In the Mix (29 page)

Yes. I’m dying to wipe it up.

“Dad, it’s going to be ok. You just have to stay strong for her. We will be there for both of you in any way we can.” Mitch pats his back.

“Absolutely!” I add my word of wisdom.

“Ahh, you’re a good boy, Mitchy.” Happy lets go of us, grasps Mitch’s face in his palms and pulls his face down to kiss Mitch’s forehead (we both have a few inches on him). He then proceeds to wipe his nose on the back of his hand before reaching for me.

Dear God, no!

Happy’s palms slap my face and pulls me down. I’d mention the suspicious moisture in those palms, but I’m desperately trying not to think about it. “Welcome to the family, Kyle. We’re a crazy bunch but we love each other hard.” And with that, he plants a kiss on my forehead. I’d like to say it was his seal of approval. He pulls his hands away and . . .

I feel it.

Slime, snot, booger juice, or the million other names for it.

It’s right there; side of my left jaw.

Breathe.

“Is everything okay?” Charlotte asks as she walks in, looking at all of us with concern.

“What’s the matter with you three?” Shannon pipes up, following Charlotte in. Then, CiCi and the kids.

“It’s the Patriots,” Mitch wipes his face, seemingly trying to pull himself together. “They just lost the game with three seconds on the clock.”

“Are you boys for real?” Shannon shakes her head at us.

“It was a close game, Shannon! We’ve worked hard all season and now we can kiss the Super Bowl goodbye!” Happy defends us.

“Grandpa, they have another game next week, what are you talking about?” Brogan asks.

“Nah, Brogan.” I shake my head. “It won’t matter if they win that one. We’ve lost too many,” I add and throw in another little grief-stricken sob as I grab my handkerchief out of my pack pocket to wipe my eyes, sliding it down to my jaw.

See what I did there?

Just then, we all hear a ruckus at the back door. “Shit . . .” CiCi trails off. I take this time to go searching for a bathroom.

Ever notice how loud the dinner table can be when no one is talking at it? Everything is louder: clanking of dishes, silver scraping the plates, the sound of drinking, moving bowls around, etcetera, etcetera. If you listen closely enough, you can hear the rhythm of it all. It’s kind of cool. It’s also the kind of thing you think about when you’re sitting in the hot seat. I dare to glance around at everyone and try to contain my amusement as they all quickly avert their eyes.

I pick up my fork, clink my glass, and clear my throat. Everyone gives me their immediate attention. “CiCi and I took the company jet to Vegas last night, got married, and flew back. Mitch can you pass me the gravy bowl?” I ask as I grab another slab of meatloaf and wait to see how many more minutes this silence will last.

“I motherfucking knew it!” Julie is the first one to burst.

“Julie, you watch your goddamn mouth at my table!” Shannon yells at her. “You better be fucking kidding me, Kyle, goddamn it!” she directs her wrath towards me. I have no idea what anybody else is saying because they are all yelling over each other. Me?

I’m smirking.

I turn my neck to catch CiCi’s smile, except . . . well . . . she’s not smiling at all. She’s staring down at her plate, moving food around with her fork. “Hey.” I nudge her. She ignores me. Realizing this was a fun plan gone drastically wrong, I wave everyone down and finally put my fingers in my mouth and let out a whistle. Everyone collectively shuts up. “It was a joke.” I say as soon as I have their attention.

“No. Kyle.” She places her hand on my arm. “I should tell them. They need to know in case they are questioned.” She brings her attention back to everyone and lets out a long sigh. “They were going to deport me back to Ireland,” she says so straight-faced it actually scares me. How much wool has she been able to pull over my eyes?

“Carissa, you’ve never been to Ireland a day in your life—how could they deport you?” Shannon looks completely miffed with her eyebrows tightly knitted together.

“They’ve got me mixed up with somebody else, Ma.” CiCi shrugs. “I tried to explain it to them. They wouldn’t listen.”

“They
who?!
” all of the girls practically yell.

“The people in charge of deportation. They didn’t want to hear my song and dance. They said they were giving all single, full-blooded Irish people six months to give them a solid good reason not to deport us. They’re trying to make room in the country, they said. I didn’t check my mail. I thought it was junk, so I always threw it out. They came to the shop the other day and told me, in person, that I had one week to get my affairs in order and leave. Kyle was there and told them we were engaged. They wouldn’t give me an extension so we went to Vegas.” She grabs her drink and takes a sip.

“These past twenty-four hours have been the happiest of my life.” I smile over at her.

“What did ‘they’ look like?” Maddie chimes in after studying CiCi the entire time.

“They were in black suits. One was a tall black man, the other, an older white man.” She acts as if she’s really concentrating. “They wore dark sunglasses.”

“Yeah. And there was strange theme music in the background every time they talked.” I snap as if I thought of something extremely important. CiCi and I look at each other and start bobbing our heads to the beat. “Here come the men in black,” we both sing.

“You two are fucking assholes!” Charlotte yells out in frustration and throws a roll at each of us. CiCi and I hold our stomachs, laughing. I mean, you should’ve seen how these guys were falling for it.

“So you two are not married and you’re not being deported?” Shannon tries to clarify.

“No.” I laugh.

“Oh, I’m going to deport her ass, all right!” Charlotte attacks her potatoes.

“She’s just mad because she falls for this shit all of the time,” Ceese informs me then lays the sweetest kiss on my lips—in front of
everyone.

“Let me see some tongue action, Ceese!” Ava, who’s been relatively quiet this entire time, finally adds to the mix here.

“Pipe down, Ava! And, CiCi, you keep that tongue of yours in
your
mouth!” Happy intercepts.

“Ok, everyone.” Maddie waves her hands out above the food. “Let’s go around the table. Who’s starting this month?”

“Jesus Christ, Maddie, you always make it sound like we’re at an AA meeting.” CiCi complains then bursts out laughing.

“What?” I chuckle, watching her.

She wipes away her tears and tries to control herself. “The first time I met your sister, she asked me what that meant,” she says then starts laughing again. All of the girls start laughing with her.

“What did you say?” I ask, but she can’t stop laughing. “Do you girls know what she told her?”

“They don’t know, man. One of them gets like this; they all get like this in anticipation.” Mitch looks over at Charlotte and rolls his eyes.

“I said,” she starts but another roll of laughter comes out of her. “Asswhores Anonymous!” She finally screams out. I believe that was the only way she was able to get it out. All five girls are wailing now. Mitch, Trent, and I all look at each other and laugh at our predicament.

“Well, one thing is for sure,” Trent says over their laughing fit. “It’s nice to finally have company. For the past ten years, I’ve been the only man brave enough to stand in their shadow. Welcome to the club, gentlemen.” He picks up his glass to salute us.

“Where did we go wrong, Shannon?” Happy looks around the table at all of the girls, who are finally calming down.

“Nowhere, sweetie. I wouldn’t trade their laughter in for the world.” She smiles. I sit here in awe. Honestly, you would think that Maddie, Julie, and Ava were their kids. There’s something pretty damn terrific about that.

I can’t help but think about how lucky I am to come from a great family that I can be comfortable around. Never mind find somebody whose family makes me feel the same way—that’s gold.

Everyone finally settles down. “I’m going last,” Charlotte waves.

“What are we doing?” I ask CiCi.

“Oh. This little dinner with all of the girls only happens once a month, so we go around the table talking about anything new in our lives or interesting stories for Mom and Dad to catch up. It’s become tradition.” She takes my napkin and wipes the corner of my mouth. “I’ll go first,” she calls out but keeps her attention on me. Everybody stays real quiet. “I fell in love this week.” She turns back to everyone. My heart races a mile a minute. “New client. He’s a scotty dog named, Sir, but I call him Sir-licks-a lot. He’s so cute. That’s all he does the entire time, give me kisses while I’m grooming him,” she carries on. I look over at Mitch. He does a slight hand across the neck gesture, telling me to let it go. Of course, I’ll let it go, I mean, we’re only fucking, right? “Oh, and I started seeing this guy.” She directs her thumb in my direction.

“We’ll pray for you, Kyle.” Julie laughs.

“Thanks. I appreciate it.” I hold my glass up to her.

“Me next!” Maddie dances in her seat.

“He brought me coffee again!” Maddie actually sings and does the cabbage patch in her seat.

“Madelyn, is this the same guy who was bringing you coffee last month?” Shannon inquires.

“The Viking.” She sighs as if in love. Hmm . . . funny concept, huh? “He’s so handsome and smart. He’s a giant.”

“I love you, honey, but I don’t want to hear about him until he’s putting cream in more than your coffee.” Shannon pats her hand.

“Mom!” Maddie screeches.

“I’m sorry, Maddie, but right now, coffee is as boring as shit! What else is going on?”

“I have a new type of client I’ve never had before,” she leans in as if the HIPPA police will fly in here out of nowhere. “He has hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia.” She widens her eyes.

“I had that once,” Julie quips, “one little blue pill and it was gone.”

“Uhh . . . I believe that was something else, Julie,” CiCi says.

“Maddie?” I grab her attention. This kind of stuff fascinates me. “Is that the fear of long words?”

“It is!” She waves her hand at me excitedly.

“For the love of God, please tell me you say that word to him every chance you can!” Ava laughs.

“Oh my God, I totally do. How can I not—I mean—come on!”

“How do you keep a straight face with these nut jobs?” CiCi asks.

“Don’t say that. Having fears doesn’t make you a nut job.” Maddie shifts in her chair and pushes her hair behind her ear.

“I don’t know, Maddie, CiCi has a lot of fears, most people tend to think she’s nuts,” I snort.

“True dat!” Four of the girls say. I look over at Ceese and she’s biting the inside of her cheek.

“I’m next!” Julie drums the table. “I’ve decided not to model anymore. Also, since it seems that CiCi now has a solid man by her side, I’ve decided to become a lesbian and make Maddie my bitch with her being in the same situation as I.”

“I’ve waited my whole life to be your bitch, Julie.” Maddie bats her eyes at Julie.

“I know, short stack. It was just a matter of time. Hold my hand under the table, will ya? This can be our first date.”

“Oh, you girls,” Happy laughs.

“Are you two numb nuts done?” Charlotte asks then leans back and looks over at the kids’ table.

“Hey, Miss Observant, your kids went into the living room to watch TV fifteen minutes ago.” CiCi snaps in her face.

“Oh. Good,” she states with the sound of relief. “I have some news to share with all of you. It’s actually mine and Ava’s to share.”

“Charley’s letting me borrow her vagina,” Ava beats her to the punch.

“Why, Trent getting tired of yours?” CiCi quips.

“No, asshat. I’ve agreed to be Ava and Trent’s surrogate mother. And . . .” she trails off.

“We’re pregnant!” she and Ava scream.

“Shut the front fucking door!” Maddie yells. They all get up to hug Ava and Charlotte. Everyone except for CiCi.

“Hey.” I lean over and nudge her. She looks at me, her eyes filled. Her nose flairs and the tears plummet down. I grab her hand. “Go congratulate her.” I lean into her ear and whisper. She nods and gets up.

“I’m so happy for you, Ava,” she says before hugging her.

“Are you? I have to say, Ceese, you don’t look like you are.” Ava cringes as she says it.

“No! I am, I promise. I’m just surprised. I think this is wonderful. You deserve it after trying for so long. I really am happy for you.” She pulls her in for a huge hug and I watch as my girl cries. I’m sure Ava believes it’s for her and so she’s crying with her. I know it’s that and so much more and my heart is just aching over her pain.

“C’mon, boys, let’s clean up this mess while the girls talk.” Happy stands up. “Charley, I’m so proud of you, honey. And, Ava, I’m so thrilled for you, sweetheart.” Happy heads over to her and kisses the top of her head.

“Thanks, Dad.” She smiles up at him.

“Thanks, Daddy.” Charlotte grabs his hand.

CiCi makes her way back to me. “I want to go,” she whispers in my ear.

“No.”

“What?”