Irresistible Fear (16 page)

After the announcements were over, their substitute teacher sat on the edge of the desk and crossed his arms over his chest. He seemed really young, not much older than the kids in the class. The girls were already fluttering their eye lashes at him and fluffing their hair. Liz Clindenst was practically throwing pheromones at him.

“I’m Mr. Heishman. I’ll be your sub today.” His voice was deep and husky. “Mr. Miller is out sick. He left me a lesson plan. It looks like you guys have been reading Shakespeare’s sonnets.” Without any further introduction, he began to speak. It took Emily a few seconds to realize he was reciting one of the sonnets. Which defiantly impressed her, as she had an impossible time remembering them at all.

Mr. Heishman recited the sonnet in a clear and strong voice. He held the class riveted. As he passionately rendered Shakespeare’s famous words, she felt his eyes on her. She met his gaze and felt her limbs begin to tingle. When he finished with his recitation, there was a collective sigh from the female members of the class. The guys grumbled at the attention the girls were giving their substitute, but they didn’t snicker or say anything disparaging. Which was pretty impressive in its own right, as that group of guys were notoriously crude.

“So guys, what does it mean?” Their teacher’s question hung in the air as everyone searched for an answer that would please him. Emily felt her hand rise in the air. She did it before she even realized what she was doing. Mr. Heishman smiled at her. Emily felt herself blush at his attention. “Emily, right?” She nodded, ridiculously pleased that he knew her name. “Well, share with us what you get out of this piece.”

“It’s about love and longing, and a fear that it will all end, most likely in death.” He smiled at her again, clearly liking her answer. “I completely agree. Love is probably the most powerful force on earth. It can make us do amazing yet foolish things in its name. But death isn't always the end is it?” His words hung in the air and Emily couldn't deny that it felt like they had been meant for her. The air practically buzzed with some sort of connection between them. Emily felt her hands tingle and she couldn't take her eyes off of him.

“Um, yeah.” She said, feeling like an idiot. Um yeah? Was that all she could say to his incredible comment? Um yeah? Really? She wanted to sink into the floor with embarrassment.

He stared at her so intently. Mr. Heishman didn't seem to think she was stupid. His eyes seemed to be trying to tell her something, but what? It unsettled her how much those eyes reminded her of Tavin's. And that made her rather tenuous grip on reality slip a bit. But then the teacher blinked and like that, the connection was broken and Emily was able to breathe again.

She felt Sasha looking at her. Meeting her friend's eyes, Sasha wiggled her eyebrows and mouthed, “Damn he's hot.” Emily shook her head and looked down at her English book.

The rest of the class passed in a blur. She never raised her hand again and Mr. Heishman never called on her. She must have imagined the weird connection that had seemed so tangible to her.

The bell finally rang and Emily took her time packing up her things. She wanted to talk to him, make some excuse to be in his presence. Sasha and Jeremy hung by her desk. Emily waved them on. “I’ll catch up with you guys later, okay?” Sasha cocked her eyebrow in her all-knowing way. Jeremy still seemed to be miffed about their earlier exchange, so he barely acknowledged her before leaving, but it didn’t even bother her. Nope, Emily’s entire focus was on the amazing substitute who sat at the front of the classroom. What was she doing? Was she going to attempt some sort of lame conversation with him? All she knew was she had to be near him for just a little while longer.

Emily zipped up her book bag and slowly walked up the aisle of desks. Mr. Heishman was making notes in a notebook, his head bent over the desk. Emily stopped at his elbow, floundering for something to say to him. He looked up suddenly and looked at her. “Hi Emily.” He said softly. She knew his voice. She was overcome by deja-vu, a sensation she was becoming familiar with. “So, uh, Mr. Heishman. That sonnet you recited to us today. Is that one of your favorites?” Emily asked him. She suppressed the urge to slap her forehead in mortification. She sounded so juvenile.

He didn’t look at her like she was a moronic little kid; instead he seemed to consider her question seriously. “It is definitely one of my favorites. Though I must say, I like all of the sonnets. There's just something about that kind of passionate love that transcends time, don't you think?” Emily nodded emphatically. “Have you ever been in love like that?” She asked him. She realized that she was being extremely inappropriate. He was currently her teacher and this was not a conversation a student should be having with her instructor.

But he didn’t feel like a teacher. No, it felt like they were simply two people together, talking about matters as important as love and death. He looked away from her, staring at something she couldn’t see and he began to speak again.

His voice spoke softly, his words only for her. “He is tortured by his love, his obsession, his need to touch her, to feel her, to kiss her. It consumes him. He doesn’t know if he will drown in his need to be with her. She is oblivious to his obsession. Is she cruel? Or just naive? We don’t really know. All we know is that his hunger for his lady could be his undoing.” He looked directly into her eyes.

The sound of crashing waves drummed in her ears and she felt herself falling into the blue abyss. He sucked on his cinnamon candy, the smell a tantalizing tease of memory. A piece of paper slid off of his desk and floated to the floor. Emily bent down to pick it up at the same time he reached his hand down to retrieve it. Their hands brushed; the barest of touches. She was hit with desire so strong that it took her breath away. What was wrong with her? Her feet were rooted to the spot.

The bell suddenly rang and it pulled her out of the moment. Students started rushing into the room, jostling her. Crap, she was going to be late for Chemistry. But she couldn’t make herself leave. Mr. Heishman continued to watch her with an unreadable expression. “Well, um, thank you for your time and all.” She said lamely.

. “I have all the time in the world for you, Emily.” He whispered in that voice that wasn't quite his. It sounded so much like another voice she longed to hear in this world. Emily didn't say anything, just nodded and finally forced herself leave the classroom with an inexplicable heaviness in her heart.

Chapter 20

He was fading. He knew it with a clear certainty. Every time he possessed another, he lost a little more of himself. Possession was a tricky thing. It had to be done just right or the demon ran the risk of being trapped there forever and, as it was without him feeding, it was harder and harder to do at all. Tavin hadn’t made it a habit to possess mortals. Actually, he had never done it before, only heard of it being done by several of his brothers who enjoyed that sort of thing.
She
frowned on this, found it to be an unnecessary risk. If she knew he had done it, she would be furious.

He knew his mother had been checking up on him. He didn't think he had given her any reason to suspect him or the change that was occurring in him. Maybe he had been too distant, putting off seeing her. He didn't typically wait so long to go to her. In truth he hadn't been in her presence since his last mark had passed. Not since finding Emily.

She
was particularly possessive of him, something he used to find pleasure in. He liked being his mother's favorite. The fact that it made the rest of his brothers so angry was icing on the cake. He was the first after all. The first incubus born of his demon mother and a human man. He wouldn't say father, as there was only ever
her
. Lilith.
He had felt her summons for days but had ignored it successfully so far. He knew she was aware of his forays into the human world, but he also knew that if she had been aware of his inability to feed on Emily, he was certain that she would have intervened. He would have been pulled back into her world and it would be forever this time. For a demon not to feed on their chosen victim was to commit suicide. He was ultimately ending his own existence by doing so. As Emily became stronger, he became weaker. Her every breath tightened the noose around his neck.

The summoning wasn’t something that was easy to ignore. It was persistent and became steadily more compelling. After easing out of the body of the young teacher, Tavin knew he was incredibly weakened. But his moments with Emily were a delicious tease. Not for the first time since he had entered her life did he wonder what it would be like to touch her, taste her, and be with her forever.

He was drowning in the torrent of emotion that she unleashed in him. He wanted to be good for her, to be something that was completely beyond what he was meant for. For the first time he felt a control in how he lived out the rest of his time. He could make choices different from the ones that had controlled him in the past. And with this new taste of free will he felt suddenly human.

Tavin was discovering new things about Emily every time he was with her and her complexity was mesmerizing. He wanted to know her, to plunge into her soul. But he didn’t want to take it from her. He needed her to stay whole, even as he was breaking apart.

The summoning thrummed through him and after this last physical experience he no longer had the strength to deny it. He closed his eyes and fell into the whirling, swirling nothingness that would lead him to his mother. It was an uncomfortable experience, this jarring dislocation. He could feel the wrenching pain as he was thrust through the mortal plane to this other world. The barren waste land that Lilith inhabited.

Lilith, even thinking her name conjured up a longing need and of course the ever present fear. There was always the fear. His mother ruled them all, the demons, and had done so since the beginning. She was Adam’s first wife and refusing to cater to his every need and whim as was expected of her, she had instead fled the Garden of Eden, refusing to return. She turned her back on all that the Garden represented and in doing so ultimately rejected her humanity. Lilith became angry; bitter. She was hunted by God's soldiers, experiencing the worst atrocities that anyone could ever endure. She became the Lilith of nightmares, the Queen of the demons. Bearing semi mortal children, such as himself, she sought to undo all that God wanted to accomplish on Earth. Her children took on a myriad of names; Incubus, The Alp of Germany, the Baku demon of Japan or the Mara of Scotland. He and his brothers were the embodiment of all of Lilith's hatred and rage. And for the first time, his purpose left him feeling more than a little bit empty inside.

Wind and sand whipped by him. It was dry and parched here, no life grew and it was an endless world of death and dying. A large structure stood off in the distance. He waded through the thick grit, feeling it between his teeth and in his eyes. This structure couldn’t be called a house; it was more accurately a fortress, a series of massed shapes that seemed to writhe and heave, like a living thing.

He finally made his way inside which were endless twists and turns leading to pockets of rooms. Tavin knew his way to Lilith; he would have been able to find her with his eyes closed. He used to feel at home there, a deep sense of belonging. He would feel rejuvenated and reenergized by being in his mother’s presence. Now all he felt was an anxiety that made him want to leave. He was unable to lie to Lilith and that made him nervous. She could see through any deception and would strike harshly at any betrayal. His only hope was to mask his thoughts from her; making it obvious he was indeed hiding something from her, but hoping that she wouldn't dig too deeply. Because he had started keeping a lot of secrets.