If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) (27 page)

“Barry,”
she gasped as her hand automatically pressed against his chest and at the same
time she arched back, giving him more access to her throat, melting under the
assault of his tongue.

After
teasing her a while longer, Barrington answered, “Yes,” and studied her full
lips.

Perri
could only stare up at him, mesmerized by his beauty, enraptured by his charm,
and enslaved by his one-of-a-kind way of loving her intimately. Tears came to
her eyes. Barrington gently licked them away. He kissed her cheek, nose,
forehead, then softly kissed her eyelids closed. All she could do was sigh
because at that point she was totally lost in his love, forgetting that there
was even a such thing as tomorrow. All that mattered was here and now with her
husband. She quivered at just the thought that this beautiful man doing
wonderful things to her was truly her husband, the man that God sent to love
her through. And he'd freely chosen to spend his life with her! Marveling at
his awesomeness, Perri cried.

“Shhh,
sweet Perri. You don't have to cry alone anymore.” The tears in his eyes
matched hers. “Baby, from this point on, I even want to share your tears.” He
gently kissed her lips. “When you hurt, baby, I hurt, too. When you're happy,
Perri, I'm happy, too.” He deepened the kiss only breaking it when she needed
to breathe. “I only want to make you happy.”

“You
do, Barrington. You do.”

“Do
I?” When she nodded, he said, “Really?”

“You
really have to ask?” She kissed him until she was sure he was sure.

Lifting
his wife in his arms, Barrington headed for their bedroom. Placing her on the
bed, he took his time removing what little material covered her beautiful body,
revealing every part of her to him—naked and not ashamed. Lowering his head, he
automatically licked one full breast causing her to cry out in what he mistook
as pleasure.

Pushing
his head away, Perri snapped, “That's Imani's happy meal!”

Trying
his best not to laugh at her very serious expression, Barrington said, “Sorry.
I forgot, baby.” When the creases in her forehead diminished, he knew her anger
had subsided, and he asked, “How long before”—he looked at her luscious, plump
and overly ripe breasts—“they become my happy meal again?”

Shrugging,
she told him, “I plan to breastfeed until she's eight months. Madear said it'd
be okay to put her on whole milk then, especially since she has such a healthy
appetite.”

Already
having calculated the time frame, he said, “So, in four months, I get
my
twins back?”

They
both burst into laughter.

Framing
his face, Perri kissed Barrington's smooth, chiseled cheek. “Yes.”

“Promise?”
He eyed her breasts again, wanting very badly to suckle them now.

She
laughed at the wanton look in his eyes as she watched him watch her breasts
like they were the last supper and this were the only opportunity he'd have to
ravish them like there was no tomorrow. “I promise, G-Man, the day after Imani
turns eight months,” she lifted his chin so his eyes were on hers instead of
her breasts, “the twins will be yours to nurse again.” She sealed the vow with
a very seductive and wickedly tantalizing kiss. “For now,” she winked and
licked her lips, knowing it was a turn on for him, “you can do
whatever
you want with the rest of my body.”

“Well,
all right, now. Careful what you tell me because I'm gonna take you at your
word.”

“Take
my word, my money, my house, my car, take anything you want. Take me any way
you want. I don't care, baby, long as you take me with you.”

His
cock definitely responded. ”Guess we'd better get this love-fest started because
I'm not through with you yet, baby,” he promised.

“I
hope not. But now, Barrington, it's my turn to take care of you.”

He
chuckled. “You always take care of me, Perri.”

“Well,
now, I'm gonna love you, baby, like there's no tomorrow.” She straddled him,
not breaking eye contact with him, feeling the heat of his manhood, she slowly
eased down on his cock, taking all of him fully inside her as she closed her
eyes and relished the feel of him mushrooming inside of her. Perri smiled when
he moaned out his cries of pleasure. “This is where you belong, Barry.” She
arose slightly and came back down on his manhood harder, squeezing her pelvic
muscles around his shaft. “Always,” she said, gazing lovingly in his eyes.

“Hold
on tight, baby.” Wrapping her legs around his waist, she whispered, “Enjoy the
ride,” and rode her husband, hard, fast, and furious and she didn't stop until
he was melting in her arms, begging her to stop before he cried out her name
numerous times in the heat of his release. Inwardly, she took total delight,
knowing she had him hollering for her like that. But instead of saying that to
him, Perri slowly began to ride him once more, grateful that he was immediately
fully aroused again, joining her for the second round. In her mind, it was
still all about Barrington, and she wanted to make sure her husband got his—as
much as he wanted. She flexed her pelvic muscles, drawing him deeper inside her
wet core.

“Damn,
Perri . . . damn, damn, damn, girl,” Barrington called out excitedly because it
was all he could do, slapping her ass a couple times before grabbing her hips
in an effort to still them. “I don't wanna come again yet. Not before you this
time.” Without breaking the union of their joined sweat-slick bodies, Barrington
quickly and expertly changed their positions, him on top, and somehow, without
breaking their rhythm, he plunged deeper inside her, feeling her wrap her legs
around him like an octopus.

“Perri
. . . I . . . love . . . you. Only you, baby. I love you, sweet Perri.” With
each thrust, he made sure to tell her what she meant to him. “You're the best
part of me, Perri.” He delved deeper inside her, feeling her muscles
constricting around him. “You're my world, baby girl.” His pace quickened.
“You're so damn beautiful, Perri.” Feeling her muscles tighten, tense, and then
yield to him, he said, “I cherish you, Perri.” He thrust inside her one last
time, taking her over the edge. “I would die for you, sweet Perri.” He made
sure to go with her when she reached that unexplainable spot, crying out his
name, at the same time Barrington got his release, her name on his lips.

Three
months later

“Barrington
. . .” Perri stopped, calculating how to say the words. This was the fifth
discussion they'd had on the subject of babies—more to the point—him wanting to
have a baby and, soon. “Look, Barrington, it's not time for us to add another
addition to our family; I'm still breastfeeding Imani,” she told him as if he
should have known now wasn't a good time to even entertain the prospect of a
new baby, let alone proceed to have one.

Unable
to accept his wife's theory or excuse, Barrington challenged, “Don't you want
to have my baby, Perri?”

Hearing
how ridiculous he was being, she rolled her eyes. “I already have your baby,
babe.”

“Yeah,
and Imani needs a playmate.”

“Imani
has a playmate—you.”

They
laughed.

“Besides,
Barrington, our daughter is still basking in all the attention you lavish upon
her. So why should she want to share you so soon?”

“I
have enough love to go around, Perri, so Imani doesn't have to worry about that
changing because she's my favorite girl, after you. But, still, Perri, I have
room in my heart for more children—more children with you, because I love you
and I want to experience the joy of going through every stage of pregnancy with
you. Is that so bad in your eyes?”

She
blew out an exasperated breath. “Barrington, I love you; you love me and we
both love Imani. For now, why can't that be enough? I know it is for me, because
God knows I don't want stepladder kids.”

“Exactly,
Perri,
you
don't want any more kids. It's enough for you to just have
one, but I want more, and I want them with you.”

“Even
though it's not what I want?”

“Okay,
wait, Perri. Answer me this. Why don't you want another child?”

“I’m
not saying I don't want another child, Barrington; just not right now.”

“What's
wrong with now, Perri?”

“Barri—”

“Baby,
we're married now,” he cut her off, “so you don't have to worry about going it
alone.”

Perri
lowered her gaze, wondering why he seemed to jump on any bandwagon he could if
it meant he got to throw her one mistake with him in her face whenever he
didn’t get his way. That routine was getting old real quick, and she was
thinking to tell him so, but instead she ended up saying, “That's exactly what
I mean.”

Whatever
she said was said so softly Barrington barely heard her. Having a pretty good
hunch what the real problem was, he tried his best to make headway with her, knowing
the past was still an issue for his wife. “I keep telling you it doesn’t matter
to me, Perri. I just want us to be able to move forward without all of this
tension between us, you know.”

She
arrested him with a calculating expression. “What are you talking about,
Barrington?”

“Withholding
the truth about Imani from me; leaving me with no explanation . . . all of
that.”

Barrington’s
comment flew all over her. The remark about Imani she understood, although he’d
already said he forgave her for that a long time ago. So why bring it up now?
And just where did he get off trying to shift blame concerning their turbulent
history to her? He was the one who left her high and dry with no explanation
like she was one of his typical groupies.

Okay,
Perri, just calm down, do not cause a scene now
.

She
folded her arms. “Well, your royal high-priest, I’m ever so grateful for your
pardon seeing how I couldn’t live without it and all.” The expression on
Barrington’s face changed to one she didn’t recognize. Bitterness? Hurt? No,
she’d seen him in each one of those phases. Was it . . . fear?

“That’s
not what I meant, Perri,” Barrington rushed the words out.

“So!
You are so ridiculous. I don’t care what you meant, I heard what you said. And
just so you know, you are aggravating my soul.” No sooner than the words were
out of her mouth, Perri could feel the harsh slap of cold, tense silence
hovering over her, judging her actions harshly, dividing them more. She
swallowed a wave of guilt along with the bile clawing its way from the bitter
acid lining her stomach to the back of her throat. She covered her mouth.

Refusing
to break eye contact with his wife, Barrington stated, “Hard to get past this,
Perri, if you’re gonna get defensive whenever the subject comes up.”

Was
he shifting his share of the blame to her?

Perri
sat there a bit irritated at his self-indulgent view. She blinked rapidly
willing herself to calm down. “Oh, please. The subject didn’t just come up
because the conversation wasn’t even in that direction. That is until you just
up and steered it there. And maybe, Barrington, that’s the problem. So instead
of trying to come at me like the innocent victim, you might wanna take a little
responsibility yourself. For everything that’s wrong between us on both counts!
Far as I'm concerned, I've been taking all the heat, and I accept my part in
this mess. Why won't you?”

I
don’t believe this girl
. After all this time she’s still
trying to shift blame on me when she left me and never bothered to contact me
or return my calls. What the hell was really her problem? He’d think she’d be
grateful that he was not mad at her . . . anymore. But no, she got to take
everything he says as a personal affront and go making a federal case out of
it. Is this really worth it? Is she? Because he was getting really tired of
this one-way mirror that she’s bound and determined to hold in front of his
face. However, he refused to air their heated fellowship in public, choosing to
shelve it for the time being. Barrington strongly suggested, “Look, maybe we’d
better just go home, I’m sure the sitter won’t mind us returning a few hours
earlier.”

“I
couldn’t agree more.” Without waiting on him to pay the check, Perri snatched
up her handbag and stalked out ahead of him almost knocking over a poor waiter
in the process. After making apologies to the waiter, she speed walked all the
way to the car instead of waiting on the valet attendant to bring it around for
them. It took a good seven minutes or so to locate the car, but by now she was
just that mad that she didn’t care one way or the other.

When
Barrington finally caught up to his wife at the car and he was fit to be tied.
Going directly to the passenger side, he grabbed her wrist whirling her around,
bringing his head down only mere inches from hers. Through clenched teeth he
declared, “Let me explain something to you, dear wife. I don't care how mad at
me you get you don't go storming out into the pitch, black night by yourself.
Not only is it stupid, Perri, it's dangerous.” Without so much as a blink, he
said, “Don’t you ever and, I do mean never do some crazy shit like that again.”
The intense look in his eyes dared her to challenge him. “Understood?” And her
staring at him like he was a moron only pissed him off more.

“Just
open the door, Barrington, so I can get in.” Cutting her eyes at him she
hissed, “You disgust me.”

Barrington
stared at her for several seconds, battling his raw emotions as her body
language offered him nothing but open hostility. “Right now, girl, you’re not
looking too appealing to me either. Open it your damn self.” He stormed around
to the driver’s side unlocking the doors as he did. Once inside, he slammed the
door, started the engine, put the car in reverse, and barely waited for Perri
to get inside good before he backed out of the parking space and sped off with
his tires screeching in the process.

The
ride home was more than bumpy although the road outside was smooth sailing all
the way. The air between them was so thick you could have cut it with a knife.
Barrington knew he shouldn’t have gotten so upset, no,
mad
at her. But
damn it, Perri was taxing his last nerve with her self-righteous attitude, and
he’d had just about all he could stomach for one day. And her waltzing out of
the restaurant and wandering around in the dark was the last straw as far as
Barrington was concerned.

Now,
it was one thing for her to act crazy with him, but at least he could keep his
eye on her, know she was safe even if she was mad and couldn’t wait to get away
from him. However, her pulling that Houdini disappearing shit in public was a
different matter altogether, and when he came out of the restaurant and didn’t
see her, it didn’t help when the valet informed him that she’d taken off in the
direction of the parking lot; the parking lot where no other person was insight
except for the occasional valet attendant retrieving someone’s vehicle. He felt
the buttons controlling his barely concealed anger snap, and in turn, he
actually thought he could have snapped Perri’s neck off right along with it.

Barrington
knew his wife was a smart woman with a brilliant mind. So the fact that she
didn’t use common sense tonight had him rethinking her grip on reality because,
in his mind, any female with the good sense God gave a goose would have known
not to go storming off half-cocked in the pitch black of the night alone.
Didn’t she know it was dangerous for a woman to be out in the dark completely
alone, searching for a car she obviously had no idea where it was parked at in
the first place? Didn’t she know if something had happened to her, removing her
from his life again, he wouldn’t be able to handle that shit? It was bad enough
the first time and he still didn’t have any closure in that chapter of his
life. However, to put him through that shit a second time—again—on purpose?

Barrington
shook that painful thought off. Yes, Perri made him crazy. Yes, she totally
ticked him off. Yes, she’d definitely gotten under his skin tonight. Yes, at
the moment he couldn’t wait to get away from her. And, yes, yes, a million
times yes, he absolutely could almost strangle her with his bare hands. But even
with all that pent up aggression staring him in the face, Barrington knew he
would never want to return to the empty life he had without Perri in it. Yes,
they had issues; major ones, but given time, they could work their way through
them together. Barrington was sure of that much. At least he hoped for that
much considering half of the healing process was up to Perri. Right now, he
knew she wasn’t ready to begin, especially when she flat out refused to own up
to the fact that they were not together when she was pregnant with Imani because
of her. And he wasn’t in on anything that had to do with her pregnancy because
of her selfishness. For the life of Barrington, he thought he’d forgiven her
the transgression that had robbed him of precious moments with his daughter,
and at the very least, he’d thought he would be okay with it. But the more he
considered her wages of sin against him he couldn’t in all honesty say he’d
forgotten the hurt and pain her actions caused him. So then, why had he told
Perri it didn’t matter to him?

Barrington
was still a massive ball of confused nerves about what happened back at the
restaurant. He honestly wasn’t trying to pick on Perri. All he was trying to do
was express his feelings for her and the truth that he wanted them to have
another baby. He stole a peek at her out of the corner of his eye. He wanted to
stop the car in the middle of the freeway and hold her in his arms when he saw
how her body was twisted so that she totally faced the side window, noting that,
if she were any closer to it, she’d fall out of the car if the door were to
suddenly be opened. He knew Perri was purposely trying to detach herself from
the situation with him and that knowledge ripped at his heart. All he wanted to
do was make things easier for her, yet all he seemed to do was cause her more
misery. He didn’t want Perri to be scared of him and he didn’t want her to
dread being with him, which is exactly what her body language was telling him.

Just
like in the past Perri would only let Barrington get so close before she’d free
herself and stowaway to her own safety zone that definitely did not include
him. He didn’t mind giving her some cooling down time. Hell, they both needed
it right now. It was her deliberate exclusion of him that scared him the most
about Perri shutting herself down, and him out of her life.

Sweet
Perri, how do I make you understand how much I care about you, how much I love
you and wanna be the one to make you laugh, not cause you needless pain,
he asked in silence. Barrington wanted so badly to make her understand he had
feelings too, and just like hers, his could be bruised. Perri wasn’t ready to
acknowledge his rights, let alone his feelings; he wasn’t ready to risk pushing
his wife over the edge. For now he had to play by Perri’s rules.

***

“Hey,
Sherrington,” Perri greeted the sitter upon entering the house.

“Hey,
Mrs. Knight,” said Sherrington with a knowing smile, “early night?”

Perri
thought Sherrington’s conclusion couldn’t be more wrong because there would be
no hanky and no panky, either between her and Barrington on this here night, “Something
like that, Sherrington.” Perri smiled at the silent observation though she
wanted to cry.

Barrington
who’d been watching the exchange between the two women from the foyer knew
Perri was fighting back tears, and feeling the need to come to her aid he said,
“Thanks for watching Imani for us, Sherrington.” He handed her some bills. “We
really do appreciate it.”