Into the Light (Untwisted series Book 3) (25 page)

‘Somewhere nice with me, I hope,’ he murmured as he tried to deepen the kiss by sliding a hand to the nape of my neck and tugging me towards him. The physical pull between us was so strong that I probably would have let him if it hadn’t been for the disapproving look I caught from the shopkeeper through the window. Giggling like a randy teenager I gave him one more warm kiss and then pushed against his chest to separate us.

‘Come on, hot stuff, cool it for now, we’re in public,’ I laughed, almost giddy in my happiness as I moved back to his side so we could resume walking.

‘Like that would stop me,’ he muttered hotly, leaning in close to my ear. God, the man was insatiable. But luckily I was too, and just those few words and dark, lusty tone had me feeling flushed in my cheeks as a throbbing settled low in my belly.

Suddenly, Nathan froze beside me, pulling me to a sharp, jerking stop in the middle of the pavement. The hand that was holding mine went completely rigid and when I turned to him in confusion I saw that his face reflected his tension; a muscle jumped in his jaw line and his eyes were hard and intently focused just ahead of us. Following the line of his gaze I saw a woman with a pram walking towards us, smiling shyly at Nathan.

I had no idea who she was, or what was going on, but I suddenly had a distinctly sick feeling in my stomach. The woman drew to a stop in front of us and flicked a gaze over us both, lingering on our joined hands with a curious look, before glancing back at Nathan and averting her eyes. ‘Hello, Sir, it’s nice to see you.’

Sir?
As the implications of her words hit me I felt the air leave my lungs in a single rushed breath. A huge surge of jealousy landed on me so swiftly I almost staggered. It was official, I wanted to throw up. Luckily I managed to hold back and instead focused on clutching Nathan’s hand to keep myself upright. His hold on my hand was equally as tight, but he finally cleared his throat and broke his silence.

‘Melissa … it’s been a … a while.’ Shifting on the spot he glanced at me, but the expression on his face was completely unreadable – was it fear? Panic? Guilt? Anger? I had no idea. ‘Stella, this is Melissa.’ Indicating briefly with his free hand he then gestured towards me. ‘Melissa, Stella.’

Melissa, who I assumed from her little use of the word ‘Sir’ was an old submissive of Nathan’s, turned her pale green eyes on me curiously. She was shorter than me by quite a way, skinnier too, and quite pretty, but there was a meekness to her that curved her shoulders in a slump and made her seem a little feeble. Her eyes flitted again to where my hand was linked with Nathan’s and I saw her eyebrows shift into a slight frown.

Not knowing what to say or do my gaze dropped to the baby as a distraction, but unfortunately this only made my stomach sink even further as I took in his features. It was probably my jealousy making me ridiculously paranoid, but his luminous blue eyes were almost the exact same colour as Nathan’s … and the blond fluffy hair was basically identical too. He was gorgeous, all soft, chubby, pink skin and innocent youth, but the more I stared at him the more the sickness I’d felt earlier began to rise up my throat, was that why Nathan was so tense, was this
his
baby? Did he have a child that he hadn’t told me about?

Nathan having a child wouldn’t necessarily be an issue, but concealing it from me wouldn’t exactly be the best start to our attempt at a relationship would it? My head was swimming as I suddenly released Nathan’s hand from my death-like grip and pretended to be fiddling with my handbag. I didn’t re-take my hold of his hand afterwards, I couldn’t, not until I knew the facts. Looking at the baby it was obvious he was just a few months old, and suddenly as well as wondering if this was Nathan’s baby, a horrifying thought crossed my mind – had Nathan still been seeing this woman whilst we had been together? He’d told me he was monogamous in his relationships, even as dominant and submissive, but if he had been expecting a child with her perhaps that changed things … had he cheated on me? Was that why he was so tense and had greeted her so stiffly?

What the heck was wrong with me? I’d never felt jealousy like this before,
never
, but the more I looked at Nathan’s tense expression, Melissa’s curious face, and her baby’s annoyingly cute blondness the more my imagination went into overdrive. Realistically I knew I was thinking irrationally, but my mind was awash with questions and I couldn’t seem to calm it. Was this his baby? Had he loved Melissa? Why had they split up? Ugh. My brain was moving so fast that I literally felt sick.

Melissa’s oddly inquisitive glances made me focus on the issue of whether he might have cheated on me and I tried to remember if Nathan had acted strangely at any point in our time together. But this was an almost impossible feat because Nathan and all his peculiarities was never exactly what you could call run of the mill.

It was fairly far-fetched, but the thought that he might possibly have overlapped myself and Melissa while he had been trying to father a child with her and still continue his sordid sex life on the side with me made me feel really dizzy, and suddenly I was desperate to get away and clear my head.

‘Sorry, Sir, I forgot to do the introductions, this cheeky little monkey is Dylan,’ Melissa finally said, pushing the pram back and forth a few times to calm the baby’s restless murmurs.

It was a marginal relief, but at least Melissa’s words seemed to confirm that Dylan definitely wasn’t Nathan’s baby, so perhaps all my paranoia about his faithfulness was unnecessary. But why had he been so tense when we’d met her? I definitely hadn’t imagined the way he’d stiffened next to me. As much as I hated myself for it I still couldn’t help but question exactly when Nathan had ended his relationship with this woman.

I’d never thought of myself as the overtly jealous type, but seeing this woman here right in front of me, Nathan’s past lover, a woman he had seen naked and had literally been inside of affected me more than I could ever have imagined.

Melissa leant down and lovingly ran her fingers across the baby’s cheek. ‘Anyway, we’re heading to playgroup so I need to be off. ’

Beside me Nathan’s tension reduced slightly, apparently glad that the conversation was coming to a close, and he nodded his head sharply. ‘Bye, then.’ he murmured in a tone that was practically devoid of all emotion.

Talk about blunt. Not that I mined, with my brain feeling foggy and confused I also wanted to get away as quickly as possible.

Melissa gave me a curious smile and a nod and then pushed the pram off in the opposite direction, leaving us standing there stunned in the middle of the street. Turning his head Nathan stared down at me intently, his look still impossible to read – was he shocked from the run-in with Melissa, or wary about my reaction? I had no idea, all I did know was that I still felt quite sick and dizzy from the shock encounter and his scrutiny wasn’t helping settle me at all.

‘That was Melissa … she used to sub for me,’ Nathan murmured, apparently testing the water and gently taking hold of my hand again.

My fingers felt like stiff wooden twigs within his grasp. The stew of emotions in my brain was so messed up that I barely knew how to react, so I decided to use my custom fall back; sarcasm and swearing. ‘
Really
? I’d never have fucking guessed,
Sir
,’ I spat in a low whisper, making sure to inflict as much emphasis on the last word as possible. Perhaps it was nearly my time of the month and I was hormonal or something, because bizarrely Melissa calling Nathan ‘Sir’ had actually shaken me up more than seeing the baby. The idea of him in bed with Melissa, or any other woman for the matter, made me see red and feel like going on a killing spree. Although seeing how many women Nathan had probably slept with in his illustrious past it might take me a while to track them all down, I realised with a bitter grimace.

‘Stella, calm down,’ Nathan warned in a soft growl, but I was way past calming down. Ripping my hand from his, I crossed my arms and looked up at him defiantly, completely unable to get the images of
him
buried inside of
her
out of my mind.

‘When were you last with her?’ I demanded, keeping my eyes locked on his. In our last few days together Nathan had become so much better at holding eye contact, so if he dropped his gaze now I’d definitely suspect that he was hiding something from me. But he didn’t drop his gaze; in fact, if anything it heated by several degrees and made my stomach tighten. He shook his head as if considering something, but then confusingly a smile began pulling at his lips. Reaching out he tried to stroke his hand down my cheek – his touch usually never failed to flare desire inside of me, but not today, right now I needed answers so I dodged out of his way with a swift sidestep and another glare.

‘Don’t try and distract me,’ I said, knocking his hand away and causing Nathan to narrow his eyes, ‘When you first saw her you looked terrified, Nathan, like you had been caught red handed. So when exactly did you last see that woman? Was it while we were together?’ My voice faded out as bile settled in my throat. If he said ‘yes’ I’d have to turn and walk away before I threw up on him.

But Nathan didn’t answer me verbally, instead his nostrils flared, his eyes darkened with annoyance, and then too quickly for me to dodge he grabbed my wrist and proceeded to drag me down a tiny side street to our left. Actually, it turned out to be more like an alleyway, full of bins and doorways which presumably were back entrances to the shops, but I didn’t stop to look too closely because after about ten steps Nathan had me pushed up against a wall and was leaning down over me rather ominously.

I felt completely unhinged, totally irrational, and close to losing it – quite apparently jealousy is not a trait that settles well with me because I beat him to an answer and spoke first. ‘When were you with her, Nathan?’ I shrieked again, before my courage evaded me, but my answer was met with a growl, as his face turned redder and redder by the second. ‘When did you last
fuck
her? Is that more understandable language for you?’ I demanded, as gathering tears stung my eyes. Nathan’s mouth descended upon mine so suddenly that I didn’t have time to think about avoiding it, one of his hands lunged into my hair, twisting it around his fingers and keeping my head from moving as his tongue forced its way inside my mouth, whilst the other hand gripped my hip and held me firmly against the wall.

Even in this situation, with jealousy blurring my actions and countless questions rolling through my brain, I struggled to resist my pull to him and an infuriatingly needy moan rose in my throat at his possessive onslaught. Raising his head just a fraction he gazed down at me, his eyes heated and lusty. ‘I fucking love that you get this jealous over me, Stella,’ he panted, but seeing me lick my bruised lips and frown he sighed, ‘Is that why you’re so upset, you think I cheated on you?’

Chewing on my already sensitive lip I was teetering right on the edge of losing all control. I could feel it slipping through my fingers like grains of sand, so I didn’t reply – I just stared at him, desperate to hear the answer I needed to hear. ‘Well over a year and a half ago, OK? Things ended with her before you and I met, Stella, I would
never
cheat on you.’ he informed me, his tone and grip both softening with his last words.

Releasing my tortured lip from between my teeth I found my voice. ‘But you looked so guilty when you saw her.’

As tense as the situation seemed to me, Nathan smiled. ‘The reason I froze was because I thought you might freak out meeting her.’ he paused and ran a hand through his hair, ‘Plus it slightly threw me to see her with a baby, for a few seconds I panicked that it might be mine.’

Swallowing loudly I stared at his features and could only see truth reflected in his eyes, which reassured me, but as painful as it was, I needed to find out a few more things. ‘Did you want the baby to be yours?’ I asked in a pained whisper.

Nathan’s eyes opened so widely they almost popped from his head. ‘Fuck, no,’ he replied with a firm shake of his head and a grimace.

It seemed fairly apparent from that reaction that Nathan didn’t like the idea of having kids, not that I’d expected differently, given his own troubled childhood. Finally, as his fingers massaged my hips softly and he continued to stare down at me with wide, pleading eyes I felt myself relax. The release of tension nearly made me hysterical and I had to work hard to keep myself in check and stop myself laughing.

Placing a hand on his chest I could feel his pounding heart beating a heated pattern that pretty much matched my own. Adrenaline was still rushing through my system from our encounter with Melissa, not to mention the dose of desire that Nathan had stoked within me with his earlier kiss.

‘Did she live with you?’ I whispered suddenly, not sure why I was asking, but somehow finding that I wasn’t able to stop myself.

Drawing in a breath, possibly in preparation for his answer, or maybe to calm the raging hard-on that I could feel pressing against my stomach Nathan tilted his head but maintained eye contact. ‘Yes … but only for four months and only as my submissive. Our relationship was always very business-like.’ My eyebrows had drawn into a frown, I could feel it, and upon seeing my look Nathan gently moved a hand to cup my face, where he began to soothe away the crease between my brows with soft circles of his thumb.

‘She may have lived with me, but she knew very little about me, Stella. I don’t wish to upset you, but with Melissa, and the others before, it was just sex for me, nothing else.’

His use of the phrase ‘the others’ made my stomach twist with another insane twist of jealousy and I instinctively tensed up again. ‘Did you love her?’ The question popped from my mouth before I could stop it, and I felt him stiffen again. Why was I asking that when I didn’t even know if he loved me?

‘No. I never loved any of them.’ Perhaps sensing that I was on the verge of losing it Nathan lowered his head and kissed me softly, his warm lips scattering kisses on my cheeks, eyelids, and finally lips, his sweet actions going some way to soothing my hurt, ‘You, Stella, you’re so different … I … I …’ But much to my disappointment, whatever he was going to say dried up in his mouth. ‘It’s my past, Stella, I can’t change it, but you must believe me when I say you’re the only woman I have ever been like this with, the only woman I have ever … 
cared for
like this, and that’s the God-honest truth.’