Irresistible Fear (32 page)

Emily blinked rapidly.  “Wow.  Um.  I really don't know what to say here.”  She sat down heavily on the ground, bringing her knees up to her chest.  She looked up at Tavin in Chris' face and couldn't believe he was here.  Now that she knew it was him, she could see the subtle differences in Chris's face, which made it so obvious to her that it wasn't the boy from the photography club.  No one else would see it, because they weren't looking for it.  But besides the eyes, Chris's normally heavy cheekbones were softened and held more shape reminiscent of Tavin's distinctive face. 

It was an odd blend of Chris' and Tavin's features.  So that looking at him, he didn't really look like Chris Riffey anymore.  Tavin sat down beside her.  He slowly put his arm around her shoulders and drew her to him.  “Emily, sometimes waiting for you to go to sleep is impossible.”  He touched her chin with his gloved hand. 

“But Tavin.  Doesn't doing this weaken you more?  What if this finishes you for good?”  Her voice caught and she couldn't talk past the large lump that had formed there.  Tavin's other arm came up to wrap around her.  He rested his chin on the top of her head.  “This is the very reason I did it.  I don't know how much time I have left and if I can spend a moment of it with you, like this, then I'll do it.”  His voice was assured and he was confident in his choice.

But Emily was angry that he would risk it like this.  Yes, it was amazing to be in her world with him, but it wasn't as if they could really spend the time together.  Because even though it was
her
Tavin and not Chris, he was in Chris' body.  And in this world Chris was with Erin and it would be completely out of his character to spend this time with Emily and not his girlfriend.

Tavin read her thoughts adeptly.  “Ahh.  I understand your concerns.  I'll just be discreet, I suppose.”  He seemed annoyed that he hadn't thought this through.  Emily snuggled into his warm chest and breathed deeply.  Cinnamon.  How did she not smell it before?  It would have been an instant giveaway. 

Emily looked up into his face, one that seemed so strange in this borrowed body.  But she concentrated on his eyes, they were wholly Tavin.  “Thank you.”  She whispered.  Tavin's eyes brimmed with such strong emotion and his head bowed towards her.  But before their lips could meet they heard the sound of footsteps crunching through the dead leaves.  Emily jumped away from him, standing up quickly.  Tavin looked confused and more than a little hurt.  Emily scrambled to the other side of the tree.

“Tavin.  Chris is dating Erin, not me.   How do you think this would look?  I don't want that particular drama, thank you.”  Tavin nodded, understanding.  He pulled the lens cap off of his camera and began taking pictures of the leaves. 

“Hey guys.  There you are.  What are you doing?”  Erin came upon them, a little out of breath.  Emily affected nonchalance.  “Chris and I seemed to have found the same place to photograph.  But you need to talk to your boyfriend about the concept of dibs.”  Emily joked. 

Her chest tightened as Erin looped her arms around Tavin's neck, kissing him squarely on the mouth.  Well, she thought it was Chris' mouth.  But it didn't help the raging jealousy that unleashed inside of her. 

Erin laughed.  “Yeah, he can be pretty competitive when it comes to his pictures.  Don't get in his way or he'll take you out.”  Erin joked, pulling on Tavin/Chris' arm.  “Come on guys.  Mrs. Au is ready to go.”  Tavin had put his sunglasses back on, covering his eyes.  Before they shadowed his face again, he met her gaze.  The look made her heart hurt and it took everything in her not to go and physically remove Erin's hands from him.

She took a deep breath.  “You guys go on.  I just want to take one more shot.  Tell Mrs. Au that I'll be right there.”  Tavin/Chris hesitated.  Obviously he wanted to stay with her, but the body he inhabited would have gone with his girlfriend.  Emily pleaded with her eyes, telling Tavin to go on. 

Finally he allowed himself to be led off by Erin.  As they disappeared from sight Emily sagged against the nearest tree.  He was with her.  It was such an amazing thing and she was bubbling with a torrent of emotions.  She really loved him.  Seeing him here, she was painfully aware of how empty her life would be when he was gone.

How can she go on knowing he was lost to her?  It just didn't seem possible.  Emily wiped the tears that escaped from her eyes.  She would be damned if she wasted this time she had with him crying like a baby.  Okay, it was going to be tough getting him alone, seeing the unfortunate choice he made in bodies.  Why couldn't he have chosen Kevin instead?  No one would have questioned the two of them hanging out.  Emily usually chatted with him and the two were friendly.

She just didn't see how she would be able to spend time with Tavin without drawing suspicion.  Erin was always with Chris and would no doubt be the same today. 

Emily sighed.  Of all the crappy luck.  She was feeling pretty pessimistic, even with the knowledge that the love of her life waited for her only yards away.  When she came back through the woods she saw the other members of her group huddled around something.  There were murmurs of concern and Emily hurried over to them.

Erin was on the ground, clutching her ankle.  “What happened?”  Emily asked as she broke through the tight circle.  Erin grimaced.  “I feel like an idiot.  I didn't even see the root and I totally tripped over it.  I think I sprained my ankle.” She rubbed at her left ankle.  Emily looked up at Tavin/Chris, who gave the appearance of loving concern. 

He looked back at her, feeling her gaze.  The imperceptible look he gave her made her question how Erin conveniently hurt her ankle. 

“Well, let's get her back to the van.  I have some ice packs and other supplies in the back.  We could leave and head back now or if you're okay with it, you can hang out in the visitor's lodge until we're done.  I'd planned on being back on the road no later than five.  If you're agreeable to it that is?”  Mrs. Au asked Erin. 

Everyone in the group groaned.  No one wanted to leave, but they didn't want to say anything.  Erin was shaking her head.  “No way.  I'll be fine at the lodge.  It's not like I need to go to a hospital or anything.  I sprained my stupid ankle.  It was my fault.   I don’t want to ruin everyone's time.” 

Mrs. Au nodded.  “Okay, well we're only ten minutes into the trail.  Chris and Kevin, help me get her back and get her settled.  The rest of you hang out here.  There are snacks in my back pack.  Help yourself and we'll be back as soon as we can.” 

Emily felt horrible for being glad at Erin's injury.  She knew Tavin had something to do with it, but she didn't want to examine that too closely.  Now, she and Tavin could spend the time together that they so desperately wanted. 

“And Chris, I expect you to take pictures for both of us.”  Erin said as they gathered her up.  Tavin turned towards Emily and he lowered his glasses.  “I definitely wouldn't want to miss this opportunity.  They don't come along very often.”  His comment was for Emily alone but Erin hugged him.  “Of course.  I want you to enjoy yourself.”  The rest of her words faded out as the four headed back.

   It felt like forever until Mrs. Au, Kevin and Tavin returned.  Emily had nibbled on a granola bar and attempted to find more stuff to photograph.  She, Lucy and Chelsea had hung out, wandering around, talking about nothing in particular.  Emily was relieved to see the three of them come up the hill.  Lucy, who had been lounging in a pile of leaves, jumped up and got her things together.

“Is Erin okay?”  Emily asked Mrs. Au, feeling a tingling start as Tavin moved to stand next to her.  He was trying to be discreet about it and no one seemed to notice how quickly he had gravitated to her side. 

“Yes, she's fine.  We left her comfortable on a sofa in the lobby watching television with an ice pack on her ankle.  She called her parents and everything's good.  Now, we're an hour behind schedule, but I think we can still get to the overlook by mid-day.  Get your stuff everyone.  Let's get going.”  Mrs. Au moved to the front of the group and started up the trail. 

Tavin's hand brushed Emily's and she stopped herself from grabbing it.  “You didn't do that did you?”  Emily asked him under her breath.  There was no need to clarify what she was talking about; Tavin knew what she was referring to. 

“She had an unfortunate fall.  It was conveniently timed is all.”  He answered.  Emily wasn't sure she believed him, but she let it go.    

They trekked up the wooded path.  It was a tougher hike then Emily had anticipated but she trudged on.  She was in good shape, so it wasn't too hard on her.  Some of the other members of their group complained a bit at the pace.  Tavin continued hiking silently behind her.  He wasn't remotely out of puff any of the times they stopped for a break.  He stayed close to her, not leaving her side.  Emily tried to be as inconspicuous as possible but she never ventured more than a foot or so from him.   

Finally after an hour and a half, they broke through a clearing and stood at a jutted grouping of rocks that fell dramatically off to reveal a beautiful view of the Appalachian Mountains.  The sun shone from behind a handful of clouds and the entire picture was breathtaking.  Everyone broke away from each other and wandered around, taking in the sight. 

“Go ahead and eat your lunch and then get busy.  We've got about an hour and a half up here before we have to start heading back.”  Mrs. Au called to them.  Lucy, Kevin and Chelsea had already disappeared behind the rocks, separating to find a perfect spot.  Emily and Tavin headed for a little cave down a few feet from the overlook. 

They settled themselves into the groove of the rock and Emily pulled out her lunch from her back pack.  Tavin opened the small cooler that Chris had packed in his book bag.  “What is this stuff?”  Tavin asked, pulling out a sandwich.  Emily looked at it and laughed.  “I think its chicken salad.”  Tavin sniffed it and made a face.  “Looks revolting.”  He said and put it back.

Emily shook her head, tickled by his expression.  Tavin rustled around some more and pulled out a bag of chocolate chip cookies.  “These look tasty.”  He murmured and began eating them.  “Wow.  What are these?”  He asked between mouthfuls.

“Cookies Tavin.  Have you never eaten actual food before?”  She asked incredulously.  Tavin shook his head.  “Well, why would I have?  I don't need food to live.  And there aren't a lot of these kinds of snacks where I'm from.”  Tavin explained.  Emily felt silly for her question.  Of course this was new to him. It was pretty funny watching him.  Tavin was engrossed with his study of Chris' lunch. 

“So peculiar.  You drink this?”  Tavin asked holding up a can of soda.  Emily took the drink from him and opened it.  Tavin peered at the carbonated bubbles that exploded from the top.  “It makes...noises.”  He seemed to be listening to the soda.  “Just drink it Tavin.  You'll probably like it.”  Emily pushed the can to his lips. 

He seemed to choke on the first gulp but then drank the entire can in one long swallow.  When he was finished he looked at her sheepishly.  “Yeah.  That was pretty good.”   She grinned.  “Glad you liked it.”  She ate the rest of her lunch.  Neither of them spoke for a long time, content to just sit together.  Tavin moved closer to her until their sides touched.  The heat that radiated from him made her forget the chill in the air.

“You smell wonderful. Like strawberries and sunshine.”  Tavin murmured as he leaned into her.  Emily chuckled. “That was so cheesy.” She quipped. Though she was thrilled at the compliment. “Cheesy, but true.” Tavin whispered, nuzzling her hair.

Emily closed her eyes as Tavin's large hands wove in and out of her hair clumsily.  He seemed so unsure of what to do.  She looked up at him and was again jarred by seeing him look at her through Chris' face. 

“This is hard to get used to.”  Emily said, indicating Chris' body.  Tavin looked down at himself. “I wish I chosen someone a bit more physically...appealing.”  He spoke regretfully.  Emily grabbed his face between her hands.  “Tavin, I don't care what you look like.  I know it's you and you are the one I love.  The rest of this...” She waved her hand to his body.  “This doesn't matter.”  Tavin gave her that sheepish smile that she found so adorable.

She felt the inevitable melting and finally he kissed her.  Emily had to get over her instantaneous shock at feeling Chris' lips against hers.  Then she forgot about the fact that it wasn't Tavin's mouth and gave herself into the heady feel of his touch.  Because it was Tavin.  The hands that rubbed her back, the feet that twined with hers.  They were his, not Chris'...at least for now. 

“Ah Emily.”  He whispered as they quieted.  He kissed her cheeks, her eyebrows, and her temple.  She loved the feel of him and she knew she was addicted to his company.  

“Do you see why I did it now?  Why it was so important that we have this time together?” His voice seemed to shake with the effort it took to control his emotions.  Emily pulled away from him and stared directly into his eyes.  She cradled his other face in her hands and gently kissed that mouth again.  Funny how she no longer saw Chris' face.  She could see only Tavin. 

“I get it Tavin.  It's so incredible; you being here with me like this.  But, I can't stand thinking this could be the last time I see you.  If you disappear because you came to see me.  I...”  She shook her head, her words trailing off.  Her throat closed up and she couldn't finish her sentence.  Those obnoxious tears that were always so present when she was with him welled up dangerously in her eyes.  Crap.  She was sick of sniveling every time they were together.  Get a grip, she told herself harshly.