How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (53 page)

Questions about school

—What about school did you enjoy most?

—What do you remember most about school?

—Did you have a favorite teacher? What made that teacher special?

—What was your favorite subject in school? Least favorite?

—What extracurricular activities did you enjoy?

—What was your most memorable or embarrassing moment in school?

Questions about growing up

—Who was your childhood hero? Why?

—What did you dream of doing when you grew up?

—Did you have a best friend? What sparked your friendship?

—Who in your childhood encouraged you the most?

—What was the most significant event in your childhood?

—What was the most fearful time in your childhood?

—What was your first job?

Questions about life today

—If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?

—What do you enjoy doing most during your free time?

—What would be your ideal vacation?

—What skill or talent do you wish you had?

—What do you like most about your life today?

—If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?

Questions about spiritual life

—Do you think God has a purpose for your life?

—How would you describe God?

—Did you attend a church growing up? What was it like?

—Did anything significant occur in your spiritual life when you were young?

—What is the most meaningful experience you’ve had in your spiritual life?

—If you could come into a true relationship with Jesus Christ, would you want to?

—What do you think God would want you to do that you haven’t done yet?

As you talk with others, pray that you will be able to ask the right questions at the right time. As you reach out in positive ways, you’ll see positive results in your relationships with others.

“The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out”

(P
ROVERBS
20:5).

When Wrong Behavior Is Involved

Should I reject someone who is involved in a behavior contrary to God’s Word? The Bible distinguishes between believers and nonbelievers and gives instructions as to how Christians should interact with both groups of people.

—Believers are not to engage in the worldly behavior of unbelievers— behavior that runs counter to God’s Word—but are to “come out from them and be separate” (2 Corinthians 6:17).

—Believers are not to isolate themselves from nonbelievers, but are to reach out to them just as Jesus reached out to those in sin when He lived on the earth. In fact, He was ridiculed and rebuked by the religious leaders of His day for associating with sinners and tax collectors (Matthew 9:10-12).

—Believers, however, are instructed to temporarily withhold fellowship from other believers who are living flagrantly sinful lifestyles and to pray that this disciplinary act will bring them to repentance (1 Corinthians 5:9-13).

“But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat”

(1 C
ORINTHIANS
5:11).

A major reason for using caution when it comes to people involved in wrong behavior is found in 1 Corinthians 15:33:

“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’”

All Christians will sin from time to time, and repent afterward. To reject those who show remorse and demonstrate true repentance is unbiblical, unproductive, and unkind. Instead, we need to seek to build up a struggling believer with
compassion, truth,
and
encouragement.

C
OMPASSION

—Reach out with compassion, recognizing that everyone (including you) has sinned in various ways.

—Pray for God to give you a gentle, nonjudgmental heart as you try to restore those who have gone wayward.

“If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently”

(G
ALATIANS
6:1).

T
RUTH

—Help bring to surface the lies the repentant person has believed and exchange each lie with the truth.

—Suggest a positive plan with practical action steps that will help the person to break free of the habit.

“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free”

(J
OHN
8:32).

E
NCOURAGEMENT

—Affirm the person’s God-given worth as he or she chooses to live in the strength of Christ.

—Praise the person when he or she makes small steps toward Christlike behavior.

“Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing”

(1 T
HESSALONIANS
5:11).

If we engage in behavior or activities that grieve the heart of God, someone could rightly reject us. If a relationship is forbidden by God (such as
adultery), ending that relationship is
the right thing to do.
Any attempt to continue an unbiblical relationship needs to be rejected.

If you are experiencing rejection because you had a relationship that was not right in God’s sight, you can still hope for a bright tomorrow despite your despair today. God sees your hurt and feels compassion for you—even if your painful circumstances are a result of your bad choices. Learning from your mistakes and allowing God to change your life is still possible.

God has always been in the business of rescuing us after we have been drowning in destructive behavior…putting us on dry ground and then revealing to us His plan and purpose for our lives.

—
Acknowledge
to God the wrong behavior that led to your being rejected.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness”

(1 J
OHN
1:9).

—
Ask
God to bring you to the point of seeing your sin as He sees it.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting”

(P
SALM
139:23-24).

—
Agree
with God that your behavior was egregious to Him and deserving of His disapproval and discipline.

“For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge”

(P
SALM
51:3-4).

—
Assume
the responsibility of asking forgiveness from the person(s) you have wronged.

“If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,
leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift”

(M
ATTHEW
5:23-24).

—
Ascertain
what need—love, significance, or security—you were seeking to meet through your wrong behavior.

“Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place”

(P
SALM
51:6).

—
Align
your thinking with God’s thinking by engaging in daily Bible reading, scripture meditation, and scripture memorization.

“Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the L
ORD
, and on his law he meditates day and night”

(P
SALM
1:1-2).

—
Apply
the truths of God’s Word to your life.

“Show me your ways, O L
ORD
, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long”

(P
SALM
25:4-5).

—
Act
out your identity in Christ.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me”

(G
ALATIANS
2:20).

—
Associate
with others who are seeking to live lives pleasing to God.

“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm”

(P
ROVERBS
13:20).

Some people present a wrong picture of what it means to become a Christian, saying, “Come to Christ, and all your problems will be solved.” Jesus never suggested such! In fact, the Bible makes it crystal clear that we are
called to suffer.

Clearly, Jesus suffered very real rejection by the religious leaders of His day. But He was also rejected by dear friends and family…yet He was not emotionally devastated, neither was He derailed from His mission. Why? He knew the secret of being an overcomer: He “entrusted himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23).

Jesus entrusted His very being into the hands of His heavenly Father, whom He knew would judge justly. When you experience rejection, you too will be an overcomer by following in the footsteps of Jesus.

“If you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps…When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly”