How to Make Her LET GO & GIVE IN: The No-Bullshit Guide to Great Sex (17 page)

I slow down my pace as I'm taking her from behind, wind my hand in her hair and pull down firmly on the roots, making her head snap back. I lick her neck and start kissing her upturned face and lips. In between kisses: “Mmmm my princess' kisses are the best. I only want to kiss you. Aah, I love you so much.”

I start picking up the pace again.
“You’re my dirty slut, this pussy is only for me. I know you love my dick, I know you need it. Do what I want or I’m not going to fuck you again.”

Her: “Oh no, please keep fucking me, what do you want me to do?”

Me: “You need to love me dirty slut, because I love my little whore.”

Her: “Ah, I love you.”

Me: “You’re so beautiful, I want to come while looking into your eyes.”

4.1.3
Making Fantasies Come True

Now that you understand how to communicate your desires, let’s take a step further. Sexual fantasies are the best sex you’ve never had. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could make all of her and your fantasies come true?

Having a vivid sexual imagination is a wonderful thing. You can live out all your dirty fantasies in your mind without being stopped by
real world problems
. There’s no one judging or rejecting and everything is possible because you have full control over it. However, to bring these fantasies into real life you need to bridge the gap between fiction and reality.

Overview

1. Outside the Bedroom

How you handle yourself and her, is very important in closing the gap. We will look at four important factors that can turn fantasies into reality.

2. Inside the Bedroom

Most of her fantasies are based upon being desired by the right guy. These fantasies can be placed under three categories: dominant-submissive, voyeuristic-exhibitionist and group sex. To find out her fantasies you need to use dirty and sweet talk, and then see how she reacts. You will see one example in each category to be considered as a guide to ‘play out’ the fantasy, and also as a way to act them out in real life.

- side note

Fantasies can be really hard-core as some revolve around physical abuse and humiliation. These fantasies can be rewarding for yourself and her, but can also cause a great amount of physical and emotional agitation. Never force her into something that she doesn’t want. Always respect her and make sure she is OK with whatever is happening. This requires a high level of maturity.

Outside the Bedroom

To really bring fantasies to life inside the bedroom, you first need to start outside of the bedroom. Having a threesome with her best friend, going to a swingers party or fucking her in the ass may sound appealing to you. But to bridge the gap between fiction and reality, keep the next advice in mind, otherwise they may never happen.

Four Tips to Close the Gap

1. Normalizing your fantasies

In the first chapter I explained what a ‘real guy’ is; a man who is comfortable with himself. This also means being comfortable with your fetish or fantasy. You need to envision your preferences as being normal. Remember that we all have a vivid imagination, but we also live in a world were some fantasies are widely frowned upon.

Stop caring about these judgements; you’re free to embrace your kinky side. Only when you’re comfortable, can you start sharing them with your lady. If you’re not comfortable with your preferences, she won’t either. So normalize your fantasies internally and she will come to feel the same.

2. Never judge her

I’ve said this before, but I want to emphasize on this again: if you want her to do all kinds of kinky things, don’t judge her. If she feels you are accepting her sexual side in general life, she will feel a lot more comfortable to open up herself outside the bedroom and when having sex. Accepting her sexuality also means accepting the things she in not willing to do at this current time. Therefore, never judge her for something that she doesn’t want to do.

For example, if you are annoyed because she doesn’t want you to put your dick in her ass,
don’t
react angry, disappointed, or become pushy. It
will
ruin the sexual mood for her as she will no longer be in touch with her lustful desires. Instead it brings back her rational mind, which tells her to protect herself because she's lost trust in you.

Her mind will give her reasons as to why
not
to do the things you want. She starts to rationalize your fantasy and creates reasons why
not
to be fucked in the ass, why
not
to swallow your sperm or why
not
to be tied to the bed. She will feel like you want to take something from her and will feel forced into something she does not want. She will react defensively and will protect her limits with all of her energy as she doesn’t want to lose something. This will evidently not bring you closer to realising your fantasy.

A lover who follows the concept of dominance through equality will not be confronted with these problems because she will not feel like you are trying to force her into something. If she’s not open for it, don’t stress it. Respect her boundaries and continue the sexual experience without stopping. Be gentle and slow and she will trust you enough to follow you all of the way over time.

3. Build trust

Safety is a very important factor in realising fantasies. You already know that if you want her to follow she has to trust you, and needs to know that you are not going to cause her any harm. She doesn’t want to feel used, nor does she want you to abandon her when it’s all over. She may even be afraid that you will hurt her physically, or will place that sex tape on the internet.

She needs to be reassured that all of these fears are groundless. That’s why a lot of women are only capable of giving in to these fantasies when they feel a strong connection towards you. Trust is something that builds up slowly, but breaks fast. So, you will always have to be gentle and patient. This way she feels you can control and handle yourself.

This also shows her that you can handle her fantasies
and
gives her the trust to engage in yours. By respecting her boundaries, she will be able to push that line further and further over time.

4. Talk but don’t ask

Asking your girl straightforward to go to a striptease bar or to deep-throat your dick is not the way to go. This is something a dominant man doesn’t do because it places him in a dependent position. You are giving her control over your straightforward request, so her rational mind will tell her that
no
is the correct answer. Even if she does say yes, it’s simply to do you a favour and not because she would enjoy it. Furthermore,
don’t ask
her while having sex or in a typical daily situation.

You can discover both persons fantasies by
talking
about them, but never do so in a direct manner. Make sure she is relaxed and happy at the time. A good moment would be right after she has had a great sexual experience, when you’re both a little tipsy in a bar, or when you’re having philosophical man-woman discussions.

If she loves and trusts you, she will want to please her lover. She will love to know what your preferences and fantasies are, and make them come to life. She does this because she hopes you will desire her more. If she never asked you about these things, it’s probably because she is embarrassed to ask. It’s up to you to bring up these subjects in the right way to remove her inhibitions.

This means that when the conversation turns sexual, focus on sharing instead of asking. Don’t ask her what she’s done before, what she likes, or if she wants to be handcuffed and spanked by you. If you do this, she feels like you want something from her. She will feel forced by your questions, which will make her defensive.

Start by sharing some of your preferences, experiences and ideas about sexuality and she will follow. She will feel like you are
giving
her something, instead of wanting or taking something. There will no longer be any pressure, which means that at this point, you can share whatever it is going on in your dirty little minds.

The key is to be suggestive. Make suggestions, not requests. Offer her the opportunity and don't grasp at it in a needy, telling way. Instead, make it seem like something she could have thought of herself.

You have thus given her the freedom to express her desires freely and she will feel like you have given her a gift. She will therefore feel much more motivated in participating in your fantasies and will be much more open for you to take charge and bring her fantasies to life.

- Side note

I also advise that you start talking about sexuality as soon as possible when your relationship is developing; it creates a strong foundation in which the both of you can express your desires, likes, dislikes, insecurities, etc. If you don’t, you will probably find it hard to discuss these matters later on in the relationship.

In fact, it will look like you're just springing something onto her that she never saw coming, which will have her running the opposite way. This will trigger her self-preservation instincts because she never suspected that you had a darker side. But if you let her know early on, it prepares her for what lies in store and also hints at your true potential to be dominant and kinky.

Inside the Bedroom

While fucking her, combine dirty and sweet talk as much as you wish, but mix your fantasies in with your dialogue. It's only during these moments of heightened arousal that everything you say will hit her emotions with no influence from her rational brain. She will be highly influenced by your words and will link the pleasure of the moment with the words you are saying.

Describe your fantasy in detail while fucking her so that she becomes hypnotized and starts to imagine what you are saying. This is a great way of introducing your fantasies inside of the bedroom. It is the tool that bridges the gap between fiction and reality in a safe way, and important because she may not feel comfortable enough yet to really participate in your fantasy.

Some girls will like what you’re saying and jump into your fantasy right away. Others need more time to get used to your idea, yet get very excited upon hearing about your fantasy. Describe them repeatedly while having sex from time to time and she will eventually be ready to submit herself all the way into your desires.

However, there are some women who will find your words objectionable. This does not mean you have to stop describing your fantasy or fucking her. She is in a very aroused, emotional state of mind and will still connect this pleasure to your words.

Just beyond these good emotions that she gets to feel is the element of being
bad
. Knowing she is a part of something so dirty gives her an exciting experience as she's lost all control over what's happening, which then leaves her no other option but to surrender to your kinky words and desires.

In the end the positive emotions win over the negative ones. So keep bringing up your fantasy from time to time and maybe she’ll grow into the idea. If she is still resistant, don’t pressure her and let it go. After all, everyone experiences sexuality in their own way. This also applies to you. For example, some guys would have no issues in fucking a girl alongside five other guys, while others would be put off by the thought.

Her Number One Fantasy: Your Desires

Most women are not very keen on sharing their inner fantasies right away. They have inhibitions due to feelings of shame, guilt, or embarrassment. This makes it hard for you to create a role playing scenario. If you were to know what she is looking for, it would be a lot easier to make her dreams come true.

The number one fantasy that all women seek is to be desired. She wants to please and in most cases, she wants to please the lover of her dreams. If you become this lover in real life, she will want to do everything for you. Not because she loved it, but because
you
love it. Her desire to please you is an emotional reaction caused by a dominant man.

This need to be desired always takes place in a context or story and is the biggest difference between male and female fantasies. Male fantasies are always concrete. Maybe you want to fuck that hot girl's ass really hard, you have a thing for pink stockings, want to fuck a virgin, or love to spit on her. Whatever it is, your fantasies are always straightforward, explicit and mostly revolve around the act of sex.

For her the fantasy is more than sex, it’s about the build-up, what she feels during the moment, what kind of relationship she has with the man, how much he desires her. So she puts a lot more emphasis on the emotional part than you do.

Role Play to Fulfil Fantasies

There are two main spectrum’s the subject of fantasies revolves around: dominant-submissive and voyeuristic-exhibitionist. Besides these spectrum’s there are also fantasies that revolve around group sex, in which both spectra take a role.

Once you find out her fantasy or want to act out yours, you can use role play to bring out this fantasy, or can see it as a step up towards acting it out in real life. To fully give her this fantasy, you need to fully give yourself. You need to create the right context and become the right personage. The only way to reach her fantasy is by sticking to the story without hesitation.

You can feel this hesitation because some of these fantasies can become really extreme. Using role play is far better in most cases, as it is not dangerous or scary for her. This staged version of her fantasy feels much safer and comfortable. For most women, this lighter version is enough, but some like to take it a step further in order to live out the fantasy all the way. When this is the case, you will also need to step up because it will no longer be playtime.