In the Raw (23 page)

I brushed my lips against his ear before pulling back to grin at his shocked face. “Please promise me you’ll learn French. It’ll be hot as hell to hear you speak it.”

“But, Ethan, there’s no way—”

I cut him off.

“Go. Boulanger is waiting for you and you know how fucking impatient he can be.”

Jamie looked like he was about to say something, then stopped and nodded. He pushed his chair away from the table and made his way to the stage. We continued to clap and whistle for him as he ascended the steps. My heart constricted when I felt Claire’s arm circle my waist. I leaned against her and wrapped my arms around her as we watched him shake Boulanger’s hand and accept a small plaque.

The only sign he was nervous was the slight flush on his neck. Otherwise, I was amazed at how at ease he seemed up there. We all took our seats and watched him approach the podium alone. He cleared his throat and smiled at the audience.

“This is truly an honor. One I didn’t expect to receive. I’d like to thank everyone on the scholarship committee, especially Chef Boulanger, who I know has had to put up with a lot during his pastry course this semester.”

There were twitters of laughter sprinkled throughout the ballroom, along with a few sidelong glances in my direction. Chef Boulanger simply leaned forward and waved to the audience before stepping back again to focus the attention on Jamie. He looked down at the plaque he was holding then searched the audience until his eyes found mine. I felt my skin heat up from that look alone.

“I couldn’t have made it through this semester without the help of a very special person. He reminded me what it meant to be a chef, but more importantly, what it meant to be myself. It’s because of him I stand up here to receive this at all. Thank you.”

Jamie turned again to shake Chef B’s hand then made his way down the stage. I sat glued to my seat as the audience stood and clapped for Jamie again, too stunned by his words to move. When he was halfway back to our table, Claire leaned down to whisper in my ear, “He’s a keeper, big brother.”

I looked up at her and nodded. When my brain caught up to everything that had just happened, I got to my feet, a smile curling my lips. I waited for Jamie to make his way back to the table as several people stopped to congratulate him. Always polite, he shook hands and said his thank-yous until he was finally free. When his gaze landed on me, his blue eyes blazed with emotion and I felt my heart pound.

When I stood up, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Shock must have registered on my face when I found Calvin Sharpe, one of the competition judges, standing behind me. He gave me a friendly smile and held out his hand for me to shake.

“Mr. Sharpe? Is there a problem?”
God
,
please let there not be a problem with their decision to award the scholarship to Jamie.

His deep brown eyes crinkled as he gripped my hand with his rough, callused ones. “Problem? Not at all, Mr. Martin. If anything, I’d say this is a night for celebration, wouldn’t you say?” He looked at Jamie, who had stopped at a table nearby, smiling widely as some of our past instructors patted him on the back.

My chest tightened from the sight of how happy Jamie looked as he shook hands with everyone around him. He deserved it all. I cleared my throat and turned toward the squat, round man before me. “Yes, it’s been a perfect night.”

He regarded me silently for a moment longer before dropping my hand and pulling out a business card. “I’ve been in this business a long time, Mr. Martin, and finding good employees who are also trustworthy is a hard thing to come by. I’m rarely impressed and even more rarely surprised by today’s younger generation. More and more it’s become more about what the business can do for them, instead of what they can do for their business.”

“Mr. Sharpe, I swear I didn’t do it to—”

He waved me off and interrupted me. “Trust me. I know where your intentions were. Last week, you both surprised and impressed me with your integrity. Hell, you surprised all of us. And after talking it over with Laurent, I’d like to offer you a paid internship for the summer, and possibly next year, in my restaurant.”

I opened and closed my mouth several times, but nothing came out. Chuckling, he tucked the card into my hand and smiled, the creases in his dark face making him look more like a benevolent grandfather than my future employer.

“Think about it and call me next week. I can’t promise I won’t work your ass off, but I’m pretty sure I can offer you a higher wage than you’re currently making in the school’s kitchens.”

The card felt amazingly small in my hands compared to the roar of emotions surging inside me. Smiling like a fool, I tucked it into my back pocket and shook his hand again. “Thank you, Mr. Sharpe. You have no idea what this means to me.”

He released my hand and nodded over my shoulder to where Jamie was finally making his way toward us. “I think I do. But if you come work for me, it’ll be Cal, or Chef. Mr. Sharpe was my dad and he was an ornery son of a bitch. Call me next week and we’ll set up a time for you to come see the restaurant. And please extend my congratulations to Mr. Lassiter.”

He nodded his farewell and faded back into the crowd just as Jamie approached the table. I turned to face him and felt my breath catch at the way he stared at me like I was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He closed the distance between us with several long strides and took my face in his hands. He slanted his mouth over mine, kissing me in front of the crowded ballroom of people. Hesitant for a second, I pulled him closer to me as he deepened the kiss. When I felt him smile against my lips, I pulled back to look at him, a matching smile of my own plastered across my face.

“Congratulations. No one deserves it more than you do.”

“I was sure it was going to be you.” His elated smile made him look even more incredibly handsome than he normally did.

My heart pounded in my chest as I stared. I didn’t give a shit about anything at the moment other than him. The scholarship was always his. I was his. For years I’d fought myself, but I didn’t want to fight this anymore. I swallowed hard as the enormity hit me. I loved him. “No more hiding, right?” I murmured.

His face flushed as he realized we were surrounded by our classmates, teachers and assorted family members. “Yeah, I think we’re past that.”

I laughed, unable to take my eyes off him. “I love you, Jamie Lassiter.”

Jamie looked at me in stunned amazement, which made me laugh harder and I murmured, “I know. It’s about time I said it out loud.” He simply nodded and pressed his lips to mine again, softer but surer this time.

As the applause died down around us, I slid my hand into his and began leading him out of the ballroom. When we made our way out the back door and into the lobby, I pulled him into one of the alcoves, wrapping my arms around him. We held each other for I’m not sure how long, just the two of us. When he sighed softly, I slid my hands up to frame his face and pulled him closer to me, bumping my forehead to his. “You have to promise me one thing.”

His hands dug into my hips and pulled me closer as he whispered, “Anything.”

“You have to promise to come back and show me everything they teach you in Paris next year. I love you too much and I’m too damn greedy to be without you for too long.”

I felt him smile against my neck when he pulled me closer and murmured, “That makes two of us.”

Feeling him against me right now, I was certain we could weather anything that came our way. Even a semester abroad.

Epilogue

Ethan

Below me, Jamie’s heavy-lidded eyes as he watched me slowly move above him burned with intensity. “Jesus, Ethan.”

His blond hair was stuck to his forehead with sweat, he had whisker burn all over his neck and shoulders, and his lips were swollen from my teeth. Early morning light through the slats of the mini blinds painted his pale skin. Golden Boy. Every inch of Jamie was motherfucking beautiful, from his disheveled hair to the freckles scattered across his shoulders.

I smirked as I slowly rocked my hips and he gasped. His thighs clamped around my waist, the change in angle as his ass squeezed around my cock sending my eyes fluttering closed. Nothing in the world was sexier than being buried this deep inside Jamie Lassiter. My groan echoed his sounds, voice ragged with all the things I needed but couldn’t say. All I could do was focus on how he felt, all long, lean muscles and smooth skin.

The clock was ticking but I wouldn’t rush these last few minutes we had together for anything. Claire was close to Jamie, too, and I was greedy with his time and friendship. The last semester we’d spent together as he’d lived with us hadn’t been easy all the time. He was mellow, and my hair-trigger temper meant we butted heads sometimes. But together, we worked.

With a deep breath and another slow thrust I could feel the tension coiling tighter lower in my stomach as I fought to push it back. Reflected on his face was everything I felt. Need. Desperation. Want. He raised his free hand, rubbing his thumb over my lip, palm brushing over the scruff covering my cheeks and chin. I kissed his palm as he sighed and his expression softened. With me he let the blank Lassiter mask he’d hid behind his whole life fade and I could see the fire within.

My chest tightened and I felt the dull ache spread lower. I didn’t want this moment to end. If it ended he would be walking away from me. Jamie would be on a plane and gone for at least six months. Six months was inconceivable. I’d grown used to the way he rolled his eyes at me when I was surly and overdramatic. I craved the sound he made whenever I kissed him breathless. I loved how he made me laugh. Somewhere in the past few months we’d found each other, I’d forgotten what life was like without Jamie Lassiter.

“Come here,” he murmured, pulling my mouth down to his. My breath caught and stuttered as he rocked his hips up to meet my thrust. He deepened the kiss as his free hand flattened against my back, palm catching on my sweaty skin. When his tongue met mine, the kiss quickly changed from lazy to ravenous as his body started to shake under mine.

Fuck.

Not yet.

Please not yet.

“Ethan. Look at me,” Jamie gasped against my lips as I could feel the muscles of his thighs tense. “No matter what happens, I’m glad I found this. Found you.”

When my eyes opened, the look on his face sent me over the edge and the ache in my chest grew. This was goodbye. Nothing could tell me otherwise as Jamie shuddered, biting down hard on his lip as he came. His body squeezed tight around me and his fingers dug into the skin of my back as I felt him come. Pleasure mixed with pain as I buried my face in Jamie’s neck, moaning raggedly as my sweat mixed with his.

He combed his fingers through my hair and I could feel his lips peppering kisses against my temple. He murmured as my breathing slowed. I raised my head to kiss him again as a shuddering breath racked my body. I blinked back tears as my eyes burned.

Get yourself together
,
asshole
, I growled at myself. I’d done this to myself. I’d handed Jamie the ticket to a better future. I needed to be strong and stop being so fucking melodramatic. But six months! I’d gone twenty-two years without feeling this and now six more months was too much.

Claire’s voice was muffled as she banged her hand against my bedroom door. “Come on, you two, stop with the jungle sex and get in the shower. Jamie’s plane leaves in three hours!”

“Ten more minutes,” Jamie yelled as I pushed up to stare at him, his smile breaking through my emo shit.

“You said ten more minutes twice already. An hour ago. We need to get going so you can get through security.”

“She’s right,” I murmured, pushing Jamie’s hair back from his forehead. With a sigh I pulled out and rolled to my side to face him. “You smell like us.”

“I happen to like smelling like us.”

“Yeah, but do you want to smell like us for... Hey, how long is the flight, anyhow?”

Jamie chuckled and pulled me close for another kiss.

“At least ten hours.”

“At least ten hours of smelling like us. It might get old really quick.” I pecked his lips and pulled back, sliding out of the bed. He reached forward to grab my hand, squeezing hard.

“It’ll never, ever get old.”

I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat.

“No. No, it won’t.”

Jamie slid out of bed after me and padded over to the laundry basket sitting on the floor next to my desk. He grabbed two towels.

“Coming?”

“About to be.” I grinned as he grabbed my hand and tugged me into the bathroom.

Another forty-five minutes later I shoved my feet into my shoes as a harried Claire barked orders. “You two wouldn’t be all in a frenzy if you’d listened to me earlier. ‘Oh, Claire. Just five more minutes. Ten more minutes.’ Now we’re running late.”

“Clairebear?”

“Yeah?” Her eyebrow rose.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but shut the fuck up.”

She snorted and tossed Jamie’s sweatshirt she’d grabbed off the couch at my head. I bent my head but stopped mid-sniff when she said, “If you smell that thing one more time I’m giving you the title of most emo man in the world.”

“What? I like the smelly stuff you use in the dryer.”

“Right. Make sure Jamie leaves your balls behind with you, okay, pumpkin?”

I lifted my middle finger in salute and wandered back into the bedroom. Jamie was sitting shirtless in only his jeans stuffing the last of his belongings in his backpack. He’d tried last night, but once he’d sat down on the bed I’d been more focused on feeling his skin bare against mine.

“Do you need me to do anything?”

He scanned the room, no doubt going through his mental to-do list.

“No. I don’t think so.” He patted his pockets. “Crap. Where’s my passport?”

“You had it with your wallet last night.” I dug through the pile of discarded clothes on the floor. “Found it.” I grinned at Jamie, who rolled his eyes at the mess I called my room.

His side of the closet and room was always neat and tidy. Mine looked like a clothes bomb had gone off.

I held up the passport, wiggling it. “You want this, you know what I want.”

This time I got a laugh, but it lacked the usual effort. “Ethan, you are what I want.”

I leaned forward and kissed him softly. When I pulled back, his look matched mine. “I want what you want. I always have.” I slid the passport into his hand and moved away, head down.

I could do this. We could do this. Six months was nothing, right?

* * *

Claire had offered to drive but grumbled when Ethan had insisted I join him in the backseat. She said, “I feel like one of those moms who carts her kids around the city to run errands. C’mon, you guys have said goodbye all morning. I need to be reminded I’m not a glorified chauffeur here.”

Silence. That had never deterred Claire, though. So she tried a different avenue of conversation.

“Jamie? What’s your schedule like once you arrive in Paris?”

I knew Ethan hated to think about my schedule as much as I did, but I wasn’t going to punish Claire for our lack of enthusiasm over my upcoming semester in Paris. “Pretty busy, I imagine. Some kind of orientation and settling in at the apartment they’re providing.”

I squeezed Ethan’s knee a little harder as his leg bounced against mine in the backseat of the car. He shifted his eyes from the window to my hand then up to my eyes and sighed. “Sorry.”

I pulled him closer, leaning in to nuzzle his neck. “There’s no reason to be sorry. I’m not exactly looking forward to leaving, either.”

Without a word he leaned closer and wrapped both arms around me. As I settled my body against his, I breathed in the spicy scent that was uniquely Ethan. I knew I’d ache for him later.

“What do you think you’ll go see first when you get a break from your classes?”

Ethan glared at Claire in the rearview mirror. “Claire? I don’t mean to be a dick again, but please shut the fuck up.”

Thankfully all attempts at conversation about Paris came to a screeching halt as she turned up the volume on the radio, filling the car with music. I sighed and dragged my lips to his ear. “It’s not her fault. She’s trying to help.”

His knee started bouncing again but he didn’t speak. I wanted to say something. Anything to make him understand I didn’t want to leave. Even though we had talked about how this was the opportunity of a lifetime, I would have given it up to stay with him in Seattle if he’d asked. I’d never expected to find someone who loved me as much as I loved him. Even with the distance looming, I seriously doubted I ever would.

Selfishly, I wanted to stay in this moment with him for as long as I could, but our time was almost up. If we were lucky, we had about five more minutes left before we arrived at Sea-Tac Airport. Once we entered the parking garage we would have to run to the check-in counter if I was going to make it through security and make my flight on time.

After a minute, Ethan’s knee finally slowed down. His breath ghosted across my cheek as he murmured, “Sorry.” He paused for a moment, then let out a deep sigh. “I seem to be saying sorry a lot today.”

I pulled back to look at him and shook my head. “Don’t apologize. Just don’t be too hard on her. Or yourself. I don’t want to get on the plane knowing you two will be fighting the entire time. I’d much rather focus on remembering this morning.”

Ethan chuckled and finally gave me the cocky smirk I’d grown to love so much. “We did take a very long, nice, hot shower.”

“I did take something important to remind me of you, though.”

His eyebrow lifted.

“Oh yeah?”

I gave him my own smirk and lifted the sweatshirt I’d hastily thrown on at the last minute before leaving the apartment. Ethan’s laugh was so loud I felt it vibrate against my chest as he grabbed me and crushed my lips against his. “You stole my favorite Who shirt?”

I lowered my sweatshirt and laughed when he kissed me messily. “Told you smelling like us never got old.”

The music shut off and Claire’s voice interrupted us. “We’re here, Mr. and Mr. Daisy. Get ready to run as soon as I find a parking spot.”

Ethan tensed. “You can drop us off at Departures, Claire, and drive around to pick me up.”

He grumbled as she ignored him and steered the car into the winding parking garage. “I asked her to come inside with us. I want you both there when I have to walk through security.” I found his hand and squeezed it. “Please.”

The emotions that flitted across his face in rapid succession told me he’d rather it just be us inside saying goodbye. Instead, he nodded and squeezed my hand back as Claire navigated the narrow aisle while she tried to find us a parking space.

“We’re cutting it close, Jamie. Once I kill the car we’re going to have to sprint to the check-in desk.” Claire glared at us in the rearview mirror. “‘Ten more minutes, Claire. Ten more minutes.’ If you had come up for air when I asked you to we wouldn’t be rushing like crazy people right now.”

Her car door flew open and my heart dropped into my stomach. Ethan squeezed my hand one last time without looking at me, and opened his door to go stand next to Claire. My body felt heavy as I willed myself to leave the car and join them. I’d broached the subject of staying in Seattle and giving up the scholarship with Ethan only once before. To say the conversation ended badly would be an understatement. But right now, as we ran across the dimly lit garage to the main terminal, my mind fought to come up with any excuse to stay. To stay in the only place and with the only person who had ever felt like home.

“Thank God the Institute shipped your other stuff a few weeks ago or we’d have never made it.”

I looked up to see we had finally made it to the glass doors of the main terminal for international flights. I clutched the straps on my backpack tighter in my hand and forced a smile on my face. “They definitely thought of everything, didn’t they? Let’s go get my boarding pass and then we can head over to security.”

Before I met Ethan, I would have been too embarrassed to stand in line with my boyfriend at a crowded airport, let alone hold his hand or show any kind of affection. Today? I didn’t care who saw or cared what we were doing. I clutched Ethan’s hand in mine as he bumped his shoulder against mine playfully and rambled on about all the things we were going to do once I got back from Paris. Staying in bed for a month only to leave for long, hot showers together was the winner.

When I finally reached the check-in counter, I hurriedly handed over my passport and ID then we ran to the security checkpoint. Out of breath and frantic about me missing my flight, we stopped outside the cordoned-off area as Claire threw her arms around me and hugged me fiercely.

“Be safe, have fun, learn a lot, and stay away from any cheese that smells like feet. I don’t care how fancy it is, that’s just nasty.”

I chuckled and kissed the side of her head. Before she pulled away I whispered, “Take care of him for me.”

She nodded and when I pulled away she furiously swiped at the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.

Without saying a word, Ethan pushed my backpack off my shoulders and crushed me to him. I pulled him closer, kissing him hard. My eyes burned as I pushed back the fast-approaching tears. The kiss gentled as his hands slid into my hair. His lips brushed against mine as he murmured over and over, “It’s only six months. We can do six fucking months. Right?”

I nodded and kissed him again, wanting my kiss to tell him everything would be okay. It’d be a lonely, sometimes rough six months but we would be fine. We had already had six months together and in another six months I’d be back. When Ethan finally broke the kiss, I bumped my forehead to his. “I love you. I’ll be home before you know it.”