In The End (Butterfly #1) (21 page)

Exiting the building, I looked up at the sky, the sun blazing down upon my face. My skin drinking in the unadulterated goodness until the on-fire urge hit and I quickly removed my jacket, stuffing it into my bag while trying to balance my divine cheesecake. It was no mean feat with the rhino belly and I did not see him approach.

‘Need some help?’ He was there, in front of me, the moment I had dreamed about for the last six months. He looked different somehow, older; wiser even. His hair had grown and was windswept in a sultry way, his eyes sparkling into mine. I was lost in them, unable to vocalise anything, let alone put one foot in front of the other to close the distance. ‘Hi.’ Cross’s voice was low and seductive, my body was pulsing with desire for a man I should have long left behind.

‘Hi,’ was all I could muster as he took the initiative and pulled me into his arms. It felt like coming home. After embracing for what seemed like an eternity in the street, all the unspoken words that had been circulating in my mind pulsed throughout my body into his.

‘I think there is something between us,’ he replied, laughing, a melodic sound, ah I had missed him.

‘There sure is, my little munchkins.’ I grinned stroking my enormous belly. ‘It’s two girls.’ My voice was almost a whisper, still realising that he was actually here.             

‘That is amazing, Sophia, come, you should get off your feet, would you like to have a coffee with me?’ His expression was guarded, apprehensive. Was he crazy? After six months of radio silence, I was ready to talk in many ways. Taking my hand, he walked me to the nearby coffee shop, and I sat while Cross acquired refreshments. The waitress was virtually drooling over him and flushed magenta when he pointed to our table, though he wasn’t mine and I blushed back, a beacon for the moment of enlightenment that we were about to partake in.

‘She will bring them over in a minute.’ Cross sat down, crossed his legs and turned to me; our eyes locked trying to breach each other’s minds without words. ‘It has been a while,’ he muttered, running his hands through his hair, I almost forgot to breath.

‘Your hair got long.’

‘Will you cut it for me?’

‘Yes.’ The waitress interrupted, delivering the ordered drinks, and I took a sip of my fruit smoothie, the luscious fresh strawberries and lime zinging as they slipped suggestively down my throat.

‘You’re not wearing your engagement ring.’ He reached across the table and took my hand in his, stroking my knuckles, I froze and gently removed my hand.

‘No I’m not. After you left…’ I gulped; this was not something I ever liked to think about. ‘It was difficult, I have been seeing a therapist who deals with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it’s helping.’ Cross smiled, but it did not reach his eyes.

‘I’m glad. To say it was difficult for me too would be an understatement, Sophia, it was sheer torture and I don’t have the strength to run away from you anymore.’

‘So don’t.’ I said the words without even thinking them through and immediately recoiled, staring at anything, the floor, the tiny speck of a crumb on the otherwise quaint tablecloth. Anything, but his face. Peeking up from the spot on the tablecloth I had chosen to fixate on, his expression was one of shock, joy, adulation and then curiosity.

‘What are you saying?’ His voice was husky and nervous, my heartbeat rising with ever second.

‘My therapist thinks that the reason I can’t let you go is because I resonate happy memories with you,’ I replied, taking another sip of my drink, the ice slipping down to chill my raw emotions.

‘So, don’t.’ Echoing the words I had spoken moments earlier, this time I was the one shocked and very confused.

‘You can’t leave when the going gets tough and believe me, it would be tough, I’m so full of baggage the conveyor belt snapped a long time ago. Ouch.’ One of the babies had kicked me in the ribs and at this stage of pregnancy, it bloody hurt. Gone were the, how cute moments watching them squirm in my belly to the, please be gentle that hurts mommy moments, just like this.

‘May I?’ He reached out his hand, and I gently placed it on my stomach, desperately trying to calm my now palpitations at the feel of his hand on mine and the girls were no let down, kicking and turning around, loving the attention. ‘That’s a miracle.’ Watching my belly move underneath my white shirt that was barely able to hold it in, I smiled.

‘They are in every way possible and Jake is ecstatic he will have sisters to play with.’ Just the thought of the three of them bounding around the house gave me so much hope this could work. ‘I told Nicholi after you left about the kiss and how I felt, and we are working on our relationship as co-parents. I love him deeply and always will, but I can’t forget the love we shared and we have now come full circle,’ I muttered, sighing with the weight of a planet heavy on my shoulders.

‘I have a room in the hotel across the road, we can talk, there is so much to say, Sophia, will you come with me?’ He once again held his hand out for me and this time I took it without hesitation, clasping on to the hopes and dreams I had before that fateful night and letting them lead me where they may.

***

It had been two weeks since Cross had returned, fourteen blissful, heavenly days. The line from the much loved movie, Forrest Gump, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get,” is so apt to describe my life thus far. Everything was ripped away from me in one moment then came back ten-fold in ways I did not even think were possible. I had two of the most honourable, loving and compassionate men in my lives, melding me into their image as we go, healing the once crushed heart, no longer soiled and ragged.

Raising my sister’s son as my own and carrying my two bundles of joy, life was perfect and though it was still a huge learning curve for me, I was starting to feel I could do this, life wasn’t such a turbulent mystery anymore, hope overshadowed doubt, happiness ridiculed sadness and fear was non-existent. I was complacent; I got too caught up in my own life to see the bigger picture. I was reckless and unprepared, she took advantage of this and now I was at her mercy.

I had been tied to a chair in the same room for the past three days, barely given any food, just scraps of bread and sips of water. So thirsty, I could not swallow any longer; there was nothing there. The room smelt strongly of urine, I knew why, and some kind of industrial cleaner, they did not mix well, the smell was potent and my stomach heaved. The babies had been so quiet, barely moving around and it was too dark to see my belly. Talking to them and humming my favourite songs was all I could do to try to bring us all comfort, until once again it started.

I flinched as the door was flung open. It ricocheted against the wooden panel, reverberating out into the hollow room.

‘Let’s do this one more time, you fucking bitch, where is the money?’ he shouted, slamming his fist into my face, my eye so swollen from the last time I couldn’t see him clearly through the light that was pouring in from outside. Another day had begun. The passing of time is such an arbitrary thing and when you have no reference point to calculate it, obtuse.

‘I told you, the lawyer had it, I refused to accept it, I don’t know what happened then.’ I answered the question by rote, how many times had this been now? Another blow across my cheek sent any recollections out of my head, like peas skittering across the kitchen floor. The blood was pooling in my mouth, dripping down my cheek.

‘Please, please can I have some water, I’m so thirsty.’ My voice was ragged I could not make out my own words.

‘Here, drink this.’ He hit me once again across the other cheek, the blood splattering to the back of my throat causing me to gag.

‘That’s enough, you don’t want to hurt the baby basket, she would be pissed,’ the other guy interjected, he had never touched me so far, just seemed to shadow his friend and as he leant in to give me some sips of water I had never been so grateful.

This was how it had been for the past three days, a Groundhog Day of exactly the same events; though that was the first time they had referred to another person. Who was, she? I heard my breath catch in my throat, she? Larissa?

‘Is Larissa here?’ My voice was barely audible, but they caught it.

‘Clever girl, yes, she is watching as always, didn’t she tell you she would? Now if you want to eat you will smile pretty for the camera, there, be right back.’ The door closed behind them with a clank and once again, we were alone. Two little nudges followed, an unspoken, we are okay, mama, and the tears flowed, recalling the day at the fair, a van pulling over asking me if I could help with their infant car seat, me leaning in and being pushed into the van. Jacob screaming and Cross yelling my name in despair. I pushed the memory back, there was no point, and I continued to do what I had done for the past three days, try to break free of the rope that bound my hands.

My eyes would not stay open no matter how much I willed them to; I did not have time to sleep. I needed to find a way out of here, wherever here was. We had travelled initially in the van, with me blindfolded, gagged and tied, then boarded a plane, where was I now? The watch Nicholi gave me had been damaged as they threw me into the van and I needed to get free of the ropes to see if there was any way of fixing it. My only hope was for them to find me, succumbing to sleep once more I returned to the night Cross left.

‘There you are, I was lonely.’ The sound of Nicholi’s voice startled me back to life. ‘Baby, what is it, why are you crying?’ he questioned, rushing to my side, pulling me into his arms.

‘He has gone, Cross has gone.’ My sobs were echoing throughout the chrome and white kitchen diner.

‘I thought we had got past this.’ His reply was etched in disappointment, though not anger, as I would have expected.

‘I thought so too, but the fact he knows who I really am, the memories have all come flooding back and I can’t get them out of my head, no matter how hard I try. I love you so much, Nicholi, I cannot bear to torture you like this, it is not right, you deserve so much more.’ I couldn’t stop crying and Nicholi, helping me to sit at the table and then moving away to the other side, sitting opposite me, made me feel destitute and abandoned, nothing more than I deserved.

‘I know you love me, Sophia, as I you, but the fact that you love him too is not something we can run away from, no matter how much I wish it were true. The night you asked me to marry you, I shouldn’t have proposed after, you were scared of losing me and I took advantage of that, I’m not innocent in all this, my desire and longing for you clouds my judgement to the extent that I can’t think clearly when I’m near you. We need time apart from our relationship for you to figure out who Sophia is and come to terms with everything that has happened to you. I strongly feel you are suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder along with self-esteem issues associated with your father. If you can work through this with professional help, you will be able to make a clear decision about your future.’ I was sitting wringing one hand through the other, hearing, but not hearing his words, he wanted time apart, he was leaving me too.

‘You’re leaving me?’ I could barely get the words out, my throat contorting under the crushing searing pain of my heart being ripped apart.

‘Baby, no, why do you always think I will leave you? I will always be here for you, Sophia; in whatever capacity you want me to be. I just think we should take a break from our relationship and give you time to heal. I know in my heart you will come back to me and we will grow old and grey together sitting on that porch watching our grandchildren play. We are on our journey and yours may well segue to include Cross, but ultimately we will find our way back to each other, this I am certain of. For now, I will be your friend and we will raise our three children together in the happiest, secure home they deserve. We thrive together and in time when you’re ready, we can try again.’ I could not bear to hear anymore, throwing myself onto his lap, clinging as tightly as I could to him, wanting to never let go.

‘Please, don’t do this.’ My heart was reaching to clasp on to the one thing it knew was true.

‘I’m doing this for all of us, for us to move on you have to let go of the past, Cross is your past and present, I’m your future, you have to let go of me for now.’ My whole being was screaming under a torturous flame of abandonment, people always leave.

‘Will you stay with me, for tonight?’ I asked, gazing into his sapphire eyes, the light dissipating except for a tiny spark.

‘Yes,’ he whispered, leaning in, brushing a kiss across my forehead, nose, then mouth. Gently caressing my tongue with his until the atoms collided as they always did with us sending us into a frenzy of lust, longing and love, losing ourselves in each other for the last time.

***

Waking up, my head buzzing, body beyond exhausted and so thirsty, I tried to focus. Resuming the attempt of loosening the rope so I could move my arms around the chair and somehow reach the watch, was proving to be a task beyond impossible. Then it hit me, I just needed to get off the chair so I could manoeuvre around and see if I could reach the watch. Afraid if I threw the chair down to the side I would hit my belly, I rocked myself backwards instead, and on the third attempt managed to successfully turn enough that the force freed me from the chair. Contorting myself, I was able to feel the watch against my hip and struggling to manoeuvre hit the side with all my might, the light illuminated for a minute then disappeared. Praying that would be enough for the GPS signal to pick up my location, for once in the last three days I felt hopeful again.

It was so dark, I could not see anything in front of me so shifting on my bottom I tried to trace the room layout. It was completely empty except for the chair I had been tied to, my body not touching anything along the way apart from the stone floor, my skin protesting at the icy surface. Tracing the outline, I scooted across and hit a wall, but this felt different to the others, softer; curtains? I tried to stand and managed a squat position, nudging the curtains open with my head. The light blinded me; my eyes immediately recoiled from the sunlight having been bathed in complete darkness for so long. I did not have time, willing them to fight back, squinting to see my location. The realisation slowly dawned on me, the Space Needle hovering in the distance, a beacon, a mountain above hills; we were in Seattle.

Hearing voices overhead I quickly manoeuvred back to the chair and positioned myself in, though this time would be different. My teasing, twisting and contorting had finally paid off; my hands were free.

‘Well, look what the cat dragged in and oh my, don’t you look worse for wear,’ Larissa cackled as she entered the room, her black dress clinging to her like a second skin, hair loose and flowing, she looked positively radiant. ‘Oh this is much more fun than I had ever hoped.’ Giggling like a schoolgirl, she was one fucked-up monster.

‘Why are you doing this, what do you want?’ I was trying to sound strong, but sensed my resolve weaken quickly upon the entrance of a second person.             

‘What do I want? Well that is an interesting question, but let us start with what I don’t want, you keeling over dead, at least not until I’m ready. Go fix her up now, I will be back, dear Caitlan.’

Launching a petrified woman into the room with me, she closed the door behind us, but this time left the light on.

‘Who are you?’ My eyes were trying to focus on the woman facing me, young, early thirties, shaking to the core.

‘I’m a doctor.’ She crept towards me in silence, getting to work assessing my well-being, giving me food, water and treating the facial contusions, never looking me in the eyes.

‘Please, talk to me; are the babies alright, please?’ The silence was slicing through me like a grater.

‘Foetal heart rates are strong, you are doing great, Caitlan, now listen carefully, you have to get out of here, but I cannot help you, she has my family, you need to find a way, do you understand?’ The door flying open again silenced anything further, but the look she gave me told a thousand truths, Larissa was going to kill me.

‘Out, now.’ One of the men who had brought me here was summoning the doctor, but before she left, she placed something into my hand, something cold, hard and sharp, scissors. As soon as the door was closed I set to work cutting my feet free then running to the window, it was sealed shut, the door was impossible, but remembering the many nights I had gone over plans with Nicholi for his building, there was always another way out, you just had to know where to look. Doing the calculation in my head I ran my fingers across the wall, hitting the silver vent with delight, its vibrations filtering through my bruised fingers, this was my way out. Using the scissors as a make shift screwdriver I managed to free the vent from the wall and pull myself inside, it was tight, but I could fit through if I either crawled on my belly or back. Opting for the latter, I pushed with my feet, shimmying across the slick vent with relative ease.

I could see the sunlight breaching through the opposite side, giving me an energy boost to push forward. Using the scissors once again, I managed to free the vent door and checking there was no one in the room, pushed with my feet kicking it open. The room was carpeted and as I slipped through, the realisation of my location dawned on me. This was my brother’s old office block; he worked on the twentieth floor. It had been abandoned, set for demolition a few years back, when it was purchased to renovate into luxury apartments, clearly that had not occurred yet, the stench of mould lingering all around.

Remembering the interior of the building well, I was on the fifteenth floor, finally I had an advantage; this building had been my second home spending hours assisting him with his drawings.

Knowing the elevators would not be in service I headed for the stairwell, freezing when I heard voices approaching.

‘She said this was a simple cash kidnapping, but this is not playing out like that at all. I do not like this, I want out.’ The two men were approaching from the south and I changed direction to the opposite stairwell, opening the door as quietly as I could, I flew down the stairs, pooling all the fear into positive movements. It was an endless circle all the way, and finally seeing the exit, my heart soared. Opening the door once again, I crept out onto the deserted building site, and surveying the area as I had seen Christian doing many times I headed for the main road, running as fast as I had done in my entire life. Turning the last corner I saw the main street ahead, people all around, we were going to make it, almost there.