Irresistible Fear (38 page)

A pill bottle dropped out of the cabinet and rolled into the sink. Without thinking, Emily picked it up and started to put it back into the cabinet. She didn’t know what made her stop and look at the bottle. It was prescribed to Sasha’s mother and was dated six months ago.

Percocet. It had been filled after Mrs. Reynolds had her knee surgery. Reading the warnings on the side of the bottle, she realized it must be some sort of pain killer. Not knowing what possessed her, she tucked the bottle into her pocket and quickly downed two Ibuprofen.

Coming back into the kitchen, she could hear Sasha on the phone, obviously with Jeremy. The bottle of pills felt like a ten pound weight in her pocket. She felt horrible. She had just stolen pills from her best friend’s parents. So not only was she a liar, but a thief. Awesome!

Sasha, realizing Emily had come out of the bathroom, quickly got off the phone. Emily couldn’t meet her eyes, her shame was too much. But she couldn’t put the pills back. In that moment she had picked up the pills her plan came to her with startling clarity. This was her chance. With these pills she could find Tavin. And she realized she had made her choice. She had decided love
was
worth it.

Sasha, misreading Emily’s awkwardness, launched into another lengthy appeal about her relationship with Jeremy. “Are you sure it doesn't bother you? Because I'm beginning to think it does and I don't want it to make us weird and you know that I love you...way more than I could ever love some stupid boy.” She rambled on.

Emily moved away from her friend, the pills felt hot in her pocket. “I told you I was fine with it. Can we move on already?” Her voice was clipped and she knew she was being rude. Sasha quieted and looked hurt.

“Sorry Sasha. I just don’t want you to over analyze everything. Just enjoy yourself. Be happy.” Emily softened her tone, pulling her sweater down over her noticeably budging left pocket.

Sasha relaxed. “Oh, okay. I guess I'm just being super sensitive about it. You know Liz had to make some bitchy comment about it today.” Sasha went into the living room, and Emily, with no other option, followed her. “Really, what did she say?” Emily asked, not really caring. She only half listened to Sasha's story about Liz Clindenst and her nasty comment of the day. Any other time she would have loved to hear about Liz being taken down a peg, but tonight her thoughts were far away from that living room.

The two girls sat on the couch, watching a rerun of Seinfeld. Sasha made small talk and Emily tried to respond normally. But she was too distracted by what it was she was planning to do. She wanted nothing more than to leave and go home, but she didn’t want to give Sasha the wrong impression.

After a couple of hours, Emily made a big show of yawning and stretching. “Tired?” Sasha asked. Emily nodded. “Maybe I should head home.” She started to root around for her shoes that she had kicked off earlier. Sasha tossed the blanket to the other end of the couch. “You could spend the night you know. We haven't done that in ages.” Sasha suggested, her eyes sparkled with the idea.

“Not tonight Sash. I'm bone tired.” Emily felt bad for shooting her down. Tonight she had other plans. Plans that she hoped wouldn't make it so she never saw her friend again.

That thought made Emily slightly sick with the realization of what she was going to do. Maybe Tavin had been right, she did have a death wish. No! Emily touched the ring again. This was for something else entirely. This was so she could live her life...not end it.

“Well, I guess we should go then.” Sasha got up and went looking for her car keys. Emily smiled as she heard her friend's grumbling curses as she tried to find them. It was so Sasha; she could never keep track of anything. Listening to the total normalcy, Emily felt her eyes thicken with tears. What if she never saw Sasha again? Or Jeremy? Or god help her...her mother?

Emily jumped up and hurriedly threw on her jacket, trying to dispel the negative thoughts. This would work. It had to work. She would not accept failure.

Sasha finally found her keys and they went out to the car in silence. Before Sasha went around to the driver's side Emily touched her shoulder. Sasha looked back at her. “What Em?” She asked in her abrasive manner. Emily opened her mouth to say something...but felt the words get caught in her throat. So she just shook her head. “Nothing, just loves ya is all.” Sasha cocked her eyebrow. “Uh, okay...you
must
be sick.”

Getting into the car, Emily felt horrible. She put her hand in her pocket; the bottle of meds seemed to burn her hand like a brand.

Chapter 39

Tavin watched and he waited. He had no idea how long he had been in the Abyss, trapped like an animal. All he knew was he continued to feel stronger and healthier, being sated by Emily's fear and terror.

The only way to tell the time of day was by the tug he felt through the bond between him and Emily. He knew when she fell asleep because that's when she would begin to feed him. He wished with everything in him he could refuse it, stop it from happening, but he could do nothing.

So during those hours, Tavin was captive to the now repugnant waves of sustenance that found him. He couldn't move, so he lay watching the thick black sky. It seemed to go on like this for weeks. Night after night, he was fed. But then once it was over, the true horror of his situation sunk in. Just as he would begin to feel his strength he would be brutally attacked by his brothers and drained dry. Tavin had heard whispers of this method for taking another demon's power, but had never witnessed it. Now he was subjected to it each and every night.

Rameel would hold him down, with the assistance of at least three of their brothers and would place his mouth to the back of Tavin's neck, just at the base of his skull. The feel of his mouth was disgusting and if he could have freed himself he would have ripped Rameel's head from his body.

The feeling that would overtake him during the attack was unlike anything Tavin had ever experienced. The only thing he could liken it to was rape. It was a forceful violation that literally pulled his essence out of his body. It never lasted long but when Rameel was finished, Tavin felt like he was about to die all over again. Instead of the gradual fading he had experienced when he stopped feeding, this was an instant destruction of his power.

Rameel would then saunter around him, bloated on Tavin's power and Tavin swore revenge. He would make Rameel pay for this, however long it took.

It was an endless cycle. Feeding him and then sucking him dry. If he hadn't focused on Emily and his burning hatred for his mother and his demon brothers, he would have given up. It was such a dichotomy, this love and hate all rolled up into one mass of feeling in his gut. Lilith wanted to break him. She wanted nothing less than his absolute and complete submission to her. But he wouldn't give it. She would never have anything of him now. Whatever pity or loyalty he had once felt for his mother was long gone.

Tavin half expected Lilith to show up, to taunt and tease him. But she hadn't come to see him. Lilith surprisingly had kept her distance, sending instead an army of his brothers for babysitting duty. At first it was just Rameel and three others; Balthazar, Andras and Moloch. They watched him at night and drank from him every day, sucking him dry until he was a shell of himself. But over time he noticed more and more demons congregating within the Abyss. Tavin clearly picked up on Rameel's anger as more and more demons were showing up.

Rameel obviously thought himself the leader, but it seemed Lilith didn't entirely trust her new second in command to do what he was supposed to do.

And suddenly the feedings became less frequent and he noticed less fear through his marked bond with Emily. The daily violations stopped. Tavin had no idea why Lilith was letting up, and why his brothers had stopped draining him, but he knew there was a bigger reason to all of this.

And in the reprieve he began to pay attention to his surroundings, to his demon brothers whose nervous presence bothered him. What had them on edge? Why the large numbers to watch him? Especially now that he had been fed from over and over again. His strength was a far cry from what it had been.

Once, he tried to make small talk with Rameel, but was effectively ignored. Tavin was surprised and disappointed. Rameel had never failed to rise to a barbed comment or two. So what was going on?

Finally after what had felt like an eon, he began to notice a pattern. The nights he was fed, the numbers of his demon brothers increased. The amount ebbed and flowed, some days there would be forty of them, some days twenty.

Tavin was also able to tune into a subtle change in the atmosphere on those days when his brothers hovered close by. Something was noticeably different while he was being fed from Emily's dreams. The atmosphere seemed to pop and Tavin began to suspect that perhaps his prison wasn't entirely foolproof.

“Do I scare you that much that I need forty guards? You flatter me.” Tavin taunted Rameel. Tavin was sitting in the same copse of trees where he had his meeting with Sanvi. He could make out the shadowy shapes of his brothers throughout the trees but Rameel was the closest. He seemed to be tasked with staying with him at all times.

Rameel's jaw tensed at Tavin's words but he said nothing. Hmm, Tavin would have to try another tactic. “It seems our illustrious mother has very little faith in you if you need so much back up.” Tavin twirled a blade of grass between his fingers, watching Rameel the entire time.

“Shut up.” Rameel growled. Good, he had gotten to him. It would only be a matter of time until he cracked. Tavin laughed. “Poor little demon, stuck babysitting his big bad brother...how sad and pathetic you've become.” Rameel swung around, his red eyes flashing. “I said, shut up!” He roared and lunged for Tavin.

Tavin didn't make a move; he let Rameel plow into him, knocking him backwards. Rameel wrapped his hands around Tavin's neck and squeezed with a ferocious strength that actually hurt.

But Tavin wouldn't let him see that. “What? Did I hit a little too close to the mark? Why do you think Lilith keeps sending the others? Because she knows you are no match for me! That's why I have always been the favorite and you're just a sniveling idiot.” Tavin grinned as Rameel's hand clenched into a fist and it made contact with Tavin's nose. He could taste the blood that dripped into his mouth but he didn't move to wipe it away.

Tavin continued to mock Rameel. Using the other demon's insecurity and need to please their mother as a means to get him to talk. Finally after Rameel had pummeled Tavin's face, he let a vital piece of information slip. “You think I'm the idiot? If you were so smart you would realize you could have left at any time! Lilith thinks you are so smart, that you could easily figure everything out...but here you are...MY prisoner. So who's in control now?” Rameel hit Tavin again and Tavin purposefully went weak.

Rameel didn't even realize what he had given away. What a moron! Lilith must have been desperate to leave the demon in charge of anything. Lilith's loophole was glaringly obvious now that he had been giving the one detail he needed. Lilith was vesting so much energy into terrorizing Emily that she wasn't able to hold the portals closed. She needed her children to play muscle as a means to keep Tavin compliant.

But he by no means wanted Rameel to know that he had figured it all out, so Tavin played dead. Not wanting to call attention to the truth that had just spilled out of Rameel's lips. Let Rameel think he had all the power, that Tavin was weak and non-threatening.

Rameel flashed a satisfied smile and got to his feet, wiping Tavin's blood from his hands. Without saying another word, Rameel resumed his post. Tavin slowly sat up and pushed his hair back from his eyes.

Revenge would be Lilith's undoing. His mother was much too blinded by her hatred of Emily to realize what a deadly enemy she had made. And that was his ticket out of there. He just had to wait until the time was right. And perhaps he needed to rethink his allegiances. Tavin's thoughts simmered around his brief meeting with Sanvi and what
they
wanted of him. He hated to give that pompous ass the satisfaction of being right. But now wasn't the time for pride.

He sent out a call. One he knew would be heard. He
would
get out of there. Then he would find Lilith and end it all. And then he would find Emily.

Just the thought of her made his insides quiver. Emily.

And so he waited.

Chapter 40

The porch light was on when Emily got home, a sign that her mother was back from her AA meeting. And for the first time, she was glad. She wanted to see her mother. Needed to see her, actually.

Sasha dropped her off out front and blew her a kiss before speeding off down the road. Emily stood there watching until her friend was out of sight. Tiredly, she walked to the front door. Now that she was home and the reality of what she was going to do tonight set in, she felt an overwhelming urge to put things right with her mom.

One couldn’t undo a lifetime of bitterness and anger in twenty minutes, but she wanted to give it a shot. Walking into the house, she found her mom sitting on the couch in the living room; reading the Bible. Emily felt that familiar twinge of annoyance at her mom's new obsession but quickly tamped it down. Her mom would need her religion should things go badly tonight. So for once Emily didn't hold it against her.

Emily went and sat beside her on the couch. Her mother looked up in surprise. “Hi Em.” She said in her raspy voice. “Hey mom. How are you?” Her mother looked good. Her typical bloated appearance was gone and her face had slimmed. Her hair, the same color as her daughter’s was in a French twist and she wore a little make up. She looked healthy and happy.

“Pretty good sweetie. More importantly how are things with you? You’ve been looking so tired lately. I’ve been worried about you.” Her mother moved as if to touch Emily’s hair, but thought better of it.

Emily grabbed her mom’s hand and held it in her lap. The physical contact clearly shocked her mother, but it seemed to fill the older woman with an intense happiness. They sat that way for a while, Emily cradling her mother’s hand in hers. “I’m okay mom. You don’t need to worry about me.” Normally those words would have been laced with bitterness and sarcasm. Not tonight. This time she spoke to her mom softly and with a genuineness that had been lacking in every other exchange she could recall them having.