Insight (29 page)

“I need my hoodie if I’m not going to bother with a bra.”

“In that case, I’m all for the hoodie.” He smirks.

It’s ridiculous how easy he is to sidetrack. Right now I’d love that talent. “Aren’t you worried?”

“About the bra situation?” He chuckles, now sitting on his hands as a show that he’ll keep them to himself. But his grin is wide. It’s so Landon. Probably pretending that I didn’t just have a breakdown in his car, and staring at one tiny strip of exposed skin.

“About this catastrophe we’re trying to avoid?” There’s an actual smile on my face. Like he’s made this all seem doable, possible. Things will be okay.

“We can fix this, Micah. Just by figuring it out, I think we’ve fixed it.”

A chill runs through me. I wish I was ready to touch him again because I want his warmth.

“I can’t believe you’re choosing to be a part of this.” This horrible thing I do.

“I’m choosing to be a part of you.”

His eyes turn me inside out in a way that half melts me, and if I didn’t know the emotions I’d be hit with, I’d probably jump onto his lap right now. It’s frustrating, not just being with him and enjoying him without all the extra stuff I carry with me.

“You know this would be so much easier if you told her the truth. Everything.” That comment brings me straight back to the present.

He’s right, of course. “I can’t do it, Landon. I’ve waited too long.”

“But can you imagine never telling your mom about his huge part of your life? And the longer you wait—”

“I’ve thought of this, and I don’t have the energy for the conversation right now.” Dread fills me every time I think about telling my mom. She’s going to be so hurt, and feel so left out.

He nods. “Tell her you want to hang out in the morning. I’ll see what I can do about stopping that truck, or having it come at a later time, okay?”

“How will you do that?”

“I’m guessing the truck is a milk truck. I know they come and go from that place. My mom did the milk thing forever, or well, had someone else do it. I’ll ask them when it’s scheduled, and it’ll give us something to go on. I’m going to detach your mom’s battery. It’ll keep her from going anywhere. Let me step outside and deal with that, you go talk to your mom. I’ll meet you at my house in a few minutes.” Landon looks comfortable, confident.

Again, Landon and his attitude makes me feel like this will all be okay. I take a deep breath. “Ready.”

He opens my bedroom door, and I cringe waiting for the picture from Mom, but it doesn’t come. I’d rather have some control than be bombarded like I was when we walked in earlier. It’s freaking me out a bit that I saw pictures without touching.

She raises an eyebrow at us as we walk out of my room.

“I didn’t touch her, I swear.” Landon laughs a little and winks at me.

“Right.” Mom doesn’t buy it, I can tell by the look on her face. Fortunately, she’s not frowning.

This is amazing on several levels. First, she’s not thrilled about the whole sailing thing, and second, I did actually just change clothes with a boy in my room. I’m still shocked she let him follow me in.

“I need to make sure I get everyone’s keys, and go change. Party’s always at my house. I’ll meet you in a few,
'
kay?” He gives me a final encouraging smile and walks out.

I shiver and it hits every part of my body—like a block of ice passes through me. I don’t realize how much of a support Landon is until he’s gone.

“What do you want to talk about?” Mom asks. “Now that you’ve come out of your room in different clothes?”

At least there’s no question as to what
she
wants to talk about.

“Umm.” There’s suddenly no words waiting to come out. I rub my hands on my arms. I’m cold again. Maybe its just nerves.

“I’m assuming you want to talk about something or Landon would still be around, is that right?”

“You have milk pickup tomorrow?” I ask.

“Yeah, why?”

“Do you think you could skip it?” Landon and I will work out the details, but I have to feel like Mom’s safe now.

“What’s up?” Her head cocks to the side.

“I want to talk to you about something.” I bite my lower lip.

“You’re not pregnant, are you?” She’s upright immediately.

I laugh. “No, Mom. Not pregnant. We’re not having sex. I told you this.”

“Whew.” She puts her hand to her chest. “Is this about the boating thing?” Disapproval seeps into her voice.

“I’d like some time, Mom. You’ve been with Ethan. I’ve been with Landon. It’s hard. I’m about to graduate. I want to spend some time with you.” I don’t even realize how true it is until I’ve said it.

“Sure, I can skip. I’m sure I can find someone else.” She nods.
“If you don’t mind Landon sitting in your room while you change clothes, we need to talk anyway.”

“He turned around,” I argue, but know Mom will give me the lecture anyway.

She stares like I knew she would—like it wouldn’t matter if he had a blindfold on.

“Okay.” I let out a breath, hoping that I’m not just sending another person to Mom’s fate. “I’m not interrupting something with you and Ethan, am I?”

“He’ll understand. We’re together a lot.”

“Thanks.” I lean forward. I’m scared to give her a hug, but I need to see if anything’s changed. I brace myself for something, but I see me. My face, in my prom dress from when Landon and I left earlier in the night. I squeeze her harder, desperately holding back tears. We did it. It was so easy. All that chaos, all that stress. I
threw up
in front of Landon for no reason.

“Micah.” Mom pulls away. “Are you okay?”

There’s no hiding my teary face from Mom. “I can’t believe I’m about to graduate, that’s all. It just kind of snuck up on me, you know?” I also can’t believe what a quick thinker I am for getting that out.

“Me too.” Her eyes turn glassy as she looks at me. “Now, go enjoy your party.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I start toward the door. All I want now is to put my arms around Landon. I grab my hoodie that’s hanging by the door, and step into the night air.

TWENTY-NINE

I need to get back to Landon. I
felt
it when he left. Is it always like this? Maybe only when you’re
falling
in love.

Movement from the corner of my eye turns my stomach, until I realize I recognize the person. “Mr. Michaels?”

And then I wonder if I should be more afraid of him or the shadows I think I see.

“Oh. Hi. Yes. Micah. How are you?” He steps from the trees onto the driveway.

I glance around him, suddenly wary. “I’m fine. Heading to your house, actually.”

“Yes, the yearly party. I’m leaving town tonight—thank goodness. And hopefully my wife will have the sense to make sure everyo
ne stays the night.” He sighs
as he keeps pace with me.

I’m shocked that he’s letting this happen after forcing Landon to leave Lacey at the party.

“Did you have fun?” he asks.

“Landon was a gentleman
.”
A gentleman? I lose my mind around this man, and
I can’t for the life of me figure out what he’s doing out here in the woods.

“I miss being here.” He gestures around us. “I nearly always take a walk before taking off again.”

“Oh.” I feel like he’s lying, but it doesn’t much matter. We’re almost to his house—the music and sound of cars has gotten continually louder.

“We’ll see you soon.” He taps me on the shoulder before walking across his driveway to the open garage door.

The vision from him is
exactly
the same. The boys running, same feeling, same everything. Odd, but not unheard of. Still I stand and watch him go, afraid to trust him, but also afraid if I can’t trust him.

If I’m with Landon, his father will know where we are. I shake my head. I’m being paranoid again. I’m sure of it. Why would it matter of Landon’s father knows where we’re sailing?

But part of me already knows that if I’m in the Bahamas, I’m going to look into the voodoo woman more. A part of my heritage might be wrapped up in that. It’s something I need to talk to Dad about, but not over the phone. And this is my paranoia striking again.
All of the old legend stuff was tossed to the side after my fight with Landon, but it feels like it might at least be a starting place to me learning more about myself.

If nothing else, I might be able to cross it off as an impossibility, and that would at least be something.

As I stand on the edge of the driveway, I’m practically shivering, like my hoodie is doing nothing for me.

“Hey, Micah!” Josh jumps out of his Jeep and very politely walks to the other side to help Lisa down.

“Hey.” I give him a small wave. And I just survived my walk through the woods.

“Micah, I need to talk to you.” Lisa pulls up the layers of bright pink dress off the ground and walks my way.

The light is too dim for me to read her face. What does she want? Do I want to know? “Okay.” I clear my voice,
but
it barely comes out.

She steps away from Josh and loops our arms together.

She’s packing suitcases. The room is large. Complete satisfaction.

I wonder where she’s going. We walk slowly toward Landon’s house together.

“Are you okay?” Her face holds honest concern.

“Yeah, why?”

“You looked upset. I guessed it was be
cause Brigitte was being catty
, as usual.” She rolls her eyes. “And I wanted you to know that I know she’s not pregnant.”

“What?” It’s so far removed from what I was worried about that it takes me a moment to catch up.

“She’s been on birth control for like three years. She and Landon hook-up once in a while, then nothing will happen for months. This last time, before he started dating you, she told me she thought it was more real. I knew better. If he really liked her, they’d do more than fool around at parties.” Lisa shrugs.

“Why are you telling me this?” I stop and she stops with me, our arms still together.

“Because we’ve all been friends for a while—Josh, Cameron, Brigitte and Landon, and me, and I’ve never seen him like this. It makes Brigitte a little crazy. I think she probably thought she’d get a little something fun after his birthday, you know.”

“The
money
?” I can’t imagine actually, really, being after someone for money.

“Of course the money.” Lisa laughs a little.

“I didn’t know about it, you know. In case you thought that was why—”

“I could tell when we were talking at Lacey’s thing. Sorry, if I haven’t been as nice as I should be. Brigitte’s been my friend for a long time. She felt jilted.” Lisa frowns in apology.

“I get it.” And what Lisa doesn’t know is that she’s been nicer to me than anyone else. It hits me again how much I’ve missed out on by bein
g such a loner. “Thanks
.”

“Well, I’m feeling all charitable. I’m spending the summer in Paris.” Her smile flashes widely. She looks over her shoulder. “Hey, date!” She calls to Josh. “Ready to take me inside, get me wasted and fool around?” She laughs at Josh as he starts our way.

I must look shocked.

“He’s kind of a jerk on the outside, but Josh is actually a pretty remarkable guy.”

“
Really
?” Nothing I’ve seen from him indicates that, except maybe the kiss I saw at Lacey’s party. “Actually, he really likes you.”

“Are you just messing with me?” Lisa stands back, narrowing her eyes. “How would you know?”

“Uh…Landon,” I lie. “But don’t let on that you heard, okay?”

“Thanks, Micah.” Her smile is genuine.

“No problem.” I feel full of good deeds tonight. The breeze picks up, just slightly, and I shake again with a chill. I pull my hoodie more tightly around me.

“You can’t possibly be cold.” She laughs. “It’s the first truly warm night all year!”

“There you are!” Landon’s voice comes from the lawn to my right.

“Go and enjoy him.” Lisa pushes me, and I see her and Josh this time. Not her room.

I run toward Landon and don’t hesitate as we come together. He wraps his arms around me and picks me up off the ground.

Small windows. Darkness. His lips on mine. Anticipation. Love.

It takes me a moment to place where we are.

“Plan on taking me to your boat?” I ask.

“Yep.” He sets me down, our noses touch. He puts our lips together. “But I wanted it to be a surprise.” He chuckles. “Guess I should know better. Things must be fixed?”

“Must be.” I’m already breathless from being picked up by Landon, from seeing what I just saw from him, and from what I’m feeling right now. His arms around me dissolve the chills and the tension. The desperation from earlier turns into something else. I bring our lips together.  I can’t let him go. There will be no getting close enough, not here.