Lane (Made From Stone Book 1) (11 page)

I'm fighting to breathe on the floor in one of the back rooms of the club and Lane is here, he’s undeniably pissed. Hell, if he’s not his eye sure is. It’s turning a grisly shade of purple, and I find myself wondering if that was my handiwork or that of the guy he was after a little while ago. I don't understand why he's so upset; I did what I was told to do. He said to leave him alone afterwards; he told me to forget all about him. I tried doing just that, but it isn't possible for me. So, I had his daughter without him, but he can't take her from me. He won't take her from me.

"Lane?" I whisper and he stares at me with eyes full of rage but he doesn’t speak. The silence is deafening. "I thought I was doing the right thing," I try to explain as he closes his eyes, I watch his broad shoulders rise and fall as he takes a few deep breaths before he starts to speak.

"How in the hell is keeping my daughter from me the right thing? Please explain."

"I wanted to tell you. I drove by your apartment repeatedly. At least once a week. One time I even walked to the stairs. But every time I thought I could face you, I heard your voice in my ear telling me to forget where you live and to never come back."

"That's no excuse, Mallory. I had the right to know I was going to be a father," he says without ever breaking his direct glare into my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Lane. I was scared to death. You didn't want anything to do with me and you made that pretty clear. I was alone and afraid. Afraid if I did tell you I was pregnant, you would want me to get rid of her. I couldn't handle hearing that."

"I would’ve never asked you to do that."

"How was I supposed to know?" I question. I decide to let him do the talking, that way I have at least a moment to get my own emotions in check.

"I don't know Mallory. But I know I'm fighting for custody. Full custody. My daughter will not be raised in a strip club," he spits his words hatefully as he thrusts his hand at the cheap purple balloon back couch that has most definitely seen better days. I can feel tears filling my eyes and they’re threatening to run down my cheeks but I can't tell if it's anger or hurt causing them. I feel my face getting red and I can feel that my temper is about to turn his other eye the same angry shade of purple when a knock echoes through the room. It's Noah. I knew he looked familiar, I’d seen him in the stands at the high school football games watching Lane coach. The two of them look just alike.

"She's hungry," Noah announces as he walks towards me carrying my obviously unhappy, extremely wiggly baby. I take her from his arms and pull her close to me so that I can kiss her tiny, sweet forehead. He touches my arm and whispers softly to me, "Everything will work out.” He winks at me and smiles warmly before turning back towards the door. I pray he’s right.

The moment the door closes, I sit on the couch and pull my top to the side to place Annie to my breast. She immediately latches on, suckling with greed. She needs me; I keep finding myself back at this terrifying statement. He can’t take her from me because she needs me... and I need her. I have no idea what our future holds, but one thing is for damn sure. I’ll never leave my daughter.

I’m pacing the glitter-infested floor like a caged animal as Mallory nurses my tiny daughter. I have so much more to say but I want Annie to feed peacefully so I bide my time walking circles around the dimly lit room. As I’m walking, I pass by a mirror and notice that my eye is already pretty fucking black. Between Mallory and Gavin, my poor face never had a chance. This has
got
to be the worst night of my life. I'm pulled from my thoughts by the soft, sweet lullaby Mallory is singing softly to Annie. I walk over to the couch and stare down at Annie nestled comfortably to her mother's breast, getting her tiny belly full. How is it possible that one little baby girl has changed me so completely in just a moment? In this instance, I start to understand why fathers clean guns on their daughter's first date. I'd do anything for her.

"Mallory, I don't know where we go from here."

"Me either.... but don't try to take her from me. Please. She’s my everything. You can see her as much as you want." Mallory is trembling and I can’t help but feel a little bit sorry for her, regardless of the circumstances.

"Did you give her my last name?" I ask.

"No, I didn't," she says.

"Can we change that on Monday?"

"If that's what you want," she says, and I exhale my relief. I’m glad she’s not being difficult "She's done if you want to hold her." I watch as Mallory gently pulls Annie's mouth from her breast and dabs her chin dry before she covers herself.

"I do," I reply.

I sit beside Mallory and gently take Annie from her. Sitting here and holding my daughter, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she deserves to have both of her parents in her life. How can I make this work? I want my daughter with me all the time, but I know it can't happen under one roof. After her hiding my daughter from me, I can't trust Mallory anymore.

"Can I see her tomorrow?" I ask, rocking Annie softly.

"Sure. I work again tomorrow night. I could drop her off to you around eight? She really is a good baby. You can keep her all night if you want. I have plenty of breast milk stored so you can feed her. Plus, she’s a great sleeper," Mallory gushes all of these things that I should already know about my daughter. My daughter..... 

It doesn’t take long for my mind to drift back to the thought of Mallory dancing against that pole the way she was tonight. The mother of my child will not be a fucking stripper, over my dead body.

"You’re not working here," I bark out, gesturing once again to the dingy room we’re standing in.

"Lane, it's good money. When I go back to school in the fall, I need to be able to pay for childcare."

"I'll watch my daughter," I snap at her.

"You can’t, you work long hours and your weekends are full until after football season." Fuck, she's right.

"Then I’ll pay for childcare."

"I told you I don't want anything from you. Just being in Annie's life is more than I ever could’ve hoped for," she says with a genuine smile on her face as she looks back down at our now sleepy baby.

"Mallory, I'm taking care of my daughter."

"Our daughter, and I'm taking care of her too. It’s not just your responsibility.”

We have so much we need to work through but I don't know what to do first. I'm confused, pissed, and hurt. Curious as to how to ask, I just go ahead with it: "how do you know my father?"

"He delivered Annie. I was his last patient before he retired." Oh my God! That was Mallory! I've heard my parents talk about her and my daughter for weeks now! They couldn't seem to let it go. They were really worried about her. Fuck, they even said they were worried one of us had knocked her up. In a strange way, I feel a little relief. If I couldn't be there, I'm happy my parents could be.

"Mallory can we meet for lunch tomorrow with Annie?" I ask hopefully.

"Of course. Where?"

"Do you like pizza?"

"Who doesn't like pizza?" She says with a giggle, trying to lighten the mood.

"My Aunt Kerrigan bought a pizza place on Clarke Street, It's called Stones Pizza and Deli."

"Oh I know that place. I've heard it's great. So, I'll see you tomorrow? Noon?"

"Sounds good." I say, and I kiss my daughter’s forehead before handing her over to Mallory. The child I didn't know I wanted so badly until I found out she existed… But where do we go from here?

"His family seems nice," my sister says to me before adding, "even if he's not," under her breath.

"Amy, I didn't tell him. He has every right in the world to be upset with me,” I remind her, after all, it’s true.

"Well, he's an asshole. You just shouldn’t trust him so easily," Amy says with that endearing, motherly tone to her voice that reminds me of Mom and the good old days. I’ve been lucky to have my older sister. We gave up on our mother a long time ago. In return, we’ve learned to parent each other from time to time.

"I won't. I promise," I reply with a half-hearted smile. I hug Amy quickly and sling the diaper bag over my shoulder as I pick up the car seat my daughter is sleeping so soundly in.

Walking out the front door, I'm a nervous wreck. I don't want Lane to hate me forever. I hope for Annie's sake she has parents who can at least tolerate each other, even if just for her. I lean into the car and place Annie's seat into the base, hearing the safety latch click, I lean back out of the car and shut the door. As I turn around to go back to the driver’s side, I bump into someone who’s standing closely behind me. Without thinking, I say quickly, "Oh, sorry!" but when I see who it is, my skin starts to crawl.

"I'm back, sweetheart. You've been busy here without me I see," he says, leering at me and smiling through his cracked lips, he leans to the side in an attempt to see into the back seat where Annie sleeps and I move as casually as possible to block his view. "It's rude to ignore people, gorgeous," he says in a slimy attempt at being flirtatious.

It takes everything in my being to be nice, especially when he’s close enough that I smell his pungent mixture of beer, body odor, and stale cigarette smoke. My stomach lurches as I try to remain calm and just as I get backed up almost to my car door; he raises his hand, which makes me flinch. But to my surprise, he simply places a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “You’ll come around,” he promises in a tone that makes me want to run screaming back into the hotel room.

"I have to go. I…. I'm late for an appointment," I stumble towards a reasonable excuse to leave, grabbing my door handle behind me quickly. I have to get out of here. Every second that passes is a moment too long to exist in his gaze, the way he studies my face is as if he's trying to sketch it in his brain.

"Well, you come see me when you get home sexy," he teases, licking his cracked lips and smiling, they part to reveal a few yellow stained teeth.

I quickly get in my car and back out, watching to be sure he doesn't try to get in. God, Amy and I need to find another place; fast. No judge would allow me to keep Annie if they knew I had been living here. All of a sudden, I'm more nervous than I was before. Good thing I have a little bit of a drive to the pizza place, I need to gather my thoughts and calm myself down.

I’m sitting at my parent’s dining room table with the both of them and Landon, and it's hard for me to look any one of them in the face. I was going to be married before I had children and now I'm a father. My grandpa is going to flip his shit. 

"Lane, what happened? Why were you so careless?" Mom asks, the disappointment written all over her crumpled face.

"I wasn't thinking clearly."

"Please tell me she wasn't a student at the time," Dad asks with fear in his voice, mirroring Mom's crumpled expression.

"She wasn't. But she had been. And before you ask, nothing happened while she was a student. I can promise you that."

"I don't know what to say Lane. You know better. We taught you better," my mom scolds me and I’m ashamed. I feel like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Is this her? The one who had you distracted last night before you saw her?" Landon questions and I nod my head.

"Fuck" he says, as he shakes his head in disbelief and sits back in his chair.

"Well, go see her and
please
think before you speak. She’s young and scared. We’ll figure it out together," my dad says.

"I'm sorry. I know I've let you down," I reply with a hope that my voice is fully expressing the guilt I'm feeling inside.

"It’ll all work out. By the way, I wasn't joking about that twenty grand...." he reminds me with a heavy-handed pat on the back.

"I know. I'll get you the money." I can't help but ask them, I have to know... "What was it like? The delivery? Did Annie cry right away?"

"Mallory barely made it out of the car before she had Annie. There was a little scare with the umbilical cord being wrapped around her neck, but Mallory did great. Just one push and Annie was born," my mom says, smiling, reliving the moment.

I practically stop breathing as I watch Mom describe my daughter's birth with stars in her eyes. I didn't get to be there. I should have been there dammit; I'm still pissed about that. I say my farewells and turn around to walk out the door so that I can meet Mallory at the pizza place, trying to keep an open mind along the way.

I beat Mallory here so I go ahead and grab a booth in a quiet corner. Instead of grabbing my usual order straight away like I always do, I have the server bring me a drink and leave me to my thoughts until Mallory gets here.

I hear the bell on the door and look up to see her struggling to get the bulky car seat through the door. She starts trying to squeeze through sideways so I hurry to take the car seat from her. She looks up and smiles brightly with flushed cheeks and a heavy breath. My heart nearly stops beating. She’s still so beautiful. I clear my throat, unable to stop staring at her she breaks the gaze by clearing her throat and saying, "Thanks, I'm still getting the hang of this."

I return her smile, "No worries. This is a big adjustment, thanks for coming," I say as I point her in the direction of our table and we sit down. I place Annie beside me in the booth and just stare at her for a moment. Looking at her in this well-lit restaurant, I realize she looks a lot like Mallory too. She has my hair color and my skin coloring. But she has her mom's nose and cheeks. "What color are her eyes?" I ask. I haven't really seen her eyes yet.

"A light brown. They look like little hazelnuts. They have golden flecks so even though they're dark they shine. They're beautiful." She beams proudly at how beautiful our baby girl is.

I don't say anything for a moment because I know my voice would be laced with the emotion I’m holding back. How could she let me miss my daughter's birth? I would already know these things if I’d been given the chance to be a part of Mallory’s pregnancy. But I'm taking the advice my parents gave and I’m thinking before I speak. After we order our food, I decide to just lay it all out on the table while we have a few minutes of silence.

"Mallory, what do you want? I mean, how can we make this work?"

"I don't know, Lane. I know I don't want any arguing or threats. I don't want to constantly live in fear that I'll lose her. I love her, Lane, and I'm doing everything I can for her," she’s choking up as she responds with tears in her fearful eyes. I know she's struggling to keep it together as she bites her bottom lip and looks all around this place as if she’s studying it, but I know she just wants to avoid meeting my eyes.

"I'm sorry about the way I acted last night. I was out of line. I'm not going to fight you for her; I know you love her. I can tell."

Her shoulder drop and she smiles with relief at my words. "Thank you! I've thought it all out; we can split responsibilities. I know Friday nights are out for you, so I changed my work schedule. I’ll work on Thursdays and Saturdays; you can keep her on those nights and Sundays too. I’ll keep her the rest of the time." I can tell Mallory has given a lot of thought to this and I appreciate it, but it still isn’t good enough.

"You aren't working at a strip club," I tell her as seriously as I can because I mean it.

"Yes, I am. The money is good and the hours are perfect," she says just as firmly. I can already tell this isn’t going to be an easy battle.

"Then work at an all night diner. You don't need to show your tits," I say through my teeth. I don't know what bothers me more, that she's working there to support my daughter, or that she’s allowing other men to see her nearly naked body.

"Lane, we aren't dating. We have a kid together, but that's it. I'll listen to you where Annie is concerned, but you and I will never be anything more than her parents,” she states matter of factly. Ah, yes, I do remember her saying she wasn’t looking for a relationship right before I laid her down in my bed.

But what the fuck? As much as I want to agree with her, it still stings to hear the words come out of her mouth. "Why do you think we’ll never be more? I mean, I agree, but I’m interested to hear your reasoning."

I watch as her face drops and the hurt and sadness creep in, aging her beyond her years. It was like she had beat whatever it is that’s hurting her down and now it’s resurfacing. My heart hurts watching her struggle. I whisper softly, "Tell me, Mallory?"

"Alright, I know I agreed to be used and kicked out afterward, but something in me changed when you showed compassion during our time together. How you made sure I wasn't hurting, How you took your time inside me." she stops talking and looks away as her cheeks burn pink, which gives me the opportunity to adjust my now rock-hard dick. I remember the way it felt to be inside her, too. It was unreal, I’ve never felt so close to someone in my entire life and I’m sure I won’t feel that way ever again.

She continues, "After it was over, I knew I had to hold up my end of the bargain. I was prepared to, but I wanted to hold you for a little bit longer. I was still in pain and when I was in your arms that pain didn't matter because the way I felt when you ran your fingers down my back made it disappear, if only for a moment. But I agreed to be used, so I knew I shouldn't have expected anything. Still, it hurt to feel like I was being thrown out with the trash."

God hearing her speak the truth is killing me. I'm about to start talking when she throws her hand up to stop me.

"Let me get this all out first," she says. I nod and go back to listening with a furrowed brow and a pit in my stomach. "I left that night feeling ashamed of myself. So when I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified. I wanted to tell you but I couldn't bear being thrown out like a piece of garbage again. I wanted her Lane; even from the very beginning, I wanted her. Even though I knew it would be hard, I wanted her. And one day when she asked about her dad I didn't want to say he threw you out like a piece of garbage, too. I'm happy you want to be a part of her life. But it's just hers. Not mine, I can’t..."

When she stops talking, I can't bring myself to look at her. I'm such a dick. How could I ever treat a woman like that? I look over to my daughter, holding back tears. I've screwed up possibly the best thing that ever happened to me. Not Mallory, it’s all me.

"Mallory?"

"Yeah?"

"I need you to know something. I'm so sorry I hurt you that way. And I did want you to stay. I wanted to wake up with you the next day more than anything, but we were at different places in our lives. I wanted you to enjoy college and being a typical college student. I'm so sorry. That’s not an excuse, the last thing I thought was that you were trash. I was honored you chose me. Hell, I'm still honored."

"Thank you for that. And I'm ok. It was a tough lesson. But now I know what to look for when I'm ready to settle down and get married. I know whoever ‘he’ is, should never hurt me the way you did. So trust me. I'm not asking for anything more than friendship and equal partnership in raising our daughter."

Fuck. I came here so angry, but now knowing she and I will never be together hurts. At least now I understand why she didn't find me; I made her feel like she couldn’t. She's so strong for bringing our daughter into this world even though she thought she'd be doing it alone. Every bit of anger I felt towards her is now directed inward and the thought of another man being inside of her or seeing what's mine is torture, but I can't stop her. I brought this all on myself.

"I can be an equal partner, but I would like to take care of our daughter's financial needs. Clothing, day care, food...everything."

"Well, you're in luck. Her food bill is rather inexpensive," she says with a smile and a quick gesture towards her bigger than before breasts. I can see that she’s harboring no hatred toward me; her eyes are kind. She has every reason in the world to despise me, and yet here we are. There’s only good in her heart, always has been, and I think that makes me feel worse.

"Well, her mom has to eat healthy as well. I’ll take care of that too," I say.

"I can afford food Lane."

"I don't care. I'm taking care of it."

"How about half? At least I can justify that Annie is getting half the benefits of healthy eating."

"Ok. Half," I agree and we both smile at each other for a moment. I hear a little cry coming from my daughter and I look over to see her stretching herself awake. Mallory was right she has beautiful eyes. I make quick work of her seatbelt as our food arrives. I nestle Annie into my arms, it feels so good being her father. I smile thinking how just two days ago the thought of being a father scared me to death. But seeing my daughter, I'm not scared; I'm in love.

We start eating our meal and talk has stalled for the time being. I just don't know what to say or how to make it right, but somehow I have to. Somehow, I’ll make this mess better.