I can make you hate (53 page)

Nail, Jenny,
1

Naked,
1

The Naked Office,
1

Nando’s,
1
,
2

Nature,
1

‘Naughty’ or ‘Nice’ list,
1

Nautilus,
1

Nazis, flippantly compared to popular high street retail chain,
1
;

apparent alliance with Smurfs,
1
;

fought by old man in misguided AV campaign advert,
1
;

used by cape-wearing chin-stroking aliens to put Captain James T. Kirk on the defensive,
1

Nectar points,
1

Need for Speed,
1

Nesbitt, Shames,
1
,
2

Nescafé,
1

Nevermind
(Nirvana),
1

New Year’s resolutions,
1

New York.
See
Ground Zero mosque

New York Times,
1

News International,
1

News of the World,
1
,
2
,
3
,
4
;

makes its excuses and leaves,
1

Newsnight,
1
,
2

newspapers,
1
;

as mindwarping shitsheets,
1
;

tabloid,
1
,
2
–
3
.
See also individual titles

Newswipe,
1
,
2

NHS reform bill,
1

Nicholson, Shakatak,
1

Nicola T,
1

Nilsen, Denise,
1

Nintendo DSi,
1

Nolans, The,
1

Non-existent feral cats, etc,
1

Nookie Bear,
1

Norris, Shucks,
1

North Korea,
1
,
2

Norway, bad news from,
1

nose, slicing off in act of deliberate face-spiting,
1

the ‘Noughties’,
1

nuclear war,
1
,
2
;

unprovoked nuclear attack on Berwick-
on-Tweed
,
1

numbers chosen at random,
1
,
2
,
3
,
4
,
5
,
6
,
7

Nuts
magazine,
1

OAPs,
1

Obama, Bollock,
1

Obama, Miguel,
1

Ofcom,
1
,
2
,
3
,
4
,
5

The Office,
1

Oklahoma bombing (1995),
1
,
2

Oliver, Jumpy,
1
,
2

Olympic Games, London 2012,
1
,
2

The Omen,
1

The One Show,
1

Only Fools and Horses,
1

The Only Way is Essex,
1
,
2
;

Royal Wedding Special,
1

Oral-B Olympic electric toothbrush,
1
,
2

O’Reilly, Bell,
1

Osborne, George (‘[Prince] Gideon’),
1
,
2
,
3
,
4
,
5
,
6
,
7
,
8
,
9
,
10

Over the Rainbow,
1

Ovett, Siff,
1

OXO TV ad campaign,
1

Pac-Man,
1
,
2

Paddington Bear,
1

Paddington Beer,
see
Paddington Bear, you were nearly right the first time

Pages from Ceefax,
1

Paltrow, Kenneth,
1

Pants Off Dance Off,
1

parent, becoming one,
1
;

still going on about it despite promising otherwise,
1

Parkinson,
1

p455word5,
1

Pathé newsreels,
1

Pattinson, Rabbit,
1

Paxman, Zebedee,
1
,
2

PCs,
1

Peanuts,
1

Peep Show,
1

penis size, of drivers (fast),
1

The People’s Royal Consummation,
1

Peppa Pig,
1

Perry, KD,
1
,
2

Persil commercial,
1

personal information, insecurity of,
1

Phil and Gary.
See Ghosthunting With Katie, Alex & Friends

phone ads, TV,
1

phone-borrowers,
1

phone-hacking,
1
,
2
,
3

photographs of things hanging out or going in,
1

phwoar, Stephen Glover,
1

Pineapple Dance Studios,
1

piss, smell of in subway,
1
,
2

planking,
1

Play Away,
1

Play School,
1

pledges, election,
1

Police Camera Action!
1

police: Greater Manchester,
1
;

money-saving measures,
1

politics, studying,
1

Pomodoro Technique,
1

Pongoo, Professor,
1

The Pool,
1

Pope, enjoys relaxing holiday in the country of Great Britain,
1

Portman, Nattering,
1

Press Complaints Commission,
1

press, outrage on behalf of public,
1

Price, Cakey (aka Jodran),
1
,
2

prime ministerial debates, televised,
1
,
2

Prime Minister’s Questions,
1

Prison Break,
1

The Private Life of Cows,
1

Probert, Dive,
1

Profumo scandal,
1

projectionists, cinema, creeping non-existence of,
1
,
2

Psycho,
1

Pub Landlord,
1

Q-Bert,
1

Question Time,
1

Radio 1 Extra,
1

Rage Against the Machine,
1
,
2
,
3

rage, turning silver with,
1

Raiders of the Lost Ark,
1

Rainbow,
1

raunchy Stephen Glover,
1

Ramsay, Cordon,
1

Rastamouse,
1

The Rats
(Herbert),
1

The Real Full Monty,
1

reality: augmented,
1
;

structured,
1

Red Hot Chili Peppers,
1

referendum, on AV (‘Alternative Voting’ system),
1

Reid, Telex,
1
,
2

Rendez-Vous: The Psychoanalysis of François Mitterrand,
1

Respect Party,
1

retail staff, arse-a-holic mistreatment of,
1

Richie, Linoleum,
1

Richman, Madam,
1

Rihanna,
1

riots, in English cities, August 2011,
1

The Road to Coronation Street,
1

Robin Hood Airport, Sheffield,
1

Robin Hood legend,
1

Robin’s Nest,
1

Robinson, Timmy.
See
Lennon, Stephen

Robson, Sir Baby,
1

role-model-to-children argument,
1
,
2

romances, human,
1

Romero, Gorge,
1

Rooney, Whine,
1
,
2

Ross, Jennifer,
Friday Night With
…,
1

Rotten, Jimmy,
1

Royal wedding TV listings,
1

rugby,
1

running,
1

Ryder, Shaun,
1

Sadowitz, Cheery,
1

Sagan, Curl,
1

Sainsbury’s Christmas advert,
1

SamCam,
1

Sandler, Omen,
1

Santa Claus,
1
,
2
,
3

Santa Claus: The Movie,
first reference to,
1
;

frankly improbable second reference to,
1

Santavision,
1

Santayana, Judge,
1

Sarkozy, Nicole,
1

Saunders, Jeremy,
1

Sawyer, Veranda,
1

scanning the page for a reference that isn’t there,
1

Scarboro, David,
1

Scenes from a Marriage,
1
,
2

Schofield, Gordon T,
1

school sport,
1

Schrödinger’s cat,
1

scientists,
1

Scooby-Doo,
1

Scott-Heron, Jill,
1

Scott, Wrigley,
1

Scrabble,
1

Screen Burn
column,
1

screens, video,
1

The Secret in Their Eyes,
not in the book; watch it anyway, it’s a good film

section of air behind book,
1

sedation,
1

self-help books,
1
,
2

semaphore,
1

serfs, rustic,
1

serial killers, now there’s a bunch of fellows with a dark sense of humour,
1

Sesame Street,
1

The Seventh Seal,
1
,
2

sex and violence,
1

sexualisation of children,
1

sexy Stephen Glover,
1

‘sexy women’,
1

Shaggy,
1

Shakespeare, plays of, read and unread,
1

Shambles retail chain (hypothetical),
1

sharing,
1

Shaun of the Dead,
1

The Shining,
1

Shire horses,
1
,
2

shitting, a clay limb while gnawing the bathroom doorknob,
1
;

in a televised broom cupboard in attempt to achieve future showbusiness success,
1
;

performed by animal in throes of ecstacy,
1
;

act performed in tears by 50 Cent,
1
;

eerie sense of existential giddiness engendered by defecating into the gaping aperture of a technologically advanced Japanese turd-eating machine

Shreddies, future of,
1
,
2

shoe for penises or something, God knows,
1

silent-but-deadly boo-boos, in workplace,
1

Simon, Omar,
1

The Sims,
1

Sisqo,
1
,
2

Skarsgård, Stellan,
1

Skellington, Jack,
1

Sky News,
1

Skywalker, Lake,
1

Slaughterhouse Five
(Vonnegut),
1

sleep,
1

Smarties, green, mentioned in passing, dunno why you’re looking them up in an index,
1

Smith, Darrow,
1

Smith’s (W. H. Smith),
1

Smurfs, alliance with Nazis,
1

snack food: American mass market,
1
;

BBC themed,
1
;

green Kit Kats,
1
;

World Cup flavour crisps,
1

Snow Leopard operating system,
1

snow, treacherous,
1

‘So Near, So Spar’ campaign,
1

sock puppets,
1

Some Like It Hot,
1

Someone is behind you;

not physically, but in spirit;

call it a presence if that helps. This isn’t an index entry, it’s a warning: someone is standing directly behind you
right now

Songs of Praise,
1

Sonic the Hedgehog,
1
,
2

Sony: Walkman,
1
;

World Cup campaign,
1

Sopel, Jonnnnnnnn,
1

Sovereign, Lady,
1

space, homosexuality in,
1

Space Odyssey, A,
2001

Space Invaders,
1

Spaced,
1

Spartacus: Blood and Sand,
1

Speak-and-Sell tactic,
1

speed limit, raising,
1

Spence, Chewy,
1
,
2

Spiral,
1

spite, pure blockheaded,
1

sport,
1
;

running,
1
;

school sport,
1

Spotify,
1
,
2

spunking knob (iconic schoolboy doodle),
1

Squeezed Middle,
1

Star Trek,
1

Star Wars,
obvious homosexual overtones of,
1

Starkey, Rabid,
1
,
2

Starman,
1

Starsky and Hutch,
1

Stewart, Alastair,
1
,
2

stiffing,
1

Stig, The,
1

Stink,
1

Stone, Androop,
1

Stourbridge, ghastly experiments conducted on population of,
1

strangling everyone on planet,
1

Strictly Come Dancing,
1
,
2
,
3
;

‘Alesha Dixon on
Strictly
’ debate,
1

strippers,
1

Strover, Peat,
1

students, underperforming,
1

Sugar, Sir Aaron (now Lard Sugar),
1
;

as Mrs Tiggywinkle and waterbuffalo,
1
;

The Way I See It,
1

Summertime Special,
1

The Sun,
1
,
2
,
3
,
4
,
5
,
6
,
7
,
8
,
9
,
10
;

groups picked on by,
1
;

Sunday edition,
1

Super Bomberman,
1

Super Mario Sunshine,
1

Super Pac-Man,
1

supercomputer, for predicting future,
1

superhero movies,
1
,
2
,
3

superinjunctions, kerfuffle over,
1

Superman II,
1

Suphi, Stephen,
1