Holding a Tender Heart (40 page)

Verna stared across the open field. “I sure hope Minister Kanagy will soften his heart. I couldn't bear it if my last memories of Joe's time as a free man are memories of us being apart.”

“It sounds like you're accepting the fact that he may go to jail.”

Verna shrugged. “I might as well. If I pose it that way to Minister Kanagy, it might be the only thing that will change his mind.”

Debbie looked away. “That seems a little hard-hearted for Minister Kanagy's part, but who am I to judge?”

“Oh, Debbie!” Verna grabbed her hand. “Please don't allow bitterness into your heart.
Daett
and the other ministers have their responsibilities. They have more important things to look after than Joe and me.”

“The sacrifice of the individual for the greater cause?” Debbie didn't look at Verna. “I suppose it's noble, but I've never seen this practiced anywhere else but in textbooks. Modern American life has pretty much lost that quality. Well, don't worry about me, Verna. I'm learning. From you. From the others. It's painful and a little hard to follow at times, but I'm still with you.”

Verna managed a weak laugh. “Debbie, I'm glad you're with me, but when we get there, I'd rather speak with Minister Kanagy and his
frau
alone.”

Debbie nodded. “I'll stay with Buttercup. I'm here to support you, Verna. And you'll tell me all about it anyway. At least what you can.”

“You're such a dear!” Verna slapped the reins and urged Buttercup on. “I'll never be able to pay you back.”

“There
is
a way you can repay me,” Debbie said, her voice low.

Verna's head turned sharply in her direction. “What is it?”

Debbie gave a little laugh. “It's about Alvin Knepp. I wouldn't mind a little attention from him instead of Paul Wagler.”

“It didn't help that you went out to dinner with Paul.” Verna paused. “Oh, but you did that for me. Sorry.”

“You see, it does get complicated.”

“
Yah
.” Verna slowed down as they approached an intersection.

“What would
you
do about Alvin?”

Verna gave Debbie a long look. “I don't see why Alvin wouldn't
jump at the chance to have your attention. I guess you just need to give him some time.”

Debbie winced. “I'm afraid he's insecure.”

Verna shook the reins. “He probably is. He doesn't come up to Paul's standards, that's for sure.”

“See, that's what I mean. Nobody but me sees any value in the man.”

“Mildred Schrock used to.”

Debbie groaned. “Great, that's just what I need—competition. Who is she?”

“It's a long story. Didn't Lois mention her to you?”

“She did, but she didn't offer any details. Surely it's not more tragedy?”

“
Nee
, they were school sweethearts—though they never really dated. Mildred hasn't shown Alvin any attention since their schooldays. It kind of broke his heart, I think.”

Debbie sighed. “Maybe I can help fix it then since apparently no other girl's willing.”

“You can try, I guess,” Verna said. “And I'll help out if I can.” Verna's heart quickened as Minister Kanagy's place came into view ahead of them. “We're almost there,” she whispered. “Now I've forgotten what to say.”

Debbie's voice was firm. “You're going to march in there and state your case. That's what you're going to do.”

Verna groaned. “That's easy for you to say. You're an
Englisha
girl. I'm Amish at heart and used to submitting.”

Debbie touched Verna's arm. “You'll be okay. Just think about Joe and say your piece kindly.”

Verna turned into the driveway and pulled to a stop at the end of the walk. “I'm getting off here.” She handed Debbie the lines. “You can wait by the fence or at the hitching post.”

“I'll take the hitching post. It's closer to the house—in case I have to come carry you out.”

“That's not funny!” Verna said, as she climbed down, but she was smiling a bit. At least someone saw humor in this situation.

Verna took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Minister Kanagy answered, one hand stuck in a pants pocket. A toothpick hung from the side of his mouth. Obviously he'd just finished supper. Perhaps he would be in a nice mood.

The words came out of Verna's mouth in a squeak. “
Gut
evening. May I speak a few words with you? And Barbara, of course.”

He didn't say anything but swung the door open. The toothpick fell to the floor. His foot shoved it under the rug. Verna stepped inside, and Barbara bustled out of the kitchen wiping her hands on her apron.

“Well, well, Verna! What a pleasant surprise. Did I see someone else in your buggy?”

“
Yah
, that's Debbie. But I wanted her to wait for me with the buggy.”

“Of course. We understand,” Barbara said. She gave Minister Kanagy a quick glance and he shrugged. “Do come in and sit down, Verna,” Barbara continued. “Can I get you something? Apple cider perhaps? The girls can get some from the basement right quick.”

Two young faces peered at Verna from the kitchen opening. She waved at them before she answered. “I've just had supper. And I won't take too much of your time. But thank you for the offer.”

“Then we can sit right here.” Barbara plopped herself on the rocker. “My, it seems like I've been on my feet all day. A body hardly gets to rest with a houseful of children. There's this to do and that emergency. But, of course, you know…”

Minister Kanagy cleared his throat and interrupted his
frau
's chatter. “Has something happened, Verna?”

Verna glanced at him before looking at the floor. “
Nee
, Minister Kanagy. I've come to make a plea for Joe and myself. I believe it's because of your counsel that Joe and I can't see each other. I wanted to see if I could convince you to allow us to visit. I love Joe, and I really need to see him.”

Minister Kanagy didn't look happy. “Does your
Daett
blame me for Joe's situation?”

Verna sat up straight. “Of course not!
Daett
would do no such thing. I took this upon myself. I thought perhaps if you could be persuaded,
Daett
would also change his mind.”

Minister Kanagy gave a little laugh. “I think you expect too much, Verna. Your
daett
is the bishop.”

He looked pleased though, Verna thought, so she must be on the right track.

“We're all very blessed with your
daett
's leadership,” Barbara spoke up. “He is a
gut
man.”

“
Yah
, he is. Yet sometimes he can be persuaded by other counsel. That's why I'm here asking if you would perhaps speak with
Daett
on whether Joe and I could be given some time together. If Joe goes to jail I may not see him for a very long time.” Verna felt tears forming in her eyes.

Minister Kanagy's face clouded over. “Do you have information that we do not know?”

“
Nee
.” She tried to keep the tremble from her voice. “It's only what I fear. And my heart yearns to speak with Joe before this should happen. To comfort myself and him, I hope. Would you reconsider…perhaps?”

Minister Kanagy's face was still clouded. “This trial will bring great shame on the community, Verna. From what I hear, Joe is having Paul Wagler testify on his behalf. And he will speak of the time they lived in sin. Right out in public for all to hear. These things go down in the records, Verna. The
Englisha
write them all down. And the shame does not go away for years to come.”

“I know,” Verna managed. “But doesn't Joe have a right to defend himself from something he didn't do? If Paul doesn't testify, Joe would be jailed unfairly. Paul is Joe's only hope.”

Minister Kanagy's face reddened. He stood and paced the floor. “No man has a right to sin and then excuse himself, Verna. This is what I'm ashamed of more than anything else. That one of our
members is so willing to throw off his cross and seek the easy way out. Our Savior was willing to bear the painful stripes on His back for our sins. Why should we not be willing to bear the punishment for what we have done? This is a great evil that has crept in unawares, and your
daett
is right in not giving in to your pleas.”

“But, please!” Verna stood to face him. She caught a glimpse of Barbara's pale face out of the corner of her eye.

“There is no
please
in this matter, Verna.” Minister Kanagy stared at her. “The time for please is long past. That's what Joe should have been saying when the temptation to sin came to him. Begging
Da Hah
for mercy. And that's what he should be doing now. Begging for forgiveness from the whole church. Saying he's sorry this thing has even happened.
Nee
, Verna, it cannot be. It's best that you and Joe stay apart. It's the least we can ask for with how things are going.”

Verna found the edge of the couch with one hand and sat down again.

Minister Kanagy continued to pace the floor.

“Can I get you something now?” Barbara offered in a whisper.

Verna shook her head. Instead she stood back up and groped her way to the door. Barbara jumped up to support her arm and stayed with her until they reached the front lawn. There, Verna found her own way to where Debbie waited with the buggy by the hitching post.

“Pretty bad?” Debbie asked when Verna climbed in.

“
Yah
, really bad,” Verna whispered. “Go! Drive home!”

Debbie didn't say anything as she swung the buggy around in the driveway as if she'd done it many times before. So Verna had only made things worse. She slipped her arm around her friend's shoulder and pulled her close as the tears came.

Thirty-Eight

F
riday night of that same week, Bishop Beiler stood on the front-porch steps with
Mamm
beside him. Verna stood behind him at the front door, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Please don't go,
Daett,
” Verna begged. “I know what's going to happen, and my heart can't take it anymore.”

Bishop Beiler turned to her. “You know I love you. And you know my heart is also breaking, but there is nothing I can do.”

“But you're the bishop!” Verna's eyes pleaded with him. “Don't go to this meeting Minister Kanagy has called.”

Bishop Beiler hung his head. “That's the first time in your life you've ever said something like that, Verna. I can't say I blame you, but it shows how low we've all fallen. What with this wild trip of yours to Minister Kanagy on Monday night, everything has changed. I told you that you could go. I shouldn't have, so I'm partly to blame. But that's the problem, see. We've both let this matter cloud our judgment. Family must not hinder the work of the church. In this case it has, and it sorrows me. That's also partly why I will have to go along with whatever Minister Kanagy counsels tonight. I am at the end of what I can do to protect you, Verna.”

“No, you can't go!” Verna wailed. “It's not right!”

“That will be up to what the others say, Verna.”
Daett
took her
hand in his. “They are also the ministers of
Da Hah
and hear His voice. I'm afraid we must listen to their counsel. I can disagree, and so can you, but in the end peace can only be arrived at by submission to
Da Hah
's will.”

Verna threw her hands over her face.

“Verna, dear!”
Daett
wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “Remember, I will always be your
daett
, and you will always be my daughter. That may not be much comfort right now, but it means more than you may think.”

“But I want Joe as my husband!” Verna choked out.