’m just
worried if you don’t really talk about what happened, you won’t be able to move past
it.”

We’ve had a great night so I don’t want to fight or shut down but this conversation
is really throwing me off.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were asking me to tell you specifics about
that night.” I can’t say the word rape. I hate that word.

Julian squeezes my hand and smiles comfortingly. “I just want to make sure you really
are dealing with it. You don’t have to tell me anything else. I just want you to be
okay and I guess it’s hard for me believe you’re okay when a few days ago you weren’t.
Does that make sense?”

“Yes, it makes sense. I’m okay at the moment, but it could change tomorrow. That’s
my reality. I’m trying really hard to stay positive and you’re helping me with that.
You being here helps and you opening up to me helps. But, I have no idea what the
future will bring. I’ve been dealing with this for a year. Maybe not in the right
way, but I have come to terms with what happened.”

He sees I’m starting to get emotional and stops pushing. He wraps me in his arms and
holds me tightly. After a while he whispers in my ear, “I want this to work and I’m
just trying to do what I can to make it happen.”

God, I want that too. I can’t imagine my world without him in it. I’m so thankful
he didn’t leave me in charge. I would’ve screwed it all up. I should just be quiet
and go to sleep but something is still nagging me from earlier today.

“Can I ask you one more question?” I pull back slightly and wait for his reply.

He looks at me through hooded eyes. “Anything.”

“Please don’t get mad, I have to ask.” I pause and he waits. “I couldn’t help but
notice some similarities between your ex’s name and mine. Like when they’re shortened.
I had a friend named Alejandra in college and some people called her Alex. I know
you don’t call me Alex, well nobody does—”

“I never called her Alex, or anything close, and there are no similarities between
you two in any other way either. I don’t compare you to her. Please don’t bring her
into our relationship. She’s not welcome.”

“Okay. That works for me.”

I flip over and nestle into my space in his arms. He squeezes me once more and offers
me a little more before we fall asleep. “There isn’t anyone else like you, Lexie.
Not before and there won’t be anyone after. Everything starts with you, baby; it started
with you.”

I take a deep breath and exhale. Now that’s a bedtime story I’d like to hear over
and over.

Chapter Four

Things still seem good when I wake up in the morning. I shouldn’t be surprised, but
I am. On the heels of the conversation we had last night, I keep waiting for the other
shoe to drop. There’s no way the nightmare and panic attacks have just stopped and
for everything to be so good with Julian. Was it me holding it in that caused those
reactions? I’m not going to lie. Telling Julian about the rape and about what happened
with Brady did lift a huge weight off of my shoulders but I believe, like Julian does,
I’m not past anything. I still haven’t shared anything with my friends, my family,
or with Ellen, and it’s weighing heavily on me. I feel like I’m betraying them because
I told Julian and not them. I push those thoughts away and think about my present,
not my past or future. I just want to feel good for a stretch of time longer than
a few days.

Although we start the night in each other’s arms, we never end that way. Julian is
always out of bed before me. I’m cozy and warm and want to stay here all day. I decide
right then that one day in the not so distant future, I’m going to convince Julian
to stay in bed with me all day. Unfortunately, today isn’t the day. I walk to the
bathroom, put on my robe and brush my teeth. Then I go find my missing boyfriend.

Julian is in the kitchen and on the phone talking to someone at the hotel. I listen
to the conversation and ascertain he’s getting a morning recap. I wonder if he used
to get them in person and now, because I’m here in the mornings, he gets them over
the phone.

I run my hand over his ass and kiss his naked shoulder as I walk past him on the way
to the coffee pot. He’s in red running shorts and looks like he’s worked out already.
Our fitness habits are very different. I never get up in the morning to exercise.
I like to sleep too much. I’d rather run in the evening or take a yoga class. Julian
doesn’t seem to miss a morning and it shows.

He grabs me with his free arm and pulls me in close to him. He holds the phone with
his chin and shoulder and picks me up. He sets me on the countertop in front of him
and positions himself between my legs. Julian loosens the sash of my robe and I wrap
my legs around him and pull him as close as I can. His free hand is caressing my breast.
Julian is staring at me the whole time he’s talking and touching me and I have no
idea how in the world he can focus on work. I’m getting completely lost in his touch.
I lean over and put my mouth on his ear and bite gently.

I whisper seductively, “Get off the phone and finish what you’re starting here, Bauer.”
I punctuate my request by running my tongue across his earlobe and down his neck.
He tastes salty and it turns me on. Either he really is done talking or I’m more appealing,
because he hangs up just as my tongue finishes its first trip around his left nipple.
He looks down at me and moans. Then he looks at the clock and sees that it’s already
after eight. He moans again.

“We don’t have time for the all the things I want to do to you this morning, mi amor.”

I shrug my shoulders innocently. “You started this, Julian. I was just coming to get
some coffee.”

“I know. I can’t seem to keep my hands off of you. I’m fucking hard all the time.
I feel like a teenager.”

“Well, I for one have no problem with you being hard all the time. It’s working in
my favor. But, you’re right, we don’t have time to finish this properly. Plus, I’m
a little sore from last night. You kind of rocked my world.”

“Mmm. And you rocked mine.”

Julian kisses me sweetly on the lips and helps me off the counter. I’m okay with not
taking this any further this morning. I truly am a little sore from last night and
I need to get in the shower. Julian tells me to go first and I make my way toward
his room and start getting ready for work.

When Julian sees I’m done in the bathroom he heads in and gets ready. When he walks
out of his closet fifteen minutes later, he looks hot as usual in a white, tonal,
paisley, cotton button down that fits his muscular chest perfectly, dark jeans that
hug his legs and ass in all the right places and black, Ecco, slip-on loafers. He
doesn’t tuck the shirt in so he looks casual but not too causal. I can’t help but
stare. He really is stunning. He catches me ogling him and winks at me.

“I’m just another girl mesmerized by your good looks. Don’t let it go to your head.”

He walks by me on the way out of the door and kisses me on the forehead. “You aren’t
just another girl, Corazón. You’re my girl and I love that you can’t keep your eyes,
or your hands, off of me. I feel the same way about you.”

I just smile. Big. And I feel happy. I let myself feel happy.

When we get into his car, I pull my phone out of my purse. I have a few texts from
Marissa and Shannon, one from my sister, Jill, asking me to call her and one from
Lauren asking why I didn’t call last night. I respond on the short drive over.

Alexa:
Will be home tonight after work. Dinner?
Marissa:
Yes. 7?
Shannon:
I’m in. See you at home.

Alexa:
Sorry I didn’t call. With Julian. Will call at lunch
Lauren:
Ok, ttyl

Alexa:
Are you ok?
Jill:
Need to talk you. Can’t talk now. Call you tonight.
Alexa:
Ok.

I get a pensive look on my face and Julian asks if I’m okay.

“I’m kind of worried about my sister, Jill. She texted me at seven this morning which
isn’t normal and then said she needed to talk. Something is wrong.”

“I’m sure everything is okay. Maybe she just misses you.”

“Nice thought Julian but my family doesn’t work that way. We aren’t very touchy feely.”

Julian doesn’t have a chance to respond as we pull up to the trailer. I see Serena
standing near the door. It’s like she’s waiting for me.

“Oh yeah. Look who the welcoming committee is. Great. I’m already over her and it’s
only day two.”

“Don’t let it get to you. She’ll get bored if you don’t respond to her bullshit. Trust
me.”

“I’ll try but today isn’t a good day for her to fuck with me. I’m in a great mood
and don’t want her ruining it.”

Julian’s eyes open wide and he pulls me in for a kiss. “I’m the only one who gets
to fuck with you.”

He slides his tongue into my mouth and gives me a passionate kiss that sends chills
throughout my body. I know he did it for her but I don’t care.

When I get out of the car, Serena is still standing there and watching me. She’s on
the phone now and when I walk past her I hear, “Yes, I’m sure it was Julian. You might
want to call him.”

Geez. Really. Are we in high school? I give her my very fakest smile and breeze past
her into the trailer.

I follow Julian’s advice and do my best to stay away from Serena. I’m not sure what
her game is but she stays away from me too and only speaks to me if necessary. It
really isn’t a great way to start a working relationship, but for the moment I prefer
it.

Around eleven I get a text from Lauren.

Lauren:
Coming there. Andrea asked me to bring some marketing stuff. Lunch?
Alexa:
YES! See you soon
.

I’m happy she’s coming here. She isn’t going to be fond of Serena either and it’ll
be nice to have her on my side.

Because we won’t be showing anything to clients for another week or so, I don’t have
much to do. I’m bored. I send some emails, check out Facebook, and look through my
library on my phone for a song to send to Julian. After about thirty minutes I still
can’t come up with anything and stop looking. Lauren walks in five minutes later and
saves me from my boredom.

“Hey there, stranger.” I get up and give her a hug. I also introduce here to Evelyn
and Jai. Serena left twenty minutes ago so I get to skip that. We stay and chat for
a bit and I show her around the trailer. We decide to eat at the same café I ate at
yesterday.

“So how are things going with Julian?”

“Right now, great. I’m trying really hard not to mess it up. There are enough people
trying to do that for me.”

I don’t know if it’s because I’m feeling much more secure with our relationship, but
I feel like it’s okay to share a little more with Lauren about what happened with
Julian and me. We spend the next thirty minutes discussing Serena, Alejandra, Victoria,
and how I’ve dealt with it all. She nods, agrees with my take on the ex-files, and
says all the right and supportive things. I don’t bring up Luke. She does. “You haven’t
mentioned Luke once. I really don’t know what happened but I do know he isn’t working
for Julian anymore.”

I shake my head. Thinking about what went down still makes me feel nauseous. “Yeah,
he quit. There was just too much tension between those two. It wasn’t a good place
for Luke anymore.”

“Have you talked to him lately?” I guess she really doesn’t know what happened.

“No. We had a falling out and don’t see us talking for a while.”

She looks genuinely surprised. “Seriously? You guys are so close. I’m sure you’ll
work it out.”

I shake my head again. “No, not this time. This may be uncomfortable for you to hear
because of your history with Luke, but he finally decided to tell me how he felt about
me. He wanted to be more than friends. I chose Julian and things ended badly. We said
some really ugly things to each other.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. And please don’t feel uncomfortable talking to me about
it. We didn’t have a relationship. I was a booty call and I knew it. I also knew he
was in love with you. We all did. I guess I always thought he would put the friendship
first though.”

“Well, he didn’t and there’s no going back. It does suck though. I’m mad at him but
I miss him, if that makes sense.”

Lauren takes a sip of her drink. “Of course it does. You guys spent so many years
together. I understand and I’m sorry you’re sad about it. I’m sure Luke never wanted
to hurt you.”

If she only knew. I let the conversation die there and we spend the rest of lunch
talking about her and a guy she met recently at the gym. I’m happy to focus on her.
We get to the office at one-thirty and Serena is back. I wish there was a way to avoid
introducing them but Lauren will be working here in a few weeks so there’s no way
around it, especially since Serena is standing right in the middle of the trailer
when we walk in.

I dig deep and pull out my professional smile. “Serena, this is Lauren. She works
at The Towers and will be joining us in the next few weeks.”

Lauren smiles and extends her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Serena. I’m looking forward
to working down here. From what I’ve seen of the building, these units are going to
be easy to sell.”

I wait to see if Serena is going to be bitchy to Lauren because she knows we’ve been
working together and probably assumes we’re friends.

Serena returns the smile, shakes her hand, and replies. “It’s so nice to meet you
Lauren. I’ve heard nothing but great things about you from Andrea. I heard you kicked
ass at The Towers. It’s going to be great working with someone like you.”

I swear I get a cavity from the sugary-sweet fakeness coming out of her mouth. When
she spoke to me it was with venom. What a phony. I look at Lauren to see if she’s
buying it. I have to stifle my laugh when she responds. “Oh, that’s so sweet Serena,
but you must have misheard Andrea. It was Lexie who really kicked ass at The Towers.
She outsold all of us there. Actually, she’s in the company-wide top ten for sales
this past year. You should be happy to be working with her. I’ve learned so much from
her and I’m sure you will too.” Lauren turns to me and winks slyly. I owe her big
time.

Serena doesn’t know what to say so she just turns on her fake heels and slinks away.
I walk Lauren outside and finally get to laugh.

“Damn, Lexie, you weren’t kidding. How ridiculous was that?”

I give her a hug. “I owe you, girl. Hurry and get over here. It’s like being in a
shark tank.”

We say our goodbyes, promise to get together for drinks soon, and both head back to
work. I hurry to my little cubicle and try to avoid Serena. She stays away so it’s
not hard. I still have a few hours until Julian picks me up and not much to do. I
check my emails and texts and nothing. I call my sister, Jill, and leave a message
when she doesn’t answer. I can’t help but wonder what she wants to talk about. We
get along well, but we really don’t share personal stuff. She was the one who encouraged
me to get help after Brady died and I want to be there for her if she’s reaching out.

I’m so bored, I decide to text Julian even though he’s coming to get me in a few hours.

Alexa:
Hey you. Hope you’re having a good day
.

He responds immediately. I love that.

Julian:
Better now. How’s your day going?
Julian:
In a meeting but can text
Alexa:
Good. Had lunch with Lauren. Minimal Serena.

I don’t know what comes over me but all of a sudden I feel like being naughty.

Alexa:
You looked hot this morning. Been thinking about your ass in those jeans all day.
Julian:
Hmm. Really. I think about your ass all the time. But naked. Pun intended.

Geez. How quickly I forget who I’m dealing with. He’s a pro at provocative sexual
banter.

Alexa:
Ok, I’m busted. I really was thinking about your naked ass too. You know it’s perfect,
right?
Julian:
I’m blushing. And hard
.
Alexa:
You’re hard? Imagine that.
Julian:
Complaining?
Alexa:
Yes
Julian:
You’d prefer I wasn’t hard?
Alexa:
I’d prefer to be able to take advantage of your hardness. Right now. With my mouth.
Julian:
Fuck, Alexa. You just made me moan out loud. The thought of your mouth on my dick…
Alexa:
Am I supposed to fill in the blanks?
Julian:
Yes
Alexa:
Makes you so horny you may need to excuse yourself and go take care of it in the bathroom?