If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) (18 page)

There
was a slight smile on his face as he challenged, “And if I don’t agree?”

She
raised her head determined to show him she was in charge of her own mind and
everything having to do with her life. “You don’t have another option, man.
Agree to my terms; don’t agree to them. However, if you refuse to agree to my
terms then Journey becomes the go-between for us.”

He
scoffed, tossing her a hateful look. “I’m not going through Journey to see my
own daughter, Perri. This is between me and you so let’s keep it that way.”

Without
a flinch, she said, “Then you’ll respect the boundaries.” Freeing her wrist
from his grasp, looking him in the eye, she said, “Goodbye and goodnight,
G-Man.” She walked to the door, opened it, and stood back for him to exit.

Barrington
was truly baffled by Perri’s take on their relationship and why it went sour
all of a sudden, every bit to his surprise.
And why was she acting like the
innocent one
? She wasn’t the victim, he was. She’d cut ties with him not
the other way around, yet she sat right in front of him and twisted the whole
situation around to be his fault with him looking like the villain. He wondered
what was up with that.

A
tender smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he recalled the powerful
coupling between him and Perri the last time they made love. The impact of what
they'd shared had been so explosive he could still feel the effects of it now.
And as another part of his anatomy not so subtly reminded him, at this very
moment, he still wanted Perri in his bed as well as his life. But she was so
hell-bent on believing the worst in him. Why? It didn't make sense as he stood
there mentally piecing the puzzle of their last night together—specifically the
last hour of their time spent in each other's arms.

After
sharing a very intense lovemaking session with Perri, when he'd finally come
back down to earth, Barrington apologized to her.

She
was half dazed. “What are you sorry for?” she'd asked him.

“I
didn't mean to go this far into the water,” he said, still buried inside her.

“But
neither one of us drowned.” She attempted humor to lift him back up.

It
took him a moment to consider her response. He finally laughed.

Relieved,
she joined him as they laughed until they were making out again.

“Just
know this, Perri.”

“Yes?”
Looking at him, she waited.

“I
won't abandon you or anyone else that happens to be part of us.” He hoped she
wasn't pregnant, but if she was . . . “I won't hurt you, sweet Perri.”

She
smiled affectionately. “I believe you, baby.”

And
the look she bestowed upon Barrington let him know she believed him with all
her heart which in turn warmed his heart. He chuckled, thinking about her next
comment, which totally threw him for a loop.

“Hey,
what if I want you to hit me, Barrington?”

“Hit
you?” he repeated, shocked by her words. What was she saying? Because it
sounded to him like she might have a little FP in her. The pure male breed in
him wanted to hoop, holler, and yell thinking he got himself a woman with freak
potential.

“Yeah,”
she said, raising her head, she looked into his eyes. “What if I want you to
hurt me so good, I forget to scream your name?” She then winked at him.

Barrington
realized then she was just messing with him. “Perri . . . girl . . . go to
sleep,” was all he could get out; however, he spanked her butt and awarded her
a big grin.

 She
laughed out loud. “Okay.”

“Three
hours later, Barrington awoke to the sound of the ringtone on his cell phone.
He quickly snatched it up before it woke up the beautiful woman nestled in his
arms. “What?”

“Time
to roll, Barrington,” Toby, his manager, informed him.

Barrington
looked at the clock on his night stand. It’s three in the morning, the functioning
part of his mind screamed. “Are you kidding me right now?”

“No,
but we do have to go right now.”

He
frowned, not caring that he was whining, “What’s the rush?”

“You've
got a last minute guest spot appearance on Video Soul. Donnie Simpson is away
on location and, since you're scheduled to be there day after tomorrow anyway,
he thought it would be good exposure for you to fill in for him tomorrow night.
And you know I'm inclined to agree.”

That
information pulled Barrington fully awake. “Have you already talked to Crush?
And everybody else, too?”

“Done
deal; everyone's here at Charlotte Douglass Airport. All we waiting on is you.
Crush contacted your pilot explaining the emergency. Take off time is in
forty-five minutes, so hurry up and meet us here.”

“All
right, man.” He paused, both excited and disappointed. “But you know what,
Toby?” Barrington looked down at sweet Perri sleeping so soundly in his arms.
He smiled at the slight smile she wore in her sleep. “You couldn't have picked
a worse time.” He hung up the phone seriously thinking of waking Perri up to
make love to her. She picked that moment to snuggle closer, resting her head on
his bare  chest and her soft, silky, curly brown hair tickled him as it lay
spread across his stomach. Damn. He definitely didn't have the heart to wake
her up now so he held her for ten more minutes, memorizing the feel of her in
his arms; she fit so perfect he knew she was made for him to love. And he did
love him some Perri.

Forty-five
minutes later, Barrington sat staring out the window as his plane cleared for
takeoff, carrying him thousands of miles away from the one woman he knew he'd
love for the rest of his natural life. A smile tugged at the corners of his
mouth as flashbacks of their heated and intense lovemaking filled every nook,
cranny, and crevice of his mind. He felt the blood pooling in his lower region
just thinking about it.

The
smile was quickly replaced by concern for Perri, and contempt for himself.
Remembering what he'd failed to do, again he cursed inwardly for his stupid
mistake. After assuring Perri he didn't want to hurt her, Barrington may have
gone and done just that. And though it wasn't intentional, he cursed himself
anyway. He had to talk to Perri. But after giving herself to him completely each
time they made love, he knew she was probably too spent to be awake yet.

He
was definitely glad he didn't wake her up, deciding to write her a letter
instead, with strict instructions for his housekeeper, Nia, to give it to her
the moment she woke up. After writing the letter explaining to Perri why he
wasn't there when she woke up, Barrington suddenly wished he could be there in
person to apologize to her again for his mistake. At least if she then
regretted him not pulling out, he could have eased her mind by reassuring her
he'd never abandon her or any child they may have created together in their
heated desire to devour each other like it was all right without making sure
his glove was sealed tight before giving her good love the rest of the night.

He
still couldn’t believe he’d been so caught up in the rapture with Perri that he
got stupid and forgot to wear a condemn because he'd been so careful to suit up
the first couple times. He knew he should have let her sleep. But no, he had to
have more. He just couldn't get enough of her, and knowing he was her first and
only, well . . . .

Barrington
knew he had to talk to Perri. Soon!

Leaning
his head back against the head rest, he closed his eyes, hoping Perri would
forgive him for failing to protect her. He finally succumbed to fatigue and
slumbered in deep sleep
.

Bringing
his thoughts back to the present, Barrington shook the fog from his brain still
not able to piece together exactly what Perri thought he'd done so wrong she
just up and ducked on him without any kind of explanation, reasonable or
otherwise. His note explained in detail that he’d suddenly had to leave before
dawn to do a guest spot appearance on Video Soul the following day. He left
strict instructions with Nia to make sure Perri got it as soon as she was awake
because he didn’t want her to be alarmed or upset about his absence and that he
would call her as soon as he got a free moment. He’d put it all in black and
white on paper for her to read. She had to know he would never run out on her without
a good reason, and for sure, he wouldn’t let her think he’d used her like some
meaningless groupie. They were a couple for crying out loud. She’d said every
hurtful thing she could think to say, never once mentioning the letter he left
behind.
Why
?

And
in the following days, weeks, and eventually months that he’d tried to reach
out to her she refused to pick up the phone and never bothered to answer even
one of his numerous letters. Truth be told, he was the one who felt used by
her. Not that being a man he’d ever admit that to her. Watching her wrap her
arms about her body, Barrington studied her guarded  profile for the longest
time, knowing he wasn’t going to get any further with Perri tonight concerning
the subject and decided to let it go for now. But in the not so distant future,
he would pick their conversation—if that’s what you want to call it—back up
where it left off. Perri could count on that much
. And it would take place
soon too
, he reaffirmed to himself.

“Goodnight,
Perri,” Barrington said through clenched teeth. He let his intense gaze roam
over her body, fighting inwardly not to take her in his arms and make love to
her right there in the open doorway.

His
intense stare caused a major wave of desire to course through every inch of her
body, resting the sweet spot between her legs that only he knew the secret to. Perri
raised her head curiously. “Was there something else you wanted?”

Barrington
smiled in spite of himself, knowing, feeling he’d caused her to come just as
unnerved as she’d made him as far as human mating instincts went. “Just know,
Perri, this is not the end of this conversation.”

“It
is as far as I’m concerned.”

“We’ll
see about that,” Barrington told her in a tone that let her know he meant
business. Thinking of his sweet daughter, he said, “Tell Cupcake I’ll see her
tomorrow and give her a big hug and kiss for me.” And he was gone.

Her
accusing memory not giving his warning a second thought to marinate in her
brain, Perri walked back in the living room and flipped on the TV. Picking up
the empty food trays, she made her way to the kitchen. After tossing the mess
in the garbage, she went to the cabinet and took out a glass, heading for the
fridge. Halfway to the refrigerator, the glass slipped from her hand and
shattered in a gazillion pieces around her feet; she ignored it and dashed back
to the living room.

Mindlessly,
she clutched her heart as she listened to Jan Jeffcoat reporting on the details
of a robbery that had taken place at Captain D’s just over two hours ago. She swallowed
back the fear along with bile that rose to her throat just thinking about the
fact that Barrington would have been holed up in that place at the exact time
the robbery took place. She remembered the sudden cold chill she got right
before she suggested that Barrington come here so they could order in instead.
Bringing a shaky hand to her mouth, she sent up a prayer of thanks that he had
taken her up on her suggestion.

At
that moment, she realized something that she had all but been willing to admit;
she still cared deeply about Barrington’s well-being. More than cared; she was
still in love with her first and only love. She wanted so badly to pick up the
phone and call him and had to fight like the dickens not to do just that. She
startled at the sound of the ringing phone, but she quickly snatched it up,
somehow knowing exactly who was on the other end.

“Barrington
. . .” the tears slipped past her eyelids.

“Yeah,
how’d you know it was me?”

“I
felt it,” she admitted, “and you were on my mind and . . .” A sob escaped her
throat.

“Perri,
are you crying? What’s wrong, baby?” he prepared to make a U-turn at the
intersection and head back to her place quick, fast and in a hurry. “Perri?” he
called her name again when she didn’t answer him. His heart slipped into
overdrive when he heard her sniffling. “Baby, please?”

“I’m
here,” she whispered on a sob.

“What
happened?” He glanced at the clock on his console. “I haven’t been gone but a
good ten minutes.” Barrington prayed it wasn’t something wrong with his daughter.
“Where’s Imani, Perri?” He didn’t bother to wait for the oncoming car that was
two feet away before he turned out ahead of it. He completely ignored the horn
that beeped at him.

“Barrington
. . .” was all she could say.

“Hold
tight, baby, I’m on my way back now. Don’t open the door for anyone until I get
there. You hear me, Perri?”
Why wasn’t she answering him?
He imagined
all kind of horrible things that could have happened after he left her. When
she didn’t respond soon enough for his liking, he felt tears stinging the back
of his eyes as he pressed the gas pedal, determined to get back to her house as
quick as possible. “Perri,” he repeated her name a second time.