Irresistible Fear (15 page)

Before she realized it she was crying. Deep, heavy sobs that felt ripped from her body. Sasha stood paralyzed, not sure what to do. Sasha didn’t do the emotional stuff and Emily knew she was struggling with how to help her friend. Finally Sasha helped Emily to her feet and got her inside. Sasha put her on the couch and wrapped her in a blanket, bringing her a cup of coffee. Sasha didn’t ask her anything; just let her cry herself out. Emily’s body shook uncontrollably and she felt like she would shatter from the inside out.

“I think I’m going crazy.” Emily whispered. “What?” Sasha asked, not hearing her. Emily shook her head, unwilling to repeat the admission. “So, what happened Emily? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that freaked before.” Sasha sat on the chair across from her, gripping her hands together uncomfortably. “I thought I was being followed, I got scared.” Emily gulped down the coffee, feeling it warm the icicles in her fingertips.

Now that she was inside Sasha’s house, away from the dark outside, she felt silly. She wanted to forget about it. Emily was sure she had imagined the whole thing, or at least she hoped so. A lifetime of suppressing everything negative kicked in and she began the process of rationalizing. It’s not like she lived in the middle of the country or anything. Perhaps it was the simple noises of the neighborhood that she heard. The night air amplifying everything until it sounded like footsteps following her.

But what about the voices? The images that had slipped in and out of her line of vision? Emily pushed it down, way down. Compartmentalizing it until she felt able to really think about it. Right now she was safe and that’s really all that mattered.

Emily gave herself a few minutes to compose herself before answering the barrage of questions Sasha launched at her. Sasha wanted to call the police, make a report. “And just what would I tell them Sash? That a mysterious shape was following me? Um, I don’t think so. I think I just freaked myself out. You know how I am about the dark.” Emily pulled the blanket from her shoulders and straightened up, pulling strength from that resilient place inside of her.

“That’s true. Sorry I made you walk here.” Sasha gave her a one armed hug. Emily gave a long shuddering sigh and her stomach growled audibly. It broke the tension and the friends laughed. “So, are you still hungry? Because I think I could eat an entire cow. I mean they can just serve it up mooing on my plate.” Sasha rubbed her stomach in feigned agony. “Can we order something in? I know I look a hot mess.” Emily put her hands against her flushed face. “Well, I wasn't going to say anything...but yeah you do.” Sasha said in mock seriousness.

“Shut it girl. Just order some Chinese or something.” Emily told her. Sasha went to the kitchen to order the food. “What about the mooing cow? Do you think they can deliver that?” Emily yelled. Sasha laughed. “It might cost me extra.” Emily stayed seated on the couch, her knees under her chin. Wow, she had really lost it back there. That unto itself scared her to death. Emily had held herself together for so long; she was rather suddenly falling apart at the seams.

She couldn't use exhaustion as an excuse anymore because she had never slept better. Now that the nightmares were gone and were replaced by her dreams of Tavin, she felt completely rested when she woke up. So why now? Why the sudden hallucinations and crazy stuff?

After Sasha called in the order, she sat down beside her on the sofa, careful to give Emily her space but close enough that Emily was comforted. “So…” Sasha’s voice trailed off. Awkwardness set in. Emily scrambled to think of something to fill the silence and came up short. For the first time in their friendship, Emily was at a loss of what to say to Sasha. She didn’t know how to explain what was going on. If truth be told, she didn’t know if she wanted to explain, even to Sasha.

The silence continued. Wheel of Fortune was on the television. It was turned down so low that it was barely audible. Suddenly the front door slammed open and Emily jumped. She burrowed her back into the couch. “Emily, calm down. I think it’s just mom and dad.” Sasha peered at her like she had grown another head. Emily could only imagine the picture she painted with the blanket wrapped around her, her blonde hair frizzed out from the run and her normally pale face, red from crying.

“Sasha sweetie, you in here?” Emily heard Sasha’s mother call from the foyer. Emily relaxed. Sasha didn’t take her eyes off of Emily as she called back, “Yeah, Emily and I are in here.” Two figures came into the room. Sasha’s parents were everything that Emily always wished she had.

Her mother had a lovely and kind face, her body thickened over the years from child rearing and not getting enough exercise. Sasha’s dad always feigned a gruffness that really covered a heart as soft as his wife’s. They were good, salt of the earth people and loved their daughter very much.

Sasha had revealed to Emily after they became friends that she had an older brother who had died five years ago in a boating accident when they lived in Virginia. It had almost destroyed Sasha’s family, with each parent blaming the other.

Sasha had admitted that the family had undergone years of therapy to come to some sort of peace with the horrible tragedy. And they had all strengthened as a result. Emily was always in such awe of their family unit, amazed that people could love each other so much; experience something so horrible and come out of it stronger and more committed to each other than ever.

Mrs. Reynolds crossed the room and hugged Emily, enveloping her in her usual scent of roses. It was like hugging a scented pillow. “How are you Emily? I feel like it’s been ages since we’ve seen you.” Mrs. Reynolds pulled back and took in Emily’s disheveled appearance. “Good god. What happened? You look life you’ve seen a ghost. Is everything okay?” Mrs. Reynolds’ concern was evident on her face. Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds were all too aware of Emily’s home life.

“I’m fine. Just got a little freaked on the way over here.” Emily laughed nervously, picking up the blanket on the floor and putting it back on the couch. Mr. Reynolds looked sharply at Sasha. “Did you have Emily walk over here? Sasha, it’s too dangerous for a girl to be out at night by herself. Not with the string of break-ins that have gone on recently. Use your head next time.” Sasha nodded, not even trying to argue with her dad's criticism.

Emily didn't want to see her friend get into trouble for her stupidity. “Don’t give her a hard time Mr. Reynolds. I have always been ridiculous about the dark. I think by seventeen, it’s time I grew out of that. I stuck to the main roads. No worries. I appreciate that Sasha thinks I’m capable of walking over here all by myself.” Emily said sarcastically, joking about her recent scare. Mr. Reynolds humphed but laughed. “Yeah, I guess you aren’t some little girl Emily. But we worry about you, as if you were one of our own.” Mr. Reynolds patted her back and turned his attention to the TV, switching on a football game.

“Why are you guys back already? I thought you were going to see a movie over in Berkeley Springs?” Sasha asked her mother who was straightening up the couch cushions and putting magazines back in a pile on the coffee table.

“The show we wanted to see was sold out. Your father has to work the early shift tomorrow, so he didn’t feel like going anywhere else. Sorry if we put a cramp into any plans you guys may have had.” Mrs. Reynolds smiled apologetically to the two of them.

“No major plans. We just ordered Chinese food. Have you eaten?” Sasha went towards the phone, prepared to call in more food if necessary. Mrs. Reynolds put up her hand. “Oh no, we ate already, you girls enjoy. I’m going upstairs and take a bath and then my new Nora Roberts book is calling me.” She kicked off her shoes and with a final hug for Emily and Sasha she went upstairs.

Sasha nodded her head towards the kitchen and Emily followed her, leaving Sasha’s father engrossed in the game. Emily propped herself up on a stool at the counter and leaned her chin on her hand. Sasha pulled some cash out of her wallet sitting by the microwave, counting it out for their order. Sasha looked up at Emily. “You sure you’re okay? Do you want to stay here tonight? You know you’re always welcome.”

Emily thought of her lonely house and the offer was very tempting. But as much as she wanted to stay here, she couldn't run away from every tiny thing that bothered her in life. She definitely wasn't that kind of girl. She was pretty sure her mom wouldn't show up, though she didn’t want to admit that her mom's continued absence bothered her. It had been over a week since her mom had left and she hadn't heard a thing. It wasn't like her to be gone this long. The bills were coming in and Emily had very limited means to pay them. Well, she couldn't think about all that tonight...she'd have to deal with that when she was less frazzled.

“Thanks for the offer, but it’s a school night and I still have at least an hour of homework waiting for me.” “You should have brought your stuff over here silly.” Sasha rolled her eyes. “Wasn’t expecting to get the crap scared out of me now was I?” Emily tossed a pen at her friend. Sasha caught it. “My ninja like reflexes.” Sasha joked.

The two devoured their Chinese food and laughed about stupid stuff: the kids at their school, Sasha’s newest crush of the moment. By the time they got into Sasha’s car to head back to Emily’s house, she had forgotten about her fears. Until, they passed the warehouse down the street and Emily could have sworn that the dark shape continued to stand there, cloaked in the darkness, yet always watching.

Chapter 19

School came too quickly the next day. Her body ached from her spurt of cardio vascular activity last night. She felt as if she had slept with her body clenched in ball. Her muscles were taut and she had to relax them one at a time. Emily stretched, rotating her shoulders. Her dreams were hazy from the night before and she couldn’t really remember what they had been about. She knew Tavin had been there. She recalled his pervasive presence and the calm it had given her. She must have been really exhausted to have avoided dreaming.

She got showered and dressed. As she tied her converse sneakers she heard the front door open and close. She froze in place, not wanting to move an inch. Emily then heard her mother’s clunky steps make their way up the stairs. Her mother stopped in her doorway and looked at her. Emily cringed inwardly at her mother’s haggard appearance. She looked as if she hadn’t bathed in days and she was wearing the same clothes she had been wearing a week ago when she had left. Despite all of this, her mother’s eyes were clear and focused. Emily’s mother was sober, for the first time in years.

“Are you heading to school?” Her mother asked. Her voice was hoarse, as if she had been yelling. “Yep. It
is
my usual destination on weekday mornings.” Emily moved passed her mother, smelling her unwashed skin. She pulled her camera off of her dresser and moved quickly. Her mom followed her down the stairs.

“Hey, I’m sorry I took off like that.” Emily tried to ignore her. She didn’t want to get into this right now. An argument before school would not bode well for a good day. “It’s okay.” Emily said dismissively. Her mom grabbed her arm, forcing her to look at her. “No it’s not Emily. It’s not okay that I left. I’m sorry.” Her mother’s tone was serious and she squeezed Emily’s arm painfully.

“Okay mom. I appreciate your apology, but I have to get to school.” Emily heard Sasha honk her horn outside, perfect timing. “That’s Sasha. I have to go.” Emily started to head toward the door. She stopped and looked back at her mother, who stood in the doorway to the kitchen, seeming torn as to what to do. Emily felt the familiar guilt and compassion for her mother take over. “I’ll see you this evening, right?” She tried to keep the hope out of her voice. Her mom smiled. “I’ll be here honey. Maybe I’ll try to cook something.” Her mom laughed abruptly and then stopped. Emily didn't say anything, not sure what to make of this stranger in her mother's body. So she simply walked out the front door.

“So your mom’s home, huh?” Sasha asked as they pulled away from her house. “It looks like it. We’ll see how long this lasts.” Emily’s tone made it clear the subject needed to be dropped. Emily’s worry was drowned out by Sasha’s trivial small talk. Emily made polite noises to indicate she was listening. Though her thoughts were anywhere but in that car. Her mom had been clean. She knew that instantly. What was she supposed to make of that? One thing was for sure, Emily didn't dare allow herself to hope it meant anything good. She was too used to having hope squashed right out of her, often with her mother's fist.

They walked into the school, Jeremy already waiting for them. “Hey stranger. Where’ve you been all my life?” He joked, swooping in to kiss her cheek. Emily tensed at the physical contact. Jeremy pretended not to notice and took her hand. Emily saw Sasha watching them, a knowing look on her face. Her friend simply shook her head and kept her mouth shut.

“So, you want to try and grab dinner or something this evening?” Jeremy asked her, taking the book bag from her shoulders. Emily was completely annoyed. She didn't tell him he could carry it for her. Yeah, she was probably overreacting at the thoughtful gesture but it irked her. She grabbed it back from Jeremy's hands and threw it onto her back. She didn't miss the hurt look on Jeremy's face. Now she felt bad, damn it.

“Um, well actually my mom came home this morning and I feel like I should be there this evening.” Normally that would have been a really bad excuse, as Jeremy knew how little she liked being around her mother. But for once, the words were true. Though it was obvious by Jeremy's expression that he didn't believe her. “Okay then.” He said and walked ahead of her into the classroom. Sasha elbowed her. “What was that about? You were a little bitchy, you know.” Sasha frowned at her and followed Jeremy through the door.

Just great, she had succeeded in pissing off her only two friends in less than three minutes. Had to be a new record. Sighing deeply she slunk into the room and sat at her desk without looking at anyone.

That was why it took a while before Emily noticed that Mr. Miller wasn’t there. In his place was a young man who sat back in his chair with his feet propped on the desk. He looked around the classroom, observing the bustling students. Emily watched him pop a piece of candy in his mouth and could smell the pungent scent of cinnamon. She realized she was staring when his eyes met hers. Oops. But it was his eyes that made her feel like she falling into a black hole. Because they were a very familiar ice blue. What in the world? She wondered. Her thoughts were interrupted by the beginning of morning announcements and her substitute turned his attention to the TV mounted on the wall.