I Need You (26 page)

I went to get some juice from the fridge and drank it from the carton, staring at my cell, not sure how I’d managed to make a mess of things within hours of getting home.

The leather bracelet Lindy had made years ago slid up my wrist.

My cell rang, playing out
Clarity by Foxes
.

It was Jason.

“Hey. When are you gonna return my calls and come out for a drink again?”

I smiled. “Hey. Tonight if you like. I could do with someone to talk to.”

“Cool. Rach can drive, then we can both drink.”

“No, I’ll drive. If I drink too much, I’m only gonna be cursing.”

“Why?”

“Never mind. I’ll tell you later.”

“What time’s good for you?”

“Half seven…”

“Done. That gives me a chance to help Rach get Saint to sleep.”

“He sleeps?” I laughed.

“Yeah. Pretty good. We normally get a couple of hours’ peace before he’s hungry again.” There was that proud daddy pitch.

“Family life’s got you all roped in.”

“I know. I love it. I’ll see you later.” The guy was smiling; I could hear it down the cell.

Whatever Lindy had gone in to say to him today, it hadn’t annoyed him. But then he’d been so frickin’ happy lately maybe even if she’d ranted at him, it wouldn’t dent his mood.

“Okay.” I ended the call. I’d go down the gym for an hour after all. Pumping weights and working out would help me fight my frustration.

I wanted what Jason had with Rachel between me and Lindy. Well, minus the kid. But the relationship, yeah.

Chapter Fifteen

Billy

“Billy! Hey! You okay?” Jason had waited outside the bar. We gave each other a masculine hug. I had my friend back.

I shrugged. “Let’s get a drink.”

His hand rested on my shoulder as we walked into the bar, then slid off.

“How’s Saint? How’s Rachel?”

“Saint’s fine.” He grinned, but then his smile fell a little. “But Rach’s moods swing from one extreme to the other lately, and sometimes so fucking fast it’s crazy. She’s a like riding a rollercoaster. I hang on as she races up and down. It’s ‘cause she’s given up her meds to breastfeed. So one minute she is laughing like crazy over nothing and so excited she can’t sleep. One night I found her making Saint a blue birthday cake he’s too young to eat. Then the next hour, she’s quiet and tired and all she wants to do is hug Saint. But she’s determined to keep feeding him. She won’t give in. And if that’s what she wants, I’ll keep hanging on. She’s had a shit life so far, she deserves to do what she wants.” He smiled again. “I’ll get the beers; you get us a seat.”

I headed for the farthest, quietest, corner of the bar and sat at a table. Jason came over with two bottles and sat facing me. He slid one of the bottles across the table to me.

“So what’s made you down then? Where’d you go away to anyway?”

Ignoring the second question I answered the first. “Lindy and I have fallen out again.”

His eyebrows lifted. “She came down to the store today––”

“I know. That’s partly why. ‘Cause I told her to stop chasing after you––”

“She wasn’t chasing after me. She came into the store to draw a line on the past.”

“To what?”

He’d taken a drink from his beer. He wiped his mouth. “To make friends and put it all behind us. She apologized. I apologized. She forgave me, and then she talked to Rachel too.”

“Lindy?”

A tilted smile tugged his lips. “Yeah, Lindy.”

“I didn’t expect that.”

“Neither did I. I thought she was gonna shout at me when she asked to speak to me alone.”

“And what did she say?”

“That she accepted I’d moved on, and she wanted to move on too. We agreed to say hi when we see each other… I mean we were together for years, it feels really weird when she crosses the street to avoid me.”

Thanks for the punch in the gut––
we were together for years.

I knew that. My hand ran through my hair, Lindy’s words washed over me. I shut my eyes and messed up my hair again so it spiked.

I was a douche.

“You okay?”

I looked at Jason. “Yeah.” I finished my beer. “I’ll get us another.”

“I thought you were driving?”

“I have a lot of muscle for the alcohol to disappear in, one more won’t do me any harm.”

He lifted his bottle in a gesture of thanks.

When I got to the bar, I slipped my cell out of my back pocket. “Two more bottles.” I ordered them, then opened the texts and found Lindy’s name.

‘Hey, I owe you an apology. I’m sorry. I just talked to Jason, and he told me what you said at the store. I am a douchebag. Sorry.’

As the guy put the bottles down on the counter, my cell vibrated.

I glanced down as I reached for my wallet. ‘Yeah you are! And what about the Nial accusation?’

Smiling, I took the hit in the gut, put my cell down and paid. When he turned to the cash register, I replied, ‘Hey.’ I was still pissed off about Nial.

‘What about Nial?!’

‘Sorry.’ I had no choice but to clear the air.

‘Accepted.’

‘Thank you.’

‘You ARE a douchebag, though!’

‘I know.’ I looked up to see the guy hovering with my change. Dropping him a dollar tip, I picked up the bottles and headed back to Jason.

A smile touched my lips.

How did she do this to me? Make my heart leap around at her will.

I pushed Jason’s bottle across the table as I sat, then leaned forward and asked a question I couldn’t resist. “When you were with Lindy, was she hung up on what she looked like?”

His eyebrows lifted. “Why?”

“Just tell me, was she? I mean I’ve noticed lately how she’s always made-up and I’ve never seen her in a bikini. She’s always kept t-shirts on when we’ve gone swimming.” That was a lie, I had now. But… I hadn’t before we’d gone away.

Jason frowned, asking why I was asking again, without saying the word.

I held my silence, pushing him to speak.

“I guess.”

“You guess. You must have known.”

He looked awkward. “Okay then, I’d say yes. She never liked… Well. Whatever. I don’t think she’d want me talking to you about that.”

No she definitely wouldn’t.

I sat back. “Did you never try to do anything to help her get over it?”

His brow furrowed. “How?”

“Tell her there was nothing wrong with her, for a start.” My voice came out more aggressive than I’d intended.

“Seriously, are we talking about Lindy? The girl who doesn’t listen to anyone…”

“Yeah. But you could have been more forceful, you could have made her get it.”

“Made her?” He shrugged. “I could never make Lindy do anything. Good luck if you plan to.”

My free hand ran through my hair. Shit. I’d flattened it again. I roughed it up, then let my hand drop and met his gaze. “She needs someone to help her. You didn’t. You fucked her up.” It seemed that now that my leopard had laid off Lindy it was clawing at Jason.

His brow screwed up. “Fucked her up?”

One hand clutched my beer, my other slapped down on the table. “Why the hell did you keep her hanging all those years; you can’t have loved her?”

He shook his head. “Where is this coming from?”

“From the fact the girl is a mess and you’re to blame. It’s obvious you care way more for Rachel… So why the hell did you stay with Lind all those years, just screwing the girl up?”

“I do care more for Rach, but how the fuck could I know the difference before? When Rachel hit me like a tornado, it was only then I found out what I felt for Lindy was just a breeze, like she was a sister. And everything about Lindy and me was about her. You know that. She chased me to get with her. I couldn’t have done anything different. She wouldn’t have let me!”

I leaned back. “You were too weak. You should’ve just stood up to her.”

“And I guess you’ve got yourself down for that.” His eyebrows lifted.

“Well, someone’s got to help her.”

A smile pulled his lips sideways. “I do remember you slept with her when she and I were still together, you know.”

“So. We had that conversation.”

The smile split his face, then he laughed. “Do you like her?”

“Of course I like her. I lived with you two for three years…” I shrugged and took a swig from my beer bottle.

His eyes narrowed and he leaned forward. “Okay, then, I mean do you more than just like her?”

Shit, my gaze turned to a group of guys behind him. I swallowed, then focused back on Jason. It made no difference to him now. “Probably. Possibly. I don’t know.”
I did know
.

His head tipped back as he laughed, then his hand came up and smacked my shoulder. “Well if you like her. Tell her.”

I lifted an eyebrow at him. Lindy was not ready for a declaration. But surely she knew I
liked
her. “And if when I tell her she runs for the hills?”

“Ha. Ha. She may.”

I made a face at him as my free hand began tapping a rhythm on the table.

Jason leaned forward. “Seriously, if you and Lindy get together, I’ll be glad for you.”

I gave him a sneer in answer. “Why? ‘Cause then you can forget you’re guilty of messing her up?”

“That,” he smiled and nodded, then said in a deeper voice, “and, I want Lindy to be happy, so if you like her then I am all for it. You have my approval.”

I grimaced. “I don’t frickin’ need or want your approval, and neither does she. If we get together it will be nothing to do with you.”

He leaned back laughing and smiled wide again. “You’re caught. You really like her.”

I’ve been caught for years.
I didn’t admit that to him. My cell started ringing, the beat of
Clarity by Foxes
filling the air.

I pulled it out my pocket. Lindy.

“Hey.” I didn’t look at Jason. I looked beyond him as I answered. I didn’t want him to guess it was her.

“Hey, is that all. You said you were sorry, and then nothing. Do you want to come over and pick me up?”

“I… I…” Shit. I stood up nodding at Jason, and began walking out of the bar.

“Where are you? It sounds noisy.”

“Hang on a minute.”

The cold night air hit me as I went outside. It was dark. “I’m at a bar with Jason, I’ve come outside so I can talk.”

“You’re with Jason?”

“Yeah, we came out for a drink.”

“Oh.” She sounded like all the air got knocked out of her.

“Why did you call?”

“To ask if you wanted to come over and pick me up, so we could go somewhere.”

“Where?”

“Well just for a drive or something, but if you’re already out––”

“Jason will want to get back early anyway. He won’t want to stay out when Rach is at home with the baby. I’ll come and pick you up after we’re done.”

“Okay. Text me when you leave the bar then, and I’ll wait outside.”

“Okay. See you in a while.”

She hung up. With no goodbye, no I missed you. Nothing. What was up with her? She was so hard to judge.

Slipping my cell back in my pocket, I headed in.

Jason leaned back in his seat staring at the bottle he held in his hand.

“You alright?” I prodded.

He looked up and smiled. “Yeah. Just getting my head round you and Lindy being an item.”

“We’re not an item, and, fuck, do not say that to her, she’ll run a mile. We’re just friends.”
Friends who fuck.

Jason’s eyebrows lifted. “That was her calling, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” I may as well admit it, I’m sure my expression had given it away anyway.

“What did she say?”

None of your business. “She wanted to see me, that’s all.”

“That’s a good sign, though, isn’t it?”

“Jason. She’s hung up on you. She still thinks of me as a friend.”

“She said today she wants to move on.”

“But saying it and doing it are two different things.”

“You were the one who just had a go at me for not standing up to her. Stand up to her and tell her you want to be more than friends.”

Friends who fuck
. “I don’t want to scare her off.”

He made a face. “Okay, so now you know working out Lindy is tough. I never succeeded, so good luck.”

I changed the subject then, I wasn’t comfortable talking about her with him. It felt too like I was going behind her back.

When we finished our third drink––a cola, ‘cause I was driving and Jason was a lightweight when it came to beer––we agreed to call it a night.

“I’ll call Rach to come pick me up.”

“No, I’ll drive you home.”

“But you have Lindy to go and see.”

“It won’t take long.”

Grinning at me he got up. “Come on, I’d hate to be the thing that holds you two apart any longer.”

Now there was a statement.

I didn’t text her; I called her. “Hey, I’ve just dropped Jason off at his place, I’m coming over now.”

“I’ll come outside and meet you.”

“See you soon.”

“Yeah.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

All very
friendly
.

I slotted the gearshift into auto and put my foot on the gas, but I couldn’t rush; it was a built- up area. My belly did jack-jumps and my hands were fucking shaking when I saw her as I turned into her road. She stood under a streetlamp a little up the road from her house, her arms clutched across her middle and her eyes looking out for my SUV. She had on a short skirt and a loose sweat top. Her bare legs looked pale in the electric light.

When I pulled up opposite her, she ran across the road, yanked open the passenger door, and got in. I smiled at her. She wasn’t smiling; she looked as haunted as she’d looked before we’d gone away.

“You okay?”

After she pulled the seatbelt on, her hands slipped under her thighs as she looked at me. “Yeah.”

“Where’d you wanna go?”

“Out to the lake.” She bit her lip.

“Okay.” I gunned the engine and headed off. She never said a word as we drove out there. But it was only a few miles out of town.

The track was dark and rugged, the SUV bounced through the potholes. I pulled up behind the trees in the parking area, to make sure if anyone else came out here we’d be less likely to be seen. It was private property, but we all used the place for a little privacy now and then. Putting the SUV in park, I switched off the engine.