How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (38 page)
“My soul is in anguish. How long, O L
ORD
, how long?”
Contentment Stage(P
SALM
6:3).
This stage accepts the loss, leaving it in the past. This stage not only accepts that the present offers stability, but also accepts that the future offers new and promising hope. As this time approaches, the following characteristics will become more and more apparent:
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“One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead…For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances”
D. What Are the Side Effects of Severe Grief?(P
HILIPPIANS
3:13; 4:11).
When your heart breaks over a great loss, intense grief will touch every aspect of your life—your body, soul, and spirit. The effects of this intense grief will vary in degree, ranging from mild to severe, depending on where you are in the grieving process.
While you will not experience all the effects, you will experience at least some of them. Realize that these effects are common to everyone who grieves and are temporary…as long as you face the pain of your loss and work through the grief process. In the Psalms, David recounts both the bitterness of his grief and the assurance of God’s presence.
“When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory”
(P
SALM
73:21-24).
“Why is life given to a man whose way is hidden, whom God has hedged in? For sighing comes to me instead of food; my groans pour out like water. What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil”
III. C(J
OB
3:23-26).
AUSES OF
G
RIEF
Imagine a widespread killing of newborn babies, infants, and toddlers in your hometown. How would you feel? Imagine that you know many of their parents. Would they not be grief stricken? Would their hearts not be crushed and their dreams shattered? Now, imagine that all this took place right after you were born, and
you
were the baby targeted for destruction—not the others—yet you escaped (see Matthew 2). No wonder Jesus had great
compassion for those who grieved! No wonder He could sympathize with their sorrows. He had been the baby targeted for destruction by King Herod!
When King Herod heard the wise men ask, “Where is the one who has been born King of the Jews?” (Matthew 2:2), he reacted in fear that this up-and-coming king would be a threat to his throne. As a result, Herod plotted to kill all the baby boys in and around Bethlehem—and kill them he did! But Herod’s plan did not trump God’s plan. For indeed, King Herod died, while King Jesus lived. While your loss may not equate to the widespread slaughter of innocent babies, your pain, nonetheless, is just as real, just as penetrating, and perhaps even paralyzing. Mourning and yet moving on with God’s perfect plan for your life may seem impossible. But today, in spite of your deepest trials and trouble, if you are a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, He lives in your heart to help you, to heal you, and give you His peace. Jesus said,
“In me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world”
(J
OHN
16:33).
Mary, Mary, Mary
Grief is an emotion that touches everyone. Even the very names of familiar people in the Bible are associated with sorrow:
Job
means “he who weeps or cries.”
Jabez
means “pain.”
Myra
means “pour out, weep,” and
Mary
—a derivative of
Mara
or
Marah,
means “trouble, sorrow, bitter.” Three of the Marys mentioned in the Bible each encounter and experience grief in profound ways, and we’ll read more about their experiences in the pages to come.
First, let’s consider the Virgin Mary. She was highly favored and chosen by God from among, all women to be the mother of the Messiah. What an incredible opportunity to serve the Lord…but at what cost? Pregnant by the Holy Spirit, she is awed and astonished that the incarnation is occurring within her womb—God the Son is taking on flesh—but she feels grieved over what is happening around her. Murmuring, whispering,
and condemnation are coursing through this close-knit community as word gets out that Joseph’s fiancée is pregnant.
Those who have watched the seemingly moral Mary grow up have no idea that from her womb the Savior would be delivered—One who would save them from their sins. Even Joseph considers ending his relationship with Mary until an angel assures him, in a dream, that she has not been unfaithful.
As Mary’s belly swells over the nine-month period of pregnancy, so does her “mother’s heart,” and one must wonder if she grieved over the circumstances surrounding the birth of her son. If only Jesus could have been birthed at home, or at the home of a friend—someplace warm, someplace welcoming and fitting for such an important arrival. Instead, “she wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn” (Luke 2:7). On the night of His birth, the Son of God was set down in a feeding trough for animals.
But there would be far greater grief in the future. When the eight-day-old Messiah is presented by his parents at the temple, Simeon speaks the following prophecy directly to Mary:
“This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many…so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too”
(L
UKE
2:34-35).
And indeed Mary’s soul is pierced on the day she watches her son’s hands and feet being nailed to a cross and his side being pierced by a sword. This was the very reason He had come into this world. But three days later, Mary’s soul overflows with joy upon hearing that Jesus, the Son of God, has risen from the dead!
Everyone has been created with three God-given inner needs: love, significance, and security.
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When one or more of these needs is no longer being met, we naturally feel a sense of loss, which, in turn, causes grief.
Unmet need
Sense of lossFeeling of grief
Throughout our lives we will incur numerous losses. Although we need to feel the pain of our losses, we do not need to be controlled by them. Instead, we must rely on God’s promise that He will meet our deepest inner needs. The Bible says,
“My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus”
Loss of Love(P
HILIPPIANS
4:19).
Great Trial:
“I’m still in agony over the death of my husband, and I feel like I’m only half a person.”
God’s Truth:
Take comfort in this: Although your loss is severe and even though you have no earthly husband, the Lord says He will be your husband—He will be your Provider and Protector.
“Your Maker is your husband—the L
ORD
Almighty is his name”
Loss of Significance(I
SAIAH
54:5).
Great Trial:
“Everything that gives my life purpose is gone, and I feel such a sense of loss.”
God’s Truth:
Take comfort in this: As long as you are alive, your life has purpose.
“The L
ORD
will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O L
ORD
, endures forever”
Loss of Security(P
SALM
138:8).
Great Trial:
“I’ve just experienced the greatest rejection of my life, and I feel overwhelmed with grief.”
God’s Truth:
Take comfort in this. While people reject people, the Lord will not reject you. He says,
“I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”
B. What Are Causes of Chronic Grief?(I
SAIAH
41:9-10).
Like feet in hardened cement, our hearts and spirits can get stuck in sadness. Rather than surfacing and facing our pain, we bury it, and thus emotional healing and restored joy are delayed. Don’t neglect dealing with your pain, and don’t neglect turning to the One who longs to help you work through it. The Lord can help you step out of sadness and on to new purpose and joy.