If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) (12 page)

Barrington
had been behind the wheel for the last few hours with no distinct destination
in mind until he found himself exiting his car at his parents’ home; he knew
his mind had taken temporary leave of absence because he was clueless to the
fact that he’d even been driving in that direction, and couldn’t recall even
turning into their driveway. He needed more time to talk to Perri to at least
try to understand was going through her head when she decided he shouldn’t be
involved in his own child’s life. He knew he should have called Perri by now,
but realizing he was still angry with her, he thought it wise to wait until he
was somewhat calmer; not that she would be looking forward to him calling,
anyway, and that truth alone bothered the hell out of him.
Mine
, he
thought. Perri would always be his in his heart regardless if she liked it or
not.

His
family was seated at the dining room table eating supper when he came through
the back door and, plastering on his game face, he tried to appear normal
having decided not to mention the Perri and Imani situation even though it was
still weighing heavily on his mind. As it was, he and Crush didn’t put in as
much family time as his mother expected, so he would be a good son and give her
his full attention today knowing that after his visit with his daughter this
evening all his free time would be spent getting to know Imani. He sighed,
hoping that time would include Perri.

“Hey,
Barry,” Linda Knight lit up at the sight of her handsome older son.

“Hey,
Ma,” Barrington strained a smile for the sake of his dear mom.

“About
time you showed your face around here,” Crush said, biting into another chicken
leg; probably his fourth piece knowing his brother.

“Good
of you to grace us with your presence, son,” Bobby said with a perceptive look.

Barrington
attempted to laugh it off, knowing he must be wearing his feelings on his face
despite his best effort to pull the wool over his parents’ eyes. At this rate,
he’d be busting his guts open and spilling all his newly found knowledge before
even he had a chance to process it all internally. Not that he’d ever
understand Perri. “I was just thinking the same thing, Daddy.”

“Of
course you were,” Bobby said, “you are your father’s son.”

“Indeed.”
Barrington reached for a piece of chicken, unable to resist the smell any
longer.

Linda
smacked his hand away. “Not until you wash your hands, boy.”

Crush
laughed out loud. “Man, you know the rules when you walk up in here.”

Barrington
did know, but house rules were the last thing on his mind. He walked over to
the sink, washed his hands, returned to the table, and grabbed a breast. Thinking
of Perri, he placed it on his plate and grabbed a thigh. Having a naughty
flashback of Perri, he put that on his plate and grabbed a wing, biting into it
hard. He was so out of it he wasn’t even aware his family was staring at him
until he finally tore his gaze from the wing he’d just demolished in three
bites.

“What?”Barrington
said, annoyed that all eyes were on him.

Crush
was the first to respond with a chuckle that quickly erupted into a full belly
laugh when Barrington shot him the evil eye.

“Son,
you think you got enough food there? If not, I got a spare drumstick.”

“Hush,
Bobby,” Linda scolded her husband. “If he’s hungry he’s hungry.” She fixed her
seasoned motherly gaze on Barrington. “Baby, what kind of eating regimen have
you boys developed on the road? You are getting enough to eat, aren’t you?”

“Ma,”
Crush spoke up, “there’s nothing wrong with my eating habits. I eat all the
time.”

“I
know you do,” Bobby said, chuckling.

“Barrington?”
Linda continued to address her eldest son.

Dropping
the bone on his plate, Barrington pushed it away. “We eat healthy. I’m good,
Ma.”

“Oh?”
She folded her arms. “First, you come in reaching for food before you wash your
hands, then you grab enough chicken to feed Brazil, not to mention the fact you
didn’t bother to come hug and kiss your only mother. But I’m supposed to
believe that you’re fine. Baby, what’s bothering you, and don’t you dare lie to
me by denying it,” Linda warned.

“Forgive
me, Ma.” Barrington sighed heavily and got up to go hug his mom around the neck
and plant a big kiss on her cheek. “Better? Still love me?”

“Don’t
be fresh with me, boy. I raised you and I know you not fine. Now out with it,
Barry.”

For
the first time, Crush took notice of the somber look on his brother’s face.
“What’s up, B?”

Bobby
said, “Suppose you tell us what’s going on, son.”

Barrington
complained, “Family,” and dropped in his seat.

“Is
everything,” Linda told him. “Now, what is wrong with you, boy?”

“Yeah,
okay. I do need to tell you guys something; something I just found out today.”
He watched his family exchange curious glances and decided to just spit it out.
“I’m a daddy.”

“What?”
his family all asked at once.

“I
have a daughter. A three month old daughter,” Barrington said, feeling proud.

Crush
wanted to know, “Who’s her mama?”

“Why
are you just now finding this out?” Linda demanded.

“I
have a granddaughter?” Bobby didn’t bother to hide his pleasure.

“Yeah,
Daddy, you do.” Barrington grinned. “She’s beautiful,” he bragged.

“Of
course she is. She’s your mother’s granddaughter, isn’t she?”

“Bobby,
what are you saying?” Linda was shocked at her husband’s nonchalant reaction.

“I’m
congratulating our son on becoming a father, and I believe you should do the
same.”

“And
I think you need to hold off on your victory party.” She turned her attention
back to her son. “Let me tell you something right quick; I don’t share your
father’s opinion. I want answers!”

“Who
did you knock up?” Crush asked again. “I’m on the road with you nine months out
of a year. To my knowledge you’ve only been serious about one girl, and that
was over—”

“A
year and a half ago,” Barrington finished for him. “I know, Crush. I know.”

Crush
was shocked. “It can’t be.”

“It
is.”

“You
mean Journey’s friend?” Crush let out a low whistle thankful he wasn’t standing
his brother’s shoes; and he knew where Journey Stillwater was concerned he very
well could have been wearing those
exact
same shoes. That was a secret
he would carry to his grave. Not even Barrington knew about it, and he told his
brother everything. He knew he could trust him not to tell anyone; he just
hadn’t been willing to put Journey out there like that, not wanting anyone to
look at her differently, or cast blame her way, because he was every bit as
much responsible.

“The
one and only, little brother,” Barrington confirmed.

“You
and Perri Milan have a baby together,” Crush mused, dismissing a slight wave of
envy.

“A
beautiful little girl, man,” Barrington was back to grinning again.

“Damn.”

“Watch
your mouth, boy!” Linda scolded.

“Sorry,
Ma,” Crush apologized. “But this is one h . . . er . . . a shock.”

“Yeah,
well you still know there’s no cursing in this house,” Bobby said.

“Yes,
sir, I’m sorry, Daddy.”

“Apology
accepted, baby,” Linda said, followed by a longsuffering sigh. “So, Crush, can
I assume you’ve met the mother of our granddaughter?”

“Yeah,
Ma, I have.”

Clearly
hoping for more details, Linda probed, “And?”

Crush
hunched his shoulders. “Her name is Perri.”

Linda
narrowed her yellow-green eyes. “I heard that much, boy.” She turned back to
Barrington. “You said you just found out today?”

“Yes,
ma’am, I did.”

“And
why is that?”

“I
ran into her at the mall today,” he said, his eyes sliding to his brother.
“Journey, too.”

Crush
tried not to respond but couldn’t resist asking, “How is Journey?”

“As
feisty as ever,” Barrington laughed, “especially where you’re concerned.”

“I
bet.” Crush grinned, pushing his plate away, as an image of Journey sliced
through his mind. She was the only woman—without being present— able to make
him uncomfortable in a good way. He couldn’t help wondering if she were seeing
someone. Then all too soon, he remembered that he had voluntarily relinquished
all rights to have that question answered.

“I
know one thing,” Linda announced, “somebody better start releasing some much needed
information, or I’m going to find out on my own accord.”

“Baby,
calm down,” Bobby told his wife. “There’s no need to get all worked up. Young
people make mistakes all the time; we shouldn’t be shocked that our son
happened to fall into that number.”

“Bobby,
I just know you not sitting over there condoning sex outside of marriage.”

“I’m
not condoning it, no, Linda. But it did take place, so all I’m saying is, since
Barrington’s daughter is already here, we need to deal with the now; not
backtrack to a year and a half ago.” He looked at his son and added, “Although
you should have used protection, boy.”

Barrington
cleared his throat, feeling like he was five all over again. And just like
then, he wisely remained silent.

“So,”
Crush broke the awkward silence, “what
did
Miss Perri have to say for
herself?”

“That’s
what I want to know.” Linda leaned forward, peering into her son’s yellow-green
eyes as if she were glimpsing his very soul.

“She
said she didn’t want to ruin my career,” Barrington told them, but it was
obvious by his tone that he didn’t believe Perri’s lame excuse for a thin,
crispy minute.

“And
you believe her?” came Linda’s quick retort.

“Ma,
Perri’s not the vindictive type,” Barrington automatically defended her
actions, even though he didn’t believe her. Point was, he didn’t want anyone
else to judge Perri even if he did.

“And
yet son, she didn’t see fit to tell you she was having your baby until today,
when you
happened
to run into her at the mall,” Linda felt the need to
point out the obvious. “Don’t you think that leaves a lot to be desired in the
faith department when it comes to this particular young lady?” she quizzed,
determined to make him think with the brain in his head and not the head
between his legs. She wasn’t born at the age of forty-eight; she’d been young
once too.

What
could Barrington say? Hadn’t he also lit into Perri for the same reason?

Linda
ran a hand through her naturally curly light brown hair. “I know I raised you
better than this, baby.” She bit her bottom lip, unable to hide the
disappointment in her first born son. “All these diseases out here,” she said
as tears welled up in her eyes.

“Ma—”

“And
you being a musician and all,” she continued talking over her son. “I swear I
could box your ears. What were you thinking, boy?”

“Getting
inside Perri,” Barrington didn’t realize he’d voiced his thoughts until he
heard the sharp gasp that he knew came from his outraged mother whose eyes were
now two giant yellow orbs, that silently promised him that she was about to
deliver him the sting of a yellow jacket.

Ever
the instigator that he was, Crush said, “Way to go, B. Go for shock value.” He
chuckled, glad he wasn’t the one sitting in the hot seat.

“Don’t
be nasty at my kitchen table, boy,” Linda raised her voice at her foolish oldest
son. “Look what you’re teaching your little brother, Barrington!” Crush laughed
out loud and Linda arrested him with a heated glare. “Crush, cover your ears,
and wipe that smirk off your face before I slap your head sideways.”

Raising
his hands, Crush asked innocently, “What did I do, Ma?”

Bobby
cleared his throat and all eyes went to him. “Let’s all just calm down,” he
firmly suggested. “Crush, mind your manners. Barrington, we don’t need to know
everything
you’re thinking. Linda, what’s done is done. Barrington is grown and gone; he’s
taking up his responsibility to his daughter, which is the important thing.
Let’s leave it to our son’s discretion how much, if anything, he decides to
share with his parents.” He looked at his younger son. “Crush, let this be a
lesson to you; learn from your older brother’s experience.”

“Yes,
sir,” Crush had the good sense to agree with his father. He also felt like a
hypocrite avoiding his brother’s hot glare boring into him. He would tell
Barrington his secret; but certainly not here in front of their parents, or
even in their house. He’d talk to his brother soon.

Barrington
rolled his eyes and swallowed the urge to inform his parents that Crush was no
golden boy, and he could probably take a lesson from his little brother’s play
book, because Lord knows the boy had bedded far more women than he had. He
reminded himself that this wasn’t about Crush; it was about his own newfound
family. And he wasn’t going to feel guilty that he shared a child with the only
woman he’d ever been in love with. He did not regret loving Perri.