How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (37 page)

Do you feel angry or bitter over your loss?

Do you have difficulty forgiving those who caused your loss?

Do you frequently dream at night about your loss?

Do you see life as an empty struggle without much reward?

Do you feel helpless knowing how much others must also be suffering?

Do you wonder what kind of God would allow your loss?

Do you view God as uninvolved and lacking compassion?

Regardless of your view of God right now, the Bible says,

“The L
ORD
is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him”

(N
AHUM
1:7).

Allowing yourself to be open and honest about your sorrow takes great courage.
¹⁰
For some, the reality of personal pain has been buried so deeply that the ability to experience real grief is blocked. People do many things to camouflage or ignore their grief so that they don’t have to acknowledge and work through it. As a result, they have unhealthy, chronic grief, which is a barrier to emotional maturity. This unresolved sorrow blocks the comfort that Christ wants to give us. In the Beatitudes, Jesus said,

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”

(M
ATTHEW
5:4).

Here are the characteristics of chronic grief:

•
Inhibited
grief denial of grief
“This is not really happening to me.”

•
Isolated
grief selective remembering
“I refuse to think about that car accident again.”

•
Insulated
grief reduced emotional involvement
“
I’m not going to open myself to being hurt this way again.”

•
Intellectualized
grief rationally explaining events
“It could have been worse.”

•
Inverted
grief returning to immature ways of responding
“I can’t believe it! I just had a temper tantrum like one I had when I was five years old.”

•
Immortalized
grief inability to let go of the loss
“He will always be a part of everything in my life.”

Emotional complications occur when we block the natural process of grieving.
¹¹
You may have made these statements to yourself:
I need to get my act together! I’ve got to snap out of it. I should be handling this better!
These self-deprecating thoughts reveal unrealistic expectations about grieving and a failure to understand the grief process and the slow journey of restoration.

While stages of grief do exist, they are not “stair-step” stages that you walk through in a specific order. In truth, people do not go through the various stages in a predictable fashion. Every person is unique in terms of his or her grieving. Some stages may be experienced with varying degrees of intensity, some may be missed, and some stages may be repeated. Give yourself permission to experience the inconsistent stages of grieving, and trust God to bring new life again.

“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up”

(P
SALM
71:20).

This stage of grief can last from two days to two weeks. In this stage, you are mechanically going through daily activities. You will experience many of the following symptoms:

“My eyes will flow unceasingly, without relief”

(L
AMENTATIONS
3:49).

This stage can last up to a year or two or more, perhaps even until death if the grief is not resolved. This time of sorrow is usually accompanied by many of the following characteristics: