Letting You Know (40 page)

“
What
is it?” Deacon asked, panic infecting him. “Leah, what's
wrong?”

“
Nothing,”
I said, wiping my eyes with a tiny laugh. “Sorry, I just got
hit by a wave of... I don't even know.”

“
It's
okay to miss your parents,” he assured me, slowing the car at
the first turn. Reaching out, he leaned across the car, planting a
soft kiss on my salty cheek. “Okay?”

“
Yeah,”
I agreed, my tone nasal from sniffling. My smile, while fragile, was
genuine. “I know, it just kind of sucks.”

Deacon
hesitated, leaning back in his seat as he watched me. “We don't
need
to go see your friend Colby. If you want to cancel, we can go back
inside and—”

“
No.”
I bit the word, aware that it was too easy to give in to his
suggestion. “I want to see Colby, too. I wish I had a lot more
time.”

“
We
can visit again,” he said firmly, eyebrows lifting high. “We'll
come back and spend a lot more time with everyone. Okay?”

When
will we have the money for that, as it is, we need to get back to
painting as soon as we return... I don't even want to think about
money, ugh.

I
made myself incline my head. “Okay.”

The
sky was a heavy, dark grey as we drove towards my old apartment. It
brought me little comfort, and I could see how tense it was making
Deacon.

“
I
don't like the look of these clouds,” he muttered.

“
It
does look like some awful storm is coming,” I admitted, my
voice hushed in reverence. “Do you think it'll come down before
we hit the road?”

“
Better
hope not. A bad storm will make our late night drive far less
romantic,” he said, flashing me a smile.

He's
scared about the storm, isn't he?

Looking
out my window, I saw the familiar coffee shop roll past. The memory
of the last time I had gotten anything there was one of the most
unpleasant things in my head. “Stop,” I said suddenly,
pointing to the old apartment. “We're here.”

“
This
is it?”

“
Yeah,”
I whispered, fighting down the uncomfortable ripple in my belly.
This
is it, this is where it all happened.

Parking
across the street from the building, we climbed out quickly. It was
getting late, the December daylight already eaten away.

Lifting
my hand, I shielded my eyes from the wind.
It
doesn't look any different. Did I expect it to?

Even
knowing that Owen wasn't inside, that there was no way for him to be
here, didn't do much to settle the boiling fear in my heart.

“
Should
we go knock?”

“
Hm?”

“
I
said,” Deacon whispered, turning towards me with muddled
concern, “should we go knock? You alright?”

Tucking
my hands into my jacket, I gave a tiny nod. “Fine. It's just
weird. This is where it happened, the day he changed everything. The
day I decided to just walk away.”

Reaching
out, he wrapped his arm around the crook of my elbow. “I'd
think it would be a good memory, then.”

Chuckling,
I hung my head. My hair blew into my eyes, but I let it. “I
guess. I never considered it like that.” Taking a giant breath,
I stepped across the cobbled street, feeling him release me as I
moved. “Let's go do this.”

Jumping
up the concrete steps, I pushed through the main front door of the
building. The steps inside were old, no one ever bothered to mend
them.

Looking
upwards, I felt a wave of vertigo.
And
that's where we stood when he hung my laptop over the edge and
threatened me.

Jumping
over dents in the stairs, the missing chunks of carpet, we made it to
the second floor apartment. Deacon stood beside me, looking around
curiously. “You can hear the wind coming through the walls.”

“
Yeah,”
I agreed, rapping my knuckles on the door. “It was awful here
in the winter.”

It
was awful here all the time.

Inside,
the sound of steps shuffling around reached our ears. Again, I
reminded myself it wasn't Owen.

Even
so, when the door moved, peeling away, I had to fight my urge to run.

Colby
smiled down at me, one long arm resting on the doorway. “Holy
shit,” he laughed, “you really made it.”

Leaning
forward, I threw my arms around his torso. My face hardly reached his
collar bone when we hugged. “God, Colby, it's so good to see
you.” The relief of not finding the person I
knew
couldn't have been there, it warmed my body and made me feel drained.

Over
my head, I heard Colby speak again. “And you must be Deacon.
Leah's told me a lot about you in our emails.”

“
Has
she?” He asked, amusement tinging his voice.

I
was glad my burning cheeks were hidden by Colby's chest.

Inhaling
a few times, calming down, I released my friend and smiled. “Can
we come inside?”

“
As
if I'd say no.” Turning, he waved us into the apartment. I
didn't need a tour, and I didn't really want one.

Walking
through the living room, into the kitchen, my eyes kept shooting to
the spot on the floor I had fallen that day. Worse, the bedroom door
was slightly cracked.

Ignoring
them both, I pushed it open, peering into the darkness at the
familiar blankets and piles of clothes.

“
I
was going to ask if you wanted to take any of your things,”
Colby said from behind me. I felt them both staring at me, watching
me as I eyed the apartment like Owen was going to appear from any
corner I didn't check.

Shaking
my head, I shut the door and headed towards the parlor. “No.
You can do whatever you want with anything of mine. Can we sit in
here?”

“
Of
course,” he murmured, and I glimpsed the two men sharing a
look.

Flopping
down on the couch, the familiar, beaten up old thing, I sighed. “Stop
that. I'm fine, I just... I needed to see.”

They
said nothing, avoiding the topic as they settled on either side of
me. “So,” Colby said, squinting like a guilty man, “this
may come a bit late, but I'm really sorry about everything.”

“
Don't
be. You didn't do anything.” Leaning into Deacon, I felt the
comfort of his heat.

“
Not
exactly. I should have probably... I don't know, warned you better?”

My
chuckle was bitter. “What? You were the one always telling me
to leave. You told me you knew Owen, that he had a temper. I should
have listened to you sooner.”

Colby
frowned, his fist propping his head up on the arm of the couch.
“Yeah, that. Leah, I told you he had a temper, but if I had
given you more details—maybe, if I had explained better or
spoken up, it would never have gotten this far.”

Pulling
my knees to my chest, I watched him under lifted brows. “What
are you trying to say to me?”

He
looked past me, at Deacon. “Sorry about all of this, first. I
heard you came to her rescue.”

Clenching
my jaw, I turned enough to give my boyfriend an apologetic shrug.
“That isn't how I put it.”

Reaching
out to smooth a strand of my hair, he just smiled. “It doesn't
matter. Colby, what do you mean with all of this 'sorry' business?
You aren't to blame for anything.”

“
Ugh,
I sort of know that, but—listen. I grew up with Owen, I know...
knew, I guess, what he was like. He went way beyond what I ever
expected, in the end.” Shutting his eyes, he paused. “Maybe
I didn't know him so well after all. Anyway,” he went on,
peering back at us both, “when we were younger, Owen wasn't
always so... nice. He had a bad attitude, he took it out on his
friends and family all the time.”

I
did see him yelling at his father a lot.

Thinking
about Owen having laid all the signs of his eventual explosion at our
feet made my skin cold.

“
Someone
like him... someone who screams at people, who takes their anger out
on others.” Colby shook his head side to side, watching me in
the low lights of the room. “You should never have ended up
with someone like that, Leah. No one should have to be so close to
someone who would have the god damn
audacity
to harm another person. No matter who they are, or why.”

My
stomach twisted, hot acid burning my throat.
He
isn't wrong. Colby isn't wrong, but...

Shifting
nervously, I caught Deacon staring at me. Faced with those emotional
eyes, I couldn't keep my gaze on him.

I
turned away, forcing down a wave of shaking.

No,
Deacon isn't like that. He isn't!

It
was too similar, too easy, to compare what Owen had done to what I
knew Deacon was hiding from me about his brother.

He
hurt him. He got angry, and he hurt Nicholas, just like that. And
then he hid it from me... He hid it the way Owen wanted to hide what
happened with us.

“
So,”
Colby sighed, seeming uncomfortable. “I hate to ask this.
Owen's dad stepped up to offer rent money for the last two months.
Otherwise, I haven't really heard anything about the guy. I know he
got arrested for the assault, but is there
any
chance he'll be getting out anytime soon and coming back?”

“
No,”
Deacon answered for me. “He can't post bail, I'm pretty
confident. He'll be away for at least six months. We can hope for
more.”

Colby
nodded, standing and cracking his back. “Got it. Good. That
gives me time to get my things and move out.”

I
furrowed my brow at him. “You're going to leave?”

“
Of
course. Leah, this whole thing was a nightmare for you. It was also
weird having him here, not knowing what was going on, and watching
him apparently planning his path to finding you and—and yeah,
all of that.” Inhaling, he huffed out some air. “I don't
want him to be able to find me so easily, either, when he's back out.
You have a restraining order, I don't.”