I Need You (24 page)

He combed his fingers through my hair, then kissed my forehead. I didn’t move. I was happy where I was, using his body as a mattress. He was solid and dependable. His fingers kept combing through my hair.

I’d found heaven. Nothing else mattered but him.

But ultimately reality had to return. Nothing in life was dependable. Everything had a conclusion. I couldn’t control anything.

I rolled off him on to my back, and watched as he got up and went to the bathroom to get rid of the condom.

Sadness settled in my soul again. There was no escape…

“You okay?” he asked as he slipped back beneath the comforter.

“Yeah.” I smiled half-heartedly. No. Nothing in my life was okay.
Liar, this was okay…

“Come here.” He lifted an arm. I could have turned and spooned like we normally did, but I wanted to be held and comforted. I turned to face him and he smiled, rolling onto his back as I pillowed my head on his leopard.

His fingers played with my hair as I fell asleep, his leather bracelet catching my ear.

Chapter Thirteen

Billy

I picked up Lindy’s case and slid it into the back of the SUV as she watched, her arms crossed over her body, her hands gripping either elbow.

She’d been quiet since yesterday. She obviously wasn’t looking forward to going home. Since we’d met Nial and Sawyer and their crew, we’d spent every day with them, doing something. Last night we’d sat down on the beach, round a campfire, listening to them sing, in just the same way we’d first seen them.

Their presence had pissed me off a lot, but it had been making Lindy smile a lot, so I’d kept my mouth shut. I had her alone at night, when we went to bed.

I’d miss that.

We still hadn’t talked about what the sex was about. I had no idea if it was gonna continue in some way, or if, when we got home, that was it… Did she consider me her boyfriend… or was I just an on-the-rebound guy?

Shit, that would stink; if she’d just used me to get over Jason and when we got back home we were done. That would be a major-league kick in the balls.

The leopard clawed my chest as I loaded up the last of our stuff. That had been a promise to myself, not to get trapped by jealousy. I was gonna keep that promise now. I wasn’t gonna be the guy left hurting like hell anymore.

I slammed the back door shut, then turned to Lind. Her gaze lifted, she’d been looking at the asphalt.

“You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

I smiled reassuringly. She didn’t echo it. Just turned to get in. I moved ahead of her and got the door. She didn’t look my way as she slid into the seat.

I went round to the driver’s side, pulling the keys out of my pocket.

Home.

This was gonna be shit.

She didn’t talk while I drove. She seemed no happier than she’d done on the drive out.

When I pulled up in front of her parents’ house, I was in the dumps too. I didn’t want to let her go.

Her cell buzzed and as she looked at whatever text had come in she smiled for the first time today. Admittedly not jubilantly, but it was a smile.

“What?”

She looked at me. “Nial said he’s got a gig sorted in Portland in two weeks. He’s inviting us to go meet up with them there. Shall we go?”

Shit! All my self-preservation and promises slipped through my fingers like dry sand running away. “What the fuck for?”

Her eyes widened at my bark.

“The guy’s been sniffing around you for a week. Why are you encouraging him?”

“Billy––”

I hit the wheel with the heel of my palm, frustration rearing its head and my internal leopard roaring. I glared at her. “Billy nothing! You’ve been flirting with him and sleeping with me for a week, Lind. You need to make up your mind what you want. Who you want!”
I am not playing fucking second place to another guy in your life! I did that for too long with Jason!
Fortunately I was still controlled enough not to let the last bit spill out of my mouth, but I shoved an accusing finger in her direction.

“Billy––”

She looked confused and horrified. I didn’t care. I’d had enough of her playing games with me. “Lindy! You’ve been fucking me! Why the hell have anything to do with him?”

Her brow creased above her nose, her narrow eyebrows pulling down. But instead of answering or shouting back, she shook her head, her eyes glittering with tears. Then she turned and opened the door.

“Lindy!”

She slipped out of my reach and out of the SUV before I could grab her arm and stop her.

Shit.

I released my seatbelt as she ran up the path to her house. I opened my door. “Lindy!”

She disappeared into the house.

“Fuck!”

I was a douchebag at times. I’d spent two weeks making her feel better and then brought her home and shouted at her. “You are an A-hole, Billy Worrall.” I slipped out of the SUV to get her stuff.

Her dad came out.

Great. Now I was gonna get it. Mr. Martin was known to hold grudges.

“Lindy asked me to come fetch her stuff.” He didn’t look or sound angry. I opened the back of the SUV.

“Yeah.” That was all I could think to say.

“How is she? Is she feeling any better?”

She had been.
Guilt threw a fist at me. Not only for the argument but because I’d been having sex with his daughter for over a week with no clear intention.

That was a lie, I had intent, I just hadn’t checked out what hers was––apart from wanting to come. She’d achieved that numerous times. Go Billy! The end.

I handed him Lindy’s case. “She seems better. We hung out with a group there, and she enjoyed that.”

“Good.” He smiled at me. “Thank you for taking her away, Billy. I think she needed a vacation. I appreciate you helping her.” He picked up Lindy’s backpack and slung it over his shoulder.

Guilt threw another punch at me. “Yeah.”

“Well then, Billy. I’m sure we’ll see more of you. You’ve been a good friend to Lindy.” Mr. Martin turned his back on me and carried Lindy’s stuff up to the house.

I looked at the windows. Nothing moved behind the netting. I wondered if her mom was in there counseling her on avoiding me… Maybe… But who knew as no one had seen her mom for months.

But I sensed Lindy watching––probably cursing me…

“You idiot.” I slammed the rear door shut and headed for the driver’s side, angry with myself.

Fuck it.

Lindy

“Sweetheart, you look better.”

Billy drove off and I turned away from the window as Mom came into the room. “You look pale.”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, Lindy love. I’m worried over you.”

I went to her. “You don’t need to. I promised I won’t do it again…” I’d stopped the tears from falling when Billy had shouted at me, but now they came.

I’d wanted to hit him. It was bad enough coming home… Why had he turned on me? Usually I’d have shouted back, telling him what I thought. But today I was too fragile. “Mom.” I breathed in her perfume as her arms came around me and mine wrapped around her. She’d gotten so thin.

“Honey.” Her fingers ran over my hair.

I could feel her ribs as I held her.

“Don’t cry, sweetie.”

I pulled away, wiping my eyes. The pain I’d been suffering for years cut into my chest. I wished it would just go away, but it would only go away if Mom got better or… I couldn’t think of “or”. I didn’t want to lose her––but she wouldn’t get better. “I’m sorry. Billy and I argued.”

Dad came in as Mom gripped my hand and he glanced at me. I didn’t want him to know I’d argued with Billy. He wouldn’t understand. I smiled at him, biting my lip.

He nodded. “I’ll put your things in your room?”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“It’s good to have you home.”

I should have said, it was good to be home, but the words stuck in my throat.

Mom brushed my hair off my cheek. “Come and sit down with me and share. We’ll put it all to rights…”

Tears blurred my vision as I curled up against her, my arms slipping about her waist as hers rested across my shoulders. “Now tell me everything…”

I wished I could tell her
everything
––and everything would be right.

My cell vibrated in the back pocket of my pants. It would be Billy. I didn’t look at it.

“We…” I told Mom about Nial and Sawyer and their friends, and Billy being a jealous jerk––it wasn’t so charming when it made him shout. But I missed out the bit that we’d had sex numerous times. I just told her we’d been kissing.

Billy

‘Hey, come on, Lind, answer me. I said sorry.’ I tapped the send icon and watched the little bar slide across.

My cell made a zippy sound, announcing the text had gone.

No reply came back.

She’d ignored my calls, messages and texts yesterday as well as today.

I threw my cell onto the passenger seat. Frustration boiled so bad inside me, I could smash the stupid thing.

I got out to go meet another client, shoving Lindy out of my mind.

If she could do it to me, I had to learn to do the same.

I’d forgotten how many reps two of my clients had done. And all the guys accused me of working them too aggressively.

At lunch I decided enough was enough when she still didn’t pick up my call but pushed it to answerphone.

I wasn’t like her…

I drove to her house.

As I walked up to the door, my hand tapped out a nervous drumbeat on my thigh.

After I’d dropped the knocker three times, I stood back, my hand running through my hair. Then I messed my hair up again to spike it, rather than leave it flattened.

Shit. My heart thumped like crazy. It felt like I breathed exhaust fumes the air was so scarce.

Someone walked along the hall toward the door, a figure moving beyond the net that covered the door. I rubbed my sweaty palms on my sweat shirt. I had humble pie to eat.

I’d glared at my stupid dumb leopard last night, reminding myself the plan was not to let envy keep clawing at me. But my head just couldn’t help it.

“Mrs. Martin.” Her mother opened the door. OMG. She had changed.

“Billy?”

She looked really thin. “You okay?” Maybe it was rude to ask, but last time I’d seen her she’d been about 20Ib heavier. But that had been a long time ago. Anyway, if she’d lost weight deliberately, she’d lost too much. It made her look drawn underneath her makeup.

“I’m fine, thank you, Billy. I guess you’re here to call on Lindy but I’m afraid she’s not here. She’s at the Macinlay store if you want to see her. I know she’d hate to have missed you.”

I wasn’t sure she’d care that she’d missed me, and I certainly wasn’t going down to Jason’s store to have it out with her. “Thanks Mrs. Martin, I’ve got to get back to work, but would you tell her I came round.”

“Yes, dear.”

I turned away, angry again, my internal leopard scoring my skin.

I climbed back in the SUV.

My clients this afternoon were gonna get a hell of a workout. What the fuck had she gone down to Jason’s store for?

I smashed my palm on the wheel and gritted my teeth.

Why couldn’t the girl get it? He didn’t want her anymore.

I grabbed my cell, slid up my contacts and called her number. It rang four times, then went onto answer.

“Please leave a message after the tone.”

“Lindy! If you are down at the store, thinking you have a chance with Jason now; you need to get your head screwed on straight. Because there’s a reason you two were shit in bed! He never loved you, and you never loved him! Just admit it to yourself!”

I ended the call, growling at my reflection in the rearview mirror, and tossed the cell aside before slipping the gearshift into auto and slamming my foot down on the gas.

Fuck it! Fuck her! I’d had enough.

Chapter Fourteen

Lindy

Nervous sensations did a line-dance over my skin. This was a crazy thing to do. But Billy had been pushing me to break boundaries and I was never gonna move on unless I smashed this one to pieces.

My hand shook as I pushed the door open. The bell above it rang to tell people working in the store I’d come in.

Shit, this place––the smell of wood polish on the floor, the sound of the bell, stirred deep in my soul. Tears clouded my vision. This store had been a massive part of my life for years. It had been my second home. My sanctuary… Until Jason had left me, and then––how the hell could I have stayed?

I’d lost everything all at one go.

Jason and I had planned to run his dad’s store together. No, that was a lie. He hadn’t wanted it at all. That had been my plan.

He’d gone to New York, left me to it, and then come back less than a year later with someone else––to do what I had planned for the two of us ––and he’d rejected. No. He had not rejected it, he’d rejected me, even then.

My chin tilted as I forced myself to walk on, controlling my breathing so I didn’t sound panicked. I panicked internally. I wanted to run right back out.

“Lindy?” Surprise raced through Jason’s wife’s pitch––but not horror or anger.

She stood behind the counter, wearing a carrier that had the baby snuggled up against her breasts.

Jealousy plunged a sharp dagger into my right breast.

“Can I help you?” She started to walk out from behind the counter.

I lifted my hand, to stop her. “It’s okay. I haven’t come to cause trouble. I just… May I speak to Jason if he’s here?”

Her expression said, why, but she didn’t say the word. “Hang on, I’ll text and ask him to come out here.”

Her cell was on the counter by the cash register, she picked it up and typed quickly.

I bit my lip as I waited. I bet Jason wouldn’t want to talk to me, but I knew he would talk to me. He may have let me down badly, but he was a nice guy. He hadn’t wanted to hurt me. He had, though.

Rachel’s gaze lifted from the screen of her cell to me. “He said, he’ll be right out.”

I took a deep breath, praying for courage. “How’s the baby?”