How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (33 page)

—Have someone drive you around the block.

—Drive yourself around the block.

—Go to the mall and sit in your car in the parking lot.

—Go to the mall when it is not too crowded and walk around.

—Go into a store and greet a sales clerk.

—Make a small purchase.

Each step of the way, say,

“The L
ORD
is with me; I will not be afraid”

(P
SALM
118:6).

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the L
ORD
your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you”

(D
EUTERONOMY
31:6).

Note:
For serious phobic reactions, the process of desensitization is almost always used in combination with medical help.

If you had grown up in an environment where fear reigned, as Gideon did, you could have easily developed a fear-based mentality as a child and then grown into an adult who is now controlled by fear. At times, you may feel powerless to confront or match someone strength-for-strength. You will remain, as did Gideon, at the mercy of those around you who are “master manipulators” with their arsenal of fear tactics
unless
you come to recognize the bondage you are in and accept the fact that the Lord came to free the oppressed. Yes, He came to set you free—just as He set Gideon free centuries ago.

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed”

(L
UKE
4:18).

—
Fear:
“I can’t help this feeling of intense fear!”

Fact:
“This feeling is a bluff to my mind and body. It is not grounded in truth.”

“Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident”

(P
SALM
27:3).

—
Fear:
“I have this feeling of doom—a feeling that I am going to die.”

Fact:
“The time of my death is in God’s hands. I will choose to trust Him.”

“Man’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed”

(J
OB
14:5).

—
Fear:
“I’m afraid of what others are thinking about me.”

Fact:
“My peace comes from pleasing God, not in pleasing others.”

“We make it our goal to please him”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
5:9).

—
Fear:
“I am hopeless and can never change.”

Fact:
“In Christ, I am a new person. Nothing is hopeless.”

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
5:17).

—
Fear:
“I am so nervous, I can’t think clearly.”

Fact:
“God will guard my mind and give me peace.”

“The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”

(P
HILIPPIANS
4:7).

—
Fear:
“To be safe, I have to be in control.”

Fact:
“God is in control of my life, and He is with me step by step.”

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged”

(D
EUTERONOMY
31:8).

—
Fear:
“I feel trapped with no way of escape.”

Fact:
“God always makes a way of escape.”

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it”

(1 C
ORINTHIANS
10:13).

Question:
“I want to conquer my fears…what do I need to do first?”

Answer:
Certain general things to consider when dealing with fears are often overlooked just because they are so simple and “obvious.” It’s like looking at the forest but missing the trees. The following suggestions may seem simplistic, but they can be the foundation on which to build an effective plan for overcoming fear and anxiety.

•
Get a thorough medical checkup, and ask if any condition could be causing you anxiety.

•
Ask your doctor to evaluate all your medications.

•
Get adequate sleep.

•
Get regular exercise.

•
Plan for times of laughter, fun, and recreation.

•
Be around encouraging people, and remove yourself from negative ones.

•
Adopt a healthy diet. Avoid alcohol and drugs.

•
Develop the habit of living one day at a time.

•
Listen to inspirational Christian or classical music.

•
Ask a trusted friend to help you imagine the worst that could happen to you in a particular situation and consider why it wouldn’t be as bad as you feared it would be.

“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need”

(H
EBREWS
4:16).

A key lesson we can learn from Gideon is that he does exactly what God requires. In time, he refuses to focus on his fear and chooses to step forward in faith. He knows he is not a mighty warrior, but he learns that God can be the warrior within him! It’s not complicated—Gideon’s supernatural victory comes simply because he walks both
fearfully
with God by faith and
fearlessly
with God by faith.

Sometimes God chooses a specific person, such as a friend or family member, to walk with the one who needs more faith. Just as God told Gideon to take Purah with him into the Midianite camp, fearful people need fearless friends to walk alongside to help them find the road to freedom.

Those who are fearful need a friend; those who are timid need a teammate; those who are worried need someone wise; those who are anxious need an exhorter; those who cower need an encourager. Those who are tormented by fear need inspiration from those who have found freedom from fear.

To support a loved one who is struggling with fear, learn what to do and not to do. You can very well be that person’s answer to prayer.

“There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”

(P
ROVERBS
18:24).

Don’t
become impatient when you don’t understand their fear.

Do
understand that what fearful people
feel
is
real.

“A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly”

(P
ROVERBS
14:29).

Don’t
think the person is doing this for attention.

Do
realize he or she is embarrassed and wants to change.

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do”

(R
OMANS
7:15).

Don’t
be critical or use demeaning statements.

Do
be gentle and supportive, and build up the person’s self-confidence.

“Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing”

(1 T
HESSALONIANS
5:11).

Don’t
assume you know what is best.

Do
ask how you can help.

“We urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone”

(1 T
HESSALONIANS
5:14).

Don’t
make the person face a threatening situation without advance planning.

Do
give the person instruction in positive self-talk and relaxation exercises.

“Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life”

(P
ROVERBS
4:13).

Don’t
make the person face the situation alone.

Do
be available and assure the person of your support.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”

(E
CCLESIASTES
4:9-10).

Don’t
begin with difficult situations.

Do
help the person to begin facing a particuar fear in small increments.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance”

(J
AMES
1:2-3).