Losing Control (16 page)

Things had been perfect. Okay so life was actually never that perfect and there was always something happening in the background, but things had happened that had the power to make those other bad stuff look like it was nothing. That was what being with Thorne was like. It made me forget that the crappy stuff around my life was there. It made me not worry about the bad things that were supposed to bother me, and it made them less frightening, less depressing. Somehow, just because I was with him, everything was better because he made it better. There hadn’t been a single day that I regretted being with him or regretted making that decision. I even started writing again, which was a bigger deal than the fact that I was finally starting to let my walls down, at least around Thorne.

“Elena,” I heard Penny’s voice as I come out of the bathroom.

“Yes?” I went over to the dressing table to blow dry my hair. “What weird place are we going this time?”

She looked taken aback. I could see her reflection in the mirror and I was enjoying it. “Do you have psychic powers or something?”

“Living with you all this time might have done it. Now, please. Tell me already.”

“Jess is coming to pick us up with her boyfriend.”

“So?”

“So, you need to get ready,” she said, and I noticed she was wearing the skankiest top in the history of female clothing but it looked amazing on her.

“I don’t know Penny,” I said. “You’re going to hook up and she’s already hooked up, and I don’t feel like being by myself tonight.”

“Come on, that only happened a couple of times!” Penny argued. “In my defense those men were gorgeous.”

“I think it would be better if you guys went without me.”

“You’re coming,” she said with finality in her voice. “I won’t take no for an answer. You’ve been hanging out with Mr. Smarty Pants all month! I will seriously bug the living crap out of you if you don’t go. You won’t be able to go back to your precious writing, which is what you were planning on doing anyway, I know that much.”

“Real mature, Penny.”

“Who cares!” she almost cried. “Please, we’re getting late just do it!”

“Fine,” I said. “Just leave me alone and I’ll get dressed, alright?”

Penny happily walked out of the room. I picked out a dress and a pair of earrings from Penny’s collection, then choose a pair of high heels that I know I’m never going to be comfortable in, but I just feel like wearing them. When Jess and her boyfriend Travis come in after about ten minutes, I can tell Jess is high.

“Penny she’s not okay to drive,” I said when the couple wasn’t looking. “One of them better be sober enough to drive. It’s not going to be me.”

“Don’t worry,” Penny said. “Travis is fine. I promise. Now let’s go!”

So Travis drove us to the venue and he wasn’t high or drunk. In fact I had never seen him that sober. When he stops the car, we were at a building where there was no sign of an entrance. Travis got out and Jess did too and I was walking behind with Penny.

“This doesn’t look like a place we should be entering Penny,” I said when we finally find a way to enter, and are frisked by a bruiser in front of a massive gate. “Are you sure about this?”

“This one is a bit more private than the others,” Penny said. “Just trust me.”

When someone said trust me it was a sign you shouldn’t trust them. But since it was Penny I went along with it. I could hear the music and the laughter before we’d even entered the main building. The closer I got to the place the more I saw the strangest couples in the strangest costumes, passing us by. There seems to be some sort of theme but I don’t think I was dressed for it. I was about to ask someone what was going on, when I found myself in the middle of something that looked like an audience. In the middle of the room, is a stage, where there are two performers, a couple, male and female, and they male is sort of showing of the female and then I saw the paddle in the male’s hand.

“Oh my God,” I blurted when I saw what was happening on the floor. “Penny!”

But Penny looked just as surprised as me. I was certain Jess and Travis forgot to tell where they were taking her and she was a bit annoyed too, just like me.

“What the bloody fuck?!” That was the sound of her jaw dropping.

The girl on the stage floor she now had her back to the audience and she was in lingerie made with leather and the male proceeded to tie her to a giant ‘X.’ I told myself I couldn’t possibly watch what was going to happen next without getting scarred for life. I mean, I get that some people get off on this stuff, and that’s fine, it’s just…
not my thing
.

I felt Jess’s hand grabbing hold of mine as she led me away from all this, and I was quick enough to drag Penny’s hand so she came along too. Jess was giggling and obviously having a lot of fun at our expense. “You haven’t seen the best part,” she said and that worried me.

“Great,” I managed. I gave Penny a glare but now she was also laughing. “Am I the only one who takes this stuff seriously?”

I didn’t stop walking until I was outside that arena.

And that was when it dawned on me: We were in a bondage club.

That was what these people did. This place was here, so people can come here and do
that
.

“Is it just me or is this whole thing incredibly hot?” Penny said.

“Of course it’s hot,” Jess said.

From somewhere Travis entered the picture. “Are you going to just stand there?” he said to Jess. “Or are we going to get started?”

“Get started?” I said, confused.

Travis pulled Jess close to himself and kissed her cheek. “We come here sometimes,” he said and pointed to a hallway. “Those over there, are the private rooms. Members can book them and do whatever they want.”

“But we’re not members,” Penny said.

“I got a free pass,” Travis said, grinning. “For all four of us.”

“Let’s go,” Jess said, in a low whisper and they went off towards the room and disappeared into the hallway.

Just like that they were gone.

“What are we supposed to do now?” I asked Penny.

“I don’t know,” Penny said. “Let’s just explore.”

“Explore what?” I was about to ask her when I saw a couple walking towards us. But then I realized they weren’t walking towards me, they were going towards the private rooms. I couldn’t see their faces, the lighting was too dim, but the guy was in a suit—the same suit I had seen someone else wearing not more than an hour ago.

“Thorne?” I said, a little too loudly.

He turned towards me and I could see his face more clearly now, but the girl was wearing a blonde wig and her face was not visible because of the dim lighting. “Elena?” he said and even the tiny bit of doubts were suddenly confirmed. I was filled with rage and the only thing I could think of doing was to storm out. When Penny called after me I told her I needed to be alone and just kept walking until I was breathing fresh air.

“Elena wait!” I heard him calling out and he grabbed my arm, pulled me towards him.

“Let go of me!”

“It’s not what it looks like,” Thorne said. “She’s just a friend.”

“Yeah,” I said. “That’s why you’re in here with her after telling me you were busy with work! You lied to me, Thorne!”

“I didn’t…Elena I never lied to you. After you left, she called and I’ve never told you about her so I didn’t see the point in telling you where I was going. I thought I was going to be done and I would go back to work.”

“You’re lying.”

“Elena she’s just a friend,” Thorne said.

“That’s why you were taking her to the private rooms?”

“Her name is Cyndi. She works here. We used to go out but that was years ago. We’re just friends now. And not very close at that. She just needed my help with something, so I had to come. I couldn’t talk in front of the people she works with so we were going to the empty rooms. To
talk
, Elena.”

“I don’t buy it.”

“I would never lie to you.”

“I don’t buy it!”

The look on his face changed. “Elena,” Thorne said. “Why don’t you do us both a favor and just say what’s really bothering you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t hate that I was with some other girl,” Thorne said. “You hate that you found me in a bondage club!”

“Pardon me for being normal!”

This time he looked hurt. “Normal?” he said. “Right. Cause I must be completely fucked up if I’m into this stuff.”

“Thorne—”

He let go of my arm. “You know what, Elena? I’m glad you found out. At least now I don’t have to pretend that sex between us is fine!”

“Wait…you’re saying the sex is bad?”

“I’m saying it could be better.”

“Well I’m sorry if I don’t appreciate the same kind of perverted…
twisted
form of intimacy that you seem to enjoy!”

“Perverted huh?” his blue eyes were on fire. “Well tell you what. Why don’t you go back to your boring life and your boring normal shit, while people who still have a sex drive can actually enjoy themselves in bed!”

“Hey, I’m plenty good in bed!”

“You’re like one of those mind-numbingly boring housewives who refuse to give their husbands a blow job and then complain when they go to prostitutes!”

“You really think this is going to work? This whole reverse psychology thing?”

“No,” he said. “I know it won’t. So please. Do us all a favor and go back to your rule-book, missionary-position sex!”

“Come on Thorne what I saw back there…that wasn’t right!”

“Neither were blow jobs in the eighteenth century, but guess what? People change Elena! People learn new things. You still think your body is like some kind of holy thing that you need to keep in lock and key. Well you know what; it’s not that big of a deal. You know we’re right for each other. You know how I feel about you. I read your stuff Elena. Every damn hero in your novels is this sensitive superhero, psychic guy who comes to you quietly at night and fills your room with flowers. But I send Stanton to your motel to make sure you’re okay, and that’s stalking? What do you really want Elena? Why is it okay for a fantasy character to do something but when a normal guy does the same, it’s just wrong?”

“Don’t do that,” I said, mad.

“Do what?”

“This,” I said. “Making up an excuse for fucking some woman like Nick used to do. Like somehow it’s my fault!”

“I wasn’t sleeping with her!” he snapped, his voice breaking just a little.

“That’s what Nick kept telling me all this time.”

“Well, I’m not Nick, Elena!”

“Not if I can help it.”

“What do you want from me?”

For the first time I calmed down a bit. “I have to go,” I said, because I didn’t think I could make any good decisions right then.

Thorne looked disappointed. “Fine,” he said. “Go back to your stupid life and your boring rule-book. This isn’t something you’re capable of anyway. I’m sure that’s the reason Nick ventured out too.”

He did
not
just say that.

I looked up at him and this time, I meant business. “You have no idea what I’m capable of,” I said and there were some crazy ideas going through my mind. I hated that he thought he could just say these things and get away with it. I couldn’t believe he was trying to make up a lame excuse for being with another woman, just like Nick used to do. Well, Nick deserved to be treated a lot worse for what he did, but I never got around to doing it. But as far as Thorne is concerned, I can still do something to make sure he regretted this. I ran a hand through my hair, to make sure they were okay and headed in the direction of the club.

“Elena where are you going?” I heard Thorne saying, but I didn’t stop.

The music and the applause got louder the closer I got to the stage. I started unbuttoning my shirt, thankful for the camisole I was wearing inside. I found the first guy holding a drink and I smiled at him as I took his drink. He didn’t say a thing and looked on, holding me with his gaze. He’s cute and when I returned his glass, he smiled. I gestured to the floor where the previous couple is getting off by now. “Would you like to do this with me?” I asked the cute guy and he smiled even wider.