Lost and Found (11 page)

Maggie never would have believed she was addicted to a couple of simple medications many people
take
every day. But the withdrawals the second day—wow—she trembled just thinking back. Remembering so clearly in her delirium
,
she begged Richard to give her something
,
anything, to stop her insides from burning, aching. Her nausea had her hanging over the toilet and sleeping on the cool tile floor
to
relieve the pressure in her head that was so bad she’d swore her head would explode from the unrelenting pounding. And the shakes that racked her body. Richard remained firm as he held her, and swore to her at least a dozen times if he
could get away with it, he’d kill the
doctor
for giving her the pills in the first place. Richard cleaned her
up
, bathed her
,
and rubbed her back while she cried and begged. After three days, the worst was behind her, leaving her
so
empty and sapped  she only wanted to sleep.

Now after a miserable week, Richard had dared to leave her side. Maggie watched him through the window as he paced back and forth in front of the barn, talking on his cell phone. After what they’d survived
,
it was hard to believe how he’d become her rock—in a way she’d never expected. Even after all the horrible hateful words of blame she spewed like venom, which shamed her now as she did her
damnedest
to avoid thinking and reliving.

Richard glanced up as he spoke on his cell phone and watched her as if he expected her to leave. She’d given him good reason, after all
,
wasn’t it the second night she’d snuck out. Barefoot with no coat
,
she’d taken his truck keys and had started the engine
before
he ripped open the driver’s door and yanked the keys from the ignition, pulling her from the truck kicking and screaming as he carried her back in the house. She knew he was tired,
and
he started hiding the keys. He installed deadbolts on both doors, the
kind that
need a key to open, and he hid
those keys
too.

But as she leaned back into the plump pillow of
the
window seat
,
she dozed
and
wondered
when Richard had changed. There was something solid and older about him. Some wisdom and
a
nurturing
side
that never existed before.

When she opened her eyes, Maggie sat straight up. Richard appeared upset and yelled at whoever was on the phone. Then he shoved his cell phone in his pocket and raised a fist in the air. He stomped toward the woodshed and scooped up an armload of wood.

The screen door hinges squeaked,
and
Richard’s heavy footsteps creaked
on
the oak floor. Maggie listened to him fill the wood box, stuff more wood in the wood
stove and close
it
up. Maggie gazed at her fluffy pink slippers just as she felt him appear in the archway. She looked up into those magnetic blue eyes and
saw
the familiar concern as he watched over her.

“I need to run into town, I won’t be long. Do you think you’ll be okay until I get back?” He hesitated as if holding his breath. Either he’d trust her or lock her in.

“I’m good.”

“Okay…” He hesitated again.
She noticed
the dark circles under his eyes, the day old beard,
and
his shaggy hair
was
a little more mussed than usual.

“Richard
,
is everything okay?” She slid around and started to get up. To go to him, but he shook his head.

“Don’t get up. Stay comfortable.”

“Richard
,
is something going on? I saw you out there on the phone. You look upset. And I know you’re tired.”

He flicked his fingers through his hair
,
spiking it up. He let
out
a heavy sigh and appeared impatient.

“Maggie
,
I got to go. I’ll call Diane and ask her to come over.”
Well I guess he didn’t trust
me
after all.

“No, Richard
.
I don’t need Diane to come and babysit me. Please don’t call her.” This time she did get up and walked straight toward him. She touched his arm, and she could feel him tighten. Maybe he’d enough of her problems. “Why won’t you tell me what’s going on? I can feel it. I know I put you
,
everyone,
through a lot. Is this about me
? Do
you want me to leave?”

“Maggie
,
you’re not leaving. Stop reading something into nothing. And stop asking questions
.
I don’t want to get into it now
.
I’ve got a lot on my plate
,
” He snapped, closing his eyes for a second as he let out another heavy sigh.

Why
is
he shutting
me
out?

“Richard, please.” She shook his arm gently. This time his face softened
,
and
the way he
watched her
let her
know
love still lived there, but it was tinged by a lifetime of hurt and pain.

He cupped her cheek, caressing the pad of his thumb over her cheekbone. “I won’t be long Maggie, stay in the house. Promise me.”

“I won’t leave.” She placed her hand over his, the one
touching
her face. A second later he pulled away and left. Maggie stayed where she was as she listened to the door close
and realized
Richard pause
d
a few seconds before hurrying down the stairs.
S
he let out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. He didn’t lock the door. Trust was a shaky thing to rebuild.

Maggie wandered into the kitchen
,
leaned against the kitchen sink
looked through the window, and watched
as Richard drove his truck a little faster than usual up the long gravel driveway. Where was he going? Was he meeting someone? Would he tell her when he returned? She hoped
so
.

She
shivered and rubbed her hands up and down her arms. Even though she wore a heavy sweatshirt
,
she had a hard time staying warm. She grabbed her bulky sweater off the hook by the
door and pulled it on as she wandered back into her sunny sanctuary, this time curling up in
an
overstuffed chair and ottoman, shutting her eyes
,
and waiting for Richard’s return.

Rattle
,
rattle, clank.
Maggie blinked, needing a moment to wake up. She sniffed
the
spicy aroma of lamb curry. Her favorite. A moment passed before she remembered where she was
as she lolled
her head back against the overstuffed cushion. She clutched the patchwork quilt now nestled over her. When did she cover herself? How long had she been asleep? Her eyes widened and took in the shadows of the brilliant sunset
filling
the room.

Maggie’s stomach grumbled
,
and for the first time in a really long time
,
she was hungry.

She
tossed back the blanket and crept
across the room
wearing her fuzzy pink slippers
.
She
stopped in front of the wall mirror with the
Beech
wood frame just outside her sunroom.
Her eyes looked glassy, and the
skin under
them
was tinted
gray
, but at least she had some color in her cheeks. Her shoulder length curly hair was tangled and stuck up at the roots on one side. And for the first time in many years
,
she worried
about
how she looked to Richard. Even though he’d seen her at her worst.

She ran her fingers through her hair trying to work out the tangles and
stepped
into the kitchen where Richard stirred something in a pot. Steam rose from another. He glanced up, frowning with what appeared
to be
concern as he studied her. “You’re better.”

Maggie felt her cheeks warm and nodded. She shoved her hands in the deep pockets of her brown sweater. Uneasy
,
she pulled her hands out and tucked her hair behind her ears.

Richard smiled in a teasing way. “You look fine
,
Maggie.” And then he glanced away distracted again.

“Did your meeting go okay?”

“I didn’t say I had a meeting.” He opened the refrigerator
,
grabbed a bowl
,
and then
set it on the counter.

“Okay
.
No,
you didn’t. But you said you needed to go out
,
and you left in a hurry
.
I know you’re bothered by something. We were married. I know when something’s going on with you.”

“We’re still married
,
so get that straight.”

“I realize the divorce isn’t final…” She stopped
,
unsure where to go, and then paused
, surprised
by the intensity that flared
to
life in his eyes. He abandoned stirring whatever was in the pot and crossed his arms as he stepped toward her.

“You don’t even remember the meeting at my lawyer
’
s, do you?
You didn’t think I didn’t know you were on something that day
?
” His voice climbed with each step he took toward her
until she could feel
the
heat
of his body.
She
opened her mouth to say something. But he didn’t let her respond
.
Instead
he spoke right over her. “You think I’m going to let you go
?
No divorce. Ever!”

She
was stunned by his passion
,
and his caveman
“
I’m the boss
,
you’ll do what I say
”
attitude raised
her
hackles.
However,
she was still mad at herself for the screw-up
with the
pills
that
turned
the
entire day into one big blur.
She
let out a heavy sigh and wiped her palms down the side
s
of her face.

“What did you do?”

“Let’s just say all the cards are exposed on the table. And I advised
the
lawyers, yours and mine
,
of our rekindled relationship.”

He was leaning into her
,
and
her
jaw slackened as she sputtered
,
trying to respond with something intelligent.

“We didn’t rekindle
anything. You
fucked me against a wall
;
it was sex…just sex.” Although, and
she
k
new
it
, the laws of the state were clear in divorce proceedings
—
no personal relations for a year before divorce
can
be filed. What a bastard
!
He
used it.

“How could you?”

“Don’t look at me like that. I told you the divorce isn’t going to happen.” He relaxed a bit as he rested his hands on his slim hips
,
a package that looked darn good in the dark jeans he always wore.

“That is underhanded even for you
,
Richard.”

“
Knock
it off and drop this nonsense.
You’re
back here now where you belong, so put it behind you. What does it matter now anyway?”

This was incredible. She blinked at his arrogance. A side he didn’t show often
,
but one she knew existed.
She
stomped upstairs muttering
,
“arrogant asshole,”
under her breath
.
Her
hair and disheveled appearance forgotten as she yanked open
the
closet door in their bedroom, where they lay together every night and had since she returned.