Karlology (30 page)

If
Go
d
d
i
d
ma
k
e everyt
h
ing, I won
d
er i
f
fi
s
h
were
h
is
fi
rst attem
p
ts at creatin
g
l
i
f
e – a
k
in
d
a tria
l
-an
d
-error a
p
p
roac
h
, w
h
ic
h
is w
hy
t
h
ere are now so man
y
o
f
t
h
em. T
h
e deeper you go in the sea, the odder and uglier they get.
Y
ou can’t even guess how old they are, due to their odd
n
ess. T
h
at’s
h
ow I
j
u
dg
e i
f
somet
h
in
g
is o
dd
– i
f
I can’t
p
ut an a
g
e to it. T
h
ere are some rea
lly
, rea
lly
o
dd
-
l
oo
k
in
g
fi
s
h
w
ith odd behaviors. It’s like God knew they weren’t right and tried to drown ’em with a load of water
,
and the seas are w
h
at’s
l
e
f
t
f
rom t
h
at
d
ay.

FISH ONCE HAD LEGS

To save space in t
h
e sea
s

N
ature ma
d
e
fi
s
h
into am
p
utee
s

Now sea levels are rising but I won’t complain

Cos this gives fish room to grow limbs back again

And I’m really looking forward

To when this time comes

To eating
fi
s
h
l
egs
l
ig
h
t
l
y sprin
kl
e
d

In
g
o
ld
en
b
rea
d
crum
bs

The stonefish was an interesting one. I’d never even
h
ear
d
o
f
t
h
ese
b
e
f
ore
b
ut t
h
e
y
l
oo
k
t
h
e s
p
ittin
g
ima
g
e o
f
a stone. T
h
e on
ly
d
i
ff
erence is, t
h
ese are
d
ea
dly
. It’s
b
ecause
o
f creations like this that I don’t like to go into the sea
–
there’s too much danger in it. I used to say I’m not goin
g
in t
h
e sea
d
ue to t
h
ere
b
eing
d
angerous stu
ff
h
i
d
ing
b
e
h
in
d
r
oc
k
s an
d
stones, an
d
now I’ve
f
oun
d
out
y
ou can’t even trust t
h
e roc
k
s an
d
stones. It
d
oesn’t seem
f
air t
h
at something that looks so much like a stone can kill a man. Fai
r
e
nough, if a fella stands on a shark’s head and it gets agitated an
d
ri
p
s
h
im to
b
its,
h
e s
h
ou
ld
h
ave
b
een
l
oo
k
in
g
w
h
ere
h
e
w
as
g
oin
g
. But to
l
oo
k
l
i
k
e a stone an
d
t
h
en
g
et u
p
set w
h
en someone stands on you seems a bit unreasonable.

There are fish deep, deep down in the oceans that have
b
ui
l
t-in
l
ig
h
t systems (t
h
is is ca
ll
e
d
b
io
l
uminescence) an
d
swim aroun
d
l
oo
k
in
g
l
i
k
e t
h
e MGM Gran
d
in Ve
g
as,
b
ut
h
umans
d
on’t
g
o t
h
at
d
ee
p
so t
h
e
y
cou
ld
turn t
h
e
l
i
gh
ts o
ff
, and yet the fish that are dangerous have no sort of hazard
l
ights – they look like rocks or they’re see-through like jel
lyfi
s
h
an
d
stin
g
y
ou
b
e
f
ore
y
ou’ve even seen t
h
em. I wis
h
t
h
e
y
wou
ld
swa
p
pl
aces. An
d
w
h
at’s rea
lly
d
a
f
t is, even though the stonefish’s venom can kill us, it doesn’t work on its real enemies like sharks and rays as these are immune to it, so it’s pretty point
l
ess. T
h
at’s w
h
at I t
h
in
k
is
d
a
f
t a
b
out
the way Chinese learn karate as a self-defence – most of t
h
e C
h
inese
p
o
p
u
l
ation
l
earn
k
arate, so sure
ly
it’s no
l
on
g
er use
f
u
l
as a
d
e
f
ence.

A
n
yway, stonefish, like I said: bad, bad creation, and
G
o
d
k
new t
h
is as
h
e trie
d
to cover it u
p
by
ma
k
in
g
it
l
oo
k
l
i
k
e a roc
k
. T
h
e
h
airy ang
l
er
fi
s
h
is weir
d
too. It’s a
fi
s
h
t
h
at
l
ives so
d
ee
p
d
own (aroun
d
1000 metres) t
h
at not muc
h
o
t
h
er stu
ff
l
ives t
h
ere, so its stomac
h
ex
p
an
d
s to a
ll
ow it to eat things that are bigger than itself as food is hard to come by. I never understand things like this in nature,
why
d
oesn’t it
j
ust move? W
h
at’s
h
o
ld
in
g
it
b
ac
k
? It can eat somet
h
in
g
h
u
g
e an
d
t
h
en not
h
ave to worr
y
a
b
out eatin
g
f
or a few months. I saw some footage of a snake that also
d
oes t
h
is. It
h
a
d
eaten a
f
u
ll
h
ippo a
ll
b
y itse
lf
.
Y
ou could
see t
h
e s
h
ape o
f
t
h
e
h
ippo insi
d
e o
f
it, to t
h
e point t
h
at it no
l
on
g
er
l
oo
k
e
d
l
i
k
e a sna
k
e
b
ut
l
oo
k
e
d
l
i
k
e a
h
i
pp
o wearin
g
a snakeskin body stocking.
A
b
l
o
k
e
t
i
c
kl
ed
i
t
wi
t
h
a
st
i
c
k
a
n
d
it was tickled that much that the excitement made it sick up the full hippo
.