Irresistible Fear (31 page)

Emily had complained, put up the resistance that she felt compelled to show, but in the end she was thankful for Sasha's insistence.  Sasha. It hurt to think of her friend, or she should say, former friend. Their relationship was in shambles. She needed this trip to get her mind off of things.

Only five other club members had come on the day trip.  Emily was surprised because there was normally more of a turn out for their outings.  But seeing the time on her watch, 7:10 in the morning, she understood the motivation for so many absences. 

Because of the small number, they were able to spread out in the van without being on top of each other.  Emily was happy to have gotten the back seat to herself.  It wasn't that she disliked anyone in the group. In fact she genuinely liked the other kids in the photography club. It was more of the fact that she wasn't up for small talk with anyone right now.

Her mind was heavy with thoughts and feelings that were becoming all consuming.  She missed Tavin, desperately. The truth of the matter was she was becoming all too used to Tavin's constant presence.  She loved how simple her life seemed in the treasured hours while she slept.

Emily smirked.  Simple.  That was a funny way of looking at her relationship with Tavin.  In reality they were anything but.  Perhaps it was more of the fact that their time was so limited that it made her appreciate the small things.  She couldn't waste time fixated on the minute and overly dramatic details of normal teenage relationships.  Neither one of them knew how long they had together, every moment was a gift. 

Emily hugged her arms to her body, still feeling the warmth of his hands as they had gripped her last night.  She was lost in her memories when she realized that someone was looking at her.  Chris Riffey was turned around in his seat, talking with Erin Frost.  He was wearing dark sunglasses, so his eyes were indiscernible.  But Emily could swear he was looking at her. 

She quickly looked back out the window.  Emily could have smacked herself.  Her paranoia was becoming ridiculous.  Emily felt as if she spent most of her time jumping at the slightest noise and straining to find a threat in every crowd.  It was hard to feel relaxed when you knew some mythological creature wanted you dead and would use any means to accomplish it.

Emily tried to block out the nagging sensation of being stared at.  Why in the world would Chris be looking at her anyway?  He and Erin had been dating for over a year and they were one of those sickeningly sweet couples.  Emily counted Chris as an acquaintance but their conversations had always been limited to cameras, light angles and composition. 

She couldn't help herself, she looked back at Chris.  His body was turned so that he was definitely looking right at her.  Erin was babbling on, obviously unaware of her boyfriend's focused interest.  Emily was unnerved by the fact that she couldn't see his eyes.  It made the whole thing even creepier. 

Emily suddenly turned to Kevin Lansing who sat diagonally from her.  “Kevin, have you ever been to Pinnacle Rock before?”  Kevin, who had been reading a magazine, startled at her abrupt question.  “Um, yeah.  I was here just this summer with my family.”  Kevin looked at her strangely.  Emily guessed she deserved it.  She wasn't known as much of a conversationalist, never going out of her way to initiate small talk. But she just couldn't take the intensity of Chris's stare anymore and she had to break the tension that was starting to grow thick in the air.  It would only be a matter of time until Erin realized Chris's sudden interest in Emily, seeing as he wasn't doing much to hide it.  And then there would be drama, and Emily hated drama.

“I've never been here.  What's it like?”  Emily plied Kevin with questions and soon Lucy Blankenship joined in as well.  After a few minutes, they were all talking about the different attractions of the park and Chris had become distracted by the discussion and thus ended his staring contest with Emily. 

She felt relieved and after a while, she started thinking she imagined it.   Chris didn't stare at her for the rest of the ride and by the time they arrived at Pinnacle Rock, around forty minutes later, she was convinced that he hadn't been looking at her at all.  He was wearing sunglasses, so he could have been looking out the window over her shoulder or something.  Emily felt more than a little foolish for even thinking it to begin with.

Mrs. Au parked the van and everyone piled out.  Emily zipped up her coat and pulled on her gloves.  There was a thick layer of frost over everything and their breath created clouds in the air.  Why Mrs. Au had decided to plan a photography trip during the coldest December on record, was lost on Emily.

“Okay everyone.  We're going to head up on the Blue Diamond trail.  It's a pretty easy hike, around three miles.  It comes out at this incredible outcrop that is just amazing.  The light will be phenomenal over the mountains.  It shouldn't take us more than two hours to hike it.  So we'll spend the morning wandering in that area.  Then we'll eat our lunch up at the outcrop.  We'll probably hang out up there for a while.  I really want you to take this opportunity to play with light and shadow.  I'm sure each of you will have tons of opportunities to take some magnificent shots.”  Mrs. Au tightened the strap on her own camera and smiled confidently at her students.

Emily felt a flutter of anticipation.  She was totally stoked to see the outcrop.  Mrs. Au had several black and whites on her office walls at school of that very spot and Emily couldn't wait to take her own pictures. 

The group was huddled together, trying to fend off the cold.  Mrs. Au seemed comfortable in the almost freezing temperature.  The rest of them were hopping from foot to foot and rubbing gloved hands together furiously.  “Come on guys!”  Mrs. Au beckoned with her hand and they began to file along behind her.  The trees parted twenty feet from the parking area.  As they walked underneath the dense canopy, Emily felt as if she had wandered into one of her dreams. 

           She often dreamt of forests and this one was so like the ones that she frequented.  It actually put her on edge.  Her excitement at coming on this trip was dampened by her sudden apprehension.  She looked around, trying to look for some shots to take. 

She was sandwiched between Lucy and Chris.  They walked close together up the narrow trail.  Lucy's flannel coat was only a few feet in front of her.  She felt a little uncomfortable at having Chris right behind her.  Despite her insistence that she had imagined the whole staring thing in the car, she still felt a little weird around him.  Emily could hear Erin's high pitched voice floating up from behind them.  She was talking to Kevin and Chelsea Plummer who were bringing up the rear. 

Mrs. Au stopped a few minutes into the hike to take some pictures of an empty robin's nest left over from the summer that was just off the path.  The rest of the students broke apart and looked for their own shots to take.  Emily had lost any creativity she otherwise might have felt in a place like this.  She didn't know what was going on with her.   She picked up her camera anyway and took a few pictures.  She didn't want to draw attention to herself and if she stood there not doing anything, Mrs. Au would definitely want to know what was wrong.

Emily carefully walked into the forest.  Making sure she stayed close to the group, she began taking meaningless photographs of mushrooms and tree bark.  Nothing really called out to her.  She stood for a moment, adjusting her lens and cleaning it with a special cloth that she kept in her bag, when she heard the crunching of leaves to her right.  She looked up and saw Chris walking towards her. 

Her heart picked up a bit and she felt strange again.  He still wore his sunglasses, which was odd given how dark it was under the thick covering of trees.  How could he see anything?   She started to move away, making as if to go further into the woods.  She didn't want to seem rude, so she pretended to be focused on a fallen tree about fifteen feet ahead.

Emily's pace quickened and she suppressed the urge to hurry.  She was freaked out by her reaction to Chris.  She wanted to get away from him, but she also wanted to inexplicably run towards him.  For God's sake she had known him for years.  He was a good guy.   Not overly cute or anything.  He looked more computer geek then artsy photographer.  It had been kind of strange when he started dating Erin, who was classically pretty and one of the nicest girls Emily knew.    They were an odd couple as far as looks were concerned, but they were 100% into each other.  So as far as potential dates were concerned, Chris would never have been on the radar.  But his attention this morning, whether real or imagined, had unsettled her.  Not only because it was so strange but because she
liked
it. Gooseflesh popped up on her arms and she felt an odd rush of warmth. 

“Where are you going Emily?”  Chris called from behind her.  “Don't let me scare you off.”  The teasing note in his voice made her stop in her tracks.  There was something not right about his voice.  “Oh, um.  I was just going to have a look at that tree over there.  It looks pretty cool.”  Emily didn't turn around to face him. 

More crunch of leaves as Chris came to stand beside her.  Emily's body was intensely aware of his presence.  Her mind rebelled against her response to him.  He was inappropriately close to her, given his relationship status with another girl. 

“Yeah, the way the light filters down from the trees onto the dead branches is really amazing.  Why don't we go together and take a closer look.”  He whispered to her.  Emily jumped back at the feel of his breath on her face.  Wow, this was way too intimate, she thought to herself.  She looked over her shoulder.  She could see the rest of the group through the trees.  There was Erin leaning over a tree stump, obviously immersed in whatever she saw there.

Emily felt a wave of guilt.  Because she really wanted to go off and look at that tree with Chris.  She was drawn to his company.  She felt guilty because of Erin, who for all intents and purposes was her friend.  And because of Tavin.  Just thinking of him sent warmth through her body.  Why was she having this sort of reaction to anyone but him?  It's not like she was made of stone or anything, but she had never had a sexual response to anyone but Tavin before. And truth be told, Chris was definitely not her type.

But whatever it was, she couldn't deny what she was feeling.  So against her better judgment, she started walking toward the fallen tree.  She stopped after a few steps and looked back at Chris, who continued to stand there, clearly waiting for his invitation.  Her look to him obviously offered it.

He fell into step behind her and they moved carefully and quietly through the trees.  Emily was distinctly aware of him behind her and her back tingled with it.  She felt the need to pick up her camera just then.  She swung around and quickly took a picture of Chris.  He stopped and held a hand up over his eyes.  “What was that about?”  He asked, laughter in his voice.  Emily shrugged.  “Don't know.  Just felt like it.”  She turned back around and practically ran the rest of the way.  She was so embarrassed.  What the hell had she been thinking?

She stopped short as she reached the tree.  It hadn't been down long, and the jagged cuts in the trunk were relatively fresh.  She wondered what had happened to this magnificent tree to make it fall.  What story did it have to tell? 

Emily lifted her camera again and began taking picture after picture.  She was so into the moment that had finally come to her that it was some time before she realized that Chris wasn't taking any pictures.  Instead he had sat down on the stump of the tree and was watching her. 

There was no denying this time that he was indeed looking at her.  Those annoying sunglasses still covered his eyes, making it impossible to read him.  She had no idea what was going on with him and the knowledge that he was definitely focused on her and not the photography project deflated her creativity. 

Enough was enough.  Might as well take the bull by the horns. “Uh, Chris, what is going on with you?”  She stood awkwardly in the underbrush, having a hard time finding a sure footing.  She must look utterly ridiculous, precariously balanced like that.  Chris continued to look at her, not saying anything.  Then he smiled. 

Was he laughing at her?  She felt herself getting irrationally defensive.  “What?  What are you smiling at?  You're acting really weird.”  She felt like stomping her foot.  But he just sat there, still smiling, as if he were amused by something. 

“Okay.  Whatever, I'm heading back.”  She turned to go and then he was suddenly beside her again.  He carefully grabbed her arm, making sure not to be too rough about it.  Emily jumped.  Not by his action but by his touch, which was so hot she almost burned from it.  Even through his thick wool glove she could feel his heat. 

“What the…?”  She pulled her arm out of his grasp.  That was then she really looked at Chris.  She peered up into his face.  Chris was a tall guy, standing at 6'1” he towered over her.  His thick, curly hair hung down over his glasses.  It was Chris' face.   But he seemed different somehow.

Before letting herself think about what she was doing, she reached up and pulled the sunglasses off of his face.  He stared back at her, but not with Chris' dull green eyes, but with irises of incandescent blue.  Emily gasped and stumbled backwards.

“Tavin?”  She breathed.  Chris' hand steadied her.  But it wasn't Chris' hand that held her so gently, as if she were made of glass.  It was Tavin's fiery touch that seemed to melt into her skin.  “I had to see you.  Don't be angry with me for doing it this way.”  Emily felt as if she couldn't breathe.  It was him! 

Now it all made sense.  Her inconceivable attraction to Chris.  Her sense that something had been “off” about him.  Tavin's words hurried on in Chris' southern drawl.   “There's no choice for me if I want to see you...in your world.  I have to become someone else.  This body was an easy one to take.  He's rather void, this boy.  Not much going on.”  Tavin tapped the side of his head. No, Chris' head.