Irresistible Fear (43 page)

The angel to the right of the leader came foreward, it’s expression was a bit softer, not much, but Emily felt that perhaps this angel was a bit more sympathetic to their situation. “Sanvi. You are a bit too zealous. We have waited this long to find Lilith. Mesteema has proven himself a worthy ally. It does the cause no harm in allowing them their time together.”

This one’s voice was a cool breeze over her skin. Tavin hadn’t looked at her, though he continued to cling to her hand, as if she would be taken from him in an instant. The leader squared his broad shoulders. “Sansanvi, that is enough.” Sanvi was clearly asserting his authority. His momentary good humor all but erased.

Sansanvi moved back to it’s position, flanking the leader. Sanvi turned back toward them and his eyes rested on Emily again. She was hated his blatant interest in her.

“What is it about you…a human girl, that made Masteema sacrifice everything? He betrayed his own maker for you. I think there is more to you than blood and bone.” His voice, a musical symphony was curious and he moved foreward until he stood directly in front of her.

It hurt Emily’s eyes to look directly at this creature, but she refused to flinch. She met the angel’s eyes, holding Sanvi’s gaze, not looking away. She thought she saw amusment there but it was quickly gone, replaced by a cold ridgity.

“I don’t see anything overly spectacular about her in the looks department. A shame.” Sanvi turned to Tavin and raised an eyebrow. His words were meant to be demeaning, but Emily ignored them. Then turning back to Emily, Sanvi gave her a magnificent smile. “In truth we are quite indebted to you. Without you, none of this would have been possible.” Emily looked at Sanvi questioningly. The angel flourished his hand toward Tavin. “You have given us our greatest weapon. Something we have been waiting thousands of years for. So, for that, we thank you.”

Emily felt a prickle of fear touch her spine. Tavin, feeling her anxiety moved between them. “I gave you my word Sanvi. I will help you. I've turned my back on Lilith, on my brothers. My choice was made. So, I will find Lilith. Have no doubt that I will. Those, I believe were our terms.” Emily looked to Tavin, he had to find Lilith? He had agreed to hunt his own mother, to league himself with the beings who had brutalized her thousands of years ago?

Even though Emily hated Lilith, knew the female demon had almost killed her, she didn’t like to think of Tavin helping to destroy his own mother. Tavin’s relationship with Lilith was complicated and more than a little weird; but one thing had always been clear to Emily. Tavin hated the angels, hated them for what they had done to Lilith all those years ago.

Emily felt a sinking in her stomach. This was because of her. He had saved her. But at what cost?

The third angel suddenly appeared beside his leader. Her leader, actually. Emily could tell that this angel was decidedly female. “Sanvi. Sansanvi is right. Mastema has sacrificed much and our kind are known for their compassion. They deserve their time together. We will hunt Lilith at first light.”

Sanvi frowned but then nodded briskly. “Semangelaf, you and Sansanvi start making the rounds. Make sure all of Lilith’s children have left. I want none of them here. This place will be destroyed and Lilith’s haven razed and salted. She cannot be able to return here.”

The female angel nodded and she and Sansanvi left the room. Leaving Tavin and Emily with the leader. Sanvi met Tavin’s eyes and spoke quickly and directly, his previous lightness gone. “You have tonight only. We will depart at first light. Lilith is crafty. We need to strike while she is weak.” He sounded excited and it made Emily's stomach knot up.

Emily felt Tavin stiffen but he nodded. “Thank you Sanvi. For...tonight.” Emily knew it cost him a lot to thank the angel for anything. With a final nod, and a wicked grin in her direction, Sanvi addressed her one more time. “I think we'll be seeing each other again, Emily.” Then the angel left, the wall miraculously restored and the door shut.

They were alone again. Emily looked up at Tavin, but he continued to stare after the angel, not moving. “Tavin, I think you have a lot to tell me.”

Chapter 45

Emily watched him as he pulled his fingers through his hair, a nervous gesture and one that she had become intimately familiar with. Tavin didn't answer her right away, he continued to stand there looking at the wall where the great gaping hole had been.

Emily went and put her arms around his waist and laid her cheek against his back. She felt his breaths, deep and long and felt remarkably peaceful given the chaos they had just experienced. “So are you going to explain all of this to me or what?” She mumbled into the fabric of his shirt, taking his scent into her nose and holding it there.

Tavin tugged on her arms and pulled her around so that she faced him. He placed his hands on her hips and situated her so that she was pressed against him. He leaned forward and kissed her lips. It was a lingering kiss meant to taste and savor. It made her toes curl in desire and she had to check herself so that she didn't throw him on the floor then and there.

''If you're trying to distract me, you're doing a pretty good job.” She murmured against his lips. Tavin laughed and leaned back, his eyes, while tired, shown with a new light that took her breath away.

“Sorry, I don't mean to be evasive. After everything you've been through, there won't be any more secrets between us. Plus, I have some questions for you Madam.” He raised his eyebrows and gave her a look that meant he expected her honesty as well. Emily sighed, knowing he wouldn't be happy with what she had done.

“You first.” She prompted, pulling him toward the blanket that lay on the floor. They sat close together, their fingers intertwined as though they couldn't bear to not touch one another. Tavin looked at their joined hands and carefully rubbed the delicate skin between her fingers, sending chills down her spine.

''This is all so unbelievable I don't even know where to begin. It feels like months since we were last together.” He pulled her against his side and rested his chin in her hair. Emily snuggled down into the nest of his arms. “I know. So much has happened.” She whispered. Tavin kissed the top of her head and continued.

“I knew Lilith was trying to kill you. After the last time I saw you, she trapped me in the Abyss. I thought the portals were closed and I couldn't get to you.” His breath hitched and he seemed to be struggling with a particularly painful memory. “It's okay Tavin. Whatever you have to say, I'm here with you now. We came out on the other side.” She assured him.

Tavin nodded and he took a deep and shaky breath. “I started to feel your fear through our bond. I knew that Lilith was causing the night terrors again and I...fed off of it.” Emily tensed for a moment and Tavin immediately sensed her change. “I had no choice Emily! I couldn't stop it. And it killed me to know what you were going through. And that you most likely thought it was me!” His words were anguished and Emily squeezed him. Pulling back she looked him in the eyes.

“She looked like you, at first...” Tavin flinched. So Emily hurried on. “But Lilith told me it was her, told me you were being kept somewhere. That was the most horrible and helpless feeling I've ever had. I knew you were out there somewhere, I just couldn't get to you.” Emily remembered with vivid clarity the feeling of dread and despair at the realization that Tavin was gone.

Tavin’s face contorted with his anger. “She fed me your life Emily and then each day Rameel and my brothers took it from me again.” He shook with the extreme emotion. Emily frowned. “What do you mean, they
took
it from you?” Tavin stilled. “I mean, they literally stole my power, my substance. It's something that demons can do apparently. I never knew such a thing was possible. They held me down after...and Rameel put his mouth to my neck and...he drained me.”

Emily paled at his words. What Tavin described sounded horrible. “Why your neck?” She whispered. Tavin closed his eyes, as if ashamed by what had happened. “Because it’s the power center for a demon. The clearest and most direct way to access another's powers. Something, that shouldn't ever happen to anyone...even a demon.” Tavin shuddered.

And Rameel had done this to him. Rameel...she remembered the red eyed demon that had been with Lilith earlier. She would have ripped him in two if she had known what he was doing to Tavin. Tavin rubbed her arms. “Don't waste time being angry Emily. Rameel's time will come. Don't worry about that.” He sounded so cold and calculated that it gave Emily pause. This Tavin was merciless and even scarier now as an angel than he had ever been as a demon.

“How did you get out?” She asked, wanting to change the subject quickly, though already knowing the answer, given the angels' sudden entrance. Tavin straightened his back and leaned away a bit. “Sanvi and the others. They...attacked my brothers...killing them. I killed too. I did what I had to do to get out, to find you.” He was icy and unforgiving. Clearly he had destroyed any guilt he may have had about the situation.

“Why would the angels help you? Aren't you mortal enemies or something?” She asked. Tavin cocked his eyebrow at her and snorted at her question. “Yeah we're something like that...or at least we used to be.” He answered.

“Sanvi had come to me before, trying to cconvince me to join them. They wanted me to help them destroy Lilith. He seemed to think I was her weakness, that she had a queer obsession with me, that it blinded her and made her vulnerable. Sanvi is nothing if not practical. He knew I was their best chance at finally getting to Lilith. He also told me about the Redeeming.”

His voice held a level of reverence when he said that word. All earlier anger gone, a quiet peace settled over him and Emily stared at him in awe.

“The Reedeming?” Emily asked softly. “Yes, it is when a demon can put aside his very nature and sacrifice himself for the greater good. It is then that one can transcend hell and be Redeemed.” He quoted. “So, have you become an angel then?” Emily asked the obvious.

“Yes, I suppose I am. I had to sacrifice myself, put myself in death’s way in a completely selfless act.” Tavin looked down at her with a love that was so amazing in its purity that made her heart stop. Emily touched his face and he leaned into her hand, bringing his own up to hold hers.

“What did you do to her? To Lilith? Is she...dead?” Emily watched a myriad of emotions pass over Tavin's face. Anger, fright, panic and guilt. It was all there. Even after turning his back on his mother, it was very obvious that Tavin felt awful for betraying her. Family relationships are always so complicated, Emily thought wryly.

“No, she's not dead.” His words brought a moment of anxiety. She wasn't dead? What would that mean for her? Tavin held her face between his hands. “She won't hurt you again Emily. I swear to you. I weakened her, for now. When I came in and found her on top of you, literally pulling your soul from your body, I lost it. I remember pulling her off of you and putting my mouth to her neck, taking her strength and her power.” His words were pained and Tavin closed his eyes in recollection. “She screamed at me to stop...but I didn't. I wanted to take it all Emily. I wanted to kill her. My own mother! I would have done it too if...” He stopped suddenly.

“Then what happened? How did she get away?” Emily asked. Tavin shook his head. “I'm not really sure. One minute I had a hold of her the next, she had wrenched free and then the ceiling was falling on top of us. I knew I had to get to you before you were crushed.” Tavin said quietly.

Emily remembered Lilith’s screams as she lay paralyzed on the floor, the loud noises and the feel of rock raining down on her. And unbidden, she remembered Lilith’s face as she retold her story of how it all began. The horrible vulnerability there and the way Emily had wanted to reach out to her. She quickly got rid of that thought. She wouldn’t allow herself to feel any sympathy for Lilith. But despite that, she couldn’t stop thinking about Lilith's tale.

“So what happens now?” Emily asked, dreading what he would tell her. Because by the look on Tavin's face, he wasn't happy about it. Tavin looked away. “Now I have to go and find her. That's the bargain.” Emily frowned. “You have to hunt your mother for
them?”
She couldn't help the incredulous tone. Tavin nodded. “In return for my wings, I have to join them and help destroy Lilith once and for all.”

“Wait, I thought you were Redeemed, how can they be responsible for your wings? Isn't that all because of you?” She was confused by Tavin's indebtedness to the angels. “That's true, partly. When I chose to save you Emily I was able to transcend my nature as a demon. But
they
gave me my wings and allowed me to become this.” He indicated his wings as they quivered behind Emily.

Emily felt her shoulders slouch. She felt childish but she couldn't hide her disappointment and sadness at having overcome so much, only to have him lost to her again.

Reading her as he always did, Tavin hugged her tightly and kissed her lips. “I know this seems unfair. After all we've been through to be together. But I have to do this. I have to end it for good. I will find a way for us to be together Emily. For real, in your world. I promise you.” He told her emphatically.

Emily tried to smile, but she felt too disheartened. Tavin only held her. “So are you going to tell me how you got here?” He asked into her hair. Emily sighed. Here we go, she thought. But she told him everything. About the pills, her time with Lilith, even her feelings of compassion at hearing the demon's story. She left nothing out. Then she braced herself for Tavin's condemnation.

To her surprise, it never came. He shook his head. “It was a dangerous thing to do Emily, but I know you know that. I'm not judging you. I have just turned our worlds upside down. How can I give you any grief for your actions? I can tell by your life force that any damage you've incurred will not be long term. And I can heal you Emily. I can make you wake up and be good as new.” Tavin laughed and shook out his wings. “I guess there are some perks to this new gig.” He joked.