Karlology (24 page)

IT
’
S
L
I
KE
T
HE
S
T
AR
T
o
f
t
h
e
L
o
n
do
n M
a
r
at
h
o
n
.
Th
e
pace is set by the people at the front, but none of these
r
unners are
d
resse
d
as r
h
inos
,
Postman Pat or
fi
remen rai
s
ing
mone
y
f
or c
h
arit
y
. Instea
d
t
h
e crow
d
is ma
d
e u
p
o
f
b
usinessmen wit
h
b
rie
f
cases, stu
d
ents wit
h
ruc
k
sac
k
s an
d
w
omen with babies in prams. This was the 200-metre dash
f
rom t
h
e station concourse to coac
h
A
,
seat 32 on t
h
e 10:36 am Vir
g
in train from
L
o
n
do
n
E
usto
n
to
M
a
n
c
h
este
r Pi
c
ca
d
i
lly
, as it’s announce
d
t
h
at t
h
e train is rea
dy
to
b
oar
d
on
p
latform 14.
E
ven though I’d booked somewhere to sit I still had to join the race as they sometimes don’t have time to put reservation car
d
s on t
h
e seats. T
h
is time t
h
ey
h
a
d
.
S
e
at 32 was a win
d
ow
l
ess seat
f
acin
g
b
ac
k
war
d
s in a car
r
iage t
h
at
d
i
d
n’t
h
ave wor
k
ing air con an
d
h
a
d
a
f
aint sme
ll
of
sic
k
. As I sat
d
own, an announcement was ma
d
e to
l
et
p
assen
g
ers know there would be no hot drinks served on today’s journey, as there was no hot water available. I can’t
b
elieve this is the same company that in three years time is
pl
annin
g
on ta
k
in
g
p
assen
g
ers to outer s
p
ace an
d
b
ac
k
.
“
Lon
d
on Euston, we
h
ave a
k
ett
l
e
p
ro
bl
em.
”

P
ublic transport is pretty grim in London. Just a few
w
eeks ago I got caught in the rain with no coat, so jumped into t
h
e
b
ac
k
o
f
a par
k
e
d
bl
ac
k
ca
b
wit
h
steame
d
-up win
d
ows to
fi
n
d
t
h
e
d
river sat t
h
ere
p
eein
g
into a
pl
astic Kia
-
O
ra
b
ott
l
e t
h
at
h
e’
d
sawn in
h
a
lf.

“Give me a minute will you pal”, he said.

“
Oh sorry”, I said, as if I’d just barged into someone in a toi
l
et cu
b
ic
l
e t
h
at
h
a
d
a
b
ro
k
en
l
oc
k
. I s
h
ou
ld
h
ave
j
ust
w
a
lk
e
d
o
ff
,
b
ut instea
d
I stoo
d
waitin
g
in t
h
e rain
f
or
h
im to finish. A few moments later he popped out.

“
Sorry guv, I keep forgetting to lock the doors” – which sai
d
to me it’s o
b
vious
l
y somet
h
ing t
h
at
h
appens a
l
ot. He t
h
en
p
oure
d
t
h
e contents o
f
t
h
e
b
ott
l
e
d
own a near
by
g
ri
d
.
I
ti
pp
e
d
h
im at t
h
e en
d
o
f
t
h
e
j
ourne
y
, not
f
or
h
is
g
reat service but just cos I didn’t want change that had been in hi
s
u
nw
as
h
ed
h
a
n
ds.

O
n t
h
e train I was surroun
d
e
d
by
p
assen
g
ers. T
h
er
e
w
ere two sa
l
esmen
,
a
k
i
d
w
h
ose
d
a
d
was in a
d
i
ff
erent ca
r
r
ia
g
e, an o
ld
woman wit
h
a cou
gh
, an
d
a woman w
h
o’
d
stocked u
p
on Prin
g
les and
g
ossi
p
ma
g
azines. She started
r
eading them as soon as she sat down. She was in a different
z
one – she was so into reading the latest gossip on Jordan,
K
err
y
Katona an
d
Paris Hi
l
ton t
h
at s
h
e wasn’t even aware
of
t
h
e o
ld
woman cou
gh
in
g
or t
h
e
b
ore
d
k
i
d
k
ic
k
in
g
t
h
e
bac
k
o
f h
e
r
c
h
a
ir
.
I
ca
ll
ed
m
e
A
u
nty Nora to tell her I was
o
n the train and that if all goes to plan I should get to her
h
ouse in a
b
out two an
d
h
a
lf
h
ours. I t
h
en got out my
b
oo
k
o
n t
h
e
h
uman
b
o
dy
to see w
h
at I cou
ld
l
earn
b
e
f
ore
g
oin
g
to t
h
e Bo
d
ies ex
h
i
b
ition
.

The exhibition was put together by a fella called
G
u
n
t
h
er
von Hagens. He displays “anatomical specimens using a
p
rocess ca
ll
e
d
pl
astination”. In ot
h
er wor
d
s, rea
l
d
ea
d
b
o
d
ies stri
pp
e
d
o
f
t
h
eir s
k
in an
d
t
h
en varnis
h
e
d
. He
g
ets awa
y
w
ith doing this as he’s an anatomist.
Y
ou can get away with
murder if you’re in the right job. I heard recently that some scientists somew
h
ere are
b
ui
ld
ing a massive mac
h
ine
d
eep un
d
er
g
roun
d
t
h
at wi
ll
ena
bl
e t
h
em to recreate t
h
e
b
i
g
b
an
g
(
an
d
y
et I
g
et to
ld
to turn m
y
stereo
d
own
by
t
h
e nei
gh
bours, otherwise I’d get done for noise pollution.
A
nyway, the exhibition shows the human body broken down and
e
ver
y
p
art cut o
p
en
f
or
p
eo
pl
e to see an
d
l
earn
f
rom.
A
ll
f
or
£
10
.