In The End (Butterfly #1) (9 page)

‘Can’t sleep?’ he asked, and I again wished I had purchased new nightwear. My white cami glowed under the moonlight and I suddenly felt very exposed.

‘Just wanted some air,’ I confirmed, though that was not the whole truth, the date was swiftly approaching, the date that I dreaded each year, swimming against the current, savagely trying to consume me.

‘Me too,’ he added. ‘It’s one of my favourite places to be, this time of year.’ The way he said it made me think it was more than just a seasonal preference, and I pondered whether the information I had deemed earlier had anything to do with his solemn mood.

‘Would you like some coffee?’ I offered, strange though it may seem to some, but coffee always brought comfort, particularly at this time of night.

‘Sure, I thought it was only me who enjoyed such an unusual beverage at this time of night,’ he mumbled and paused, a look of anguish etched across his face. He brushed it away and headed back inside.

Cross had switched on the coffee maker and sat down, opening his laptop that had been strategically placed on the table top. The coffee maker gave its audible ping of readiness and Cross poured us both a cup, adding sugar to his black coffee as I did mine.

‘Are you working?’ I was attempting to make polite conversation and curiosity had gotten the better of me, seeing him appearing to be researching environmental law.

‘Yes, I am considering taking a new position and one of their specialities is environmental law,’ Cross explained, still looking quite overwrought, and I wondered what had happened to have caused him such hurt that he would have completely changed the person he was. I could empathise more than he could possibly realise, I was not the person I had been nor would I ever be again.

‘Nicholi said you worked for the family business?’ I began and seeing Cross’s reaction I wished I had not opened my mouth.

‘I bet he did, telling you how hideous I am, no doubt, and that you should keep away from me,’ he scoffed. It was not entirely true, but the message had been clear; sensing this, Cross continued.

‘Sophia, just do me one courtesy would you? Judge me based on your experiences, yes I know we haven’t gotten off to the best start, totally my fault, but I would like to wipe the slate clean.’ He placed his cup down and reached across, presenting his hand. ‘Hi, I’m Crocifisso Lucas Veneto, pleased to meet you,’ he smiled, and I froze.

‘Lucas?’ I almost whispered, my voice tense and bewildered.

‘Yes, it was my father’s choice; my mother hated it, but accepted it after some persuasion,’ he replied, looking sheepish.

‘You went to Stanford right, class of 2013?’ My pulse was racing, the blood seemingly pooling in my veins.

‘Yes, everything okay, Sophia? You’re looking a little pale,’ Cross noted, his brow furrowing.             

‘Fine, just tired,’ I confirmed and left the table as quickly as my failing limbs could carry me.

I sat on the window seat in the bathroom until the sun started to rise, just twirling round and round the initial on the bracelet I had worn on my ankle every day for the past five years. The letter L.

I felt like I was floating, my limbs hanging freely in the wind, completely weightless. My arms reached up to touch the air and instead hit a solid object, the heat penetrating my cold skin, tingling with the sensation then moving closer, desiring more.

My body started to respond, and I stirred, enough to wake me from my slumber. Opening my eyes, I saw the face that had graced my dreams every night since we met, my heartbeat increasing with the closeness of our bodies.

Nicholi, having carried me from the bathroom, laid me down gently on the bed before climbing in next to me and pulled the comforter over us, shielding us from the elements, the cold air protesting at its eviction.

‘Baby, you’re freezing, what were you doing asleep in the bathroom?’ Nicholi questioned, holding me close, trying to transmit his body heat to mine.

‘I couldn’t sleep and went to get a drink and then watched the sunrise, I must have fallen asleep in the bathroom.’ My voice was trailing, my body starting to thaw, leaving a dull ache in my neck. I reached my hand to ease the stiffness and Nicholi, sensing this, completed the task, massaging the ache away as only he could.

‘You should have woken me up; we could have watched the sunrise together.’ He stopped, searching my eyes, the sapphire contrasting against the blue topaz of mine. ‘Why couldn’t you sleep, Soph?’ he questioned, concern radiating throughout his face, his brow furrowing in anticipation. ‘Was it because of what I said about my family?’ he asked, nervous vibes emanating from his body.

‘No, I think I just had too much coffee, you know me.’ Desperately trying to evade the question.

‘Hey, this is me you’re talking to; I know you and it’s way more than that. Sophia, it’s okay to be nervous where my family is concerned, in fact I encourage it, not to do so would mean being complacent and that’s never a good idea. But at the same time you don’t need to fear, I will never let anything happen to you; I swear it on my life.’ He held me so tightly; I knew without doubt he would protect me to the death, though I would ensure that never happened. I would never lose him, no matter the consequences.

‘It’s the time of year I…’ Nicholi leaned in, searching for my mouth, mine equally willing to join his, my mind grateful for the distraction, the pain ebbing slowly away replaced with desire for more. Nicholi pulled away first.

‘We are going to have a wonderful day and a perfect date, I promise you,’ he replied, kissing the tip of my nose, heading to the bathroom to shower. I lay back in the bed and instinctively reached for the bracelet on my ankle, its silver reflecting back my anguish as the door opened and the onslaught of children brought me back from my sorrow.

‘Sophia, it has snowed,’ Jacob announced, beaming with happiness.

‘Wow, it really has,’ I smiled, pulling back the curtains to investigate. There was at least five inches, and the lake had frozen in places. The sun was desperately trying to penetrate the thick pink clouds, like fluffy marshmallows sticking together refusing entry, and yielding only to allow further snow to fall. Another layer would be forming quickly and I shivered, the icy draft flowing freely through the open window as both Jacob and I marvelled at the picturesque view.

‘Nic, do you think your mom will make it in this weather? The roads will be treacherous,’ I began, Nicholi interrupted.

‘She messaged earlier to say she would meet us halfway, her car is not equipped for these conditions. We will leave after breakfast, I need to be back at the house tomorrow to sign some papers and it’s a little too cold to pitch any tents,’ he explained as Max joined us, his eyes brightening at the falling snowflakes, trying desperately to catch one before it slithered away from his grasp.

I took the boys downstairs for breakfast; blueberry oatmeal was on the menu with fruit and toast. My coffee infusion had just started to have its effects, sending the necessary jolt through my circulation, permeating my fog-filled brain.

Cross and Nicholi joined us for breakfast, admiring the purple goo apprehensively and taking a bite, agreed with the boys, how delicious it actually was, surprisingly.

After clearing away the kitchen and setting the boys up with some art supplies I proceeded back upstairs to shower and pack for our journey home. I felt my body sag with the weight of what I was and had been concealing for so long. The foundations were unable to bear the strain much longer before they gave way, and the flood consumed everything I had ever wanted until there was nothing left again.

This was not an unknown event, and I had barely managed to survive the first time. Never would I have imagined that I could have found anything close to the love I had felt, devouring me whole, willingly. Yet here I was with everything to lose, but knowing that unless I shared my soul, then not only was I doing an injustice to their memory, but also to Nicholi who was coming to me completely openhearted without restriction. I owed it to him as much as I did his brother, the pain he must have suffered at my hands, I had to make this right somehow.

The floorboards groaned behind me, announcing the visitor before they had the opportunity to do so themselves, and I opened the bedroom door ready to receive them. Nicholi’s whole being brightened in front of my eyes as the light from the window illuminated him from behind. Without words, I threw myself into his arms, wanting desperately to remember exactly how this felt for as long as I could before his eyes would grow cold and hollow. A void that I would never be able to fill again in the same way or even at all.

‘That was quite a welcome,’ he exclaimed, his voice husky, his body revealing just how much he was enjoying the proximity of mine against his.

‘I missed you and I wanted to show you just how much,’ I announced, leaning in to meet his lips with mine, brushing over them gently as he hungrily pulled me in, leaving us both breathless and desiring more.

‘Cross is whining about being the human canvas for the boys’ drawing so sadly we must start packing the car.’ Nicholi paused, hauling me into his arms and launching us both on to the bed. ‘Hell, he needs a bit of colour,’ he confirmed as we wrapped ourselves around each other, our clothes a meagre barrier, just preventing us from fulfilling each other in the way only we could together, when the inevitable wails from Cross to get moving brought us crashing back to reality.

With the car all packed, everyone buckled up and ready to go, I took one last look at the lake house as we pulled away. I could picture us back here in the future, our children swimming in the lake as I lazily dozed in Nicholi’s arms, the scent of marshmallows toasting on the open fire and screams of giggles filling the air. It pained me to leave this place, but I knew it was not real, would not be with half-truths and hidden secrets, too big for any one soul to hold and so it shall be, the beginning of the end just as it should be.

It took us several hours to reach the half-way point, the snow refusing to give and allow for a speedier journey, the ice attacking at every turn, threatening to send us off the road several times.

Both children were oblivious, having fallen asleep after eating the packed lunch I had prepared for them, little smiles creasing their faces from time to time, as they no doubt dreamt of future adventures and stories to tell.

I would glance at Nicholi as often as I could, memorising every aspect of his being, before I would be all but a memory to him. Catching Cross’s reflection in the interior mirror, I hoped somehow he would find peace with the information I would share with him, though knowing that nothing could ever fill that void. There would never be another Lexi for him or for me.

Max’s stirring in his seat and the obvious pungent aroma brought us all back to reality quickly with Nicholi pulling into the service station so I could change his diaper and grab a few snacks to feed the hungry brood. Jacob, also awakening at the sudden cease of movement, announced he needed to use the bathroom.

I efficiently changed Max and used the facilities myself, washing my hands under the facet, absentmindedly swirling the cheap gas station soap around in my hands. Its thick gooey consistency sticking to every line and in every crevice, waiting for Jacob to finish and join me. I never heard the door open.

‘Sophia, you won’t ever leave me will you?’ An anguished, emotionally charged voice echoed in the once quiet bathroom. Max quietly pulling the toilet paper off the roll and papering the floor grabbed my attention while I desperately tried to think of a response.

‘I love you, Jacob, and I always will; nothing can ever change that even if we are on the other side of the world, okay?’ I tried to evade the question while expressing exactly how I felt for him. It would never be my intention to leave, but I could not control the other forces in the equation, no matter how much it pained me to think of not seeing him every day, any of them.

‘My daddy said he will never let you leave us, he said you are ours forever.’ Jacob swung his arms around me, as tightly as any six-year-old could and I reciprocated, drawing him into my arms as I carried him and Max back to the car. The next stop would be meeting Nicholi’s mother, and I felt nervous anticipation building in my stomach for this encounter.

I needn’t have worried, as Nicholi had expressed many times, his mother was just as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside and made me immediately feel part of the family.

‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, Sophia, I have heard so much about you,’ Mia gushed, holding me in her embrace just that bit longer, knowing somehow I needed the extra time.

‘You too,’ I replied, pulling back to survey the woman who had birthed my saviour. She was exactly how Nicholi had described her; long ebony hair cascaded down her back in loose curls, her eyes a lighter shade of blue, bordering on topaz, reflected back into mine her open heart and generous soul.

We were to have drinks with them and feed the children before heading out for our date, the destination unknown and it felt like we had known each other for years, chatting casually about our hobbies and interests. She was an artist, very gifted and had recently exhibited her work at a top gallery in New York. We had arranged a date to have lunch together and with a heavy heart; I left them there. Not knowing how I would get through the next few hours or even if I deserved to. The happiness I was consumed with now, far more than I ever deserved, my once festering soul brimming with it and seeping out, providing a permanent glow.

‘You look so beautiful in this light,’ Nicholi gushed, opening the door of the car for us to commence our date night. The moon illuminated the road ahead, unaware of the significance it played, dancing with the snowflakes that were starting to fall once more and willing the clouds forwards to follow.

‘So where are we going?’ I asked, curiosity building inside, relishing every last second I would spend with him.

‘Let’s just say I hope they iced the runway,’ Nicholi mused, pulling into the local airfield, my mouth gaping at the sight of the private jet awaiting us.

‘We are going in that?’ I marvelled, pointing at the aircraft as it reversed out of the hanger into position.

‘Yes, I thought flying through the snow might be a bit quicker than across it. I want to spend at least some of our night with me not behind the wheel, holding you in my arms instead.’ He leaned in to kiss the tip of my nose, a shiny red beacon for all to see, pulled the hood of my jacket up over my head, and led me across the tarmac to board our flight.

Nicholi was right, travelling by air took far less time than the road and we arrived at our destination a mere forty-five minutes later, mixed feelings consuming me as I surveyed the land. The lyrics,
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of
, with Alicia Keys’ voice flooded my head. This place had made my dreams come true in one second then destroyed them the next and it felt poignant that this would be where they crashed down again.

‘Date night has officially begun,’ Nicholi confirmed, taking my hand in his and leading us off the plane into the black limousine waiting for us.

‘Thank you,’ I began, the tears started to form in my eyes, thwarting me from continuing until I could compose myself. ‘You gave me everything I ever wanted and never asked for anything in return. I just want you to know how much I love you and always will.’ I could not continue and Nicholi pulled me into his arms, as we watched the New York skyline hovering above, its vastness overshadowing everything below, reflected back into the Manhattan River.

‘Shall we?’ Nicholi gestured, pulling me out of the car and into Central Park. ‘This is part one of date night,’ he confirmed. I smiled as the ice sparkled back up at me and fastened the skates onto my feet, securing the knot as my mother had always taught me.

‘You skate really well,’ I observed, as Nicholi completed crossovers with ease, holding out his hand for me to join him.

‘Coming from you that is certainly a compliment,’ he smiled, turning me around to complete our circle. I loved ice-skating and had taken lessons from the age of three, nearly turning professional at one point before another of my passions enticed me in its direction.

‘My mother loves you,’ Nicholi gushed, as we pulled to a stop at the nearby barrier.

‘She is a beautiful woman, your father lost everything.’ I paused, sensing that this would not be pleasant for Nicholi, quickly changing the subject.