Kieran & Drew (22 page)

“I don’t mean this to be a pissing contest over who has the crappiest dad,” he said softly, “but I think, from what you’ve told me, that your dad’s heart may be in the right place. He’s just screwing up a lot.” He shrugged in a way that Kieran was sure was supposed to look casual, but Drew looked young, and he looked vulnerable. “My dad doesn’t think about me, Kieran. I don’t exist anymore.”

“That’s… y-you don’t know that,” Kieran all but whispered, his chest aching with the need to take away that wounded look in Drew’s eyes.

Drew sighed and glanced away. “No phone calls, no money for my mom, no nothing anymore.” He shrugged again. “I don’t know. All I’m saying is that I think you still exist, Kieran.” He reached out and briefly ran his hand up and down Kieran’s back before putting his hand back into his pocket. “You’re still in his peripheral vision; he’s just being an idiot.”

“Drew,” Kieran said almost breathlessly. “I like you so much it’s ridiculous.” He was beyond relieved at the quick glance, and then pleased, wide smile his words earned him. “And… and maybe you’re right. He’s an idiot, but it’s not like I’m a kid anymore. I guess I could try to make more of an effort instead of just waiting for him to suddenly become dad of the year.”

Drew nodded, pleased. “That’s up to you, but that sounds good to me.”

 

Kieran worried his lower lip. “I’m sorry about your dad,” he said quietly.

 

“Thanks. I’ve got my mom and uncle, though.”

 

“Your uncle comes home soon, doesn’t he?”

A genuine smile crossed Drew’s lips, and his shoulders slumped in what seemed premature relief. “Yeah. We haven’t heard from him recently, but that’s because he’s due home soon. I can’t wait to see him.”

“Is it tough when it’s just you and your mom? I know it can feel that way between my dad and me sometimes.”

Their feet crunched across gravel, and when they reached the car, Kieran hesitated beside Drew as he leaned against the driver’s side door, his hands toying with the keys. Kieran stayed silent, pulling up his hands into the sleeves of Drew’s jacket, and he leaned against the car next to him, waiting patiently.

“My mom, she’s um, she’s agoraphobic.” He looked at Kieran. “You know what that means?”

 

Kieran frowned and nodded slowly. “I think so. Is it the fear of wide open spaces?”

 

“More or less. She can’t leave the house.”

Kieran looked at him in surprise. “Oh man, Drew, I had no idea,” he said softly, things suddenly falling into place. He shook his head; a dad that didn’t want to know him, an uncle away fighting wars, and a mother who couldn’t leave the house? Damn. He reached out to rub a hand over Drew’s arm, squeezing gently. “That’s tough.”

Drew pressed his lips into a tight line. “Yeah, yeah, it can be. Sometimes she’s not so bad, like, when my uncle’s home, she’ll go into the yard and stuff. But when he’s gone….” He shook his head. “Sometimes she won’t even answer the door. She’s kind of reliant on me.” He looked at Kieran. “That’s why I can’t go any further than the local community college.” He looked at Kieran. “I can’t leave. No matter how much I may want to, I couldn’t leave my mom alone.”

“I see,” Kieran murmured. “Not even with your uncle home?” “No,” He said quietly with absolute conviction. “She has no one else.”

 

“Do you mind me asking how…?” He hesitated, unsure if he had the right to ask what he wanted to.

“What? It’s okay, you can ask me.”
“How did she get like that?”

Something shuttered closed in Drew’s expression and he closed his fist, thumping it gently on the roof of his car a few times before he answered. “She was always agoraphobic, but no way near as bad when I was younger—when my dad was around,” he clarified, and then wet his lip. “He just… he took off and left her in pieces, really, and she just got steadily worse from there on, and then my uncle moved in. That’s when I realized that people could really suck. Well, that and when
Johnny 5
got beat up in
Short Circuit II
.”

Kieran smiled weakly at the attempt at humor. “That’s really harsh,” he said softly.

“Yeah, but she’s not like… she’s not scary or anything. She’s just got this…
thing
that stops her from going anywhere. Other than that she’s a regular mom.” He tilted his head. “She knows about you.”

Kieran’s eyes widened. “Me? You mean she knows you’re gay and…
being
gay with someone.”

 

Drew laughed. “You have such a way with words. No, she knows I’m ‘being gay’ with someone called Kieran.”

A hesitant smile hovered over Kieran’s lips, and it was on the tip of his tongue to ask if he’d ever meet his mom, perhaps go over to his house. But considering what he’d said only minutes ago about college, it seemed pointless to ask. He settled for a quiet “oh.” “So, you’re going to local?” he asked, meaning local community college. “I mean, I know that’s what you want, but have you had confirmation?”

Drew nodded and then chewed on his thumbnail, avoiding Kieran’s gaze. “I got the letter a few days ago, actually.”

 

“That’s great. How come you didn’t say anything?”

Drew sighed softly, plastered on what looked like a suspiciously false smile and shrugged. “I guess I don’t want to think about that stuff yet.”

“But you’re on your way.” He gently pushed his fist that was covered by the sleeve of Drew’s jacket into Drew’s chest, playfully pushing him back a step. “You’re on your way, Mr. Fireman.”

Drew’s smile seemed to become more genuine as he batted his hand away. “I guess. I think my uncle’s going to get a real kick out of it. He wanted to be a fireman when he was my age; he just ended up enlisting instead.”

“So what exactly does it take to be a fireman? I’m assuming it’s not straightforward, otherwise you’d be applying and skipping college, right?”

“Well, you can actually apply if you’re a high school graduate or have a GED and clean driving license, but that’s not to say it’s an easy job to land. I have to earn my Certificate of Compliance for Firefighter Minimum Standards at college, but if I can go for the Emergency Medical Technician or Paramedic Certification, then I’m hoping my chances at landing a job might be better.”

Kieran blinked. Here he was, not really sure of what to study or do with his life, and Drew had the next ten years mapped out. He suddenly felt worried about his lack of ambition for anything other than
leaving
. “That sounds… wow.”

“Yeah, it’s not going to be easy and I’ve got a lot of studying ahead.”

 

“You can do it. In fact, I’m certain you’d just nail it.” He swallowed, feeling inexplicably sad. “You can do anything.”

Drew’s smile was intimate and lingering without feeling awkward or pressing. When Drew looked at him like that, he just wanted to sink into him. He wanted to grab Drew, take hold of him and stay that way.

“Come on,” Drew said softly, nodding over to the passenger side of the car. “Let’s go.”

 

Kieran got in the car, but he knew he wasn’t letting Drew go home, not yet, and not when he had an empty house at his disposal.
ChApTeR EleVen.

D
REWpulled up to the sidewalk outside of Kieran’s house. He didn’t let the engine idle this time, but turned the ignition off. He craned his neck to look past Kieran and at the house. He was used to dropping Kieran off and seeing at least one light on somewhere in the house, but tonight it was completely dark.

“Is your dad still at work or something?” He looked at the clock on the dash. “It’s kind of late.”

 

It was impossible to miss the flush in Kieran’s cheeks or how he suddenly fidgeted. Drew frowned, perplexed by his sudden discomfort. “No, um. Well actually he’s uh… he’s away for the night.”

It took only a split second for him to fathom why it was Kieran suddenly seemed so nervy. His mouth went a little dry, his pulse sped up, and he tapped his thumb nervously against the steering wheel. “Oh?” he said in an attempt at casual interest, but his voice came out at a near squeak. “So where’s he at?”

“He’s over at Piney Point. He’s looking into opening a second restaurant near the airport and took one of his chefs to go check it out.” He picked at the frayed rip in the knee of his jeans. “He’s staying over there for the night—has a meeting or something the next morning.”

“So…,” Drew began uncertainly.

 

Kieran looked at him. “So… you want to come in for a bit? Hang out?”

 

“For a bit?” he asked softly, now near enough certain of his intentions, even if Kieran was too shy to come right out and ask. Kieran visibly swallowed. “For a bit, or… longer.”

 

Drew offered a shaky smile, his stomach doing somersaults. He nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Drew followed Kieran up the drive to the front door, stood there silently with his hands deep in his jeans pockets with his shoulders hunched anxiously as Kieran unlocked it, and then followed him inside. Standing in the entryway of Kieran’s house, he was instantly flooded with anxiety. They’d hung out plenty in the past month, sure, but this was something new and entirely different.

It felt almost like they’d spent every spare and waking moment they had with each other, either in his car or at the movies or anywhere else he’d go with any other friend, in what felt like an attempt to soak each other up while they still could. It was to the point where he’d begun to alienate himself from Matt (something he knew he would have to remedy quick-smart lest he piss Matt off for the last time) and neglect school and even practice on a few occasions. He knew Kieran would be leaving soon—in a matter of months, actually. This evening was the closest he’d come to being brave enough to touch on the subject of what came after graduation, and part of him hoped, perhaps naively, that Kieran might still change his mind.

“So, this is my house,” Kieran said and smiled nervously. Drew nodded, feeling like a moron. “Cool. Uh… should I take my shoes off?”

 

“No, you’re fine. You want a quick tour? Or a drink? Food? Are you hungry?”

 

“Whoa, steady on, there,” he teased gently. “The first one.”

“Right. Sorry. Okay, well, this….” He motioned with his head for Drew to follow him. “This is the kitchen. Um… through there is the living room.” He gestured and then walked through.

Drew followed through the spacious kitchen with shiny counters and a large island with a cool net-thing of pans hanging above, into a spacious living area that was
awesome
. “Um. Wow.”

What didn’t seem like much to Kieran almost had Drew’s jaw hitting the soft, plush carpet. There were two love seats and a large, Lshaped sofa against one wall and a plasma screen attached to the other. Two bookcases packed with books and a sizable oak coffee table in the center. It was sparse, but in the way an art gallery looks: pristine and expensive. He was afraid to move in case he touched something and it shattered—because sofas were known to do that, of course.

“This is really… dude, are you rich or something?” He laughed, only half joking.

Kieran shifted uncomfortably, scratching the back of his head as he looked back at the living room, as if trying to see what Drew saw. “My dad does quite well for himself, I guess.”

“Right. Owning a restaurant and being his own boss and all….” Kieran studied him for a second. “Does all this make you uncomfortable?”

 

Drew glanced once more at his surroundings and then shrugged. “No. You’re just never coming to
my
house.” He laughed.

 

Kieran grinned and then shoved him playfully. “Come on, I’ll show you my room.”

 

“Ah, the Batcave?”

 

Kieran shot him a surprised look and then laughed. “Funny you should say that. I do have
Batman
memorabilia.”

 

Drew snorted. “What, really?”

Kieran stopped where he stood, facing him with a look of legitimate apprehension. “Oh God. Okay, you might want to prepare yourself for just how big of a geek you’re dating.”

“Now I have to see. Move it.”

Kieran made a noise close to a whimper and took his hand, leading him up a carpeted staircase and toward a closed door that had a sticker which read “You Shall Not Pass!” on the front. Drew barked out a laugh and then quickly smothered it behind his fist. “Sorry, got a… uh, cough.”

“Okay, we’re not doing this.”

Kieran turned, taking Drew’s hand to drag him away, clearly forgetting that despite Drew’s gentle nature, he had a good twenty or so pounds and two or three inches on him and could not be dragged anywhere if he didn’t want to be. Drew tugged on Kieran’s hand, shot him a shit-eating grin and happily opened the door, then dragged a protesting Kieran in behind him.

“Whoa.” Drew laughed, letting go of Kieran’s hand and taking a few steps into the room. “Your room is… cool?” He looked back at Kieran, who was visibly wincing, and melted. “Would you stop it?” he said gently and pulled Kieran close by the hips.

“You’re not freaked out? You don’t think I’m a geek?” “Well… yeah.”
Kieran groaned and squeezed his eyes shut, making Drew laugh. “Hey, quit it. I obviously have a thing for sci-fi and comic book—” “Graphic novels.”
Drew nodded, corrected. “—graphic-novel-obsessed geeks.” Kieran thumped his arm. “That’s still an insult.”
“Geeks are hot.
You’re
hot.”
Kieran pursed his lips to suppress a smile. “Okay, shut up now.”

Drew shook Kieran’s hips slightly before pushing him away a step so he could explore the room. “You were honestly worried that I’d be put off just because….” He looked around and snagged up a figurine. “Just because you have a… a red monkey-man doll-thingy?”

Kieran spluttered, snatching it out of his hands and holding it close to his chest. “This is a Hellboy figurine from the Golden Army series, complete with Big Baby shotgun and signature cigar.”

“Kieran.” Drew plucked it out of his hands and put it back. “I’m fucking with you.”

 

“Jerk.”

Drew grinned at him over his shoulder and went back to snooping. He spotted an open textbook on Kieran’s desk; there were notes and doodles scribbled all over it. He couldn’t help but bite back a grin when he remembered the doodle of their initials that had kickstarted their relationship all those months ago. “Can I ask you something?”

“Um, sure?”