Hold On (6 page)

I wait a few minutes and he doesn’t reply.

Alexa:
In the bathroom jerking off?
Julian:
Haha. I wish. No. Trying to focus on an employee giving a report on what’s happening
at the hotel this week. I’m fucking hard as a rock and distracted now. You’re a bad
girl.
Alexa:
I’m so sorry to have bothered you. We can talk about this later.
Julian:
Your mouth will be too busy doing other things to talk. See you at 6.
Alexa: :-)

That was fun. It made me a little horny too. Six can’t come fast enough.

Julian picks me up at six and we swing by a Greek restaurant to pick up dinner. I
order a salad and some hummus I can eat later. I want to run on the beach tonight
and ask Julian to join me. I know he already worked out this morning but I’m not surprised
when he agrees. We put the food in the refrigerator and change into workout clothes.
I’m wearing a melon-colored, racer-back tank and black shorts and Julian is in white
athletic shorts and nothing else. I know I’ll be distracted when I run next to him.
I love watching his body move.

By the time we get out to the beach it’s after seven and a bit cooler. There’s a slight
breeze coming off the ocean and I know I’m going to enjoy running here. As I stretch
and look at the waves, I think about how much better I feel when I’m near the water
and remind myself to make it a priority to come here.

We decide to run five miles and, as he did before, Julian lets me set the pace and
matches my stride. I’m sure he really runs faster than I do and I appreciate him being
a good sport. We don’t talk when we run but every so often we glance at each other
and smile. The exercise feels good and the company feels right.

By the time we get back to the Bellavista, it’s a little after eight. As we’re getting
into the elevator Julian tells me he has some work he needs to do tonight.

“You’re going back to the hotel?” I’m surprised he didn’t mention it earlier.

He smiles when he hears the hint of disappointment in my voice. “No. I brought everything
I need home.”

I smile at him playfully. “So, you’re basically just letting me know I need to keep
my hands to myself tonight so you can get something done?”

Julian steps to the side and lets me walk out of the elevator first. His return smile
is playful too. “I didn’t say I had to work all night, mi amor.”

He opens the front door and lets me in. As I walk past him I respond over my shoulder.
“Julian, we don’t have to have sex every day. I can restrain myself if you can.”

He grabs me from behind and pushes me up against the wall. His skin is slick with
sweat and I can feel the heat coming off his body.

“I’m a big fan of everyday sex. And like I said, I didn’t say I needed to work all
night. I just need to do it first so it gets done. You’re very distracting and once
I sink into you, I never want to stop.” He kisses me gently on the lips and backs
away.

Mmm. I know the feeling. “Well, okay then. I’ll try to be as undistracting as possible.
I’m going to take a shower, alone, and then eat. Just pretend I’m not here.” I give
him a quick peck and head to his shower after he tells me he will take one in the
other bathroom. I take my time, shave my legs, and enjoy his luxury shower. I change
into a pink and white striped, tank nightie, blowout my hair, and head to the kitchen.
It’s close to nine now and I’m starving. As I walk by the living room, I see Julian
sitting on the couch with his laptop open in front of him. He’s on the phone talking
about numbers and projections and permits.

I grab a People magazine out of my purse and sit at the island and eat my dinner.
As I sit there by myself, I’m kind of amazed at how at home I feel. Of course I’d
rather be snuggling, or something, with Julian, but I really am comfortable here now.
I finish eating quickly and remember I told Jill I’d call her tonight. I grab my phone
out of my purse and see she’s already called me. So has my mom and so has Marissa.
I don’t want to interrupt Julian so I walk back toward his room. I glance at him as
I walk by and he motions for me to come over. I walk to the couch and stand in front
of him. He grabs my nightie and pulls me down for a quick kiss. It’s a sweet gesture
and it makes me smile. He goes right back to his conversation and I close the door
to his bedroom so he won’t be disturbed.

I call my mom first and check in. After a few minutes of asking how I am she gets
to what’s obviously the reason for the call and asks me if I’ve talked to Jill lately.
She tells me Jill has been ignoring her calls for the last week and she’s worried
about her. I don’t tell her Jill called me this morning and try to reassure her everything
is okay. But the truth is, I’m a little worried now too. I cut the call short so I
can call Jill back. Before I do though, I send a quick text to Marissa and Shannon.

Alexa:
At Julian’s. I’ll be home tomorrow night.
Marissa:
k. Jill called looking for you. Sounded upset.
Alexa:
I’m calling her now. Thnx
Shannon:
See you tomorrow.

Okay, now I’m really worried and as I dial Jill’s cell number my heart is racing.
She answers on the first ring and I can tell she’s been crying, or is crying. I get
under the blankets in Julian’s bed and prepare myself for what I’m sure is going to
be bad news.

“Hey, Jill. Sorry I didn’t call earlier. It’s been a busy day. What’s going on? Marissa
said you were looking for me and mom called me asking if I knew what was going on
with you.”

I hear her sniffling and I feel bad for her. Jill isn’t a crier. “Sorry to bother
you, Lex. I just don’t have anyone else to talk to about this.”

“You’re not bothering me, Jill. What’s wrong?”

For the next hour I listen, between sobs, to Jill tell me she just found out a few
days ago her husband, Derek, has been having an affair with an old high school girlfriend
for two months. Apparently Jill found sexually explicit text messages on his phone
and he admitted to the affair when she confronted him. She also tells me they’ve been
trying to get pregnant for about a year and they found out a few months ago that Derek
was reproductively challenged. She explains how badly he took the news and that he
hasn’t been open to talking about fertility treatments or adoption.

My heart breaks for her as I listen to what she’s been going through. I know this
is a big deal for her to share this with me and I know why she feels she can talk
to me. My life has been full of drama and after Brady died, I was unable to hide it
from my family. I’m the Reed with the issues. I remember how supportive Jill was after
Brady died and I instantly feel remorseful that I didn’t use that event as a means
of becoming closer to my sister. She reached out to me then and after the initial
month or so, I retreated and didn’t feel the need to share with my family anymore.
I regret that now as I listen to her sob. She obviously needs the same support she
offered me.

“I’m no therapist, Jill, but maybe the affair is a result of Derek not feeling like
a man because of the whole infertility thing. You guys seemed happy and I know he
loves you.”

“Does it really matter? I don’t care why he did it. He did it, and he can’t undo it.
I’m not sure I can stay married to him.”

“And how does he feel about the whole thing. Is he still seeing her?”

As Jill recounts the story of when she confronted him and how Derek swore he ended
the affair and how he’d do anything to work it out, Julian comes into the room. He
sees I’m on the phone and points to the door asking if he should leave. I shake my
head no. It’s his room after all. He heads to the bathroom and I hear the water in
the sink turn on. After a few minutes he comes back out and gets into bed next to
me. He lies on his side and stares at me as I finish my conversation.

“Jill, I know you’re hurt but you guys have been together for a long time and I know
you love him. Give it some time before you make any rash decisions.”

As I say the words, the irony isn’t lost on me. I’m not sure I’d feel any different
than she does but I say it because they do have a long history together and I truly
believe they really love each other.

I tell her I love her and that I’m here to listen whenever she needs me. She tells
me she’s going to take a few days off work and come home for my birthday next week.
I’m glad to hear it and make sure she knows I’ll make time for her. As we’re about
to hang up she has a request.

“Lex, please don’t say anything to Mom, Dad, or Tracy. You know how they are. Mom
will freak out about the baby thing and Tracy will lecture me on how I need to take
better care of my husband. I don’t want to hear it.”

I can’t help but laugh a little. “I won’t say a word, Jill. And you came to the right
Reed. I’m a pro at dealing with imperfection and drama. My life is full of it.”

Jill chuckles softly and I feel a little better she’s getting off of the phone with
a smile instead of tears. We say our goodbyes and when I hang up, I turn to Julian.
After a moment he starts talking. “Do you want to talk about it?” I appreciate that
he asks and doesn’t assume I want to share. He knows me well.

I lie down next to him and tell him what Jill just told me. He listens and doesn’t
offer any opinions. I appreciate that too. He doesn’t know the players in this game
and it’s hard to pass judgment on something you don’t know anything about.

“So you have nothing to say about any of this?” I’ve been talking for twenty minutes
and he hasn’t said a word. I figure he will offer an opinion about the cheating now
that I’ve asked, but he doesn’t. His question surprises me and of course, makes me
uncomfortable.

“How do you feel about having kids? Would you adopt if you couldn’t have a baby on
your own?” He’s staring intently at me and it’s a little unnerving.

“How do I feel about kids, as in, do I want them?” My body is a little tense.

“Yes.”

“Yes, I want kids, someday. Not anytime soon though. And I’m not sure how I feel about
adopting. I haven’t ever really thought about it. I’d like to think I’m the type of
person who could raise a child who isn’t biologically mine, but I really don’t know
how I’d feel if I wasn’t able to get pregnant.”

“Good to know.”

“Good to know? Which part is good to know?”

“That you want to have kids someday.” He takes a deep breath and I know he’s about
to say something deep. Something he knows might freak me out.

“I know this might freak you out, but I want a future with you, and in that future
I see kids, someday.”

“I’m only a little freaked out. You know I have a hard time keeping my present all
together. Talking about the distant future overwhelms me a little.”

“I know it does, baby. So we don’t have to talk about it anymore. I just wanted to
know if we were on the same page and I think we are.”

I smile; I don’t want to delve into this subject anymore tonight.

I roll over and look at the clock and see it’s already past eleven. I’m tired and
all of this baby talk has kind of made me not want to do anything that could make
that a reality. I stay facing away from Julian and snuggle up to him so we’re spooning.
He seems to have no problem with us finishing the day without having sex. He wraps
his arms around me and places his hand, with his fingers splayed, on the center of
my belly. Hmm. He does this all the time but for some reason it feels like it’s a
deliberate move, as if he’s imagining a baby being in there. I grasp his hand, thread
my fingers through his, and move his hand to my hip. He lets out a hushed sigh I barely
catch.

Geez. A baby … come on? He can’t really be thinking about us having a baby can he?
He does his mind-reader thing and answers the question I didn’t verbalize.

“We’d have beautiful babies.”

I squeeze his hand and try to stop the conversation right here. “Yes we would, Julian.
Goodnight.”

He sighs again. “Goodnight, Lexie. Sweet dreams.”

Chapter Five

When I open my eyes, I see Julian leaning over me. He’s shaking me gently. It takes
me a minute to figure out where I am. I usually come out of these dreams panicked,
but right now I feel oddly calm.

“Lexie, you’re having a nightmare. Wake up, baby. I’m here.”

I shake the cobwebs off and focus on Julian. “I’m okay. I don’t think I was having
a nightmare.”

“You were tossing and turning and talking.”

Great. What was I saying now? I open my eyes wider and look at him. “I really don’t
remember anything. What was I saying?”

“You kept repeating you were sorry and that if you would’ve known, things would’ve
been different. You kept saying you didn’t know, you didn’t know.”

Yeah, I didn’t know these damn dreams, or nightmares, would never freaking end.

“Julian, I really have no idea what I was dreaming about. I usually do but this time
I’m blank. I don’t even feel like I was dreaming which isn’t normal either. I’m sorry
I woke you up. Do you want me to go sleep somewhere else?” I know he’s going to say
no to that, but it’s a serious offer. I feel bad I keep waking him up.

He lies down and pulls me closer. He doesn’t address my offer or my denial that I
know what I was dreaming about, but I can hear in his voice that he doesn’t really
believe me. All he says is, “Let’s go back to sleep.”

I whisper, “Okay.” I don’t want to get into a discussion about this at three in the
morning either but I have a feeling we’ll be talking about this later.

Julian doesn’t say a word about my dream/nightmare last night so I don’t bring it
up. He’s acting normal but I sense he isn’t saying something he wants to. I wonder
if I said more than he told me. We both get ready for work in what already feels like
a normal routine. When I get my stuff together to bring home with me, he seems annoyed
and looks at my overnight bag with disdain.

“What’s wrong? And don’t say nothing. It’s obvious you aren’t saying something you
want to.”

“Nothing is wrong, Alexa.”

“Then why are you calling me, Alexa?”

He smirks and answers a little sarcastically. “Because that’s your name.”

“Uh huh. I know that. I also know you only call me that when something is wrong. Did
you know that?”

He shakes his head. “I’m not sure that’s true, but nothing is wrong. I have a busy
couple of days ahead of me. I’m tired and I have to go back to Naples tomorrow or
Friday.”

Um, okay. Nice to know. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going out of town?”

“Because last time I went out of town you tried to break-up with me.”

I shrug. “Fair enough, but that’s not going to happen this time. Julian, don’t let
my crap get in the way of your work. I don’t need that pressure too.” I put my things
into my bag.

“Pressure? What pressure are you feeling today, Lexie?”

“You’re tired, which is my fault, and obviously something is bothering you. I’m sure
it has to do with me having a nightmare. I cause all kinds of drama in your personal
life and I don’t want to cause it in your professional life as well.”

“Lexie, you’re not causing any problems in my professional life. I’m sorry I made
you think that.” Once he starts talking all his thoughts come out in a rush. “I’m
not looking forward to this trip. It’s me and my dad again, and I’m never sure what
I’m going to get. We’re getting closer to signing these deals and it’s stressing me
out. I was able to keep myself out of major Bywater business while I was doing all
of the renovations on the hotel, but now I’m being sucked back in. If I don’t get
involved it all ends up on Danny’s shoulders. He’s not ready to make all these decisions
and he doesn’t deal with my dad the way I do. I am tired because, yes, I haven’t slept
great lately. That’s not all your fault either. I’ve been trying to juggle a lot of
balls and it’s keeping me up at night.” He takes a deep breath and continues. “I want
you here with me. It makes me sleep better, which, if I’m being honest, is why I’m
not in a great mood this morning. You’re going home tonight and I’ll be out of town
for a few days.”

I drop my bag on the ground and give him a hug. “It’s really not possible to be all
things to everyone. You really aren’t responsible for making the world run.” I laugh
a little. “I have no doubt you could, but it’s a big burden.”

“Trust me, Corazón, I wish I could just say fuck it to a lot of things, but I can’t.
I have a lot of people counting on me.”

I kiss him softly. “I just hate to see you so tense. You know you can talk to me about
this stuff, right? I know it might not seem like it, but I’m a pretty good listener.”

He kisses me back a little deeper. “I know and I will. But right now, we need to go.”

I squeeze him again, pick up my bag, and try not to be offended that he really doesn’t
share his “business” with me. He’s very open about how he feels about me, but not
so much when it comes to the rest of his life.

Julian drops me off in front of the building, gives me a kiss, and tells me he’ll
be back to pick me up at five-thirty to take me to my appointment. When he sees the
frown on my face he asks if the time doesn’t work.

“The time is fine. I told you the other day though, I feel bad you’re driving me all
over the place. If we leave then, you will have to wait for me. It’s lame.”

Julian shakes his head at my choice of words. “It’s not lame and we could solve all
of this if we didn’t go back and forth.”

I get his implication. He really thinks I should move in. He’s crazy.

I take a deep breath and tilt my head to the side. “Julian, really? You think we’re
anywhere near a place where we should be talking about living together?”

He starts to open his mouth and I cut him off. “On second thought, don’t answer that.
We’ll only get into an argument and I have to be in a good mood to deal with Serena.”
I lean in to kiss him again and he holds me to him.

“Yes.” As in yes, he thinks we should be talking about this? I pull away and open
the car door before he says more. “See you later, handsome.”

I hear him chuckle and mutter under his breath. “Va a pasar, Lexie.” It’s going to
happen.

Work is fine. I can’t wait until we officially open in a little over two weeks. I’m
bored here and because there isn’t much to do, I’m constantly in danger of being near
Serena. She brings out the worst in me. Thankfully she isn’t in the mood to get into
any conversations with me today and stays away.

I’m surfing the internet, looking at shoes, when Evelyn comes in and drops something
on my desk. I pick it up, read it, and see it’s an invitation/announcement for the
grand opening of The Promenade in two weeks. It’s on a Friday night and by the looks
of the card, it’s a swanky affair. I didn’t know anything about it. I started working
at The Towers after the opening and this is the first new property I’ve been at.

“Thanks Evelyn. I didn’t know this was happening. It looks like a big deal. I’m assuming
we all go?”

“Yes, we all go and it’s a big deal. Over two hundred people are invited.”

“Who goes?” Evelyn has been with the company for years and I’m sure she has been to
other events like this.

“Real estate people, potential clients, the big spending ones, and other property
development people. Your man is invited.”

“Julian?” I’m surprised by this; he’s the competition.

“Yes, Julian. Other companies send people. They like to see the competition.” Evelyn
walks out of my little office and I read the card again. I’m sure I’ll pretty much
be working but it sounds like a good party. I get a little nervous when I think about
Julian being there. We don’t mix business with personal so I’m not sure how I feel
about him going. I decide not to bring it up and hope this isn’t his thing.

Around two, I get a call from him.

“Hey you.”

“Hey you, what’s up?”

“How’s your day going?”

“Okay. Boring. I can’t wait until we open. There really isn’t anything for me to do
here.”

“Enjoy the quiet. In a few weeks you’ll be so busy you won’t have time to breathe.
And speaking of the opening, were you planning on inviting me as your date?”

I should’ve known he’d know about this before me. He knows everything first. “I just
got the invite an hour ago. I didn’t know anything about it. You want to go?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

“I think I have to basically work. I’m not sure it’ll be much fun for you.”

“Are you trying to convince me not to come, because it kind of sounds like that?”

“I don’t know, maybe. I just know we haven’t really been out in the business world
together, so to speak, and unless you plan on ignoring me there, it might be obvious
we’re together.”

There’s silence on the other end. After a minute I make sure he’s still there. “Hello?”

“Alexa, am I completely clueless here?”

Alexa. On purpose. Crap. “What do you mean?”

“We are together as far as I know. I didn’t know we were hiding it and I’m actually
offended you would even think twice about going together. It’s a huge party, we throw
them too, and a lot of my business associates will be there. It’s my world too. I
got the invite today as well and I was excited at the thought of going together. As
usual, we aren’t on the same page.”

Shit, he has this all wrong. “Julian, this isn’t about how I feel about going with
you. It’s about how you feel. You keep things separate. It’s like work is on one side
and I’m on the other. I didn’t want you to have to answer questions about who I am.”
Once I start all my insecurities come out in a rush. “It’ll be the topic of conversation.
Everyone will want to know who you’re with and why you’re with me. Julian the serial
bachelor, he doesn’t do relationships¾blah, blah, blah. I wonder how long he’s been
fucking her¾blah, blah, blah.” I can’t stop rambling. “And if you introduced me as
your friend or just as a date, it would hurt my feelings and then I’d say or do something
stupid and ruin the whole night. And I can’t ruin the night because it’s my job to
be in a good mood.” I exhale at the end of the last word. Phew.

I hear Julian chuckle. “Are you done, mi amor?”

“I guess.”

“I don’t know whether to laugh or get mad at you.”

“Can I choose? Because I choose laugh. Always laugh.”

That makes him laugh. “Lexie, you’re my girlfriend and I have no problem telling the
world that. Actually, I think it’s time the world knows you’re mine. I’d never say
you were just my date or just my friend. And as far as anyone talking about you and
fucking in the same breath, that’s not happening. Nobody gets to have that visual
but me. So, if we’re back on the same page, we can move on to the real reason I called.”

His answer melts my heart a little. I love that Julian is a little possessive and
a little macho when it comes to me. It’s usually very subtle and I’m not sure everyone
sees it, but I do, and I love that he wants the world to know I’m his.

“We’re clear. No need to discuss it anymore. What’s the other reason you called?”

“I wanted to make sure you were in the office because I wanted to come and drop the
keys to my Jeep off. It looks like we’re leaving for Naples today. We’re actually
going to fly up; the other investors want to do dinner tonight. I agreed because it
means I’ll be back Friday instead of Saturday. We can spend the weekend together.”

That’s good news and bad news. I didn’t let on earlier but I don’t like the idea of
Julian going away. I can’t help but think about last time he went on a business trip
and didn’t call me for five days. This is a much shorter trip and I think we’re in
a better place, but I like him close by. I really don’t want to take his Jeep either
but I know if I make a big deal he’ll get upset. So, I put on my big girl panties
and say the right things. “I’m here so you can drop them off or I can get them from
the front desk if that’s easier.”

“I’d rather drop them off. That way I can kiss you goodbye.”

“That sounds good to me. I’ll see you when you get here.”

Not fifteen minutes later, Julian is walking into my little office. “I sure hope they
give you a better place to work in the building. If you were working for us, I’d never
stick you in this little corner.” My mind flashes back to the first night we were
together when he made the “nobody puts baby in the corner” comment to me. I can’t
help but smile.

He walks around my desk and kisses me on the cheek. I know he knows this is temporary
but he never misses an opportunity to comment on the fact I work for the competition.

“We don’t all get the corner office with a view. Some of us aren’t as important as
others.” I’m totally kidding, but Julian doesn’t think I’m funny.

“I hope they know what they have in you. Any time you want a corner office with a
view, let me know.”

I can tell he’s a little on edge. I figure it has something to do with his dad. “Are
you okay? You seem really tense.”

“I’m good.” He takes the keys out of his pocket and sets them on the desk in front
of me and sits down in the other chair. “I wasn’t planning on doing this today. I
have a shit-load of things to do at the hotel and I had plans with you.”

“Are you meeting your dad there?”

He nods and a sulky look crosses his face. “At the airport, in an hour and a half.
I need to go home and grab some clothes. Any chance you can come with me?”

I smile and chuckle. “You’re in a hurry and you want me to come with you? You’d end
up being late. Just go already so you can come back.”

I stand up and walk around the desk. I shut the door behind him. He raises his eyebrows
and gives me a sexy smile; his mood brightens by what he thinks may be a little fooling
around. I set him straight. “Uh uh, Bauer. Just wanted a hug. I also want to tell
you everything is good. I’m good. We’re good. Go do your stuff and hurry back.”

Julian takes me in his arms and pulls me close. “Thank you.”