Kieran & Drew (20 page)

“Hey.” Kieran spoke gently. “You shouldn’t feel bad about anything; sounds to me like you’re both better off for it.”

 

“Do you think you’re any closer to telling your dad?” Kieran thought about it a moment and slumped back in his seat. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. He doesn’t… we’re not really….” “He seemed like an okay guy. It looked like he really wanted to talk to you before we took off.”

 

“You met him for like two minutes.”

 

“True. But that’s two minutes more than I’ve spent with my own dad in the past few years.”

 

Kieran was immediately contrite. “I’m sorry.”

 

Drew shook his head, eyes briefly squeezed closed. “Uh, crap. No, no don’t be. Infact, forget I said that.”

Kieran swallowed. He reached to toy with the fraying edge of the duct tape that held the glove compartment together. “I don’t think I’ll tell him, at least not yet,” he answered.

“Why not?” Drew asked softly, and then snorted at himself. “I mean besides the obvious terror that comes along with telling your parents you’re gay.”

“It’s going to make me sound petty.”
“Don’t worry about how you sound around me.”
Kieran looked at him, worried his lip. “He has a girlfriend.”

It was dark in the car, but not too dark to see Drew’s expression turn to one of confusion.

 

“Okay,” he encouraged.

 

“He’s been seeing someone for a long time, and I think he’s actually super happy about it.”

 

Drew frowned. “Okay, so… so that’s a good thing, surely?”

“Well,
yeah
. Thing is… it’s been going on for more than a year, I think, and he still hasn’t mentioned it to me, even though it’s more or less obvious at times.”

“Do you think he might be trying to protect you? Like… like maybe you’d think he was trying to replace your mom or something?”

Kieran shook his head. “No. I could forgive that—in a heartbeat, actually. I don’t even remember my mom, so she’s got nothing to do with it. He just doesn’t want to involve me.” He shrugged, unable to hide the hurt it caused him.

“How’d you mean?”
“We barely cross paths. We never really talk anymore—or at least not how we used to.” He glanced out the window. “I haven’t been able to talk to him. He’s either never there or he’s just too preoccupied. In fact, yesterday was the first time in I don’t know how long that he actually asked me what was going on with me.” He sighed. “It took a black eye for that to happen. And you know what? I wouldn’t be complaining or acting like such a girl if it wasn’t for the fact that….” He let out a sharp breath. “I’ve had the shittiest time for the past two years….” He looked at Drew. “You know that. I needed him. I needed my dad.”

Drew hesitated at first, but then he stretched out a hand, reaching behind Kieran’s head to let it rest against the nape of his neck, his thumb moving in soft circles under his hairline. “I understand that.”

Kieran offered him a shaky smile. “Yeah, I think you do.” Drew’s jaw clenched, and Kieran could see him swallow hard. “Does your eye still hurt?” he murmured.

 

“Not really.”

Kieran watched almost warily as Drew shifted closer, his arm sliding behind Kieran’s shoulders. He was reminded of Toby—of Toby making a move on him in his flashy red car. He closed his eyes and felt Drew near, but when the kiss didn’t come he opened them just as Drew lifted his chin, and then closed them again an instant later when Drew’s lips brushed softly against his bruised eye.

He kept his eyes closed and took a shuddering breath when Drew touched his brow against Kieran’s temple.

 

“Kieran,” Drew whispered. “Everything’s going to be okay.” Kieran swallowed, opened his eyes, and pulled back a fraction to look at Drew through the silvery darkness.

 

“You’re going to be okay, I promise.”

Kieran let out a juddering breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He swallowed and nodded. He knew Drew had no way of knowing how things would pan out for either of them, but for just now? It felt true. He was comforted.

He reached a hand to touch Drew’s cheek, and instead of waiting to be kissed, he looked at Drew’s lips and leaned forward to press his own against them.

He’d missed this feeling. When he’d been with Toby, he told himself that a kiss was a kiss. It simply wasn’t true. Toby’s kiss had managed to get him hot, without a doubt, but it went no further than that. Toby’s kiss was an aggressive invitation; Drew’s kiss was a gentle request. When Drew kissed him, it felt to him as if Drew was reaching for him. Wanting every bit of him.

Toby had cornered and mauled him in his expensive car with the broken handle. In Drew’s car, which was ninety percent rust and duct tape and where it was dark as night, he was kissed as if he was something to be cherished. He
felt
cherished. And when Drew pulled away and he opened his eyes, he thought maybe Drew was right, and everything could—
would
be alright.

“Okay?” Drew whispered.

 

A smile slowly spread across Kieran’s face, and he nodded once. “Okay.”

Drew craned his head back—unwilling to actually move away— to look at the digital clock on the dash. Kieran couldn’t help but notice the definition in Drew’s neck and admire how he was lean but muscular at the same time. He was so annoyingly gorgeous, but Kieran felt like he was still his Drew. The thought gave him pause. It worried him. He didn’t want to think of Drew as his again, only to have that right ripped away from him once more.

“It’s after eleven thirty. Are you in trouble?”

 

Kieran bit the inside of his cheek and answered with a question of his own. “Is this how you thought the night would end?”

 

Drew blinked in surprise. “What, with a kiss?”

 

“Did you think, or hope, that everything would be back to normal between us?”

“I-I hoped that we’d be something close to friends, but am I happy that there was a kiss? Well, yeah.” He laughed softly and then sobered. “You’re still mad at me, then?”

Kieran thought about it. He didn’t think he was mad. He was just wary. “No. But I don’t want you to think that a movie and a kiss erases what happened in my head, you know? I’m not flighty.” He touched Drew’s hand and rubbed his thumb over his knuckles. “You said ‘sorry’ and I accept your apology… just don’t think that I’m easily changeable, alright?”

“I don’t think that. I promise.”

Kieran nodded, to himself, mostly. “Okay.” He looked at Drew and felt himself begin to grin. “So….” He bit the corner of his lip, and Drew grinned.

“So….” Drew repeated.
“School?”
“At school we’re just you and me, fuck what anyone else thinks.”

Kieran’s eyes widened in alarm. “Uh… I-I don’t think I’m quite ready to be—”

Drew laughed again, reached for nape of Kieran’s neck, and kissed him. “Sorry, no I didn’t mean that.” He snorted when Kieran visibly sagged in relief. “I’m not ready for people to know
that
about me; in fact, I was hoping to finish high school without anyone finding out. I meant that as far as school goes and as far as anyone else is concerned, we’re friends and we hang out because that’s what friends do.”

Kieran nodded, relieved. “Okay, good. What about Matt?”

Drew’s smile dimmed slightly. “He knows something, or he suspects something, but I can’t… I just can’t say anything just yet. That’s a different kettle of fish all together.”

Kieran nodded. “Okay, then. Can I ask one thing?”
Drew blinked in surprise. “Uh, sure, of course you can.” “No meeting up in the storage room?”
Drew tilted his head. “If that’s what you want, but how come?”

Kieran thought about it a moment, worrying his lower lip. “I guess because that was before, and that was where it all went wrong. This is….” He shot Drew a hesitant look. “This is different now. I’m not your secret, despite the fact that neither of us wants people to actually know.”

Drew nodded. “That makes sense to me. There are a million other things we can do, loads of places we can be.”

 

Kieran smiled, pleased. “Okay, then.”

 

Drew wet his lips, looking suddenly nervous. “Now I ask something.”

 

“Okay….”

Drew’s voice dropped to a near whisper, and despite the darkness, Kieran thought he could see a blush spreading across his cheeks. “Are you—are you my boyfriend now?” He let out a small groan. “Oh man, that sounded dumb.”

A smile split Kieran’s face, and he leaned in and took Drew by surprise by pressing a firm kiss to his lips. He let out a small, breathy laugh when he pulled away a fraction. “Not dumb. And yeah, we’re boyfriends.”

Drew smiled, his voice gone soft. “Yeah? There’s… there’s no one else?”

 

Kieran knew what Drew meant, and he shook his head no. “No one else. There never was.”

 

Drew’s smile was slow and intimate. He lifted his chin in invitation for Kieran to kiss him, which he did, ever so softly. “Just us.” Kieran smiled against his lips. “Just us.”
CHaPtEr TeN.
“ALRIGHT, so remember, feel for your friction point—that’s it, feel it?
Now gently lift off the clutch while giving it a little gas. That’s it.” Kieran bit back a smile. He was driving. Okay, he was driving in an empty parking lot and only in second gear, but he was
driving
! “Okay, now try a tighter turn—good job, Kier.”

 

Kieran glanced at Drew and couldn’t help but laugh a little. That pleased, proud look on Drew’s face made him feel kind of giddy. “Okay, go around that dumpster and—whoa, whoa, brake!
Brake
!”

Kieran panicked for a second before slamming onto the brakes, his knuckles white where he gripped the steering wheel. “I’m not very good at this,” he admitted, and offered Drew an apologetic smile, but he was warmed by how unruffled his boyfriend seemed and by the gentle hand rubbing his thigh.

“No, no it’s, um… you’re doing real good.”
Kieran snorted and raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

“Okay, you suck a
little
.” Drew grinned. “But everyone does when they’re learning.”

 

“Why did it speed off like that?”

 

“It was my fault, but first things first. Pull on your parking brake. That’s it, now shift it into neutral and relax your feet.”

Kieran relaxed into his seat. He’d always thought driving looked so easy, and he jumped at the opportunity when Drew offered to teach him. If he could learn how to drive before heading off to college, it’d probably make his life a lot easier when he got there. “How was that your fault? I was driving.”

“Yeah, but I should have told you to change down to first gear. If you’re moving too slowly in second, then you’ll either stall out or the car might try to run away from you—if you’re an inexperienced driver, anyway.”

“Oh.”

 

“Don’t be discouraged, you’re doing great. My first few times behind the wheel, I used to bunny hop.”

 

“Bunny hop?” Kieran laughed.

“I couldn’t get that leverage between clutch and gas to move off smoothly so I’d keep going back onto the clutch. Then I’d try again and the same thing would happen because I was worried about stalling out, so the car would jolt back and forth.” He shrugged. “Bunny hop.”

Kieran grinned and leaned close to kiss Drew, drawing it out a little and loving how Drew leaned forward to prolong the kiss when he attempted to pull away.

“What was that for?” Drew asked, his voice smoother, almost sleepy as he looked at Kieran’s lips.

 

“I was just imagining a nervous, sixteen-year-old Drew behind the steering wheel for the first time. It’s sweet.”

“Super nervous, more like.”
“You’re a good driver.”

“Yeah,
now
.” He laughed. “I think my uncle was pretty terrified, sitting in the passenger seat those first few times. I should point out he’s a marine.”

Kieran laughed out loud, something he found he did a lot lately. For thirty days now he’d been someone’s boyfriend—secret boyfriend, but boyfriend nonetheless—and Drew had been his. A month of waking up and having something to look forward to. A month of school being bearable and a month of feeling idyllically, blissfully
normal
. And he had the person sitting beside him in a crapped-out Buick to thank for it. He turned the key in the ignition, and the engine eventually rattled and rumbled into silence.

“Enough for one day?” Drew asked.

 

“I think so.” He unbuckled and turned slightly in his seat to face Drew. “Did you learn to drive in this car?”

 

“Yeah, it’s the family car.” He patted the dash affectionately. “Wouldn’t it have been easier to learn in an automatic? In fact, aren’t most cars automatics nowadays?”

“I guess.” He lifted one shoulder. “But this is what we had. Automatics are easy, no gear box, two pedals… if you learn to drive with a stick, then you’ll be better off for it, I think.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when
you
buy a car, for instance, you’ll be buying whatever’s available and a good price, right? I mean, unless your dad splurges on you and gets you something pretty.”

Kieran snorted. “I’ve got around eight hundred dollars saved from when I worked at the hardware store. I figure I could get myself a decent runner with that, right?”

“Maybe.” Drew picked at the duct tape. “I don’t really have any savings; I gave all my earnings from my part-time job to my mom.” He shrugged. “To help out, you know?”

Kieran didn’t know, not really. As much as he bitched about his father, he’d never wanted for anything. When he needed new clothes, he got them without asking. When he wanted a new bike, he got one. A new computer? He mentioned it once and his father bought him the best he could find. His dad owned a restaurant and, now that Kieran was older, worked sixty-plus hours a week. He knew he was lucky, but given the choice, he would have traded the computer for a little more of his dad’s time.

“I’ll probably be driving this thing when I’m old and gray,” Drew joked.

“What’s your dream car, a Ferrari?”
“No, I’ve kind of always wanted a Chevy truck.”
“A truck? Really?”
“Why sound so surprised?”

Kieran thought about it. “I don’t know, I guess I was expecting you to want something more… flashy, like most guys.”

“Chevys can be flashy. Sort of.”
“Flashy like a Jag?”
“No, more…
working class
flashy.”
Kieran grinned at him. “Okay, so why a truck?”