If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) (23 page)

At
approximately 1:45, bright and sunny the following afternoon, Barrington rang
Perri's doorbell. Unable to contain the grin permanently attached to his face,
he hoped like no other time in his life that the woman of his dreams was about
to make his one and only dream come true. His grin grew wider when the object
of his affection greeted him upon opening the door.

“What's
up, baby?”

Perri
grunted. “The red flags where you’re concerned.”

Barrington
only chuckled, knowing that today not even the great in-your-face Perri could
shake his confidence. And confident that before the day was over she'd be his
wife for life, he most certainly was.

“Well?”

Perri
knew the moment of truth had arrived. “Well, what?” Walking toward the living
room, she stalled trying to borrow, beg, or at this point, even steal some more
time before the dreaded moment forced itself upon her.

Barrington
followed her, thinking she was crazy if she thought he was going be put off so
easy. And she'd better think again if she thought he even half-way believed she
didn't recall why he was there and what he'd hoped to gain by the end of his
visit which, if he had his way, would become permanent. After a glance around,
he asked, “Where's my baby?”

“At
Madear's house, and before you even think about starting in on me, you didn't
call to say you were coming for a visit with her,” she waved him off with a
flick of her wrist.

“I'm
not gonna start.”

“Good.”

“But,”
he chuckled when she threw her hands in the air, “I am gonna say that, if we
were all three under the same roof, this wouldn't even be an issue.”

“It's
not an issue now, Barrington, and we don't reside under the same roof.”

“It
would be if I really had my heart set on spending time with my daughter.”

Unfazed,
she said, “Well, that being the case, you would have called ahead, wouldn't
you?”

Barrington
laughed out loud. He just couldn't sneak one by her for nothing. “At any rate,
Perri, I'm here to see you.”

“What
else is new?” she complained, ignoring the butterflies in her tummy.

“Well,
I'm hoping for a new marriage to consummate . . . I mean celebrate.”

“Once
again, Barrington, I have to remind you that you hope for too much.”

“Well,
my hope springs eternal, anyway.”

She
folded her arms. “And just why is that?”

“Because
I need a family; Cupcake needs a family. And, believe it or not, Perri, you
need a family, too.”

Shaking
her head, she declared, “I don't believe it, Barrington.”

“What's
that, baby?”

“That
you only want to marry me in order to give Imani a complete family.”

He
tilted his head to the left. “Why can't you believe it?”

“Because
that's too simple for you; you always want more.”

This
is true,
he confirmed to himself. To her he said, “Not so
much more; just better you know.”

“No,
Barrington, I don't know. Why don't you tell me in no uncertain terms what you
expect out of me?”

I
expect an honest lover,
he wanted to shout. “I expect you
to keep an open mind where our family is concerned.”

Raising
her head, she corrected, “You mean where
we're
concerned.

Instead
of answering because he didn't want to lie and yet he knew she couldn't yet
handle the truth, Barrington shrugged in reply.

Perri
studied him for several seconds as silence claimed them. She knew that look. He
thought she didn't, but she did. She wasn't stupid but apparently he didn't
agree.

Knowing
she was sizing up his soul, Barrington offered, “I'm only thinking about our
daughter and what's best for her.” It was true, although not the whole of it,
but for now, part of it was all he'd reveal. Perri would just have to make do.

“So
your daughter is your only motive, pure and simple?”

“What
are you asking, Perri?” She always had to delve deeper.

“You
know, Barrington.” He always had to make simple hard.

They
stared at each other, both fighting the urge to give in to the other.

Barrington
finally responded, “Do I still want you?”

“Well?”

“Does
it really matter?”

“Barrington
. . .”

“You
don’t want me, Perri” he cut in. Remember?”

“Are
you gonna respect the boundaries or not?”

“Perri,
you know I’d never force myself on any woman. I still want you. I’ll always
love you. Am I holding out hope you’ll rethink our relationship? Maybe; well,
in all honesty, yes. But to answer your question, nothing’s gonna happen
between us that we don’t both want and need at the same time,” he promised with
every intention of keeping it. But now, if Perri let him in . . .”

“I
hope you mean that.”

“I
do.”

“Because
I’m gonna hold you to it.”

“Well,
hold me tight.” He chuckled.

“Barrington
. . . .” Her face flushed.

“I’m
playing
.
”
Sort of,
he added silently, knowing he was playing for
keeps. “What I meant to say was you can trust me, Perri. I’ll be the perfect
gentleman.”

That’s
exactly what scares me, she thought, but said, “Yes you will.”

“So,
Perri . . . .”

“What?”

Barrington
dropped to one knee.

Knowing
exactly where he was going with this and cutting his move short, she announced,
“Don't be doing that for me; this is
not
a real marriage.”

Barrington
was genuinely hurt Perri seemed to be so turned off by him; however, he knew he
would get no further if he didn't let her have her way this once. He stood,
shoving his hands in his pockets to keep from pulling her in his arms.

“When
and where do you wanna get married?” Though he continued to grin, he failed at
hiding the hint of desire in his eyes.

Perri
narrowed her eyes, reading his mind. “Don’t go getting all happy and start
thinking we’re gonna live as a normal married couple; they’ll be no
consummation. Period,” she warned him in no uncertain terms. “This is a marriage
of convenience, a namesake for the sake of our daughter. Don’t make this about
me, Barrington. It’s about Imani and her need to have us both at the same time,
in the same space when we’re not working, that is. You cross the line,” she
warned, “that gives me my walking papers; that will grant me the freedom to
leave. And I will.”

“Always
have to spell things out, don’t you, Perri?” He almost laughed at her
predictability.

“Where
you’re concerned, Barrington,” she nodded, “you bet your booty.” Spying the
clock on the mantle, Perri grabbed her purse, saying, “Let’s get this showboat
on the road; we’ve got just enough time to settle this today. Tomorrow's a busy
day and I need my rest. I’ll set you up in the guest bedroom when we return.”

***

“What
are you doing, Barrington!” Perri yelped as her feet left the ground.

“I’m
carrying
my
bride across the threshold,” Barrington explained.

“I
am not your bride,” she complained. And put me down!”

“You’re
right; you’re more than my bride.” Continuing inside the foyer he said, “I’ll
put you down when I’ve completed my husbandly duties.”

Perri
raised an eyebrow. “The terms of our marriage agreement, Barrington,” she
reminded him, “I suggest you remember them.”

“Like
I have a choice, you remind me every chance you get.”

“Point
is I shouldn’t have to. You knew the terms beforehand, and
you
agreed.”
Ignoring the butterflies dancing a jig in her belly, she added, “Of course now,
if you wanna put an end to this madness right now I—”

“Forget
it, Perri. I do remember the terms to our agreement. I haven’t crossed any
lines. So, like it or not you’re still tied to me, and agreement or not,
because of Imani, you always will be.” He placed her feet firmly back on the
living room floor. “Now I suggest you find a way to live with that, wife.”
Barrington strolled to the kitchen. “Want something to eat, drink?” he called
over his shoulder.

Agitated,
Perri followed him. “No I don’t. But if I did, I do know my way around my own
kitchen.”

Refusing
to be baited, Barrington said, “I’m sure you do seeing you’ve been here a
minute.”

Tense
silence fell between them as she studied him for a long moment. Hating to admit
it, Perri knew she could quite possibly get used to this, which automatically
meant she was to end it before it began. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Barrington
drained the last bit of orange juice in his glass. “That’s the million dollar
question of the day. Tell me something, Perri.” He turned on the faucet, rinsed
the glass, placing it face down in the sink. Awarding her his full attention he
said, “What do I get if I hit the jackpot?”

She
took a deep breath which did nothing to cleanse her heart that was still, to
both her disappointment and dismay, full of love for him. “What do you want?”

“You
know what I want. I’ve made no secret about it.”

“I’ve
been upfront with you, too. It’s not going to happen.”

Coming
close enough for her to feel what he wanted, tenderly stroking her chin,
Barrington asked, “Perri, what’s it take for me to win your heart again?”

The
desire his question delivered to that sweet spot located between her legs, she
swallowed back hard.
Dirty dog.
He knew he was just too close for her to
think straight, which he fully took advantage of. Happier times assailed her
mind. For the longest time she was lost in the sweet memories, times they
shared when she knew he cared.

Replacing
Barrington’s finger were his soft lips trailing feathery light kisses against
her collarbone. “Sweet Perri, don’t you remember how good it was between us?”

She
almost purred out loud as his whispered seductive words pulled Perri back in
time. Involuntarily, her eyes drifted shut and she was lost in thoughts
remembering
exactly
how good it used to be between them. The first time
they made love, how gentle and tender Barrington was, coaching her, teaching
her what to do; helping her achieve it, going the distance with her all the way.
He never once forgot she was in his arms, whether under him or over him, he
remembered Perri was lying there with him.

“I
know you’re scared, my baby. But why can’t you just trust me with your fears?
Please, sweet Perri . . .”

Perri
heard the urgency in Barrington’s plea and it nearly worked to his advantage to
melt her defenses.

“I’ve
lost so much already, Perri. Please let me have this one moment in present time
with you.” He kissed her lips feeling his love for her in his soul. Barrington
couldn’t forget how deeply she’d always touched him. He always wanted to
remember what she was like inside and out.

Perri;
his sweet Perri
.

Why
was she doing this to him?
Them
? Why was she determined to withhold from
him everything she knew he’d always wanted? He cherished her from day one; she
knew it. Or did she? Did it matter to her? Did he?

She
left you, fool
, a voice of reason reminded him.
Without
the slightest clue why or an afterthought about it, sweet Perri left you. Now
how sweet was that
?

Deciding
to ignore that last thought, Barrington whispered, “I need this, Perri.” He
searched her eyes for the truth. “I believe you do, too.” He waited for a
response feeling her uncertainty. “Tell me I’m wrong, baby; say you don’t want
me right here right now. Make me believe it.”

She
couldn’t speak.

“Go
on, Perri, convince me.”

God
help her but she could not deny what Barrington said was true. At the moment,
Perri didn’t even want to. She just wanted . . . .

As
if reading her thoughts he poked the bear. “Then say it,” Barrington demanded,
concluding the truth from her actions, or lack thereof.

“W-what?”

“I
need to hear you say it, Perri. Don’t make me feel like I’m forcing you; I’d
never want sex from you like that.”

Tired
of fighting her feelings for Barrington, she asked, “What is it you want me to
say?”

“You
know.” He kissed her forehead. “I need to hear those three words.”

Instead
of complying with Barrington’s wishes, she pulled his head down, kissing him
with more boldness than she’d ever portrayed. Perri felt no shame, only love.
He was right; she needed this time with him.