If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) (16 page)

“Well,
I’m assuming Barrington did call yesterday and you did let him visit with
Imani. So, how’d it go?” Journey asked, hoping all went well with their first
interaction as a family.

On
a frustrated sigh, Perri told her, “Better than I thought believe it or not.”

Laughing,
Journey said, “Meaning what exactly?”

Perri
shrugged taking the cordless into the living room. “I’m not exactly sure.”

“Perri,
you must have some idea,” Journey assumed. “Did he stay long?”

“Yeah
. . . actually he did.”

Clearly
hoping for more detail, Journey demanded, “Okay, girl, what gives with the one
statement answers?”

Perri
laughed. “I don’t know.”

“You
do know,” Journey insisted. “Now, talk to me.”

“It
was nice I suppose.” Perri swallowed hard suddenly fighting back tears.

Hearing
her friend's voice crack, Journey asked, “Perri, what’s wrong?”

She
shook it off, “Nothing; just being silly.”

“I
don’t think so, Perri. Save it for someone who doesn’t know you as well as I
do. I wanna know what’s going on with you. What are you thinking?”

Swallowing
hard, she confessed, “Jern, I really did like having Barrington here. Fool that
I am I enjoyed his company. It reminded me of our better days”

“Perri,
there’s nothing wrong with remembering. Sometimes it actually is good for the
soul. We both know what a hard time you had letting your relationship with
Barrington go, and nobody expects you never to think about the man as long as
you live.”

Refusing
to skip down memory lane, she simply said, “That’s all behind me now and,
that’s where I want it to stay, Jern.”

“I
feel you. Sounds like it’s still not easy for you to let go,” Journey observed.

“You
got that one right.” Perri sighed heavily. “Jern, I’m afraid I may still have
it bad for the one and only man who broke my heart. No warning, no apology, no
explanation. Just up and bounced, and to this very day I still don’t know why.”
Tears streamed down her face.

“Oh,
Perri, it’s all right, honey.” Tears sprang to Journey’s eyes, she hated when
her best friend was in such pain unable to help her, just like the first time
Barrington had hurt her, leaving her to deal the best way she could.

“No,
Jern, it’s not. I don’t wanna still want him.” Perri sniffed. “He doesn’t
deserve a thing from me after what he pulled, still yet here I am whining over
the man.”

“Maybe
that’s not such a bad thing, Perri.” Journey knew she was going to rake her
over the coals but she had to be honest. And just being honest, Journey thought
it a good thing for the two of them to admit their mutual feelings for the sake
of their daughter as well as each other and come to some sort of amicable
agreement. They both deserved that.

“What?”
Perri couldn’t believe her ears.

“I
mean it, Perri. Listen to me, okay? I’m gonna tell you like I told Barrington.
In life everything happens for a reason, and just maybe the reason y'all came
full circle was to get to the bottom of what exactly tore you apart in the
first place.”

“That’s
easy. It was his selfish disappearing act that tore us apart.”

“Come
on, Perri. Be fair to yourself and him. Look at it like this; you do deserve to
know the real story why Barrington was gone when you woke up. Just ask him why
he didn’t bother calling to say goodbye.” Journey let that sink into her
friend’s stubborn mind. “It won’t be easy to rehash it after all this time,”
she admitted. “But it’s a step to getting the closure you need.”

Perri
considered everything Journey said. “You’re right,” she conceded. “I do need
answers, but I’m just not sure I can handle traveling that same road to get them.”

“Why?”

“Last
time it was a dead end with no explanation of where to take a detour.”

Journey
laughed, shaking her head, “Girl, you and your metaphors.”

“I’m
serious.”

“I
know you are, Perri, and I’m serious when I tell you to keep an open mind. Just
ask the man why he fled the love scene; let him speak his mind and really
listen to what he has to say. I think you'll be surprised at what he has to
tell you.”

Suddenly
suspicious, Perri asked, “You know something I don’t?”

“No.
Well, nothing concrete.”

“So
your opinion would be based on?”

“The
love for you I saw in his eyes.”

Sure
she'd heard wrong, Perri laughed. “You saw what?”

“Clear
as blue, I saw love for you.”

“Yeah,
Jern, right,” Perri didn’t believe that but if her friend did, okay.

“You
don’t have to take my word because I’m not the one who has to convince you.”

“Girl,
please. I can't be catching feelings for Barrington.”

“You
mean stirring up feelings, don’t you? The feelings you never got over in the
first place. Believe me. He's not over you, either. So when Barrington tells
you the same, and he will, you need to consider believing him, Perri.”

“You
know what? You’re starting to talk crazy, Jern. I’ve got to use the bathroom,
so I’m hanging up this phone. Talk to you later.”

“Think
about it, Perri. Bye.”

***

Usher’s
You Got It Bad
crooned in the background as Perri lay on the couch,
trying not to think about Barrington. Of course, the more she tried not to
think of him the more she thought about him. “Yeah, Usher, I got it bad.” She
started at the sound of the phone ringing.

“Yeah,
Jern, talk to me,” she laughed.

“I’d
love to talk to you, but I’m not Journey.”

She
blinked rapidly. “Barrington.”

“Sorry
to disappoint you.”

Perri
sat straight up on the couch. “It’s not that,” she quickly said. “I’m just
surprised to hear from you again so soon.”

“Why,
Perri?”

“Just
am, that’s all.”

“I
don’t have the luxury of waiting on time to bring you around, Perri.”
Barrington sighed tiredly. “But whatever, okay. I just called to tell you I’m
leaving day after tomorrow. Or at least I’m supposed to.”

Perri
swallowed the disappointment. “I see,” she said tightly.

“I
don’t think you do, Perri. Otherwise, you wouldn’t sound so put out with me.
But then again, I guess I just have that effect on you.”

Perri
didn’t respond. She couldn’t; she didn’t expect him to leave town so soon.

“But,”
he continued, a hint of smile in his tone, “I do remember a time when my effect
on you had you melting in my arms.”

That
was all she needed to get her guard back up. She rolled her eyes. “Obviously
you have more confidence in your so-called past accomplishments.”

She
was still in denial. Barrington laughed. “If you say so,” he abandoned the
subject. “Where’s cupcake?”

“Napping.”

“Why
is she always sleeping whenever I call?”

Perri
didn’t miss the annoyance in his voice. And she didn’t appreciate it. “Because
you always call when she’s asleep,” she snapped.

Barrington
blew out a puff of frustrated air. “When will she be up?”

“She’s
a baby. I couldn’t exactly ask her how long she thinks she may like to sleep.”

“Why
you always gotta be smart with me?”

“Why
you always ask stupid questions?”

“What’s
stupid about wanting to know when my daughter will be waking up?”

“Nothing
if she were old enough for it to make a difference. But since she’s not . . .”

“Whatever.”

“My
sentiments exactly,” she said.

A
thick, uncomfortable silence hung between them.

Barrington
silently counted to ten. “Would it be possible for me to swing by for a
minute?” he decided to ask. When she didn’t answer right away, he said,
“Please, Perri, I only wanna look in on my baby girl and kiss her goodnight if
she’s down for the night.”

Her
heart softened at the hope in his voice. “I don’t have a problem with that.”

“Thank
you.” He seemed to breathe easier. “I’m about thirty minutes from you.”

“Thirty
minutes? Where’d you go?” God, she didn’t mean to sound concerned, or jealous.

So
she did still care what he did with his time
. A smile tugged
at the corners of his mouth. “I hit the studio for a minute.”

“Nine
o’clock at night?”

“I
had something on my heart I needed to get down on a track while it was fresh.
It’s still raw, but at least I got something to work with, you know.”

“I
hear you.”

Switching
the subject, Barrington asked, “Have you eaten?”

Come
to think of it she hadn’t. “Not yet.”

“Hungry?”

“I
could eat a little something.”

“What
do you feel like eating?”

“What
are you near now?”

“Pizza
Hut, Taco Bell, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Krispy Kreme.” He glanced to the
left. “Oh, and Captain D’s.”

She
laughed and commented, “So many options to choose from.”

“I
know right.” He laughed.

“Do
you have a preference?”

“Long
as I get some food I don’t care. Whatever you want is fine with me but hurry up
because I’m starving.”

Perri
laughed picturing his gorgeous face. “Same old Barrington,” she said amused.

“Would
you really have me be any other way?”

She
thought about it. “No not really. Captain D’s sounds good right now.”

“I
can go for that,” he agreed.

“I
want—”

“Green
shrimp,” Barrington finished her request.

She
smiled. “Yeah, how’d . . .” Perri shook her head, grinning. “Never mind, I’ll
see you when you get here.”

“All
right, be there shortly.”

“Barrington?”

“Yes?”

She
waited a beat before saying, “Be careful.”

Barrington
grinned, encouraged by her concern. “Thanks, baby. I will.”

After
ending the call Perri sat with the phone in hand wondering what she’d just
opened herself up to. “Come on, girl. It’s just dinner not a date. Don’t make
too much of it. Just be nice tonight. After all, it’s what Imani would want.”

A
sudden cold chill ran through Perri. She couldn’t explain it, but something
just did not feel right. She found herself waiting for Barrington to pick up
his cell phone, though she had no idea what made her call him back.

“You
know what?” she said soon as he answered.

“What?”
He was grinning just because this time Perri called him.

“I
got to thinking, why not just come on over? I have a mobile menu; you know they
deliver food from most anywhere you can think of to eat.”

Barrington
swallowed back disappointment as he cursed under his breath.
Why had he
allowed himself to hope she was calling because she really wanted to talk to
him
?
“Yeah, baby, but I’m already tired.” And he was. “I just really
don’t feel like waiting no long time on them to get there.”

“Oh
pooh, they’ll probably be here before you. If not you can spend some time with
Imani. You even said you’re tired so just head on this way.” Perri couldn’t
explain it but she wanted Barrington to come over right now. Deciding to toss
in some incentive, she told him, “Maybe you can catch a quick nap if they’re
not here by the time you arrive.”

The
thought of spending time with his daughter did appeal to him. Plus, Barrington
thought it would give him a chance to sneak in some quality time with Perri.
About the same time he made up his mind he heard her speaking.

“So,
what do you say, Barrington? You want me to call in the order?”

“Yeah,
go ahead and do that. Be there shortly.”

Relief
flooded her heart. “See you in a few.”

“All
right, baby.”

“Be
careful okay, Barrington?”

He
grinned. “Didn’t we already have this conversation?”

“Yeah,
but I needed to say it again. So just take care of you.”

“Always,
baby.” He flipped his phone shut and continued to smile as he thought,
she
does still care for me
.

***

How
did you get your name, Barrington?

“Wow,
that’s random.” Barrington laughed out loud almost embarrassed to relay the
reason for his name. “Ma’s favorite show growing up was The Brady Bunch; she
was crazy in love with and had a major crush on Greg Brady. His real name is
Barry Williams; she said she promised herself that if she ever had a son she’d
name him Barrington and nickname him Barry.”