How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (34 page)
Don’t
constantly ask, “How are you feeling?”
Do
help the person see the value of having other interests.
“Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others”
(P
HILIPPIANS
2:4).
Don’t
show disappointment and displeasure if the person fails.
Do
encourage the person and compliment efforts to conquer fear.
“Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act”
(P
ROVERBS
3:27).
Don’t
say, “Don’t be absurd; there’s nothing for you to fear!”
Do
say, “No matter how you feel, tell yourself the truth and say, ‘I will take one step at a time.’”
“The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction”
(P
ROVERBS
16:21).
Don’t
say, “Don’t be a coward; you
have
to do this!”
Do
say,
“
I know this is difficult for you, but it’s not dangerous. You have the courage to do this.”
“A wise man’s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction”
(P
ROVERBS
16:23).
Don’t
say, “Quit living in the past; this is not that bad.”
Do
say, “Remember to stay in the present and remind yourself, That was then, and this is now.’”
“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones”
I. The Result of Moving from Fear to Faith(P
ROVERBS
16:24).
Among the thousands and thousands of people mentioned in the Bible, Gideon is selected by God to be one of the few in His famous “Hall of Faith” in Hebrews chapter 11. The individuals mentioned here demonstrated in their lives the power of living by faith. Fewer than 20 names are listed on this Honor Roll of Old Testament Saints, with Gideon being one. In fact, we are told specifically that it was “through faith” that Gideon “conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised” (Hebrews 11:32-33).
Gideon’s transformation from being fearfully timid to being fearlessly triumphant is evident as he confronts the captive kings of Midian. Asking what kind of men they had killed at Tabor, Gideon’s once fearsome enemies reply, “Men like you…each one with the bearing of a prince” (Judges 8:18).
The once-weak man from the small clan of Manasseh now bears a princely posture and has become a powerful warrior—the “mighty warrior” God called him to be.
Fear—Answers in God’s Word
Question:
“Is it possible to be delivered from fears that I’ve lived with for years?”
Answer:
“I sought the L
ORD
, and He answered me; he delivered me from all my fears” (Psalm 34:4).
Question:
“What does the Bible tell me to do when I’m overcome with anxiety?”
Answer:
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:6-7).
Question:
“Who can I count on when I’m afraid and discouraged?”
Answer:
“The L
ORD
himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8).
Question:
“How can I guard my heart and mind when I have no peace?”
Answer:
“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7).
Question:
“Why do I have fear in my relationships, and what can I do about it?”
Answer:
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18).
Question:
“Can my fear and anxiety be controlled by training my mind?”
Answer:
“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God” (Colossians 3:2-3).
Question:
“How can the Bible say that I have no one to fear and that I should not be afraid?”
Answer:
“The L
ORD
is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1).
Question:
“How can I have the strength to face trouble when no one is present to help me?”
Answer:
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1).
Question:
“When I need strength and help, what assurances do I have from God?”
Answer:
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).
Question:
“Is the Lord really with me? Will He lead, guide, and comfort me so that I will not fear anything?”
Answer:
“The L
ORD
is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:1-4).
I. Definitions of Grief Recovery
A. How Do You Know Whether You Are Grieving?
B. What Are the Characteristics of Chronic Grief?
C. What Are the Stages of Healthy Grieving?
D. What Are the Side Effects of Severe Grief?
A. Why Do Losses Generate Such Grief?
B. What Are Causes of Chronic Grief?
C. How Does God Use Grief and Suffering?
D. How Does Guilt Produce Grief?
E. How Do You Resolve the Grief Caused by true Guilt?
F. Root Cause of Failure to Process Grief
B. Key Passage to Read and Reread
C. Acceptance—A Place of Healing and Hope
D. Guidelines for Healthy Grieving
E. Letting Go and Saying Goodbye
F. Questions and Answers Regarding Grief
Living at Peace with Loss
D
ear friend, I have felt intense grief…a penetrating grief that cannot be escaped or denied. I know what it’s like to feel
unexpected grief—
those times when grief catches me off guard, particularly when, out of the blue, a painful memory floods my mind, raining tears upon my soul.
How well I remember traveling to Indiana to speak at a conference that began with a buffet dinner. As I was standing in line, I noticed a younger woman attentively serving the plate of an older woman with a walker. I couldn’t help but notice the tender affection between this mother and daughter. Immediately, a wave of grief swept over me. Tears filled my eyes…I quickly left the room…I cried.
Simply put, that mother-daughter scene evoked precious memories of my mother and me. My mother had died just four weeks before. Never again would I have the privilege of serving her, seating her, sitting with her. Never again could I hug her, kiss her, hold her. Oh, how I missed her!
Unexpected grief can occur anytime and anyplace—especially when we see something that reminds us of the one so dear to our hearts, the one no longer in our lives.
Grief visits us at unexpected times. Like the time I walked into a card shop, saw a bird’s nest, and suddenly my eyes filled with tears. I had to turn and walk out of the store.
Again, sorrow had flooded my soul. Although over a year had passed since my mother’s death, the moment I saw the bird’s nest, I grieved for her. She loved what nests represent: security, family, intimacy.
Once for Mother’s Day, I designed a bracelet for her that contained
the birthstones of my three siblings that I closely nestled together inside a gold nest. Whenever I found a bird’s nest (which was rare), I would get it for her, and she would be utterly delighted. That day, in that card shop, I had found another endearing nest…but this time, it was too late. And my heart grieved.
Periodically you, like me, will go through seasons of grief. And after we lose someone or something immensely meaningful to us, we can expect moments of unexpected grief. No matter what the heartache, realize that God is with you in the midst of your grief. And when you allow Jesus Christ to have control of your life, you can truly live at peace with your loss.
Why are people so drawn to Jesus…especially when their hearts have lost all hope? Why do they assume He will sympathize with their sorrows? Why would He grieve over their griefs? The answer is simple: Jesus was no stranger to grief. He was slandered and scourged, belittled and beaten, criticized and crucified. Yet the Bible says, “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23).
When you see someone being insulted, when you hear someone being slandered, when you watch someone suffering, you know that person not only
understands
grief, but also
feels
grief. When Jesus lived on earth, His onlookers saw the unjust insults hurled at Him, heard the unjust slander spoken of Him, watched the unjust suffering imposed on Him. Therefore, they knew He was one who could both understand their grief and care about it.
Do you feel as if no one cares about your pain? Jesus cares!
Do you think that no one cares about your sorrow? Jesus cares!
Do you believe that no one cares about your grief? Jesus cares!