Irresistible Fear (12 page)

Nanny had understood the treatment Emily experienced at the hands of her eldest granddaughter. Treatment that fluctuated between brutal to negligent. Nanny would see the patchwork of bruises on her back and the burn marks on her legs. It had killed Nanny to admit the failings of her granddaughter as a mother.

Emily had stayed with Nanny every summer. From the time she was old enough to walk up until two summers ago when she passed away suddenly of a heart attack. Nanny had owned a small cape cod in Currituck County, North Carolina. She was a ten minute car ride to the beach and walking distance to the sound. Those summers were magical. They held every precious memory Emily had in her short recollection.

Emily threaded her fingers through the gaping holes that had worn into the material and pictured her Nanny’s cozy brick home that always smelled faintly of wood smoke, cloves and cinnamon. Emily remembered the immediate comfort that smell brought her. When she would return home at the end of the summer, she wouldn’t wash her pillow case for weeks, just to savor that smell.

Once Emily began to think of her Nanny it inevitably brought with it, less pleasant memories. The nagging bitterness at her great grandmother’s inability to save her from this life. Why hadn’t Nanny taken her into her care permanently and not just three months out of the year? Her Nan had heard Emily’s stories, told in a young and fearful voice.

When Emily was old enough to recognize her great grandmother’s constant guilt, she mustered up the courage to ask Nanny to adopt her. Emily’s chest tightened as she relived that painful realization that Nanny would only intervene so much. Emily had had to suppress the horrible feelings that created. Those wonderful summers were the best parts of her child hood and if they were to stay that way, Emily had to forgive her Nan and swallow the anger and betrayal that had threatened to wash that love away.

Anticipation of Nanny’s summers were what got Emily through the other nine months of the year. She couldn’t let her time with Nanny, as precious as it was, to be soiled by anything, even her own bitter disappointment. So she had forced herself to be okay with it and to continue to love her Nanny despite it. And when Nanny had passed away, entirely too soon, Emily had mourned her passing as if she had lost her real mother.

Emily noticed several cigarette burns in the woven wool. Emily gingerly picked up the blanket and examined it closer. The once vibrant orange was now stained with brown and black smudges and the white loops had long since dulled to a dingy gray. Emily felt her fists clench and she had to struggle to keep control of her anger. Her mother ruined everything, even a simple blanket.

It was then that she realized that someone was watching her. Her eyes met the startling blue of a young police officer who had entered the front door. Even in her emotional state, Emily could appreciate his rugged good looks. His dark hair curled around his ears and she could see the hint of dimples in his cheeks. But it was his eyes that really held her attention. They were unsettling in their familiarity. They were an odd color, an almost colorless blue, what she could have imagined ice caps to look like. Where had she seen him before? Or more specifically, those eyes?

She looked away from him and stared into her lap. She knew he was standing beside her before she even looked up. “Ma’am, I’m Officer Bekker. I need to ask you some questions.” His voice was soft, yet with a deep timber. He barely spoke above a whisper, as if she were a skittish animal that would bolt at any moment. She looked up into his eyes again and felt strange, almost light headed. Why was he so familiar?

Officer Bekker sat down on the sofa beside her, respectful of her personal space, but close enough that she could feel the heat of him. Emily felt him study her and she knew she must look a mess. She resisted the urge to straighten her hair. God, she was ridiculous. She was being questioned by the police after being punched around by her mother and she was worried about her hair. Get a grip, she told herself harshly.

Officer Bekker put his hand on hers. Emily jerked in surprise. It wasn’t just that it was a completely unprofessional gesture on his part, it was the physical sensations she experienced as his skin made contact with hers. His touch felt like fire, a steady pulsing of electricity that seemed to shoot up her arm. His eyes warmed and he leaned toward her. Emily distantly realized that this was getting extremely intimate but she was inexplicably drawn to this stranger and she felt the urge to unload everything that was bottled up inside of her.

“Your neighbor called because he could see you and your mother fighting in the front yard. It was reported that there was a lot of yelling. Tell me what was going on here tonight.” His voice remained quiet and Emily had to strain to hear him, even though she was sitting right next to him.

As much as she wanted to tell him the truth, the rational part of her brain, or was it the irrational part, didn’t want the unavoidable complications that would result in her confession. So instead of telling him about the bruises that were painted on her abdomen and the daily ridicule and abuse she experienced, she gave into the lie. “I was late for curfew, my mom got mad. We yell at each other a lot.” Emily feigned an indifferent shrug.

For the first time she knew that the person hearing her story didn’t believe her. She felt a flutter in her stomach. “Are you sure that’s what happened?” Officer Bekker squeezed her hand and looked deeply into her eyes. “You can tell me what went on tonight. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.” The thing was, Emily believed him. When he said those words, Emily instinctively knew he would move heaven and earth to keep her safe.

This was becoming almost too much for her. Emily wanted to stay with this man, but she made herself move away from him and look out the window, away from the penetrating gaze of those unusual blue eyes. “I told you my story. There’s nothing more to tell.” Emily’s voice became chilly.

Officer Bekker was silent for a long time. Emily finally looked back at him to make sure he was still there. He continued to stare at her but his expression was... hurt? Disappointed? None of this was made sense and she was feeling overwhelmed. “If you don’t need anything else from me, I’d really like to go to bed.” Emily stood up and put out her hand to shake Officer Bekker’s. He seemed unsettled by the abrupt ending to their conversation but cordially shook her hand, setting off another series of tingles over her skin. He sought to capture her gaze again but she refused to meet his eyes. “If that’s all you say happened, then that’s what we will put on record.” “Thank you.” Emily mumbled as she made to move past him.

“Emily.” He spoke her name softly, almost a breath. Goose flesh poured across her arms and neck. She knew him. She just couldn’t figure out how. It was on the tip of her brain, a tease of memory. Emily stopped on her way out of the living room but didn’t turn around. She could sense him standing directly behind her, watching her.

“Sleep well.”

And when she turned around, he was gone.

Chapter 14

He was drowning. Suffocating in her smell, her voice, her presence. He had for a few moments in time looked at her through human eyes. Touched her with mortal skin. He wasn’t the shadow out of the corner of her eye, but a living and breathing man. Sure he had to overtake another’s body to do it; but the memory of her tears erased any doubt about his actions tonight.

She had been truly devastated. He could see her memories and saw clearly what had happened. Her mother had roughed her up and it had gotten really scary for her. He could see the instant in which she hadn’t known whether she would live or die. And as with everything, Emily felt this so intensely it radiated from her.

He should have greedily anticipated her dreams tonight. Knowing that he would be satiated beyond anything he had ever experienced. Instead he felt her sorrow, her fear and he had inexplicably wanted to take those feelings from her.

When he had touched her, it had shaken him to his core. She was so beautiful in her tragedy and as drawn as he was to her emotions and her life force, he was as equally drawn to her humanity and basic goodness. He couldn’t understand what it was about this slight girl that was able to change the fundamentals of who he was. He was a demon, yet he was learning to feel things that should have been beyond what he ever thought himself capable of. And it was because of her. Maybe it was coincidence or perhaps it was fated. He didn’t know. He only knew that she touched him in a heart he didn’t know he had.

He was heading down a dangerous path. He had been unable to feed off her for the last two nights. And now he had possessed a living soul to be near her. He was obsessed with the idea of her seeing him and knowing who he was. Would she believe him? Would she collapse under the terror? Was it worth the risk of losing himself? He was in a constant personal battle, not sure of how to proceed. He was becoming weaker and he could feel it. It was gradual for his kind, a slow decline until he was gone, snuffed out like a candle.

As he left her house in his borrowed body he began to feel the anticipation. Not for the feed, but for the chance to see her again. Tonight he would do it; he would let her see him and whatever came because of it he would just have to deal with it.

As he slipped out of the police officer’s body, the demon inside of him craved the aura that hung around the man. He needed to eat but he couldn’t as long as he was attached to Emily. If he didn’t drink from her, he wouldn’t be able to drink at all. He was with her until she died. But as he drifted off into the Abyss to wait for Emily, he wondered for what felt like the 100
^th
time whether it would be her death, or his.

Chapter 15

Emily heard the police leave her house. They hadn’t gone upstairs to speak with her again. She then waited for her mom to stumble up the stairs and bang on her door, demanding to come in. When that didn’t happen either, she continued to lie on her bed, listening to the deceptive silence. She couldn’t hear her mother, she couldn’t hear anything.

She ventured downstairs after about an hour and searched the downstairs. There was no one. She walked back upstairs and looked in her mother’s room. It looked like a tornado had blown through. Drawers were pulled completely out and over turned on the floor and clothes lay strewn acrossed the bed. Emily checked the closet and noticed her mother’s duffel bag was missing. Emily deduced that her mother had taken off for a few days. She hadn’t heard her leave the house, but she wasn’t complaining. That was one less worry she had to deal with.

She went back to her room and turned on her stereo. She looked at the clock on her bed side table. It was 2:30 in the morning. She was feeling the exhaustion of the evening set in. Her head ached and she felt fatigue sink into her bones. Turning on her stereo, she listened to Radiohead as she drifted off to sleep.

********************

The fuzzy consciousness that signaled the beginning of the dream took over. And like each time, it slowly receded until was left with a sharp clarity. She was on a beach. The place could have been on a post card and she knew this strip of sand and sea with aching familiarity.

Emily could feel the sun beat down on her shoulders and the sand gritted between her toes. The water gently lapped against the shore and she could hear the seagulls cawing over head as they dove towards the water to snatch fish.

She looked around. She seemed to be alone. She didn’t feel anxious or fearful. Instead, she sat in the sand and enjoyed the blissful peace. She didn’t know how long it would last but she would relish it while she could. She fell onto her back and closed her eyes, digging her fingers into the sand like a crab. She felt herself smile.

Her body started to tingle and she could smell the pungent aroma of cinnamon. Emily’s eyes flew open. And he was standing there, as if he had been doing so for a very long time. The sun cast his face in shadow and she was blinded. She sat up quickly and scooted away. He continued to stand there, not moving. He was tall, she could tell that. He wasn’t overly muscular or big; instead he had a slight frame, bordering on slender but still imposing.

He moved slightly toward her and she was finally able to see his face. He had dark hair that fell in slight waves across his forehead. He didn’t look to be much older than she was. He wasn’t what you would call conventionally good looking. His face was a series of planes and shadows. But he had an arresting face, an intriguing face, with his straight but defined nose and high cheek bones. She realized that she could enjoy looking at him.

Studying him intently for a moment her attention was caught by his eyes. Cold blue, startling blue. How did she know those eyes? She could have sworn they should have triggered something for her but she couldn’t make herself remember.

And when he smiled at her it was crooked and almost painful, as if he wasn’t used to the expression. “What is this place?” He asked her, indicating the ocean and the distant pier. Emily smiled. “It’s Corolla, North Carolina. My Nanny lived here and I used to come to this beach every summer.” “And is it a happy place for you?” He slowly sat down beside her, placing an appropriate distance between them. All she could do was nod, not trusting herself to speak.

He seemed to consider this and was silent for a long while. Then he nodded to himself, as if engaging in some sort of internal dialogue. “Would you like to walk with me?” He was hesitant, as if unsure of her answer. Emily had no idea who this guy was, or if she was supposed to know him. But she recognized him instantly as the presence that had haunted her in her sleep the last few weeks. She was very aware of him, the heat of his body and the smell of cinnamon rolling off of him in a rich current. The smell reminded her so much of those blissful summers with her great grandmother and it calmed any anxiety she may have felt.

“That would be great.” Emily got to her feet and swept sand from her pants. She waited for him to join her. They walked along the shore line, the waves licking her bare feet. The water was warm and she could smell the salt and feel it on her skin. They were such pleasant feelings and she felt herself relaxing.