Hope Over Fear (Over #1) (8 page)

“See ya,” I mumble as I scurry out the door, cursing myself for my propensity to make everything in my life complicated. Really, it’s a fucking gift.

“If It Kills Me” by Jason Mraz

Six Years Ago—Northern University in Providence, Louisiana

“COME ON, SARA, don’t be so fucking lame! I’m making it my personal mission to get your face out of that textbook and into Melody’s car. There are several shots at the bar with your name on them. We
are
having a girls’ night.” Marlo stands in my doorway with her arms crossed and her hip popped out to the side. We’ve had this argument so often I’ve lost count.

“Marlo, you don’t even drink. I don’t get why you think it’s fun to be crammed in a room with a bunch of sweaty drunk people while you are stone cold sober.”

“I’m high on life, baby, I don’t need alcohol. All I need is my Diet Dr. Pepper, and I’m good to go. You see what the DDP does to me. Do you really think I need to drink?”

I shake my head and giggle at my overzealous friend. “No, I guess not. I don’t think the student population of Northern U can handle a drunk Marlo. But tonight, I’m afraid it’s going to have to be you, Melody, and your DDP. I just can’t do it. Clinicals are kicking my ass, and I’ve got to study. Sorry, friend …”

“You are too freaking hard on yourself. What’s the worst that could happen? You’ll get 95% instead of 100% on the test? I’ve never seen you make less than an A.” Marlo is always getting on me about working too hard, but my mom sacrificed a great deal for me to attend college. It’s not a joke to me, and I work my ass off to make her proud. I’m also on partial scholarship, and the university doesn’t give second chances.

“I don’t make less than an A because I
study.
I can’t risk finding out what happens when I don’t. Besides, Mason is gonna swing by with pizza later. He’s challenged me to a Trivial Pursuit tournament. So fear not, my partying friend, my night will not be devoid of fun.” I shoot Marlo a quick wink and turn my focus back to my books.

“Mason? Really, Sara! Do I have to get on my other soapbox tonight—”

“No, absolutely not—” I cut her off, but she, in turn, cuts me off.

“It absolutely seems that I do. When are you gonna cut that poor boy loose or jump his bones? The entire female population at this college has a voodoo doll with your name on it. It’s a miracle you can still see given the amount of needles that have been poked in your eyeballs. Really, Sara, it’s getting hard to watch.”

Silently wishing I hadn’t made the mistake of uttering Mason’s name, I prepare myself to have the same conversation, yet again. “Marlo, I swear that Mason and me are just friends. He’s been my best friend since—”

“Excuse me, I take exception to that claim!” Marlo is sporting her best angry look with one hand on her hip and her other finger pointed straight up in the air.

“You’re my best friend, too, Marlo. Hold on … that’s so not the point! Stick with the issue. Mason is free to date whoever he chooses. I admit that we’ve both had trouble making significant others understand our relationship in the past, but I would never stop Mason from dating.”

“Mason is not going to date, Sara. Ya know why? He is head over heels, bat shit crazy in love with your boring ass. No offense …”

“None taken,” I say sarcastically as I roll my eyes.

“It’s just that Mason is one fine hunk of man, if I do say so myself. He’s SGA President, Kappa Tau Rush Chair, and Mr. Northern U. Panties are dropping all over campus for that boy. Except for yours, the only panties he really wants. I hate to have to put this so eloquently, but here I go. Shit or get off the pot, girl!” Marlo bellows while stomping her right foot and flailing her arms.

“And on that note, y’all have a good time tonight,” I say mockingly with an eye roll.

“Okay, I’ll accept your dismissal. I’ll accept it only because I believe I’ve made my point. It’s time—just reach over and grab his ass tonight. Ooh, and what a fine piece of ass it is.”

“Out! Now!” I scream, as I stand up and push Marlo out the door.

After I close the door, I lean against it for a moment, completely lost in thought. Although it is mixed in with a whole lotta crazy, I can’t deny that Marlo makes some valid points. I’ve felt it barreling toward me like a freight train for some time now. I’ve done my best to stay blissfully ignorant, but my excuses and blatant denial are starting to wear thin. I know what Mason wants; I just don’t know if or when I’ll ever be ready to give it to him.

“Well, sweetheart, you’ve managed to whip my ass once again.” Mason is shaking his head and slumping his shoulders, admitting defeat. I don’t believe him for one second.

“Whatever! You let me win, like you always do. It’s not even believable anymore. ESPN is the homepage on your computer, the most used app on your phone, and the only station your television knows. Every Louisiana boy knows where Archie Manning played college ball. I call bullshit!” I try my best to give Mason a serious stare down as we sit cross-legged on opposite sides of the game board.

Mason always devises a Trivial Pursuit: Special Edition anytime I have a big test. I ask him the normal questions from the game, but he creates special questions and categories that coincide with my upcoming test. There is a guy in Kappa Tau that’s in most of my nursing classes, and I think Mason has him help make the questions. I’m not really sure how he does it, but I’m damn glad that he does. Studying with Mason is a welcome break from the monotony of reading and note taking.

“Hey, we all choke on occasion. It happens to the best of us!”

“Even though you’re a big fat liar, you know I appreciate you doing this for me, right? I should make a Trivial Pursuit: Finance Edition for you, but I can’t even begin to think about what those questions would look like. This girl can barely balance a checkbook.”

Mason pushes the game board aside and scoots closer to me. “You don’t need to thank me, sweetheart. You know I’d do just about anything for you.”

The air in the room is charged with electricity, and I’m suddenly very aware of Mason’s proximity. He lightly places his hands on my thighs, and his hands are slightly closer than what is considered friend approved, and he’s close enough that I feel his breath tickling my face. I involuntarily stiffen, unsure of what happens next. I see the hurt in Mason’s eyes as my body goes rigid, and guilt washes over me.

“So how about them Saints?” Mason awkwardly changes the subject as he pushes away from me dejectedly.

At a loss for words, I allow the uncomfortable silence to envelop the room. I’m aware of how important my response is, and I don’t want to hurt Mason needlessly. These moments of silence give me much needed time to gather my thoughts. I feel like I’ve spent our whole friendship silently pleading for more time. Mason, always unwavering and completely sure of what he wants, reluctantly grants me this time over and over again. I’m secretly terrified of the day that he realizes that I’m not worth the wait.

“Mase, you know you’re my guy, right?” I gently shove his shoulder, silently willing him to look up and reassure me of our friendship.

“Yeah, Sara, I know I’m your guy …” Mason’s voice is just above a whisper as his shoulders slump. He looks utterly defeated.

“You mean the world to me, Mase. I can’t imagine my life without you being a part of it. Just thinking about that …
crushes
me. You’re so ready to jump into this thing head first, but what happens if things don’t work out? We risk everything and walk away with nothing? I can’t lose you, Mase …”

Mason shakes his head and meets my gaze. “I just need to give you a little of the faith that I have in us. I need you to know what I know.”

He leans close to me again, gently placing his hand on my cheek and stares straight into my eyes. “I know that this thing we have—you and me—there is no end, Sara. You don’t have to worry about life without me, because I go where you go.”

He touches his forehead to my forehead, closing his eyes, willing me to take his words to heart. After what seems like a lifetime, his face inches toward my ear. I feel his breath gently caressing my neck, and it sends shivers down my spine.

“I’m not giving up on you, Sara. I won’t give up on us.”

And with those parting words, Mason stands up and leaves me sitting in the aftermath of the tornado of possibilities he’s created.

“She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5

Present Day

“MAKE SURE YOU get jalapenos, Sara. You know I like it hot, baby!” Marlo hollers across the restaurant.

I roll my eyes and chuckle softly. Marlo was absent the day God handed out shame. Alex and I have given up being embarrassed by her. We’ve learned to just go with it and enjoy the show. And what a show it is.

“You heard the lady, add jalapenos, please,” I say, as I give the cashier an apologetic smile. Alex suggested that we have an impromptu girls night at our favorite pizza place, Antoni’s. Marlo and I both agree it’s past due. The restaurant has a casual atmosphere with checkerboard tablecloths and strategically-placed flat screen televisions. It also has the added bonus of live music on the weekends. It feels like a perfect night for hot pizza, cold beer, great conversation, and a little acoustic guitar. I gently sway to the Maroon 5 song being strummed on the other side of the restaurant.

“So how was your first day at the clinic, Sara?” Alex looks at me expectantly as I place our pitcher of beer and Marlo’s DDP on the table.

“It was … interesting. I definitely made an impression …”

“I’m sure you did, my little rock star. I’d expect nothing less from Sara Preston, Super Nurse!” Marlo mocks with both hands on her hips like a superhero.

“It wasn’t in a good way, Marlo. I kind of butted heads with one of the volunteers, but I think we’re cool now. My meetings with the clients went great, though, and that’s what really matters.”

“The clinic director, Caroline, has some interesting art projects going on in the community. I would love the opportunity to work with her.”

“You should stop by the clinic, Alex. I knew within minutes of meeting her that she was an amazing woman. I think the two of you would get along great.”

“I may have to do that …”

I take a sip of my beer and look up when I hear the jingle of the entrance bell. At first, I think my eyes are deceiving me as Adam waltzes up to the front counter to place his order. This isn’t the casually dressed Adam I saw this morning. This Adam is dressed to kill, with fitted black slacks, a light blue button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and his hair gelled into the sexiest faux hawk I’ve ever seen. I don’t realize I am staring until he turns his gaze on me and winks. I wave, all the while praying the redness rapidly creeping into my cheeks isn’t noticeable.

“Um, Sara, who the fuck is that? And where have you been hiding him?”

“Well, speaking of butting heads with people …” I mutter, hoping Marlo will get a clue and lower her voice. Yeah, right, like that’s gonna happen.

“Oh, there’s something I want to butt up against him, but it’s definitely not my head, if—”