Holding a Tender Heart (39 page)

V
erna sat at the kitchen table with her head in her hands. The early-Monday-morning sunlight poured in through the kitchen window. All around her soft noises filled the house as the others worked. The washroom screen door had just slammed shut as
Mamm
and Ida left to check the garden. Ida's last hamper of dirty clothing had bumped down the basement stairs thirty minutes ago. Verna knew she should do something, but she couldn't move after she'd finished the dishes. Her head hurt, and her heart was in worse shape. She hadn't seen Joe yesterday afternoon at the church services, and she hadn't spoken with him for days now. This separation was tearing her apart. Maybe she shouldn't have taken
Daett
quite so seriously. Perhaps she should only have cut back on her visits, not stopped them entirely.

But she and Joe had agreed to take her
daett
's advice. Were their lives not in
Da Hah
's hands? That's what
Daett
said. They should trust, and she knew
Daett
was right.

“You're not accepting things,”
Mamm
had said this morning at the breakfast table. And
Mamm
was right about that. But how did one accept injustice? Hadn't she determined to stand by Joe no matter what? And yet she'd backed down. Joe had understood. Their love would last this severe trial, he'd told her.

Debbie told her again this morning that she felt positive about Paul's testimony. That Paul's word would prevail at the trial. But what if Paul's testimony
didn't
convince the jury? Paul was, after all, Joe's close friend. That might be a hole the prosecutor would exploit. Debbie had admitted that could happen.

If he were found guilty, Joe would go to prison for a long time. She would wait for him, but she wanted to wait with precious memories of their last days together. Not like this—with separation between them. Even on Sunday morning they were allowed only brief glances. And she hadn't dared serve the unmarried men's table.

She couldn't go on like this—she just couldn't. Yet what else was there to do? Joe wouldn't wish her to disobey.

The screen door slammed again and voices came into the washroom, but Verna didn't take her head out of her hands. She didn't have the strength to hide this despair from
Mamm
any longer.

When Ida and
Mamm
walked in, they both gasped.
Mamm
and Ida sat down at once on either side of Verna and wrapped their arms around her shoulders.

“Verna?”
Mamm
's tone was gentle. “Is it too much this morning?”

Verna lifted her head. “
Yah
, but I'll try to get over it. Maybe if you both would pray for me?”

“Certainly,”
Mamm
and Ida said in unison.

After a silent moment,
Mamm
prayed, “Dear
Hah
, comfort Verna's heart. We don't know what can be done to help this situation, but You do. Give Verna peace and acceptance of her situation. And help her believe that You always work out things for the best in the end.”

When
Mamm
had finished, Verna whispered, “Thank you.”

Ida squeezed her hand and added her own prayer. “O
Hah
, we just ask that You shed Your light. Send help for this situation with Verna and Joe. You know how wrongly they are being treated by this accusation, but there seems little anyone can do about it. Even Debbie has tried her best, and it doesn't seem
gut
enough. Amen.”

“Thanks for praying,” Verna mumbled as she sat up and wiped her tears. “I'm going to speak with
Daett
now.”

Mamm
sounded weary. “He's not going to tell you anything I haven't.”

“I will still speak with him,” Verna repeated.

“Hurry then.”
Mamm
stood. “The garden needs weeding, and we're starting once the dew is off the ground.”

“I'll be right back then,” Verna said, standing to leave.

Oh, if
Daett
would only give her some
gut
word, Verna thought. Her heart would soon have warm circles around it. But what wild imaginations did she have this morning? Did she really expect
Daett
to change his mind?
Nee
. It must be
Mamm
and Ida's prayers that had lifted her spirits. And she must not think there was a miracle ahead. Miracles were for special people, and she was just an ordinary girl in love with a very
wunderbah
boy.

Once past the barn, Verna ran along the back lane, the grass slapping against her bare feet.

Daett
saw her coming from a distance and pulled his team of horses to a stop. “Is something wrong at the house?” he asked as Verna came to a stop beside him.

Verna shook her head and took a moment to catch her breath. “Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, but
Mamm
wants to begin weeding the garden soon, and there isn't much time.”

“Time for what?”
Daett
asked as he studied her face.

“Something has to be done about Joe and me,” Verna said. “I can't stand being away from him any longer.”

Daett
stroked his beard. “There's not much that can be done, Verna. Much as I hate to say it. Nothing new has come up, has it?”

“
Nee
, but my heart can't take this any longer. I'm going to drive over some evening before long,
Daett
. I can't help it. None of this is right. Joe may go to jail, and if he does we can't part like this.”

“
Yah
, Joe may go to jail,” he replied. “And that's all the more
reason for you to stay away from him. Before long the hurt will heal, Verna. It always does.”

Verna stared at him. “Are you suggesting we break up if he goes to jail,
Daett
?”

Her
daett
looked away before he answered. “I'm satisfied with Joe, if that's what you're asking. But I wasn't the one who got myself into trouble during my
rumspringa
years by hanging out in a disreputable place with questionable people. Joe brought that on himself. But I do believe the man has changed—and from his heart. It's just sad he has to pay such a high price for his sins. But that can be a warning for all of us. Surely
Da Hah
is not mocked. What a man sows, he will reap.”

“
Daett
, please don't lecture me!”

He nodded. “I do get carried away a bit, Verna. But what I said is true.”

Verna studied his face. “It wasn't your idea to keep us apart. I know that. Then whose was it?”

Bishop Beiler didn't answer.

Verna dug in. “Whoever it is, I'll go speak with him. Today even. Perhaps he's willing to change his mind.”

Bishop Beiler sighed. “You're grasping at straws, Verna. It's best that you stay out of these things.”

Verna took her
daett
's arm. “Was it Minister Kanagy? He would do something like that.”

Bishop Beiler looked away. “Verna, you have spoken enough. These are not words for you. You are a girl. You must remember that.”

“I am also a girl in love.” Verna's fingers dug into her
daett'
s arm. “Have you forgotten that?”

He attempted a smile. “I do hope things turn out as you wish, Verna. Joe will marry a
frau
well suited for him, I'm hoping, but in the meantime you must remember your place.”

“I'm speaking with Minister Kanagy today,” she said, her eyes blazing. “This is not right.” For a moment she thought he would forbid her, but his eyes softened.

“I suppose he can't do much to you for saying how you feel. And perhaps it would do some
gut
. You never know.”

Verna didn't wait to hear more. She turned and ran across the field and into the lane.
Mamm
and Ida were headed out to the garden when she raced from behind the barn. Neither of them said anything as she joined them, and they began work with their hoes. The silence continued as they frequently stopped to pull the larger weeds by hand. Behind them Ida's wash began to move in the morning breeze.

“I'm going to see Minister Kanagy after we're done here,” Verna announced as she dropped down to get the smaller weeds and crawled along on her knees in the soft dirt.

“You're doing what?”
Mamm
lifted her head to push back her
kapp
.

“I'm going to see Minister Kanagy.”

“You're crazy, Verna!” Ida stared at her. “Have you taken complete leave of your senses?”

Verna didn't look at them as she pulled weeds. “He's the one who made
Daett
be so hard on Joe and me.”

“And
Daett
told you this?”
Mamm
's voice was horrified.

“
Nee
, I figured it out myself.”

“The stress has gone to your head!”
Mamm
said.

“We must pray some more!” Ida whispered.

“
Yah
,” Verna agreed, “I can use all the prayers I can get to soften Minister Kanagy's heart. You can pray that he will listen to my plea and consider how wrong it is that he's keeping Joe and me apart from each other. Especially with the trial coming soon, and no one knowing how things will turn out.”

“I will pray for none of those things, Verna.”
Mamm
's voice was firm. “The hearts of our ministers are in
Da Hah
's hands, and you should not meddle. Have I not taught you girls anything?”

“I'm still going to see Minister Kanagy,
Mamm
. And you can pray for my soul, if you wish.”

“Verna, please!” Ida clutched her dress sleeve. “You must not do this.”

“What should I do? Stay home and do nothing?” Verna retorted. “How is that right?”

“A meek and quiet spirit will always please
Da Hah
,”
Mamm
reminded her. “That is what you must learn, Verna. I'm afraid you're failing the test.”

Verna bit her tongue to keep back another sharp retort. Instead she whispered, “I'm sorry if I've disappointed you,
Mamm
. But I am going to see Minister Kanagy.
Daett
didn't forbid me.”

“Now I've heard everything!”
Mamm
exclaimed and bent over the hoe to dig at the ground.

Verna gave
Mamm
a quick glance before she continued her work. The argument seemed over and silence had fallen. The late-summer sun beat down on them. Lois came out with lemonade some time later, and they drank from the cool liquid without comment. Lois gave them all puzzled looks before she retreated into the house. Verna didn't feel up to providing an explanation. Right now she was saving her words for Minister Kanagy. She would need all of them she could find.

Thirty-Seven

T
hat evening after supper, the steady beat of Buttercup's hooves on pavement filled the air as Verna drove toward Minister Kanagy's place. Debbie was seated beside her in the buggy, saying nothing. Both of them were lost in their thoughts. Verna was wondering what she would say once they arrived, and Debbie was wondering how she'd allowed herself to get talked into going.

A few wagons were still parked in the fields around them. The Amish farmers looked up upon hearing the horse and buggy and gave them little waves before returning to their work.

Verna glanced over at Debbie. “I know you didn't plan on getting involved in all this, but thanks for agreeing to come with me.”

Debbie smiled wryly. “I don't really mind, I guess. I just wish there wasn't so much sorrow in it for you.”

Verna looked away as a dark cloud rushed over her face. “Debbie, do you think Joe will really go to jail?”

Debbie thought for a moment before she answered. “It's a jury trial, like I said before. So who knows? I think he has a good chance of being acquitted.”